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starting my battle
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TOPIC: starting my battle 23811 Views

Re: starting my battle 21 Sep 2009 18:18 #19186

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guardureyes wrote on 21 Sep 2009 18:12:

ACE laasos LaHashem


LOL - at least I know what ACE means this time!
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: by Billy2.

Re: starting my battle 22 Sep 2009 17:40 #19468

  • bardichev
hoping wrote on 21 Sep 2009 17:51:

Dear Chavra (and especially Guard)-

The Rosh hashana that I just had is incomparable to any other that I had experienced in the past. I still have a very long way to go, but I felt that I have at least an opening in my life with which I can relate to Hashem. It is not that I am anywhere near where I should be, it is the fact that I can honestly assess where I am right now and make a commitment to improve. While acting out with my addiction, I never was able to look honestly at where I was. I felt like a big rasha mixed up with a Tzaddik. Now I know that I am neither. Rather I am a Yid who is trying to get closer to Hashem. Before, I was not happy with who I was, always thinking that if only I learned/davened better,I wouldn't lust so much. I did not involve G-d too much; I would do this on my own. Now, my life revolves around Hashem. Not much has changed, yet everything has changed. I have not entirely lost my tendency towards lust, but my shemiras ainayim is at a level that I have never kept before. I have not suddenly begun to do everything right, but I can honestly say to Hashem that I am on the path to improvement and that I am fully accepting Him as my boss. This, for me, was the first time that I was able to mean it when I declared the Malchiyus of Hahem on Rosh Hashana.

Thank you everyone. It is to you that I owe my new lease on life.


THAT IS GEVALDIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

KEEP IT UP

b
Last Edit: by leesan1964hh.

Re: starting my battle 23 Sep 2009 20:58 #19983

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hoping wrote on 21 Sep 2009 17:51:
Now I know that I am neither. Rather I am a Yid who is trying to get closer to Hashem. I have not suddenly begun to do everything right, but I can honestly say to Hashem that I am on the path to improvement and that I am fully accepting Him as my boss. This, for me, was the first time that I was able to mean it when I declared the Malchiyus of Hahem on Rosh Hashana.
Thank you everyone. It is to you that I owe my new lease on life.
Dear hoping,
These words I can live my whole life with!! Thank you!!
- another fortunate yid
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by quietkyle.

Re: starting my battle 28 Oct 2009 12:20 #26025

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I just wanted to check in. I have not had any access to a computer for a while (maybe that is a good thing). I hope to have some more time later to catch up with the chevra. I missed you guys!
Last Edit: by Challenged.

Re: starting my battle 28 Oct 2009 14:26 #26034

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We missed you too! You are one the great warriors of GYE!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by beyondimagination.

Re: starting my battle 29 Oct 2009 15:33 #26248

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Nice to hear from you! Hi-ho, heiligeh hoping!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by ambdambdambd.

Re: starting my battle 04 Nov 2009 23:55 #26969

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It is my greatest joy to log in and see so many new members joining this Milchemes Hashem. These past 5+ months have been much more than a relief from my horrible addiction. Thanks to everyone here at GYE, I have been living for the first time in my life. Life is infinitely more interesting when I am not obsessed with self-serving activities. Giving up my addiction to Hashem has been, for me, an opening to let him in to my entire life. I feel His presence in my life, and I never want to go back to the other situation that I used to call life. When I began this journey, one of the things that scared me the most was the idea that I would have to work on staying in recovery every day for the rest of my life. I mean, as an addict, all I wanted to do was get as far away from the garbage and become a normal , self serving non-addict. After tasting the sweet feeling of living with the purpose of doing Hashem's will, I actually look forward to the opportunity to work on living this way every day of my life. Some days are easier, some are harder, sometimes I don't remember Hashem as I should, but every day has a purpose and a reason for living. What a sweet feeling!

I do hope that I will have more time to keep up with everyone, but my schedule is such that I barely even get to a computer with internet access. Please know that I miss you terribly and you I feel that we are one even when I can't be on the forum. Thank You everyone!
Last Edit: by behumble.

