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TOPIC: Why is it so hard? 2836 Views

Re: Why is it so hard? 25 Oct 2022 22:10 #386780

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Does anybody know of a good steakhouse in the five towns with a good hechsher?
Guys the only way were really gonna get help is with H’s help so we gotta beg him for help and he sure will help us cause he wants us helped!!
CRY TO HIM!!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/387630-Powerful!#387630

Don’t fall back even one step:https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/386598-Why-is-it-so-hard?limit=15&start
Feel free to pm me!

Re: Why is it so hard? 27 Oct 2022 16:47 #386844

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Geshmak! wrote on 24 Oct 2022 18:41:
So today is my 90th day that I was bh not mzl. last time I did it was jul. 27. last night was a real tough one I actually cried like a baby that I want to see stuff my wife thought im going crazy told her I don’t like the life style I’m living want to just do what I want etc. but bh I just cried myself to sleep and woke up clean!!! So bh I get a BIG MAZEL TOV I MADE IT!!!!
thank you H’!!
H’ should help me further and further-forever! 
if you see this please answer with a mazel tov etc. and a bruchah thx. It will give me much chizuk to see how many other fellow yidden are happy and celebrating with me getting to day 90. (Even if never posted anything ever before let this be your first wishing someone on he’s hatzluchah)

Wow wow wow!!! Mazel Tov.

Many many other clean days actually a long life with all clean days and much easier with urges and a happy life.

Remember it will get easier, I wouldn't say you would not feel anything but your walks on the street will probably not be like it's now, obviously I can't say for sure but I believe you get used to a different lifestyle slowly,

and as mentioned it doesn't mean the urges end, but gets much more manageable and weaker to some extent, I am saying you this to give you hope and you should, keep it up it's definitely worth it believe me [btw, I feel like you described me from not long ago and BH...]

Re: Why is it so hard? 27 Oct 2022 17:30 #386846

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trythehardest wrote on 27 Oct 2022 16:47:

Geshmak! wrote on 24 Oct 2022 18:41:
So today is my 90th day that I was bh not mzl. last time I did it was jul. 27. last night was a real tough one I actually cried like a baby that I want to see stuff my wife thought im going crazy told her I don’t like the life style I’m living want to just do what I want etc. but bh I just cried myself to sleep and woke up clean!!! So bh I get a BIG MAZEL TOV I MADE IT!!!!
thank you H’!!
H’ should help me further and further-forever! 
if you see this please answer with a mazel tov etc. and a bruchah thx. It will give me much chizuk to see how many other fellow yidden are happy and celebrating with me getting to day 90. (Even if never posted anything ever before let this be your first wishing someone on he’s hatzluchah)

Wow wow wow!!! Mazel Tov.

Many many other clean days actually a long life with all clean days and much easier with urges and a happy life.

Remember it will get easier, I wouldn't say you would not feel anything but your walks on the street will probably not be like it's now, obviously I can't say for sure but I believe you get used to a different lifestyle slowly,

and as mentioned it doesn't mean the urges end, but gets much more manageable and weaker to some extent, I am saying you this to give you hope and you should, keep it up it's definitely worth it believe me [btw, I feel like you described me from not long ago and BH...]

A huge mazal tov!!! What an accomplishment. You are amazing. Keep up the good work. It’s worth a few tears. May you keep going from strength to strength. I am only 82 days behind you

Re: Why is it so hard? 28 Oct 2022 05:28 #386904

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MAzel tov! iyh by me! 
Be a part of my 90 day journey! -Destination -90 days, A Human beings journey. Every post and suggestion response and chizzuk is appreciated.



I love connecting, supporting and sharing. To private message me, my email is Hashemsboy@gmail.com Feel free to say hello and #Shareyourstory.#NOJUDGMENTZONE!

