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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Zemmy's story 100345 Views

Zemmy's story 25 Oct 2010 17:37 #81249

  • ZemirosShabbos
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Would like to formally introduce myself here, even though it is a little late in the game.

I am married with a couple of kids b"h. ever since i started working on computers i would periodically seek out p***. first with a dial-up connection, then later with hi-speed internet. for days i would zone out at work, doing the bare minimum, making sure no one saw my dark secret, and feeling all the time that i am probably the only one in my circle of people who has this terrible secret. i would feel bad and try to stop. especially on Yom Kippur i would decide to stop. usually it would last a few weeks but then i would fall back into it. years later i put in a filter and it helped a lot. but only my computer had a filter and even a filter is not fool-proof. i found things that got through the filter. i found opportunities to use other computers. i changed filters. i even shut off the filter at some points.

i found GYE in a round-about way, through a google search for a halacha. i slowly started reading more and more. then i put in k9 and gave the password to the filter gabai (what a zechus Guard and him have!). that helped a lot for the p***. almost a year ago i registered for the forum and posted a little here and there. someone on the forum reached out to me and we became partners (thank you!). that gave me a lot of chizuk. i feel that someone understands my struggle and i spilled the beans about my dark secret. i feel that if i fall ch'v i can holler out to my partner to come dig me out. that is a great feeling. like wearing a life-jacket on a boat or a parachute on a plane.

since Pesach i am clean. thanks to Hashem and to GYE. i realize that since i did not do the steps or join any phone groups the level of change to my attitudes are not too drastic. i think it is the awareness and constant chizuk provided by the forum and chizuk emails that account for whatever time i was able to stay out of trouble. at least i know that the resources for furher change are available if ch'v needed in the future.

i cannot thank Guard enough for putting up this Migdal Oz of kedusha and for showing me and others the way to living clean lives. Same goes to Dov, Bardichev, yechida, Kedusha, Kanesher (remember him?), ImTrying25, Kollel Guy, RageATM, Briut, Silentbattle, Tried123 and many many others, more recently Ovadia, 1Daat, Frumfiend the Star, Yosef Hatzadik, ur-a-jew, jooboy, world, an honest mouse, HashemsSoldier, JIP and more. Special thanks to 1daat for pushing me (gently) to make my own thread. i read a lot more than i post and every time anyone posts about a victory, a fall, a thought, a struggle it is a chizuk just to see others who struggle and sometimes win and sometimes not and keep on going trucking. of course the lessons learned from the veterans here are precious beyond words.

I am by no means out of the woods. i constantly struggle to keep my eyes off things that they should not see both on and off the computer and i know that the dangers of p*** will never go away. but with Hashem's help and with GYE i hope to be clean and slowly change my attitudes for the better.

i chose the name zemiros shabbos because to me shabbos is the day we celebrate our relationship with Hashem and zemiros are one of the most beautiful ways of bring out the spirit of shabbos. it reminds me of what i have at stake in the struggle.
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
Last Edit: 26 Oct 2010 03:25 by .

Re: Zemmy's story 25 Oct 2010 17:59 #81250

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beautiful and wonderful.


I'm humbled by your koiches and your striving.

Very honored to enjoy a shaklah v'taryah with The Zemiros Shabbos Man!!!



w
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Re: Zemmy's story 25 Oct 2010 18:39 #81259

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thank you world!
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
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Re: Zemmy's story 25 Oct 2010 18:41 #81261

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here is an invaluable lesson from the rebbe reb bards

just remember u are only as clean as your weakest day

very true and important to remember
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
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Re: Zemmy's story 25 Oct 2010 19:12 #81269

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Thats an awesome lesson! Thx for sharing.
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Re: Zemmy's story 26 Oct 2010 02:37 #81376

hey! im not in the list >    and ZemirosShabbos wrote on 25 Oct 2010 18:41:

here is an invaluable lesson from the rebbe reb bards

just remember u are only as clean as your weakest day

very true and important to remember


i agree!
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Re: Zemmy's story 26 Oct 2010 02:48 #81384

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i fixed the list HS
and i really hope to learn from you, i couldn't be your zaidy but i do remember when Ronald Reagan was president
at your age i was a real......... person who could improve
you have such a mature outlook, keep on inspiring me
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
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Re: Zemmy's story 26 Oct 2010 02:52 #81388

thank you!
lets all keep on inspiring each other!
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Re: Zemmy's story 26 Oct 2010 09:57 #81408

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ZemirosShabbos wrote on 25 Oct 2010 17:37:

i cannot thank Guard enough for putting up this Migdal Oz of kedusha and for showing me and others the way to living clean lives. Same goes to Dov, Bardichev, yechida, Kedusha, Kanesher (remember him?), ImTrying25, Kollel Guy, RageATM, Briut, Silentbattle, Tried123 and many many others, more recently Ovadia, 1Daat, Frumfiend the Star, Yosef Hatzadik, ur-a-jew, jooboy, world, an honest mouse, HashemsSoldier, JIP and more. Special thanks to 1daat for pushing me (gently) to make my own thread.


.....and b'sheim the chabura hakedoisha I would like to thank our Zemmy for his tireless chizuk and sensitivity on the forum.

Thank you

Ovadia
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Re: Zemmy's story 26 Oct 2010 14:51 #81425

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thank you Ovadia! 
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
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Re: Zemmy's story 26 Oct 2010 16:18 #81450

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Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
Last Edit: by .

Re: Zemmy's story 26 Oct 2010 16:41 #81455

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What ur son wanted is called attention

Oy what a lesson
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Re: Zemmy's story 27 Oct 2010 00:27 #81556

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ZemirosShabbos wrote on 26 Oct 2010 16:18:

my son only wanted to take the paper circular which was rolled up and blow with it at my face and would rollick with laughter if i blew back at him.


I'm working on (among other things) that sober doesn't mean somber.  Who then should I learn from but your two year old son, who rollicks with laughter.  And what a dad who would blow back at him rather than get annoyed about it. 

Thanks for this.

I'm so glad your here.
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Re: Zemmy's story 27 Oct 2010 02:15 #81567

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eizehu chacham, halomed mikol adam

i am impressed that you found a lesson to learn from a child and his father, says more about you than about me

here's to (more) rollicking good times!
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
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Re: Zemmy's story 27 Oct 2010 02:42 #81572

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zoiks!!!

zs,  it's almost time to drink ANOTHER lchaim

for your upcoming 300th post!!!!


zoiks that was fast!!!
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