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TOPIC: Therapists 1652 Views

Therapists 24 Feb 2010 22:52 #55331

  • jewinpain
Hello all of my dear holy Jewish brothers, most of you don’t know me here, but my name is JIP, which in my dictionary stands for "Jew in Pain" if anyone is coming up with a more happy one, i will accept it
what i like to do in the thread is, to discuss different therapy options, i know there is already a tab of it on the main page, but that just lists you what u can do, & here i want everyone on the forum to share what they have done, or doing, & what worked & what not, in the Therapy tab, we have listed names from a few well known therapists , but since we don’t have a "feedback" option there, here is going to be the place for it, let me just start of by saying that what works for Moshe may not work for Yankee & vice versa, but there are a lot of people coming up here, & the best recommendation after a professional referral is the patient itself, so voice your opinion, & remember finding a therapist is like a shiddich, u can go through 1 or 2 b4 settling in to the 1 u feel is right for u, & i ask you 1 final thing, lets respect all therapists & not bash anyone for what they do or don’t, just to share in a nice way out feelings

In my book there is a rule if you start a thread, u post 1st so i will follow that now,

let me give u a bit of my history 1st so u all know who JIP is, I am a chasidsih guy in NY, b"h married with a few kinderlach ka"h , so how did i get in to this dirty stuff, i was molested 20 years ago by an adult family member, & that’s basically where life stopped & it just started recently enjoying life once again after getting to a dead end, I decided that I am going to figure out what’s  going on with me, I am not gana go into details of what I struggled through all this years but believe me guys its way more than enough to write a book, (which is in plan actually) but I am sure a lot of u can relate to it, as I know that plenty of us here on the bored went through molestation at a young age, since this is a very popular disease in the frum community & especially in the chasidish community, just FYI, statistics show that 1 out of 5 boys is sexually abused, now, some stay victims for life & some become survivors like myself this is how I split up the difference between a victim & a survivor, not sure it’s the right definition, but I go with it, so now enough about me & will get going on the therapy part

just a few rules to keep in mind when seeing a therapist, from my experience with speaking to other who went for therapy & my own experience

1. Don’t spend the money & the energy seeing someone b4 getting a recommendation from  either a professional or a patient , best if from both, & when getting a referral, u must be very specific of what ur problem is & what u like to achieve within therapy to get the best match for your need
2. U must feel comfortable with the therapist, in terms  of privacy, helping u vent out which is a very important thing , u probably all know this saying “u r only as sick as ur secrets” and believe me guys this is 110% true, u can’t imagine how relieved if felt after sharing my 20 year secret, & u gota feel a connection to your therapist, that he/she is actually able to help u overcome your problem
3. A competent therapist will be able to tell u after a session or 2 a run down on your problem & a treatment plan, if they are looking to spend time with u & making u vent & vent again to no end, & they just get carried away by your feeling this is a NO NO, unless u are indeed seeking for a venting place, but I doubt any of u wants to spend that kind of money for venting u can do it here on the forum, or u can call me up, I am available for venting 
4. After seeing your therapist 1st time, they should not mention the words , “so when would u like to come back” u gota decide after this very 1st session if u feel they are the 1 for u & if u like their approach to your problem,  so a professional helpful therapist won’t ask u that question,
5. Usually session are 45 minutes to an hour, I know some therapists who ask u for 2 hour appointments & don’t think this is a way to go, except for the 1st session where u lay out things it might take a little longer, since therapy is a time that ur mind works very high speed, trying to refresh ur memory of how things started, & u r trying to let ur emotions flow, so I feel that the brain needs a break after an hour or so & the 2nd hour is going to be wasted, remember u pay & u r boss for how long u wana be there, & u should only do what u feel is going to heal u, & remember we guys here on GYE usually have very week brains, so don’t overwork it or it will crack!

6. After finding the right therapists, it’s good to make a punch list of what’s going to be accomplished & in what time frame, I for example ask the therapist after every session so what did we do today, & what are we going to work on next week.