Re: Why is it so hard? 08 Nov 2022 02:02 #387401

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Bh I’m still clean today is day 103 !! I want  to thank everyone again for the chizuk and ideas and just showing how much u guys care!! This place rocks the house!!!! Btw I was wondering why my urges are still there (bh it’s way less than a hundred days ago) and I realized that even though I wasn’t actually being mzl I was still giving in to my sex desires like I would play and than stop look at not such nice jokes etc even though I wasn’t looking at lady’s but was still imagining and fantasying etc. like it’s nice not to see the real thing but if I keep on feeding my urge even a little it won’t go away…. ( the same with having in mind sex when ur with wife rather than thinking intimacy… but that’s more for the b.h. Forum) so like a week ago I made a kablah not to touch there to stimulate myself and not using my phone computer for any type of sex in mind… and guess what I already see BIG change in my urges and way of thinking abt women and not everything is such a trigger anymore BH!! Thank you H’ ! thank you  gye! And last but not least THANK YOU EVERYONE ON THIS BEAUTIFUL AMAZING LIFE SAVING FORUM!!!
Guys the only way were really gonna get help is with H’s help so we gotta beg him for help and he sure will help us cause he wants us helped!!
CRY TO HIM!!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/387630-Powerful!#387630

Don’t fall back even one step:https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/386598-Why-is-it-so-hard?limit=15&start
Feel free to pm me!
Last Edit: 08 Nov 2022 16:42 by Geshmak!.

Re: Why is it so hard? 08 Nov 2022 05:05 #387412

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First of all Keep it up!!! secondy, I sure hope your desires don't go away because the only way to know for sure if were dead, is if our desire is. disappeared.
Be a part of my 90 day journey! -Destination -90 days, A Human beings journey. Every post and suggestion response and chizzuk is appreciated.



I love connecting, supporting and sharing. To private message me, my email is Hashemsboy@gmail.com Feel free to say hello and #Shareyourstory.#NOJUDGMENTZONE!

Re: Why is it so hard? 08 Nov 2022 16:45 #387427

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I found a very holy vort from the Holy 'Yismach Moshe' Zt'l, who btw said about himself that from him ten genaration back all of them were 'Notrie Bris' e.g. they were extremly holy people that never sinned in this area. 
So he says the following" 
"ביום ראש חודש אב תקמ”ד בבוקר ואני בחלומי ואלי דבר יגונב, שאם אדם חטא כל
ימיו, או משוקע לגמרי בעבירות, או היה אדוק בעבירה אחת בקשר אמיץ, ואח”כ
מתחרט ובוכה בכיה רבה ומקבל על עצמו שלא יעשה עוד, אע”פ שעבר על חייבי
כריתות ומיתות בית דין נמחל לו ואינו צריך עוד תשובת המשקל, כי היסורים שיש
לו לעזוב את החיבור והאדיקות שהיה לו בחטא זה, נחשב לו ככפרת תשובת
המשקל
. כי כל מה שנתנו הראשונים והאריז”ל תשובת המשקל היה בחטא שלא
היה משוקע בה, רק צריך להתענות כנגד מה שכאילו נהנה מן העבירה, אך אין לו
חיבור חזק שיצטרך להתייסר בניתוקו, משא”כ כשהיה רגיל בעבירה, הרי בכל
עת שיצרו תוקפו לעשות את המורגל, והוא פורש ועוזב עוד פעם ועוד פעם בכל
הכוחות, יש לו צער הגוף לזבוח את יצרו בכל פעם ופעם, ואין לך תשובת המשקל
גדול מזה
, ועל זה נאמר, ‘כולו הפך לבן טהור’, כיון שהיה משוקע לגמרי בחטא,
ע”י שפורש ממנו הרי הוא טהור ואין צריך לתשובת המשקל.

והקשה בחלום, שמא יטעה אדם לומר לאחר שחטא רק מעט, אולי עדיף ח”ו
שישתקע יותר בחטא כדי שאח”כ כשיפרוש, יהיה לו הצער כתשובת המשקל.
על זה אמרו חז”ל ‘אחטא ואשוב אחטא ואשוב אין מספיקין בידו לעשות תשובה’,
גם כשסיבת החטא הוא על מנת לשוב בתשובה שלימה.. וכתב ‘וכן אמרו לי
[בחלום] על איש אחד שהיה כנ”ל’. עד כאן החלום, ברוך ה’ כי חפץ חסד הוא

If anyone needs translation, please ask. This is a huge chizuk for me, and i hope they will be for you as well. 

