Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

How do I get started?
(0 viewing) 
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
  • Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: How do I get started? 1805 Views

How do I get started? 07 Mar 2010 07:30 #56669

I want to to stay clean for 90 day, but I keep falling after two or 3 days. I can't seem to get myself started. My issue isn't the p**n at this point, because I have a filter. What I'm struggling with is mastur***ion. after a few days the tension builds up and I need the release, and I try to be really strict with myself and remind myself of how serious of a sin it is, but it's not really sinking in.
Does anyone have a suggestion for how to get my 90 day journey jump-started?
TOF
Last Edit: by .

Re: How do I get started? 07 Mar 2010 12:37 #56693

  • 123.trying.123
  • Current streak: 10 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 636
  • Karma: 0
12 Steps...?
Sponsor....?
Meetings...?

I am  :-[ that things are so tough...
I hope other more experienced guys get over here....

I'm not gona finish off with my Peace and Love thingy bec. we aint done buddy...
Last Edit: by .

Re: How do I get started? 07 Mar 2010 19:25 #56731

  • Ineedhelp!!
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1058
  • Karma: 2
Hey TOF,

Shkoyach for reaching to go towards the 90 day goal. I have a small peice of advice for you that can go a long way. Dont let the tension build up. You say that you do this stuff to release the tension, so why not just block tension from coming in. With us, this can be just as bad as a bad image. I dont know what kind of tension you are talking about but ill give an extreme example to cover all bases. Lets say you are talking about financial tension. There's something there that can cause anxiety and uncertainty. Tell yourself you are doing all that you can and the rest is up to Hashem. "I went to an interview today and did my best, if I get the job or not is from Hashem". Then say a Tefillah. Talk to Hashem. He may not talk back directly btu He is listening and will answer you.

Hatzlocha,

-Yiddle
Last Edit: by .

Re: How do I get started? 07 Mar 2010 20:09 #56748

  • Shlomo
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 289
  • Karma: 0
i've had this same problem as you. the key is just to keep at it. the more work you put into this, the more you'll get out. tenfold.

if you havent done so already, the first step is to set up as many fences and filters as you can. if you problem is mainly with the internet, make sure you have a filter on every single internet source that you have access to. for instance, today i had a particularly strong urge but i realized that i literally had no available way to act out. that thought coupled with the thought that each moment i fight back is a victory in and of itself has gotten me through today.

also, if an urge does come up, have a game-plan ready. literally write it out (even on the forum; it really helps). have activities set up. physically change where you are. find every strategy possible to avoid slipping or falling.

i've been on the forum for almost two months but my longest streak is only 17 days. other than that, they've all been under 10. its just a matter of keeping the fight going. daven to Hashem for success and whether it takes days, months or (c"v) years, you'll make it through this. 

and also, stay b'simcha!!! 
Last Edit: by .

Re: How do I get started? 07 Mar 2010 21:13 #56756

  • Steve
  • Current streak: 2123 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • I
  • Posts: 903
  • Karma: 2
hi TOF, (and Reb Shlomo, too)

Short on time, but not on advice:

1, If your problem is at night in bed, concentrate VERY much on Keriyas Shema Al Hamitah, especially the pasuk Rigzu v'al Techata'u... right near the end. That was written SPECIFICALLY with this aveira in mind. See Berachos Daf 4b or 5b (I think) where the gemorah discusses this pasuk and kavanos each word stands for. Follow the advice of chazal about sleeping on one's side, and which side to sleep on (fall asleep on your left side, awaken on your right). Wear PJs that cover your legs and your arms - even kiruv basar with your own body or sheets can be triggering. AND take a natural sleep aid to fall asleep faster, so you're not lying in bed awake. And in the morning, get out of bed asap and don't linger there daydreaming.

2. During the day, make 2 gedarim:

A) A physical Geder that your hands will NOT NO MATTER WHAT travel ANYWHERE near the bris. Realize that even if you want to give yourself just a little pleasure, you will not be able to control or stop it going further. Don't kid yourself, even if you can pull away now, it will awaken a stronger desire in you and then next time you'll make all sorts of excuses - "I need it, it's healthier to have release than to hold it back, I can't help it so Hashem must forgive me, i'll give in now and try later" blah blah blah, it's all a ploy of the YH.

A MENTAL Geder - A Rebbi once told me that when faced with an overwhelming struggle with a YH, break it up into bite-size pieces you can digest easily. If i start to think about women or images or fantasize, etc., I will stop myself and say - "I'm sorry mr. YH, but NOT now. I am not making any commitments about later, just NOT NOW." Say to yourself i will stay clean in mind and body until Lunch. No commitment for the rest of the day. When lunchtime comes, you can say OK, I can stay clean until dinner. That's no so hard. No commitment afterward. At dinner time, Oh, I can make it until bed. I'll worry about tomorrow later. And if every 4 hours is tough, then take it hour by hour.

