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My CLIMB on the wall
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: My CLIMB on the wall 58810 Views

My CLIMB on the wall 01 Jan 2011 23:24 #91521

  • 2nd-chance
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Started dec 26 after several other starts
trying to keep tight
for ONE day only

now day 7
The multitude of wounds on a soldier demonstrate his audacity.
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 07 Jan 2011 04:20 #92317

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Had a few falls but picked up at jan 2nd (coincidence?)
got a great friend/partner Bendurdya
climbing again
The multitude of wounds on a soldier demonstrate his audacity.
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 07 Jan 2011 07:50 #92339

  • bardichev
2C

Keep on trucking!!

Just pick up your bags,your crocs. Your socks. Your box. Your lox.

And run!!!!


Keep on trucking

No looking back!!!

B
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 07 Jan 2011 08:29 #92344

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Your cute pal
The multitude of wounds on a soldier demonstrate his audacity.
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 07 Jan 2011 12:18 #92355

  • bardichev
Cute?

I'm 4000 posts cute

Read bardchevs battle

You'll see how cute I am

Please keep on trucking is a battle plan

KOT!!

B

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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 09 Jan 2011 02:13 #92430

  • yona18
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Haha, I'm 4000 posts cute. I like that, Bardy. Watch the gaivah! 2C, thanks for stopping by!
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 09 Jan 2011 02:20 #92431

  • bardichev
Yu ure right
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 09 Jan 2011 03:08 #92438

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Day number SIX 6 V1 SHESH ZEQS
B"H day by day
Koveitz al yad yarbe
The multitude of wounds on a soldier demonstrate his audacity.
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 09 Jan 2011 03:13 #92439

  • bardichev
Shisha ME yodaya

Hashem knows how hard u are working

Gevaldigggggggg!!!

Keep on trucking!!

B
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 09 Jan 2011 06:40 #92474

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Oh i almost busted I actually opened bad sights out of Yiush. someone really got me depressed, by relaying a well known saying as he put it. please tell me the real truth, honestly. what is behind this verse:
ONCE AN ADDICT ALWAYS AN ADDICT
does this mean i will always be fighting so ferociously. the tears are crawling down my cheeks as i try to verify this horrible nightmare. please don't let me down. i want to know that i am fighting for victory and peace not for my entire life
The multitude of wounds on a soldier demonstrate his audacity.
Last Edit: 09 Jan 2011 10:16 by .

Re: My CLIMB on the wall 09 Jan 2011 07:06 #92476

  • bardichev
Depends how u define victory

Bards once wrote

Victory means "staying in the game"

It works for me (and for TrYiNg)

Kot!!
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 09 Jan 2011 14:43 #92493

  • ss7107
In recovery the goal is Happy Joyous and Free. Recently, while driving back from a recovery meeting I had the good fortune of driving by an "acting out" location. As I drove past it I noticed a frum guy leaving from there and driving away. (See how I still look in?) The overwhelming feeling for me was FREEDOM and GRATITUDE. I heard R' Twerski repeat that addicts in recovery can actually sit by the Pesach Seder and feel the way the Jews felt when they went from slavery to freedom. I was free, no longer a slave to pull in to the acting out place. No longer a slave to my disease. God has granted me this gift just for today. This is what you are striving towards. With the right help and the ability to completely and totally realize that we are not in control but there is a Higher Power who can help us, you can be free one day. It takes time but as we say "time takes time". Keep on going, you are on the right path. (Q: Do you have a sponsor? Do you work a 12 step program?)
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 09 Jan 2011 17:58 #92510

  • Shmilu
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Even if you do have to continuously fight, Kulei Alma Moideh that it gets easier with time. You get to learn the patterns of where and how you fall, and you eventually learn what to avoid -- just like a seasoned stutterer who knows how to formulate a sentence so that he avoids those words which fail him most.

That is the essence of the 90-day milestone; the more clean days you have under your proverbial belt, the thoughts come fewer and farther between.
Look at people like Dov and Bardichev, who have clean streaks of months upon months (or even years upon years). It can most definitely be done. But like the wise ones say: a day at a time.

Correct me if I'm wrong, anyone...
Last Edit: 09 Jan 2011 18:03 by .

Re: My CLIMB on the wall 09 Jan 2011 18:29 #92513

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Thank you for the comfort
But are u all agreeing that i will never be like my friends who never had the addiction
The multitude of wounds on a soldier demonstrate his audacity.
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Re: My CLIMB on the wall 09 Jan 2011 19:16 #92519

  • ben durdayah
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I also used to let that eat me up.

But who says that that's a goal that we should set for ourselves?

Also, that's part of B'makom Sheba'aei Teshuva Omdim, Ain Tzadikim Gemurim Yecholim La'amod.

We have that feeling that we're farfahlen to deal with (among other things) and that's a good way to tap in to "Leiv Nishbar VeNidkeh, Elokim Lo Sivzeh".

And one more thing, what's the Nafka Minah if you wind up like your friends who (as far as you know) never had this addiction -

L'maaseh this whole business of yes like friends/not like friends -IMHO- is lots of hooey, hogwash, bologna (pronounced baloney), shtissim, shtuyot, and for our friend Yoeli with the lithp -B.S. (I heard an Israeli chassidishe guy say that today und Ich zug dir tzi az er veist nisht vus s'maint bichlall; my mother washed out my mouth with soap when I innocently repeated the second half of that word).

Tachlis -Are you happy the way you are? When someone chalilah has yenner machlah, he's busy worrying about his not looking like his friends, or whether the treatments will work and he'll survive?

My dear friend -I have a problem, you have a problem, we have a problem. Any Jew who is frum and looks at P***, hangs out with shiktzas (actually they might be shekatzim, after all if you present yourself as some anonymous John, so can the person you're chatting with) online, can't give up M***N HAS A SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

Because by definition, most people who live a frum lifestyle -and I'm not even talking about a shtickle ben-Torah, just your average Yossel -have Yiras Shamayim.

And if a guy with Yiras Shamayim in all other areas of life, a guy who has (in general) a wife, kids, other family members, a job or a Kollel, a good (or at least decent) reputation, and whatever else your average Yossel has knowingly and with open eyes places all of what's good in his life on the line in order to watch P***, hang out online with shiktzas, and M**** until he starts losing the ta'am in anything he ever enjoyed HE IS AN ADDICT!!!.

His friend might not be.

So it's a choice, worry about me, or worry about if I'm going to ever be like my 'normal' friends...

Worry about today, because without today -there is no tomorrow.

And I'm not a Rebbe, Navi, or fool who gives out havtachos. I haven't even been around here that long. But I am 100% sure, so I will guarantee you that if you get with the program here, and get clean -you will be so happy, and so satisfied that you won't be able to care less if you are like your 'normal' friends or not. You'll be happy just the way Hashem made you.

Besides, maybe your 'normal' friends:
a. are here now.
b.were here in the past.
c.could really, really, really desperately use to be here, and weren't yet zocheh.
d.were never here, don't need to be here, and never will.

What's the big difference?

I'm here with you, and for you -if you want,

Eli Ben Durdayah
For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is
 Eli
Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee




 
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