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Hey everyone,

Today was my 90th day clean. Who thought I would ever make it this far (probably no one being that no one knew my secret(-: but that’s beside the point…) For all those who didn’t read my original point I’ll summarize it quickly here. I was introduced to porn at around age 7-8, figured out masturbating on my own around this age also, and got hooked on it before I even knew it was אסור. I was hiding my addiction throughout middle school, high school, and Beis Medrash. Life was hell for me. I was living a double life for far too long and the inner turmoil was so painful. I thought I was the biggest Rasha in the world and thought that I would go to the grave with my secret. This past Bein Hazmanim I fell in the worst way that ever happened to me and that was the spark for me to go searching on the web to figure out a real solution to put my life in order, thus I discovered GYE (For more info see my original post).

I'm now 22 years old. I’ve had a secret for 15 years. That’s a long time. Longer than I thought anyone in the world ever had this problem. I realized how wrong I was. I have read about many people who are or were in far worse situations than I was. After reading through their stories, I realized one simple thing. If there are people out there who were in worse situations than I was and they managed to pull themselves together, I can pull my life together also. I have a shot at life. No more excuses. It’s time to buckle down and beat this battle. I knew that I had to do something fundamentally different than every other time I had tried to stop. What was that fundamental difference? Communication. I had a place where I could let people know what was going on with me. I had a place where I could see how many others struggled with the same situation as I did. We are all men. We all have sexual drives and unfortunately many, many of us were exposed to the horrors of porn. It wasn’t just me. After knowing this I slowly but surely started to feel ‘normal’. I had felt alone and different for so long, and now I felt that I was just like anyone else. I’m not going to ask g-d why he put me into a situation where I was exposed to porn at such a young age and why I live in a house with many unfiltered devices and why we live in a generation that you can’t even walk the streets without being horribly exposed and why this and why that. G-d has his reasons and they are far beyond our comprehension. That’s not what I have to worry about. What I do have to worry about is how I’m going to deal with my reality. How to make sure that I now stay a changed person. How to make sure that I don’t slip back into the abyss that I was once in. That I take the inspiration from gye and channel it into real-life situations where I am struggling. I can feel comfortable knowing that everyone else struggles too and just because it’s hard doesn’t mean that I’m going to fall. I have the capabilities to carry out what I really want to be in life. A true Eved Hashem.

So I reached 90 days. After three months of ups and downs, I finally reached the ‘magic number’. I don’t really feel any different than I did on day 89 nor do I  really feel any different than I did on day 88. And day 92 won’t really feel any different than day 91. But I do feel different in one way. I’m a person who can set a goal and reach it. If I could reach this goal of 90 days, I can reach 900 days, I can reach 9,000 days, and I can keep going for the rest of my life (of course only with the help of Hashem). It may be hard sometimes, and it may feel like I'm about to give in, but I can do it! I can push through! So I’ll have urges sometimes and I know that I will and I know it will be hard, but for now, I don’t have the option to go masturbate or watch porn. I have other ways of dealing with these issues, but going back to my old habits is just not an option anymore. It’s not who I am. That’s what the number 90 signifies for me. A person who can reach a goal that they set for themselves even when the going gets hard. “Cause when the going gets hard, the tough get going”.

So all those out there who read this, know one thing. You can reach the goals that you set. It is possible to break free from this life and there is always gonna be someone who was in your situation or maybe even worse who also broke free. Use them as an inspiration for yourself. Start posting on the forum and share your struggle with someone else. Maybe one day you will pick up the phone and call someone or go meet in person as I did and you will see that there are so many people out there who can give you support when you need it. Porn does not have to define who you are!! You can live a good meaningful life without it, but you must utilize the tools that gye has to offer in order to break free. If I and so many others did it, you can do it to!!