You CAN do this.

Here's a good eitza to practice breaking your desires for fulfilling pleasure. I think it's the Raavid's Taanis - see Rabbeinu Yona's Yesod Hateshuva (Foundation of Repentance) found in Rosh Hashana Machzorim. At the end of each meal, leave over a littler bit, the last bite or two, from each course. It's NOT baal Tashchis, cuz you're doing it for a purpose. Say to yourself or out loud "I am doing this to show i do not have to fulfill my desire completely, in Honor of my Creator." Do this at every meal for at least a month. It is an amazing method to break the hold that teivos have on us, and it will make it easier for you to say no to the Big YH you battling.

3) lastly, get involved BEING OF SERVICE TO OTHERS. Build your self-esteem by benefitting other Jews through time and effort in a chesed organization. The more positive and better you feel about yourself, the more you insulate yourself against the negative depressive feelings that bring us to act out to make ourselves feel better.

Good Luck, and KOT!!
No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
Last Edit: 07 Mar 2010 21:15 by .

Re: How do I get started? 07 Mar 2010 21:15 #56759

  • yona18
  • Current streak: 92 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 364
First, you have to write up a contract with yourself and Hashem. If nothing is written down, a committment lacks solidity. At least if you write it down, and take out the time to come up with a real game plan, then you have a fighting chance.

Specify exactly what you will not do in this contract. For example, in order to stop yourself from masturbating, there are many other things you have to avoid also. These activities include, but are not limited to: lying on one's back, touching the milah AT ALL, rubbing the milah against anything, contact with pritzus (i.e. internet sites, real girls in the street, billboards), and inappropriate thoughts.

The first few days are very difficult because the body expects the release and expects the pleasure, and when the body does not get its fix, it complains for a while. You have to man up the first few days and be on guard. It's not THAT hard, don't worry. You'll be hitting a week before you know it.


Best of luck!
Last Edit: by .

Re: How do I get started? 08 Mar 2010 02:46 #56833

  • 123.trying.123
  • Current streak: 10 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 636
  • Karma: 0
A lot of great advice.....

Can I through in my two cents, (oh and by the way... with so much good advice.... pick what seems like the best fit for you......)

Cent 1) All the Holy Molly stuff is great, but if you choose it: use it as an adjunct.... The real long term solution here is following the basic principles that has helped hundreds of others....

Cent 2) Meetings: phone, in person, or just a sponsor to contact when things get rough....
I am pretty darn sure it"ll help a ton.....

Cent 3) Hook up with the pros (not me :-\ :-[ :D)...
Find someone on the forum with success that's up your ally, and hammer him...

Buddy I believe you can do this (focus on the first step, don't gotta have whole thong figured out... after you finish that step return to step one..... .... and if you do this you"ll succeed.....

Peace and Love Holly Molly Brother....

Keep us posted....
Last Edit: by .

Re: How do I get started? 08 Mar 2010 12:54 #56904

  • the.guard
  • Current streak: 487 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 6421
  • Karma: 134
TiredOfFalling wrote on 07 Mar 2010 07:30:

I want to to stay clean for 90 day, but I keep falling after two or 3 days. I can't seem to get myself started. My issue isn't the p**n at this point, because I have a filter. What I'm struggling with is mastur***ion. after a few days the tension builds up and I need the release, and I try to be really strict with myself and remind myself of how serious of a sin it is, but it's not really sinking in.
Does anyone have a suggestion for how to get my 90 day journey jump-started?
TOF


Here are some good links to read:

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Tips/LFLN.asp

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ1.asp

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ17.asp

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ39.asp

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ11.asp
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by .

Re: How do I get started? 10 Mar 2010 15:09 #57344

  • Steve
  • Current streak: 2123 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • I
  • Posts: 903
  • Karma: 2
HEY, TOF, READ MA LISP:

POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...POST...

AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE,

POST...
No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
Last Edit: by .

Re: How do I get started? 10 Mar 2010 15:10 #57345

  • bardichev
WOODFORD HELPS
Last Edit: by .

Re: How do I get started? 10 Mar 2010 15:18 #57347

  • Steve
  • Current streak: 2123 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • I
  • Posts: 903
  • Karma: 2
Yea, Woodford helps, but Only POST-partum.
No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
Last Edit: by .
  • Page:
  • 1
Time to create page: 0.44 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes