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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 22 May 2022 15:09 #381044

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Vehkam wrote on 22 May 2022 14:28:
Sleepy
Do you believe that if someone does not agree with your post them that means they are not mevakshei emes? Your post seems to imply that but I could be misunderstanding it. Please correct me if I am wrong.

I personally believe that there is not any once size fits all answer. As much as your mehalech may work for some, there are plenty mevakshei emes out there for which it will not work at all.

Best regards
Vehkam

you misunderstood.i meant that my intention in posting was not with bad intentions, i was only posting to spread the truth to seekers of the truth, meaning to the members of gye, sorry that some seekers of the truth did not like the  truth that i posted
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post 
Last Edit: 22 May 2022 15:10 by sleepy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 22 May 2022 14:56 #381043

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 22 May 2022 06:53:
@YeshivaGuy, I would like to see you posting more about what you do well.

I don't think it's important to post about every fall. The falls are not important. 

Dude, live life! What is your life? Fall, fall, fell, fell, nichshal, taivah..........

Tell us about recovery, about progress, about what is working, what is going well. There surely is positive. We will embrace you even if you do well, don't worry. 

From now on I will give you a karma for every positive post I see from you and take one away for every negative one (max one a day). 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
But you got to get some more positive energy into your life, at least the way you are making it out to be here. It's almost as if you think if you are happy, the GYE community will exile you! 

I hope this wont rub the wrong way.

You have been formerly outvoted
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 22 May 2022 14:28 #381042

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Sleepy
Do you believe that if someone does not agree with your post them that means they are not mevakshei emes? Your post seems to imply that but I could be misunderstanding it. Please correct me if I am wrong.

I personally believe that there is not any once size fits all answer. As much as your mehalech may work for some, there are plenty mevakshei emes out there for which it will not work at all.

Best regards
Vehkam
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.

some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  Please know that if you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 22 May 2022 11:29 #381040

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He didn't bash his rebbeim. The following is the understanding i had from his post - He noted that things were different and the "how to deal with this subject" was unclear. The level of exposure and the access to the "worst of the worst" created a new reality, which called for new warfare/protection/immunity build up. Rebbis were at a loss of what to say, or were blissfully unaware of what was going on. There had been a "mesorah" to avoid these subjects.....    I would assume that many of Willnevergiveup's rebbeim now advise with more confidence, understanding, and knowledge - and probably are in line with what the majority keeps writing about on these forums.
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Middle of the night urges are triggered subconsciously and are to be expected - especially if you are having success consciously. Read up about the various forum posts about wet dreams....   I am not getting involved if your middle of the night episode should be considered a fall for the GYE count (wet dreams definitely are not), but i hope you do not view masturbating when waking up very triggered, possibly already very erect, and semi-conscious, as being the same when being completely awake and consciously beginning the entire process.
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My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 22 May 2022 08:28 #381037

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anyway no use in discussing anymore  if anyone wants somechizuk how to beat p&m take a look at 
#380910
whoever feels that its not for them , just ignore  .i feel it is Emes and  i wrote for people who are mivakshei haemes. 
hatzlacha to everybody!
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post 
Last Edit: 22 May 2022 08:31 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 22 May 2022 08:17 #381036

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 22 May 2022 06:25:

sleepy wrote on 22 May 2022 05:23:
just curious bego, the more you review gemara do you feel more geshmack or more tired ?
 for example  if you would review  a 100 times .

I hate to take sides in these arguments but I want to take a stance. 

Ever since I was very young, I too was brainwashed that if I looked at girls, or worse, watched movies, I would never enjoy the sweetness of Torah unless I go through agonizing pain. My Rebbeim gave the classic mashul of eating honey when you have cuts in your tongue.

This is how they spoke 20 years ago because they just didn't have to tools for Torah chinuch. The reality is not like that. There are many accomplished Talmidei chachamim on this site who love learning and derive great sipuk from it. Telling someone who struggles with shmiras einayim and learning taht one is being caused by the other is basically digging his grave. Now he knows he will never enjoy learning and that it's his fault. You are just causing him to give up. It's simply not true. 

I am not advocating watching porn, what I am saying is that we need to find better more effective and more accurate motivators.

I enjoy learning I learn in Kollel all day. The reason why someone struggling may not enjoy learning (@Sleepy included) may be more from the shame and guilt, that you don't think you deserve it and that you don't feel that you are deserving of Hashem's love.

If only my Rebbeim would have taken a different route, that of believing in me and enabling me to push through the rough patches I would probably enjoy learning even more today. 

Learning is great, it can even be used as a tool, but don't go around and say that no one who struggles with lust doesn't enjoy learning. There are hundreds on this site to prove you wrong. It's sweet, even sweeter than porn.  


"If only my Rebbeim would have taken a different route, that of believing in me and enabling me to push through the rough patches I would probably enjoy learning even more today. "


instead of bashing and complaining about your rebbiem ,maybe you should man up and take responsibility for your lack of enjoyment in learning and  try being michavin in  vharev na a little more, we could all use improvement,  cant we?
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post 
Last Edit: 22 May 2022 11:03 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 22 May 2022 07:58 #381033

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.
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post 
Last Edit: 22 May 2022 15:23 by sleepy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 22 May 2022 07:06 #381031

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 22 May 2022 06:39:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 22 May 2022 06:06:
Trying to hold back from being nichshal tonight
Got pritzus on my phone managed to delete it but having trouble deleting it from the trash so I still have it, idk

What don't you know? (idk)

Well stam, I don’t know a lot of things.
What I was saying was idk if I can overcome and idk if I want to overcome.
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Re: I'm depressed 22 May 2022 07:05 #381030

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Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! I love

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 22 May 2022 07:03 #381029

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 22 May 2022 06:53:
@YeshivaGuy, I would like to see you posting more about what you do well.