I honestly have to thank everyone here for responding to my posts and encouraging me to keep going. There is something so satisfying when people respond to your posts, so thank you for that. I do have to give a special shout out to both HHM and Vehkam for their continued support to me as they were both there for me when i needed it most. I must give a huge shout out to GYE for all of the holy work that you do. It’s amazing to see how many people have gotten their lives back because of you! So thank you, thank you to the gye team!!! I must express hakaras hatov to hashem for enabling me to get this far on my journey and with his help, I hope to continue on for the rest of my life doing the one thing that I always truly wanted. To be a true Eved Hashem.

ps. I appreciate all feedback, so feel free to respond(-:

If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
  • jackthejew
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fishel klien wrote on 03 Jul 2022 20:42:
thanks for the CizekI will start as I remember it was about at age 10 my parent takes me as a tutor should help with learning in CIDER.I don't remember which time it was but I remember him putting his feet there then putting his hand like a mistake, I grow as a frum boy knowing we were not allowed to put the hand there, so I get so confused and didn't know what to think, but the funny part I like when he was doing it so I try to copy him 
to continue... 

Welcome! There are many great people here and you are not alone. There are also many on this site who were stuck for years, and sometimes decades, and have succeeded in breaking free and rewiring their thinking and actions. Abuse can be a major factor in sexual problems and addictions, and opening up about it can feel scary and painful. Do you have a therapist to work through this with? If not, please consider reaching out to Relief or Amudim. Both have great resources and can help find the right therapist for you while mantaining your privacy. Hatzlacha Rabbah!
Feel free to reach out! jackthejewgye@gmail.com I'll do my best to try and listen! 
Hashem is always with you!
Life. Learning. Liberty from the Past
Life: Actual, enjoyable living. Not to sulk through the shadows juggling the "Frum side" and "Dark side"
Learning: Learn and grow from my mistakes, triumphs, and experiences
Liberty from the Past:  To have today's struggle be Different than yesterday's
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 03 Jul 2022 21:19 #382784

  • Shmuel
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5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 03 Jul 2022 20:12:
I have had success in using this method.

First off, though, I don't have to use it often, because I guard my eyes very carefully. If somehow I nevertheless see something I shouldn't, I try to simply move on and don't look back. If it is too strong to move on from, I try to move on again. If I still can't, I will use this technique. It has certainly helped me in the past.

My struggles with lust are partially rooted in the fantasy to begin with. So for me its just telling myself that the fakeness is actually fake which does nothing for me.
​Secondly, my lust exists in my head (almost) as much as it does in my eyes. So even though i place a strong emphasis on "guarding my eyes" i still lust plenty and the gimmicks and mind tricks dont work...

Just sharing my experience 
  • fishel klien
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thanks for the CizekI will start as I remember it was about at age 10 my parent takes me as a tutor should help with learning in CIDER.I don't remember which time it was but I remember him putting his feet there then putting his hand like a mistake, I grow as a frum boy knowing we were not allowed to put the hand there, so I get so confused and didn't know what to think, but the funny part I like when he was doing it so I try to copy him 
to continue... 
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Hello and welcome,
What's your story, talk, everything here is anonymous, don't be ashamed, you can only help yourself by talking... Maybe one of us can help you, give chizuk, advise..
Hatzlocho rabba!

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 03 Jul 2022 20:12 #382780

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
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I have had success in using this method.

First off, though, I don't have to use it often, because I guard my eyes very carefully. If somehow I nevertheless see something I shouldn't, I try to simply move on and don't look back. If it is too strong to move on from, I try to move on again. If I still can't, I will use this technique. It has certainly helped me in the past.
As long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 03 Jul 2022 19:57 #382779

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@sleepy and @franklee
I see what you're saying. Physical pleasure is also very much rooted in our minds. And therefore when our minds have a "unappetising" feeling towards a certain physical pleasure, we will have less pleasure. For that reason when you saw a certain person in not such a appetising look, you attraction went down. Same can happen with food that's presented in a unappetising fashion. Or if someone where to once a eat a certain food and it was sour. Etc.

