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Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :)
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TOPIC: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 2226 Views

Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 28 Jan 2021 21:27 #362196

  • EvedHashem1836
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Hey guys just wanted to get myself out on the forum- I saw a few people say that being on the forum is helpful so I figured I may as well try it out and what better way to get started than to introduce myself?

Im leaving for a yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael this coming Elul and my goal is to have enough control by the time I leave for yeshiva that I can go into yeshiva with a solid sense of control.

Im writing this as i recover from a fall i just had - i had 16 days clean and just fell, and writing this is actually pretty therapeutic. Prior to joining GYE my longest streak was 10 days as of this year (I've gone for 8 weeks longest probably) so GYE has been super helpful - this organization and everyone who helps in any way is truly incredible.

My issues are not so extreme in my opinion- I've never seen porn and dont feel myself being pulled towards that but I do suffer from mzl which almost always stems from embarrassing fantasies. I rarely feel that its impossible for me to stop - I've always had a lot of determination and at first I used to be helpless against my desires but now I almost choose to indulge myself but have the willpower to refuse, if that makes sense.

 I dont have a filter on my phone but am working up courage to ask my parents for one - I hear netspark is good..


Thats all for now- excited to start being more active on the forum!

Eved Hashem
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better
Last Edit: 16 Apr 2021 22:29 by EvedHashem1836.

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 29 Jan 2021 00:53 #362206

  • Zedj
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Welcome E.H!

Its good to see that your catching yourself now and not later down the line when things can get worse heaven forbid.

What has helped many is to really make a solid commitment and be ready to fight tooth and nail to stop.

It's a day by day and battle by battle process.

Keep up the good fight and keep posting.

When you feel an urge, be proactive!

Post, read the forums, pm the guys here, read, exercise, learn. Do anything to distract yourself.
After all, an urge usually goes away after a couple of minutes.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 29 Jan 2021 01:03 #362208

Great introduction, EvedHashem1836. Welcome to GYE!

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 29 Jan 2021 02:40 #362215

  • Hashem Help Me
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Welcome. It should b'ezras Hashem be with hatzlocha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 29 Jan 2021 03:55 #362224

  • YeshivaGuy
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I relate tremendously.
I sent u a pm, feel free to be in touch

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 29 Jan 2021 04:43 #362230

  • EvedHashem1836
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Long time no speak.

I would consider myself to suffer from "what the heck syndrome", where after I fall once I want to make the most out of it before I get on a streak (which discourages me from acting out). I just acted out today and am scared I will do it again tomorrow - any advice?

I looked at the TaPHSiC method and it seems like it would work pretty well for me - just need to decide what I will use as my knas's as I don't know if I have the courage to tell someone as my heavy knas I'd be scared I might break the shvuah. But I don't know if theres something else that would be heavy enough, as I don't have enough money (I'm still a teenager) to make sizable donations that would impact me financially. Open to suggestions. I think for the normal knas I might go through sefer Tehillim - the downside is that I don't like viewing it as a punishment (there are people who say the entire sefer every day!) but I've always connected well with Tehillim and its long enough that it could be discouraging. I probably would want to do some sort of exercise as my distraction. If anyone has experience with the TaPHSiC method and would be able to schmooze that would be incredible.

On a more general note BH I found this website while I'm still pretty young and like I said in my first post on this thread I'm working on overcoming this yetzer hara before Yeshiva so B'ezras Hashem will have a long life ahead of me while being clean. 


Really want to thank all of the chevra here on GYE you guys are awesome!
both
- the people who have already overcome the hurdle but stay to give chizuk to people that are struggling
and
- the people that are struggling themselves but still offer eitzos and do their best to help other people that are struggling

are incredible people and I wish you guys much hatzlocha in the future
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 29 Jan 2021 07:28 #362239

  • Lou
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Welcome
Hatzlocha!

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 29 Jan 2021 09:00 #362242

  • Grant400
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Welcome! We all suffer from the "What the heck" syndrome. (I love the name!)