I don't think it's important to post about every fall. The falls are not important. 

Dude, live life! What is your life? Fall, fall, fell, fell, nichshal, taivah..........

Tell us about recovery, about progress, about what is working, what is going well. There surely is positive. We will embrace you even if you do well, don't worry. 

From now on I will give you a karma for every positive post I see from you and take one away for every negative one (max one a day). 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
But you got to get some more positive energy into your life, at least the way you are making it out to be here. It's almost as if you think if you are happy, the GYE community will exile you! 

I hope this wont rub the wrong way.

Amazing. Thank you very much.
It bothers me though, as I am doing well there’s this whole side of me that is consistently doing bad and worse and it’s frightening.
How can I focus on good when I’m falling apart?
How can I smile when there’s porn running through my mind on replay? 

You’re right though, I know you’re right. I just don’t know how to live with my emotions, how to live with myself, how to accept my failures and faults and yet strive for more.

A good thing I did? I went to mincha b’tzibur today and didn’t feel anxiety.
Last Edit: 22 May 2022 07:15 by YeshivaGuy.
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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 22 May 2022 06:53 #381028

@YeshivaGuy, I would like to see you posting more about what you do well.

I don't think it's important to post about every fall. The falls are not important. 

Dude, live life! What is your life? Fall, fall, fell, fell, nichshal, taivah..........

Tell us about recovery, about progress, about what is working, what is going well. There surely is positive. We will embrace you even if you do well, don't worry. 

From now on I will give you a karma for every positive post I see from you and take one away for every negative one (max one a day). 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
But you got to get some more positive energy into your life, at least the way you are making it out to be here. It's almost as if you think if you are happy, the GYE community will exile you! 

I hope this wont rub the wrong way.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 22 May 2022 06:43 #381027

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Fell.

Tonight was feeling very lonely. Drove in the Jewish community around my Yeshiva, saw families in homes etc and was yearning for such a thing.
Went out for pizza with a friend to feel good but was nichshal still.
It’s a difficult time as friends of mine are dating, some even are engaged or married, and I am working on these inyanim instead.
Bh I’ve seen life altering success in the last year but it’s still hard. I have no safeik that I’m making the right decision and my therapist/rebbium agree 100%.
But still it’s hard.
That I’ve had such a transformation in the last year makes me hopeful that in the not too distant future I can date and with my inner pain less consuming, get past porn/masterbation.
Its no coincidence that me falling from 198 clean days and falling repeatedly coincided with working on trauma.

I need to patch the self made hole in my filter.
When I left yeshiva etc I got back an iPhone, at that time I needed it as a distraction etc, but I think now I’m past that and it’s no longer a tool to help me but rather bad for me.

Either way, the yesod is healthy outlets, and proper gedarim on the phone etc. 

Ill discuss with my therapist (who’s frum Ben Torah) about where I’m at now and whether I’m back at the point where I don’t need this as a distraction for my mental health and could discard.
Either way though I must implement the gedarim.

I also need to call HHM who I have delayed getting back to.

A big part of me being nichshal is that while in bed tonight I was freaking out that I have no money for things and my parents don’t have anything and I’m not making enough money this summer, so honestly I just wanted to numb the pain and anxiety.

Spoke to my Rebbi who I thought wouldn’t value where I’m at and but I was complywrong bh. It was amazing, really good to have his support.
But still it’s hard, so many ppl say nasty things knowingly and unknowingly.
Its so hard to keep my head up and to truly believe that I have a future life, let alone a present life, worth living.
I don’t even know why I am fighting, why I’m trying to return to Yeshiva/learning/frumkeit and why I even want to live.

Confused and deficient,

YeshivaGuy
Last Edit: 22 May 2022 06:58 by YeshivaGuy.
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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 22 May 2022 06:39 #381026

YeshivaGuy wrote on 22 May 2022 06:06:
Trying to hold back from being nichshal tonight
Got pritzus on my phone managed to delete it but having trouble deleting it from the trash so I still have it, idk

What don't you know? (idk)
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 22 May 2022 06:25 #381025

sleepy wrote on 22 May 2022 05:23:
just curious bego, the more you review gemara do you feel more geshmack or more tired ?
 for example  if you would review  a 100 times .

I hate to take sides in these arguments but I want to take a stance. 

Ever since I was very young, I too was brainwashed that if I looked at girls, or worse, watched movies, I would never enjoy the sweetness of Torah unless I go through agonizing pain. My Rebbeim gave the classic mashul of eating honey when you have cuts in your tongue.

This is how they spoke 20 years ago because they just didn't have to tools for Torah chinuch in this context. The reality is not like that. There are many accomplished Talmidei chachamim on this site who love learning and derive great sipuk from it. Telling someone who struggles with shmiras einayim and learning that one is being caused by the other is nothing short of digging his grave. Now he knows he will never enjoy learning and that it's his fault. You are just causing him to give up and It's not even true. 

I am not advocating watching porn, what I am saying is that we need to find better more effective and more accurate motivators.

I love learning! I learn in Kollel all day. The reason why someone struggling may not enjoy learning (@Sleepy included) may be more from the shame and guilt, that you don't think you deserve it and that you don't feel that you are deserving of Hashem's love.

If only my Rebbeim would have taken a different route, that of believing in me and enabling me to push through the rough patches I would probably enjoy learning even more. 

Learning is great, it can even be used as a tool, but don't go around and say that anyone who struggles with lust doesn't enjoy learning. There are hundreds on this site to prove you wrong. It's sweet, even sweeter than porn.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 22 May 2022 13:11 by wilnevergiveup.
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