Re: Why is it so hard? 08 Nov 2022 16:51 #387429

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Human being wrote on 08 Nov 2022 05:05:
First of all Keep it up!!! secondy, I sure hope your desires don't go away because the only way to know for sure if were dead, is if our desire is. disappeared.

Yup! I know someone that wants asked my rebba that he wants a bruchah that he shouldn’t have any dagis (pressures) but the rebba told him a person shouldn’t daven for that cause only someone that on a respirator r’l has no dagies(like he’s not thinking abt how he’s gonna pay rent or sh.b. Etc.) so your spouse to daven that it should be easier not such hard pressure… exactly you’re point… but I think for a different reason my desires shouldn’t go away- cause there good just gotta channel it to the right places… but it true that when I daven for no nisyines I should  daven that it should be easy for me to over come not that it shouldn’t be cause like you said no nisyines no life…
Guys the only way were really gonna get help is with H’s help so we gotta beg him for help and he sure will help us cause he wants us helped!!
CRY TO HIM!!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/387630-Powerful!#387630

Don’t fall back even one step:https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/386598-Why-is-it-so-hard?limit=15&start
Feel free to pm me!
Last Edit: 08 Nov 2022 16:55 by Geshmak!.

Re: Why is it so hard? 08 Nov 2022 17:00 #387431

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chancy wrote on 08 Nov 2022 16:45:
I found a very holy vort from the Holy 'Yismach Moshe' Zt'l, who btw said about himself that from him ten genaration back all of them were 'Notrie Bris' e.g. they were extremly holy people that never sinned in this area. 
So he says the following" 
"ביום ראש חודש אב תקמ”ד בבוקר ואני בחלומי ואלי דבר יגונב, שאם אדם חטא כל
ימיו, או משוקע לגמרי בעבירות, או היה אדוק בעבירה אחת בקשר אמיץ, ואח”כ
מתחרט ובוכה בכיה רבה ומקבל על עצמו שלא יעשה עוד, אע”פ שעבר על חייבי
כריתות ומיתות בית דין נמחל לו ואינו צריך עוד תשובת המשקל, כי היסורים שיש
לו לעזוב את החיבור והאדיקות שהיה לו בחטא זה, נחשב לו ככפרת תשובת
המשקל
. כי כל מה שנתנו הראשונים והאריז”ל תשובת המשקל היה בחטא שלא
היה משוקע בה, רק צריך להתענות כנגד מה שכאילו נהנה מן העבירה, אך אין לו
חיבור חזק שיצטרך להתייסר בניתוקו, משא”כ כשהיה רגיל בעבירה, הרי בכל
עת שיצרו תוקפו לעשות את המורגל, והוא פורש ועוזב עוד פעם ועוד פעם בכל
הכוחות, יש לו צער הגוף לזבוח את יצרו בכל פעם ופעם, ואין לך תשובת המשקל
גדול מזה
, ועל זה נאמר, ‘כולו הפך לבן טהור’, כיון שהיה משוקע לגמרי בחטא,
ע”י שפורש ממנו הרי הוא טהור ואין צריך לתשובת המשקל.

והקשה בחלום, שמא יטעה אדם לומר לאחר שחטא רק מעט, אולי עדיף ח”ו
שישתקע יותר בחטא כדי שאח”כ כשיפרוש, יהיה לו הצער כתשובת המשקל.
על זה אמרו חז”ל ‘אחטא ואשוב אחטא ואשוב אין מספיקין בידו לעשות תשובה’,
גם כשסיבת החטא הוא על מנת לשוב בתשובה שלימה.. וכתב ‘וכן אמרו לי
[בחלום] על איש אחד שהיה כנ”ל’. עד כאן החלום, ברוך ה’ כי חפץ חסד הוא

If anyone needs translation, please ask. This is a huge chizuk for me, and i hope they will be for you as well. 

