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can i still count
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: can i still count 2101 Views

can i still count 25 May 2010 08:59 #66582

  • lonelyid
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im 67 days clean and today i browsed a s-x dating site for 10-15 mins . didnt masturbate.is that considered a fall.
i hope not
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Re: can i still count 25 May 2010 11:33 #66589

  • jamies
did you stop doing it? (yes)
did you realise it was bad afterwards? (thats why you write here) 
will you do it againt? (NOPE!)
are you sososo close? BARUCH HASHEM!!
im just a fellow yid so dont know the official answer...but youve done Tzesuva!! so... keep on fighting!!!, only 23 days left then after that your be welcoming a clean ellul!!

also use this forum if you feel your going to do that again ior at the first sign of any kind of weakness what so ever!!1


good luck bro im davening for you!
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Re: can i still count 25 May 2010 12:24 #66595

  • andrewsh
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Jamies right!

I dont think it is counted as a fall, please keep strong and come on here if you are tempted, you have to put some safeguards in place so it wont happen again though.

I must warn you as someone who recently hit 90...nothing will drastically change...you have to still stay as strong as before, and some things will be as difficult, think one day forward but bear in mind all the days backwards...how far you come and how you dont want to ruin that run.....
good luck
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Re: can i still count 25 May 2010 15:35 #66637

  • silentbattle
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I think you need to ask Guard on this one...No matter what, though, 67 days is incredible, and it's taught you something: This IS something you can do. When you (well, actually not you, really the yetzer hora, or addiction) tell yourself that you NEED this, that you CAN'T resist, well, now you know that you CAN! You were fine without this garbage for more than 2 whole months!

Focus on how good it felt to be clean for so long...how did it feel?
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 11:21 #66853

  • lonelyid
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how do i ask guard ,i wasnt really so intetional when i first went into the site but i got carried away a bit ,i know that it dosent really matter and i should carry on rgardless of whether its considered a fall or not but id feel much better if acording to the rules its not cosidered a fall
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 12:46 #66858

  • jamies
i think he is on a fundraising trip by you could send him a direct message or one of the other people who have been here for a long time like dov?
hope your keeping strong!
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 13:20 #66866

  • briut
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http://guardyoureyes.org/woh/WOHRules.php

Check out the rules page. Basically, a quick slip (even intentional) into a bad site seems like slip territory, but intentionally staying there more than very briefly is a fall. I'm not gonna posken on what brief means. Read the rules, and ask a posek if you can't find pshat.

Keep going!!
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 13:22 #66868

  • silentbattle
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I know that starting again is discouraging. For that reason, some people don't like counting. But to a certain extent, it gives reality to your choices.

And like I said - you've had HUGE accomplishments. If you have some way of doing so, I'd say you should throw a party to celebrate the time you were clean - to remind yourself that it's worth a party, it is valuable.
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 13:42 #66871

  • briut
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silentbattle wrote on 26 May 2010 13:22:
I'd say you should throw a party to celebrate the time you were clean - to remind yourself that it's worth a party, it is valuable.


I'll second SB's suggestion. Celebrations are important. Really. It's not just the fun, it's the opportunity to "integrate" the lessons and wisdom you gathered. A way to recharge for the next round. A tangible vote that your efforts are worthwhile.

Celebrate. Integrate. Repeat.

(Thanks SB for reminding us all of this little (?) yesod.)
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 16:59 #66898

  • silentbattle
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It's something I think is essential that's easy to forget in general. For me, too.
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 20:50 #66981

  • lonelyid
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I know its a great accomplishment and im happy about it ,but its getting really difficult to keep hanging on. up till about a week ago i kept myself busy so i somehow filled the void but now i feel very vunerable and the void seems to have come back even while im trying to keep occupied.since i might have fallen,i think to myself"might as well make the most of the ספק fall and go all the way with a definite fall before i start to recount" stupid,illogical,pure yetzer hora but thats the way i think. 
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 21:19 #66987

  • briut
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lonelyid wrote on 26 May 2010 20:50:
i somehow filled the void but now i feel very vunerable and the void seems to have come back even while im trying to keep occupied.

Yeah, I'm also dealing with this "void" that we create when we push out lust, and how to fill it with something real and lasting and holy. The job of course will never be the solution. Nor would other "distractions" (music etc) that might work over the short haul.

I don't have any answers, my friend, I'm just crying in the same beer that you seem to be nursing.  Does misery indeed LIKE company??
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 21:20 #66988

  • jamies
I WROTE THIS TO ONE OF OUR BROTHERS STARTNG OUT:
THE YESHER HARAS TRICK...WHEN YOU WANT TO STOP...it will make you beggg!!

YOU NOW NEED TO MAKE  A LIFE CHANNGINGGGG DECISION NOW!!!!!

if you want to stop you do it now and you do it right and you fight long and you fight hard through thinck and thin... you ready?? doesnt sound appealing? not to me either, id much rather be wasting my seed watchiong the dodgy stuff all day long trust me mate...but we both know (thats y were here) that something way way way bigger is hear, way bigger, its our lives at stake,

ill tell you somethink which a friend once told me...

tke a grain of sand in your hand that tiney grain is worth a thousand years....about on tenth (hopefully slightly over ) is the legth of your be alive
now tae like 20 grains in your palm, your life is now tiney compared to that, almost insignificant....now my frined takle a whole handful of sand....whats your life now.....?
now go get a shovel (dnno if americans say a different word for it, maybe spade of digger or something) and start filling your whole room up if it, keep on shovelling, all thos grains representoing thousdands and gegillians and trillions and billions of years.

right there my frined, represented in this room is the amount of time your neshamo, your beautiful soal HBH gave you will survive, and how much time and space to you have to perfect it and let it reach the best level possible...remeber that origional fraction of the grain of sand...

your on this earth for a fraction of a second mate.... lets make it count.

i have faith, we have faith in you.

so its decision time, now will be the first step in a newfgounded and long journey to recovery, lets to it man, together lets go...

new life!

...YOU, not so LONYYID have made that decision 68 glorious days ago even if i was a slip... dont go back there...comon man your sosososo close
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 21:48 #66994

  • lonelyid
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thanks briut
thanks jamie
you both made me feel less alone in my struggle
briut ,you said you know what that void feels like
jamie,you said you would rather be spilling seed and watching muck
im not alone
maybe i shuld change my name
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Re: can i still count 26 May 2010 23:15 #67005

  • briut
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lonelyid wrote on 26 May 2010 21:48:
im not alone
maybe i shuld change my name


Actually, while you're still a newbie here and folks aren't "invested" in your name, you might actually want to try a name change on the site.
1) Change your name, change your mazel.
2) Change your name & Y'H can't find you.
3) Seriously, though, you're gonna find yourself in a couple of months in a MUCH better mental place, and much closer to a full & rich flavor of recovery, and much more comfortable acknowledging where you have been, where you are, where you're apparently heading. And "lonelyid" is a little depressing, maybe even sad, and so NOT TRUE. You're NOT alone here.

So while I'm not really serious in pushing this thought, you wouldn't be off-base at all if you changed your screen name to something else. Something positive and hopeful and future-focused. Ahdunno: GibburInTraining, BraveWarrior, B-Friended, you know, something victorious.

No one would laugh at this concept - we'd all be behind you!

Just a thought. Worth what you paid for it .
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