Ok now enough with my rules, let’s get to the point, I have seen 1 therapist at first when I decided that I need help to overcome this, & I choose that therapist just based on a blank recommendation, I opened up & spilled it all out, & talked & talked & I still talk now almost, I came out I felt better cuz releasing  a secret is a very big part of the healing I can just not explain it enough u gota feel it for yourself, & than I went back again & vented again for 2 hours , & it didn’t help me since I was not looking to vent I was looking to heal, & most of the time a therapist can’t answer all ur questions of why things happened so & what would have been if u would do so & so, only hashem  has the power to make things for the good or for the so called bad, so we just gota nail in to our mind that whatever was , was meant for the good & since there is nothing we can do to change things the easiest way is to accept it in that loving way, than I  took a 2 week brake since the therapist had to go out of town & this 2 weeks were the turning point , I started thinking , so now what I went for therapy & there is 1 person added to my secret, but what are we going to do with it & what did we do last week about it, I was ordered to take a few tests showing how severe my addiction was, which in my eyes is not helpful at all, anyhow to make a long story short I finally בהשגחה פרטית  got in touch with someone who was going to meet Dr. Gail Bessler the wife of rabbi Twerski, , she is known to be the best frum sex therapist around , at least to my knowledge, & that person told me they will ask her for a recommendation on what to do & to whom to go, so she said 2 names, but also said to call up “Relief” (a mental health referral agency in Brooklyn) & speak to rabbi Babad, so I did, & sure enough he agreed to 1 of the names she had mentioned & that was “Gavriel fagin” a frum therapist who practices in Brooklyn & is very knowledgeable in this area, as that’s all he does, & he has been doing this for a very long time f I am correct its 10+ years , he is very clear cut & to the point , so for me he has been the guy to help me healing,
Anyone who wants to ask me any questions related to this post feel free to ask away or u can PM me if u wana do it in private 

Just a little humor to chill u out after reading my long post
Once heard from a very well known תלמוד חכם who happened to be a very humorous person too, that the “nerves” needed to be treated exactly like any other part of the body, for example when ur hand aches u go to an orthopedic & when ur heart isn’t working properly u see a cardiologist, so when ur brain is week or slow or fast, u go see a nervan Dr. 

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Re: Therapists 24 Feb 2010 23:05 #55333

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Re: Therapists 24 Feb 2010 23:12 #55338

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Dr. Gail Bessler the wife of rabbi Twerski, , she is known to be the best frum sex therapist around , at least to my knowledge, & that person told me they will ask her for a recommendation on what to do & to whom to go, so she said 2 names, but also said to call up “Relief” (a mental health referral agency in Brooklyn) & speak to rabbi Babad, so I did, & sure enough he agreed to 1 of the names she had mentioned & that was “Gavriel fagin” a frum therapist who practices in Brooklyn & is very knowledgeable in this area, as that’s all he does, & he has been doing this for a very long time f I am correct its 10+ years , he is very clear cut & to the point , so for me he has been the guy to help me healing,


Dr. Gail Bessler is the wife of rabbi Avraham J. Twerski? She's a sex therapist? Does she still see people? If yes, what's her contact info?

And can you post here the contact info for "Relief" and Rabbi Babad and Gavriel Fagin? I want to add names to our "Therapist" page, so let me know who is good please...
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Therapists 24 Feb 2010 23:28 #55346

  • jewinpain
Gail Bessler 845-425-5723   i know she is not seeing everyone especialy if its a long term recovery, but i think she still sees here & there, she is a sex therapist dealing with sexual differences between couples & recovering from sexual abuse

Gavriel fagin 917-257-8626


Benjamin Babad
718-431-9501 ext.202
bbabad@reliefhelp.org


Last Edit: 25 Feb 2010 18:07 by .

Re: Therapists 25 Feb 2010 07:58 #55399

  • habaletaher
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Hi JewinPAin,

First of all, Thanks for sharing so many really good points. I too was the victim of sustained physical abuse as a child, and sort of sexual abuse as a teen (yeah, that whole sort of sexual abuse as a teen thing is kinda complicated...)  and I've been to many therapists in my life (at least a minyan) and you really need to find the right one. A good therapist is gold, a not such a good one, a real waste of time, emotion, and money....

I love how you try to come out of each session with something concrete!!!

Hatzlacha, and may Ha-shem help you go from being a Jew in Pain, to becoming a Jew in Simcha!!!
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Re: Therapists 25 Feb 2010 10:53 #55411

  • 123.trying.123
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jewinpain wrote on 24 Feb 2010 22:52:

2. U must feel comfortable with the therapist, in terms  of privacy, helping u vent out which is a very important thing , u probably all know this saying “u r only as sick as ur secrets” and believe me guys this is 110% true, u can’t imagine how relieved if felt after sharing my 20 year secret, & u gota feel a connection to your therapist, that he/she is actually able to help u overcome your problem

5. Usually session are 45 minutes to an hour, I know some therapists who ask u for 2 hour appointments & don’t think this is a way to go, except for the 1st session where u lay out things it might take a little longer, since therapy is a time that ur mind works very high speed, trying to refresh ur memory of how things started, & u r trying to let ur emotions flow, so I feel that the brain needs a break after an hour or so & the 2nd hour is going to be wasted, remember u pay & u r boss for how long u wana be there, & u should only do what u feel is going to heal u, & remember we guys here on GYE usually have very week brains, so don’t overwork it or it will crack!

