MADE IT! Still clean and feeling great, B”H. Will update again in a couple of days, BE”H. 

Hope everybody is doing well. Hatzlacha to all.

FWF

YeshivaGuy wrote on 30 Nov 2022 06:40:

Hey YG. Think of how far you’ve come, how many battles you’ve fought, how much effort you’ve invested into beating this monster. Don’t give into it now! You’ve climbed a mountain higher than Everest-don’t willingly throw yourself off back to the bottom! 

YOU CAN DO THIS! 

8 days complete bh, I have a strong feeling I will do good till 90 bzh!  

Almost at Day 9 Complete. I am almost at 90 just 10 more 9s and I am there, with the sebsite gye I know it;s possible. hatzlacha all
I went to a chasunah and said to myself I will tance away and be mesameach, I tanced like almost 3hrs and bh I ad in mind this is what of the ways energy that is good can be released, so B"H doing very good. and bz"H will continue my root and journey. Stay tuned!

bochur23 wrote on 30 Nov 2022 05:08:

Hi bachur23, I feel that we are very similar, I hope you don't know me so I can express myself.
Alef is, yes that is true, no matter what YOU CAN'T TRUST YOURSELF UNTIL THE DAY YOU D.E CH"VSH. So yes although literally the Pirkei Avos explain that clearly, yet it's very hard to understand it, and we always trust ourselves somehow or another, Hashem is there for you and although it may be a test or some sort Hashem wants you to get passed it, that may be one of your missions here. I don't know exactly why Hashem did all this BUT.. the emes is when you fall down.......You RISE BACK UP.

so BEIS is,
I recommend like many others do is to reach out if you can get yourself a bit comfortable and speaking to a helper on gye named HHM, he is not shayich. He has helped me, although many tricks helped others as to tactics and some not for me, we spoke out other mehalchim specifically that is designed for me and Baruch Hashem I am doing good. I am telling you I am not a frumee that has never seen sites till ever. I started seeing bad stuff since 13 and was really bad throughout the years, very similar to you. So all I can say although I am not expert is reach out to a helper, be anonymous too, no-one needs to know who you are, you are here clearly to help yourself, and that's the goa of GYE. Hatzlacha in all your endeavors and btw I am also a bachur so I know a bit how you feel during such times too.

Rooting for your success to 90, take 1 day at a time. Although you did 30 I know you can do more past that, just believe and interact with ppl here, it is world's of a difference apart.
I say all this because I gruelingly care for you my chaver that I don't know.

No intro.
I won’t explain.
Very close to meeting someone in person, real none jewish girl.
Not getting into more right now.

Told her I’m Jewish so we can’t touch, marry etc so won’t work…
So she said we can just be “good friends.”
Not writing more right now.
Yes I know.
Help me to not ruin my life cuz she lives 15 min away and I’ll give in…

Send mussar but only positive mussar.
This happened just now when I began entering into a deeper more painful part of my trauma..
Gn

Eerie wrote on 29 Nov 2022 18:30:

And all of us reading this are proud, keep shteiging and representing a very special holy yid becoming holier, you are own of a kind, keep that in mind. BTW I know it may sound cleshay but I plan on never falling, and bz"h with constant talks and chizuk, it just won't happen, because I am being volnerable similar to you. HHM thanks for your help, if you are reading this, I B"H on day like 50+ (just counted at 7+ because I wanted to do a daily fresh start on here) I hope you are proud of me, and please don't think for a second I don't care and that's why I haven't been in touch. I do care and B"H I have been very busy and always kept that and now doing 50 days please be proud, although I know I haven't reached out to you for a while now. Eerie, chazak ubaruch I am planing to be proud of each and everyone of us here, so it's not just your blood relatives yourself and friends. It is also  us your gye community chaverim here by your side! hatzlacha, and keep up the great work!!

WOWOWOW I love every word you wrote! I was in the same situation as you, I'm currently up to day 16. The fighting isn't easy, but I can so relate to every word you wrote!

I'm struggling since I was 13-14 (more than 10 years ups and downs). And now I suddenly got this push from Hashem to go ahead and start fighting this bloody war.

Thank you Hashem for pushing me to where I'm up to!!

Tonight marks the beginning of my 30th day clean. It's the first time in three and a half years that I've gotten this far (I got close twice, once a year ago and once at the beginning of the summer)!
tonight is also my first fall in 30 days.

What happened: I found a loophole through an app on my phone. When I want to install a new app, the first thing I check is for this loophole. But I didn't find it on this app, so I thought it was alright. Today I found it. I didn't fall right away, but after a few hours of slipping I eventually watched ppornI've already uninstalled the app and had it blocked so I can't reinstall it in the future.

What this taught me: first of all, that when given the opportunity I will still fall. So I need to continue staying away from accessible unfiltered internet as much as possible (I knew it before, but this reinforced it).
another lesson I should take from this is that staying away from access isn't enough -there'll always be something available - so I need to do more. The question is what? I'm in a good atmosphere, I have a schedule where I'm (almost) always busy. And this is also only when I'm in Yeshiva, not at home. So how do I work on not falling whenever I do have access?

Please - any advice.

I should speak to someone. And I think I became more open to it as I put more time since my last fall. Another thing is that my friend did actually speak to the Mashpia I asked him to on my behalf (he didn't say my name), and he said I should reach out to him myself... So he does (somewhat) know. Now I just need to call him...

It's not a specific post, but look at the first two pages of this topic and you'll see what my situation was.

Wow, I feel like an Alta zetzer.... but you guys should read some old threads here! Scary to see the ony thank you of the Baal Habbus...

Human being wrote on 25 Nov 2022 20:08:

I'm sorry to read about the hard situation your in right now, it must really feel hard and challenging. I hope you feel better soon.

Wanted to quickly comment on the quoted post above. I'm sorry that part of you feels judged, I also have parts that are very sensitive to judgement, although I'm better now sometimes bh.

Just wanna share something I learned from being here some time, maybe it will resonate with you, and can be of a help. There are many ways, methods, modalities, and ideas how to work on those struggles, some are very different then the other, a 12 steps guy, cannot partner with a IFS guy, even if both respect each other and have the same goals, they just speak different languages, and look at things differently on a very basic level. In fact I think that such a partnership will only brake them both. 

Lets say if a 12 steps guy will say only G-d can take away my lust, and the IFS guy will try to explain to him that every person has a Self that can be in the driver's seat and take care of the lust firefighter, the guy will feel misunderstood, and even judged- as If he is expected to be able to fight his "sickness". Now we know that non of them are judging the other, but they are taking a very different approach to this journey. 

I think that might be what happened here, I don't think anyone judged your wanting to act out, its just has a very different language to this struggle, and feeling misunderstood, can feel judged at times. 

Personally, I think that is one of the main benefits of the 12 steps program, having a fellowship that speaks your 'language', I've always been jealous of that part. 

Wonder if any of yhis makes sense to you. 

Wishing you the best brother.

Eerie wrote on 29 Nov 2022 21:29:

I didn't see your personal story yet if you posted it but yes I agree with Eerie, there's alot of potential speaking to someone, and especially to HHM, he has given me incredible eytzah to grow myself, and I am sure you can appreciate and take alot out from it. Hatzlacha to all the GYE community chevrah, keep up the great work with another day.week.month etc wherever you are up to!!

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 06 Sep 2022 00:59:

thanks, can I get in touch with you, appreciate the chizuk, I am at 7 days too

Day #7. Daily post.