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Afraid of falling!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Afraid of falling! 1621 Views

Afraid of falling! 02 Mar 2010 10:50 #55881

I just started my 90 day journey. i have been clean for 5 days. However I am afraid that I am going to fall soon.
I recently installed a k9 filter on my computer, so I no longer have easy access to p**n. However, I still have internet access through my phone. I am also afraid that I will try to bypass the filter, which I have done before with a different filter and succeeded.
Any chizuk will help!
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Re: Afraid of falling! 02 Mar 2010 11:05 #55882

I just read the rules for the 90 day chart and realized that I wasn't actually clean for 5 days. I didn't realize that intentional mastur***ion counts as a fall. I thought it was only mess-ups with p**n. This is going to be much harder than I thought. MUCH harder.
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Re: Afraid of falling! 02 Mar 2010 11:56 #55889

  • onelife
  • Current streak: 6 days
  • Gold Boarder
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welcome TOF!!  :-* :-*
"clean" means almost absolutely clean!
your words sound like you have a big urge to the filth for now as everyone here at the begining of the journey, and i would like to tell you some things if i can...:
1. the begining days are the hardest days. from my experience i mean the first 30  days. just pass them and the urge will be less and less.
   this is promise.   you don't see/feel it now but after 30 days clean you do.
2. no filter no recovering!  if you have any access to the garbage it gonna be harder sevenfold. i recomend to you to  block your surfing
   option totaly from your phone.  phone to your phone company and ask  them for this service. block the internet!
3. switch your filter on the high level protection and don't try to challenge it, even not a little.
4. admit that you are addict and for addict there isn't choice for a little garbage or just a look or two, all that will lead you to the abyss.

the last one, go and give the other guys here chizukkim, that will have an imazing impact of you.

wish you a lot of hazlacha, gever!!
Last Edit: 03 Mar 2010 12:20 by .

Re: Afraid of falling! 02 Mar 2010 12:31 #55896

  • think good
  • Current streak: 1 day
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You must get rid of access on your phone! This caused me repeated falls 4-5 months ago until i decided to cut off all access from my phone. The phone is also very very bad for lust, you can look at anything anywhere any time. It must go!

The beginning is always hard, very hard, just keep going one day at a time.
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Re: Afraid of falling! 02 Mar 2010 12:56 #55899

  • the.guard
  • Current streak: 487 days
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There are filters for phones. Write to our filter gabai at

And make sure to read the handbooks. You need to learn the tools to beating this. It's much stronger than us. We need to learn the tools and tactics of the battle if we want to have a chance!

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!
Webmaster of - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Afraid of falling! 02 Mar 2010 14:34 #55912

  • silentbattle
  • Current streak: 1628 days
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I'd been "clean" for a month before I decided to read the rules of the WOH. It was a rude awakening! 

I assure you, though, that you are capable of doing this, even though it might seem impossible. If you had asked me a week before I started whether or not I could do it, I'd have told you "no way!" But with the help of GYE, here I am. I would never have guessed that I was capable of doing this!

Instead of trying to fight the filter, can you set up a plan beforehand of doing something else when you feel the urges?

When do you usually feel the urges? Is it at a certain time, or after something else happens?

Keep on trucking!
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Re: Afraid of falling! 02 Mar 2010 17:12 #55942

  • Ineedhelp!!
  • Platinum Boarder
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Hey TOF,

First of all you should pat yourself on the back just for coming out here and reaching out. That is often the most difficult part. So congrats on that. Second, if youre afraid of falling dont look down. Look up! You know whos there? Hashem! We can give you chizuk and aid you along the path, but ultimately it is Hashem that will help you. Take out 2 minutes and sit there with your eyes closed and talk to Hashem. Tell Him how much you love Him and want to connect with him. Ask Him for help and guidance not only this but in life because without Him its like going on the highway with an empty tank of gas, youre done!

Hatzlocha Rabba!

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Re: Afraid of falling! 02 Mar 2010 21:30 #55979

  • rashkebehag
When I have any urge i go on to this forum. Its the best. Block out anything, phones, Ipods, computers. An addict cannot trust himself any time. You  will feel great when you will be clean, really clean. Who needs the guilt? and the dirt? Do you have a family, then live for them and keep clean.
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