6. After finding the right therapists, it’s good to make a punch list of what’s going to be accomplished & in what time frame, I for example ask the therapist after every session so what did we do today, & what are we going to work on next week.


Dear JIP WoW! what a story... It seems that therapy really helped you..
thanks for sharing....

I just want to comment on some of the "rules":

I've been to at least a dozen therapists and I think the first and most basic rule is you have to find someone that wont judge or tell you that you have to just work harder. (and believe me there are many of these types of therapists out there, more than you think. Also, teenagers specifically are likely to be dealt with as such)

Chances are that if you're looking for help you very badly want to recover, lack of will is not the issue...

Another thing I look at is how much 'in demand' the therapist is? Chances are that if he/she is booked solid you know he/she has a very good success rate...

I happened to think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a double session (90 min.) the more the merrier...

Also for some people (depending on what your issue is) too much structure may not be good. If your therapist is competent you may gain more by letting the session flow, and thus naturally get to the the underlying issues. It's a matter of what works best for you... If the issues run deep a time frame may set the bar too high...

And yes, you are the boss and should have a say in how things proceed...

Last but not least, remember that a therapist is only a shaliach. G-d is the one doing the healing...

Love and Peace to all
Last Edit: by .

Re: Therapists 25 Feb 2010 18:19 #55476

  • jewinpain


Dear JIP WoW! what a story... It seems that therapy really helped you..
thanks for sharing....

I just want to comment on some of the "rules":

I've been to at least a dozen therapists and I think the first and most basic rule is you have to find someone that wont judge or tell you that you have to just work harder. (and believe me there are many of these types of therapists out there, more than you think. Also, teenagers specifically are likely to be dealt with as such)

Chances are that if you're looking for help you very badly want to recover, lack of will is not the issue...

Another thing I look at is how much 'in demand' the therapist is? Chances are that if he/she is booked solid you know he/she has a very good success rate...

I happened to think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a double session (90 min.) the more the merrier...

Also for some people (depending on what your issue is) too much structure may not be good. If your therapist is competent you may gain more by letting the session flow, and thus naturally get to the the underlying issues. It's a matter of what works best for you... If the issues run deep a time frame may set the bar too high...

And yes, you are the boss and should have a say in how things proceed...

Last but not least, remember that a therapist is only a shaliach. G-d is the one doing the healing...

Love and Peace to all
[/quote]

I’m trying , really made a few good points, # 1 about the judging that’s an important one , & yes its more relevant for a teen ager, which i past a long time ago, but now u r talking about i refresh my mind to analyze my specialists  from than & u have a point
As for the booking, oh yeah that’s a strong one & as a matter of fact the 1st 1 i went to, had always time
As for the length of the session there is different opinions about that, but we will leave it open for discussions,
& last but not least, i just love your new attitude
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Re: Therapists 25 Feb 2010 22:08 #55515

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Ye, Got bored of telling everyone how bad life can be ;D
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Re: Therapists 03 Mar 2010 16:42 #56116

  • jewinpain
guardureyes wrote on 24 Feb 2010 23:12:


Dr. Gail Bessler the wife of rabbi Twerski, , she is known to be the best frum sex therapist around , at least to my knowledge, & that person told me they will ask her for a recommendation on what to do & to whom to go, so she said 2 names, but also said to call up “Relief” (a mental health referral agency in Brooklyn) & speak to rabbi Babad, so I did, & sure enough he agreed to 1 of the names she had mentioned & that was “Gavriel fagin” a frum therapist who practices in Brooklyn & is very knowledgeable in this area, as that’s all he does, & he has been doing this for a very long time f I am correct its 10+ years , he is very clear cut & to the point , so for me he has been the guy to help me healing,


Dr. Gail Bessler is the wife of rabbi Avraham J. Twerski? She's a sex therapist? Does she still see people? If yes, what's her contact info?

And can you post here the contact info for "Relief" and Rabbi Babad and Gavriel Fagin? I want to add names to our "Therapist" page, so let me know who is good please...

hey admin, did u add them to the therapist page yet?
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Re: Therapists 03 Mar 2010 20:29 #56165

  • the.guard
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not yet, but they're on my list of resources to look into and contact... Thanks.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Therapists 03 Mar 2010 20:32 #56167

  • jewinpain
Got u
Hatzlucha
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