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  • gettingthere9
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I told my wife partially because she caught me and probably suspected the worst, and I wanted to make everything clear and honest with her. But also because I didn't know better.
Imagine you are in a dorm with a roommate who is a really nice guy and one day you seem to have misplaced your belt. Anyways a couple of days later your nicest tie is gone and you know for sure it was hanging there yesterday. Then a couple of days later your cuff links are missing and finally your brand new watch is gone (and your cash). You suspect the janitors etc. 
Then one day your roommate approaches you with tears in his eyes and tells you that he has a serious problem, he is a kleptomaniac.
Tearfully he tells you about all of his trouble and struggles and how you can really be supportive and help him out...
How would you react?
Now times that by ten (or more) and that might be what our wives (would) feel.
On the other hand if there is a real true loving relationship then there is so much that a wife can and wants to give. Be it support or just the common sense of knowing when a sticky situation will arise or being able to celebrate a milestone with her.
BH me and my wife truly love each other and although there were many tears, and yes, your (my) wife will simply never "get it", I truly gain a lot by having her in the loop.
If I was in shana rishona I think it would have been a really dumb move.

So the answer in my opinion is that if you don't have a solid relationship its a non starter, and if you do... still it really depends on if you need the support and if your wife can handle it. 

One more point. She cant be involved on a day to day level because she will get burnt if you fall if she knows in the moment, and then it will be impossible for her to be supportive besides for the pain she will have.
Hope for the best Prepare for the worst
  • laughingman
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I actually thought I was doing that for others as I try not to trigger others .....I have no problem spelling it out 

And they are monsters 

Me and my wife are at or near a junction in life 

We are different people than we were when we started out and we have alot of real issues 

Many of which i created but i am not my problems......and i need a partner in life one way or another 

Everyone deserves as many chances as they need 
  • Markz
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SIB101854 wrote on 20 Sep 2021 14:51:
I have almost had a fall two nights in a row but I am fighting. I have not watched or read any porn but my difficulty is caused by the fact that I must use a CPAP device for sleep apnea and I must sleep on my back. That results in waking up with physical desire. I have had immense mazal in not giving in until the last two nights and I have not had a fall but I am fighting it actively. 

Strong guy!!

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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 20 Sep 2021 15:37 #372600

  • Snowflake
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Is anyone a real malach? Does Hashem want us to be a malach?
Be careful with idealizing everyone and devaluing your self, it harms your self-esteem, which makes you depressed. While it's true not everyone struggles with what we struggle, you certainly have many qualities over other people.
I don't think there's anything wrong with recognizing our emotions (i.e. you're excited about having girls there). You can pretend you're a tzadik, that you're depressed about having girls there and try and fool yourself to no avail. The question is, what can you do about it? I.e. I'm excited about it, even though it's innapropriate, but I'm human, I was born with this desire. Yet perhaps that's all the more so a reason to be extra careful, as you said, with shmiras eyinaim. That's within your power. The fact you've recognized the threat only makes you greater, not smaller. It's true humility. Remember that even the great R'Akiva was tempted by the YH.
We should not fool ourselves. Knowing our real situation, and then doing something about it, is true gadlus IMHO.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
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Poshuteh Jew wrote on 17 Sep 2021 18:46:
Confused about all the responses here that are literally just a period. Am I missing something

Yeah, I tried to delete a bunch of old posts but couldn't, so I was advised to edit them to just have a period.

I usually check in about once a week or so or when I'm bored, and didn't want any unnecessary posts to remain up so I just deleted most of my old posts. If you have any questions about Alan Carr's Easyway or rather EasyPeasy which is an adaptation of Easyway for quitting porn, I'm happy to answer them.

In short: Easyway gets you to view substances as a non-user again. Non-users don't have to fight a desire to use [porn][smoking][drugs][alcohol], only users experience that. Easyway gives you the tools to become a non-user again. It's quite easy to do, which is why Carr called it Easyway. Usually I just recommend people read the book and decide for themselves if they want to keep being a user or not.
Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method

Or just read the book.

Be free with no willpower required. Be a happy non-user of p*rn. "All p*rn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely."

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 20 Sep 2021 15:10 #372598

  • YeshivaGuy
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We’re having a family over with a lot of girls tonight…
I am excited about it, sorry to say…
Ill be like this shtark looking guy who the girls are looking at wanting me to go into shidduchim, pretending as if I’m some malach when really I’m objectifying them and having bad thoughts, even if I stand up and give a nice Dvar Torah…

Anyway, I’m getting out of bed now, gonna try to turn the tide. I think I have a shot.
Last Edit: 20 Sep 2021 15:17 by YeshivaGuy.
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  • SIB101854
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I have almost had a fall two nights in a row but I am fighting. I have not watched or read any porn but my difficulty is caused by the fact that I must use a CPAP device for sleep apnea and I must sleep on my back. That results in waking up with physical desire. I have had immense mazal in not giving in until the last two nights and I have not had a fall but I am fighting it actively. 
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Re: I'm Back! 20 Sep 2021 14:30 #372595

  • Hashem Help Me
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The points brought up by both of you are valid and show the thinking of healthy minds. In response to a few comments about masturbation being different than pornography, there is no question that that is true. It is a massive accomplishment to stop using tecnology to poison one's eyes and mind, even if one still masturbates on occasion. In addition, b'ezras Hashem, the longer one stays away from shmutz, the easier it will be to stop masturbating.
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  • Hashem Help Me
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tell the oilam whats working for you...
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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  • Hashem Help Me
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You are a real inspiration buddy.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 20 Sep 2021 13:43 #372591

  • Markz
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 20 Sep 2021 06:24:
Depression’s gotten pretty bad, going on a new medication hopefully.
Masterbated again tonight. Wasn’t careful with my eyes today in the supermarket.
Still staying away from internet bh, but I won’t pretend like this was some act of heroism tonight to avoid going on the internet.
Was taiva plain and simple.

I could really use Sukkos, the kapora of galus and the emuna of living and sleeping in the tzila d’miheiminusa.

I hope GD will let me in…

Gn,

 (Yeshiva)Guy

Tizkor she’atah normali. Ima shelcha maskimah
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  • Snowflake
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B"H Day #8 clean.

Sunday, as I've repeated in the thread is always a more difficult day, particularly without the kids. B"H I've somehow kept extremely busy the whole day. In the morning I cleaned the house, did a nice sport, then took a quick shower, had my parents over for lunch so I cooked a little, then went to shul to help the rabbi bind lulavim. When I came back it was night time already. And B"H was pretty tired and no urges.
So far, so good B"H.
A gut Yom Tov.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
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Re: Techy 20 Sep 2021 13:08 #372589

  • Captain
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N8 wrote on 20 Sep 2021 04:42:
Ok a side note I also just started a part time job working for a filter company.

Wow that's a great zchus, using your knowledge to help protect others!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
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  • EvedHashem1836
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231 days. Doing incredible BH
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better
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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 20 Sep 2021 06:24 #372586

  • YeshivaGuy
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Depression’s gotten pretty bad, going on a new medication hopefully.
Masterbated again tonight. Wasn’t careful with my eyes today in the supermarket.
Still staying away from internet bh, but I won’t pretend like this was some act of heroism tonight to avoid going on the internet.
Was taiva plain and simple.

I could really use Sukkos, the kapora of galus and the emuna of living and sleeping in the tzila d’miheiminusa.

I hope GD will let me in…

Gn,

 (Yeshiva)Guy
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