What I do to break that feeling is to do something that says to me, the falling is over. If I fall again it's a brand new fall and not a continuation. For example after a fall i take a shower even during the day. This signifies to me that I'm starting fresh. Pick something that gives you that feeling. Hatzlacha! 
I lost a 6 month streak. I will get back there. Not if, but when. When? Now.

l can be reached at: Grant.400@yahoo.com

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 29 Jan 2021 13:57 #362262

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Welcome! It's great that you came here while you're still young. Breaking free is easier the younger you are for many reasons. With Hashem's help, soon you'll be the one sticking around to help others!

Please check out these great free resources. They can help you with chizuk and be a great supplement to the tips and advice and everything else you will gain from the forums:

Great book (ebook) for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Also, you can sign up for the daily GYE Boost emails/ whatsapps at www.gyeboost.org.

Hatzlocha!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 29 Jan 2021 14:57 #362268

  • EvedHashem1836
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What I do to break that feeling is to do something that says to me, the falling is over. If I fall again it's a brand new fall and not a continuation. For example after a fall i take a shower even during the day. This signifies to me that I'm starting fresh. Pick something that gives you that feeling. Hatzlacha!

Thanks for this excellent idea! Will try to implement this
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 01 Feb 2021 01:57 #362421

  • EvedHashem1836
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Recently I've been falling a lot not because I've been getting triggers but rather because of boredom. Im just bored and not even so lustful but I'm just like hey im bored lets act out. Absolutely ridiculous. I know the solution is likely to keep myself busy on projects and stuff but its hard for me to focus on doing things especially while I'm in my falling mentality - im more prone to falling several times within the same day. Recently I've been in a rut and have acted out maybe 5-7 times over the last few days in contrast with 5-7 times over a month or two before that. I just feel really down and I know I'll be able to get back up but I feel really far from HKBH and if possible would like some chizzuk to get back up 
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 05 Feb 2021 03:53 #362780

  • EvedHashem1836
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I have a makom that I masturbate in. 99% of the time when I act out I do it in this place and its become natural. So natural, that every time i enter this room I have an internal battle, often spanning several minutes. Should I act out, should I not? I really want to! I shouldn't though. 

Recently I fell (a few days ago) and wanted to "make the most" out of it by acting out while I fell before I got another streak going. But now that I devoted myself to starting anew (now 4 days in) its really really hard but gets easier each day. 

Why? Because every day I tell myself I need to act out before I get on a nice streak (bc i don't want to ruin my streak).
"Listen youre only 2 days in thats not such a big deal act out now because the goal is to get to 90 days and more so you won't have another chance in a while."
"Hey man were at 3 days don't have so much time left before you're gonna want to stay on that streak. Now is a REALLY good time to act out!"

But the more I don't give in, the easier it gets. The longer I go the more chizzuk I have to keep going. I've made it to 4 days! BezH more to come but already such a great accomplishment will help me go farther. The beginning is always the hardest but the first step leads to a second which leads to a third and a tenth and a hundreth and so on until we triumph over our challenges.


I can't describe how good it feels to battle it out with the yetzer hara, who is trying to convince me to fall, and to say NO. NO i will not be falling today. Today I emerge the victor. And hopefully tommorow. And the day after that. and the next day and the next and the next. But for now we are just focusing on today.

Someone (don't know who off the top of my head) has pinned on the bottom of their posts something that goes like this: "the pain of giving in is greater than the pain of refraining" or something like that. 

The way I see it - the joy, simcha, accomplishment of holding back and emerging triumphant is easily more than equal to the amount of pain it is to hold back from acting out. 

IT IS WORTH IT! Yes, its a struggle but we NEED to persevere and keep on going!

Wishing everyone much hatzlocha,

E.H.
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 05 Feb 2021 14:38 #362808

  • DavidT
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Hi EvedHashem1836, from your posts it seems that your nickname truly matches your true self!!

I wanted to point out about the  "makom" that causes you to fall... 
That makom has the potential to bring you to great heights in your avodas Hashem. Please see the 2 excerpts below and let me know your thoughts ... 
---------------------------------------------------------------

Gemara Yoma 86b:

היכי דמי בעל תשובה אמר רב יהודה כגון שבאת לידו דבר עבירה פעם ראשונה ושניה וניצל הימנה מחוי רב יהודה באותה אשה באותו פרק באותו מקום

It is also in Rambam Hilchos Teshuva 2:1."

---------------------------------------------------------------
מאור עינים יומא לה:
כי באמת אין שום מניעה שימנע את האדם מעבודת אלוקות, כי היתכן שהבורא ברוך הוא ישלח לאדם מניעה שימנעהו מעבודתו?! אך מה שידמה לאדם למניעה, הענין הוא כי שמש ומגן ה' אלוקים תהלים פד, יב. דרך משל, השמש לא יוכל האדם להסתכל בה בלי מסך ומגן שימנע הבהירות, על אחת כמה וכמה עבודת ודביקות הבורא ברוך הוא, אם היה הבהירות פתוח לפניו לא היה יכול להסתכל ולבוא אל הבהירות. לכך הוצרכו לאדם דברים שידמו לו למניעות, ומי שיש לו שכל, אזי מגביה את הדבר למעלה אל המכוון האמיתי ומדבק את עצמו מזה יותר. הן המחשבות הבאים לאדם שידמה בעיניו למניעה וטרדה, הן שארי דברים, הכל הוא שלוח אצלו מאתו יתברך לקרבו אצלו. וזהו פירוש הבא לטמא פותחין לו יומא לח כי באמת הוא פתח שיכנס אל הבהירות  כשרואה האדם שהוא בא לטמא, יידע שהוא פתח בשבילו לבוא אל הבהירות, ואם היה האדם עושה כן בשעה שבאה לידו עבירה או שחשב בשום עבירה או מחשבה רעה, יכול לבא למדריגת רוח הקודש.  כי באמת כל התאוות וכל המחשבות הוא מפתח לעבודה כמאמר התורה בראשית ג, ו וכי תאוה הוא לעינים, פירוש התאוה היא לעין שיוכל ממנה לראות הבהירות.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 05 Feb 2021 14:43 by DavidT.

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 05 Feb 2021 15:03 #362810

  • EvedHashem1836
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Thanks so much for bringing in great Torah!

Excellent chizzuk
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Aiming to be better. Introducing myself :) 05 Feb 2021 20:23 #362832

  • EvedHashem1836
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Get ready for this!

A talmid of Rav Eliezer Geldzahler left his yeshivah, Ohr Yisroel, and went to learn in another yeshiva. The new yeshiva, in a European city, was different from what he was used to, and it was far from New York City, which was home. The young man felt homesick and unmotivated, and eventually, he took a day off, roaming through town instead of going to learn.
He did this for one day, and then the next day as well, walking the streets and relaxing in the local park rather than learning in yeshivah. He felt horrible, but it was too hard to stop. On the third day, he knew he had to call his rebbi, Rav Leizer. 
It was an overseas call, an expensive proposition back then, and the rosh yeshivah wasn't easy to reach, but eventually, the boy got through.
"Rosh Yeshiva!" he cried out when he heard his rebbi's voice. "I'm so broken...I am in such a bad place."
Rav Leizer listened as the talmid admitted that he hadn't learned in several days and wasn't davening well either. "Listen to me," the rosh yeshiva said. "I think you should go and drink a l'chayim and rejoice - you're a fortunate young man." It seemed a strange comment and the talmid wondered if his rebbi had heard him correctly.
"Yes, drink a l'chayim," Reb Leizer reiterated, and he explained. "The Ribbono shel Olam has over 7 billion people in His world. How many of them do you think experience pain and heartache when they don't sit by a gemara for a few days? How many feel the anguish of being distant from Him? So few. You are a minority of a minority, a person perceptive and sophisticated enough to know his mission and to feel misery at having missed a few days - ashrecha, how fortunate you are, how sensitive you are! Go drink a l'chayim to celebrate what you feel, and then go start again!"


This is an excerpt from Nishmas by Yisroel Besser and I think it's relevant for all of the chevra here at GYE.

We are sometimes very down in our struggles and feel terrible about falling. Don't get me wrong - obviously we don't want to fall. But we have to realize that the fact that we are on GYE in the first place means that we really care about stopping and enhancing our relationship with the Ribbono shel Olam and thats something we should all appreciate about ourselves and not something that we should take for granted that we have this ability. 

Hopefully this gave at least one person some chizzuk.

Wishing all a gevaldig Shabbos,

E.H.
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better
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