And thats the eitza of the Torah with a yfas toar, present her in a unappetising fashion for some time, and chances are that you'll lose the attraction.

However, practically this works when 1) you actually saw a certain women, 2) in a unappetising way.
But in regards to porn in general, I would have to use my mind alone to contemplate that it's all fake. And the problem is that 1) i don't have the actual physical sight, and 2) im not ingraining in myself an unappetising feeling, rather convincing myself that it's fake. Unless I will try -at the time of veiwing porn- to imagine every person in any given pic/video as really ugly. Not so practical...
And that's my question @5Uu80*cdwB#^.

It may be that the ultimate truth is that the mind on its own can control everything. And like the different stories of tzadikim that controlled their physical feelings of pain etc through their mind.
There are also the methods like Sarno, that gives a regular people a practical way to control certain physical ailments through their mind.
However practically speaking has anyone had success using a mind method to control their lust?
If yes, please share how, Thanks
Last Edit: 03 Jul 2022 19:59 by Up up.
  • fishel klien
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I'm in my high 20, I always try to think I'm not the story which I keep hearing, I can control myself, even I keep falling, every time I have an answer, but now I will IYH stay clean but it came a day when I needed to face myself and say I have an addiction and  you need help ASAP if not who knows what the end will be, you will lose u wife and children , and even worst jail etcBH I'm now 4 days clean
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  • Zedj
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Thank you to the gye team for all your hard work! The website is looking really cool and I love the interactive aspect.


I don't know if I'm the only one but my clean day count does not reflect the same on my dashboard. Also, my cumulative days are not accurate. 

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Last Edit: 03 Jul 2022 18:47 by Zedj.
  • MenachemGYE
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Among users of the forum, during the last 3 months: 31.16% mobile vs. 68.84% desktop.
Regarding the second question, it's hard to know...
There's Life Beyond Addiction
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Do you have data in how many users are on mobile vs desktop?
​And how many of the mobile users would be app users if there was one? 

Re: Tefillah 03 Jul 2022 15:00 #382770

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Chooseurname wrote on 28 Jun 2022 13:38:
Hey,

I wanted to try this out. We all know the idea that someone who davens for someone else is answered first (if not from the gemara then at list it's a mefurash song).
In that spirit I'd like to try davening for someone else to have success with shmiras eineyim. If anyone thinks they'd like to have me daven for them, please message me your hebrew name, or just comment in the thread. If you don't want to share your name, still comment and I'll daven for your username.

Thanks!

I try to daven in שמע קולינו that hashem should listen to the tefilos of my fellow Gye members. I hope each of you will try to do the same.   To explain why this is so powerful I will suggest the following.  

when I was a little boy and would go for a haircut I would look in the mirror in front of me.  There was also a full mirror behind me.  So that I would see my reflection and the reflection of my reflection etc… many times over.  

So too, if I am davening sincerely that your tefila be answered, and your sincere tefila is that my tefila should be answered we are in essence creating tefilos that reflect back and forth an infinite number of times.

(If more than just two people are davening in this manner than the strength of that tefila grows exponentially)
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.
Last Edit: 03 Jul 2022 15:01 by Vehkam.
  • MenachemGYE
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Please report anything relating to the mobile view of the site - the are programmers who are actively working on it.
However, fixing bugs on the app itself is not yet on the agenda. 
There's Life Beyond Addiction
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  • MenachemGYE
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For active users of the 90 day chart, the dashboard shows the following area (instead of the success tracker). Click the Update button to update your status on the 90-day chart:

https://guardyoureyes.com/images/90d.PNG

There is currently a bug where some users who should be seeing this area are seeing the Success Tracker instead - be"h it will be fixed in a few days. There will also be a way for each member to choose how he prefers to do tracking.
There's Life Beyond Addiction
  • strugle613
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90 days chart on mobile looks really bad and I can't read my name the only thing I can see is the badge.
I think someone else asked this but the 90 days chart on the home page was really nice is it possible to get it back?
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