Re: starting my battle 05 Nov 2009 12:58 #26988

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You're missed Hoping, but so glad to hear you have discovered LIFE in capital letters!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by rplast.

Re: starting my battle 05 Nov 2009 17:16 #27033

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hoping wrote on 04 Nov 2009 23:55:

It is my greatest joy to log in and see so many new members joining this Milchemes Hashem. These past 5+ months have been much more than a relief from my horrible addiction. Thanks to everyone here at GYE, I have been living for the first time in my life. Life is infinitely more interesting when I am not obsessed with self-serving activities. Giving up my addiction to Hashem has been, for me, an opening to let him in to my entire life. I feel His presence in my life, and I never want to go back to the other situation that I used to call life. When I began this journey, one of the things that scared me the most was the idea that I would have to work on staying in recovery every day for the rest of my life. I mean, as an addict, all I wanted to do was get as far away from the garbage and become a normal , self serving non-addict. After tasting the sweet feeling of living with the purpose of doing Hashem's will, I actually look forward to the opportunity to work on living this way every day of my life. Some days are easier, some are harder, sometimes I don't remember Hashem as I should, but every day has a purpose and a reason for living. What a sweet feeling!

I do hope that I will have more time to keep up with everyone, but my schedule is such that I barely even get to a computer with internet access. Please know that I miss you terribly and you I feel that we are one even when I can't be on the forum. Thank You everyone!


ACE!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by Iwillbefree.

Re: starting my battle 05 Nov 2009 17:26 #27036

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hoping wrote on 04 Nov 2009 23:55:
I mean, as an addict, all I wanted to do was get as far away from the garbage and become a normal , self serving non-addict. After tasting the sweet feeling of living with the purpose of doing Hashem's will, I actually look forward to the opportunity to work on living this way every day of my life. Some days are easier, some are harder, sometimes I don't remember Hashem as I should, but every day has a purpose and a reason for living. What a sweet feeling!
Thanks, reb hoping, the bold part is perhaps the best line I ever heard. I hope to remember to thank Hashem at least once every day that this attitude is part of my life, too. I think it's the big difference.
Take it easy and be well, chaver!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by PUTIEL.

Re: starting my battle 12 Nov 2009 20:34 #28033

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OK. So after that beautiful speech about how well my life is going, I have had a few rough days. I guess that being out of the habit of acting out helps a little, but I quickly realized that I would fall right back to where I started from very quickly if I forget, even for a short time, that I need to keep working on living properly. I am trying to refocus my energy on doing hashem's will, and leave the rest up to Him. I guess it was time for a real wake-up call to the fact that I am essentially still an addict. It surprises me that I need my fear of lust to remind me to live and act properly.
Last Edit: by Shtarkitup.

Re: starting my battle 12 Nov 2009 20:36 #28034

  • bardichev
HOPING

THATS LIFE THERE IS NO MAGIC

YESSS TUNNZZ OF SIYATTA DISHMAYA

KEEEEEEEP ON TRUCKING!!!!
Last Edit: by NeshamaCry.

Re: starting my battle 12 Nov 2009 22:08 #28062

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Dear happy hoppy hoping,
Are you using some actual tried and true growth tools of some kind, or are you just (p'Tuy!) coasting, chulilu (bar minon!)?
Hipity hopity and lovingly,
Dov
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by kpmsaf770.

Re: starting my battle 12 Nov 2009 22:23 #28069

  • rashkebehag
I just felt like checking in here to tell you that you all have helped me overcome my addiction. You are right, Hoping, that there is no life when one is addicted and giving in, the guilt is maddening, the obsession is disturbing, and the purpose in life that one must feel is drowning. But i just want ta add my latest hunch, that to overcome is not enough, one must replace the addiction with real cheishek to learn, do mitzvos. etc than you really start to live
Last Edit: by moisdanber.

Re: starting my battle 15 Nov 2009 19:42 #28482

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OK Dov, so you always know exactly what is going on with me. I really have to stick with the basics and keep working the 12 steps. I guess one of the challenges is to keep working through the same structure without feeling like 'OK, i know this already'.
Last Edit: by Joba.
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