@chancy, please provide translation…would love to read this. 

Re: Why is it so hard? 08 Nov 2022 18:42 #387437

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On Rosh Chodesh Av of year 5144 in the morning, i dreamt and it was revealed to me the following, if a person sinned his whole life, or he was totally immersed with sins, or he was addicted to one specific sin with a strong connection, and afterwards he regrets and cries terribly and he accepts upon himself to not sin anymore, even if he transgressed on all Krisos or Misos Beis Din, he is FORGIVEN! and he doesn't need to do Tshuvas Hamishkol (Tshuva that is weighted, meaning the opposite end of the spectrum of what you sinned in, e,g, a very hard form of tshuva),
Because the pain that he has leaving behind the connection and addiction that he has to that sin, is considered a cleansing as would Tshuvas Hamishkol.
Everything that the Rishonim and the Arizal ZT"L gave out to do these difficult tshuva's is only for someone that wasn't addicted in that sin, then he should fast to atone for the forbidden pleasures that he partook in, however, when someone is addicted to a sin, a whole time his YH is pushing his to do what hes used to be doing, and he refuses and leaves that path of sin over and over with all of his might, he has immense pain to slaughter his YH time and again, and there is no greater tshuva then that!
Blessed is Hashem who wants only good. 

I hope this will motivate all of us suffering with this pain to continue down this path of tshuva, seeing that all of the pain is actually the best medicine on this world. DO NOT DESPAIR! It will get better. 

Re: Why is it so hard? 08 Nov 2022 18:46 #387438

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chancy wrote on 08 Nov 2022 18:42:
On Rosh Chodesh Av of year 5144 in the morning, i dreamt and it was revealed to me the following, if a person sinned his whole life, or he was totally immersed with sins, or he was addicted to one specific sin with a strong connection, and afterwards he regrets and cries terribly and he accepts upon himself to not sin anymore, even if he transgressed on all Krisos or Misos Beis Din, he is FORGIVEN! and he doesn't need to do Tshuvas Hamishkol (Tshuva that is weighted, meaning the opposite end of the spectrum of what you sinned in, e,g, a very hard form of tshuva),
Because the pain that he has leaving behind the connection and addiction that he has to that sin, is considered a cleansing as would Tshuvas Hamishkol.
Everything that the Rishonim and the Arizal ZT"L gave out to do these difficult tshuva's is only for someone that wasn't addicted in that sin, then he should fast to atone for the forbidden pleasures that he partook in, however, when someone is addicted to a sin, a whole time his YH is pushing his to do what hes used to be doing, and he refuses and leaves that path of sin over and over with all of his might, he has immense pain to slaughter his YH time and again, and there is no greater tshuva then that!
Blessed is Hashem who wants only good. 

I hope this will motivate all of us suffering with this pain to continue down this path of tshuva, seeing that all of the pain is actually the best medicine on this world. DO NOT DESPAIR! It will get better. 

Thank you, Chancy. This is amazing!!! 

Re: Why is it so hard? 08 Nov 2022 19:06 #387439

Geshmak! wrote on 08 Nov 2022 02:02:
Btw I was wondering why my urges are still there (bh it’s way less than a hundred days ago) and I realized that even though I wasn’t actually being mzl I was still giving in to my sex desires like I would play and than stop look at not such nice jokes etc even though I wasn’t looking at lady’s but was still imagining and fantasying etc. like it’s nice not to see the real thing but if I keep on feeding my urge even a little it won’t go away…. ( the same with having in mind sex when ur with wife rather than thinking intimacy… but that’s more for the b.h. Forum)

First I'm happy for you that you are still clean, and I'm very impressed of your hard work, keep it on!
now about your question.
1-as ling we live we will have urges to do bad stuff, that doesn't mean desires for sex, it can be other bad stuff, but hashem decides in which direction to send us nisyoinois, but we have to remember that the yeitzer hura of sex is the biggest yeitzer hura, as we find in chazal, אין אפוטרופוס לעריות, therefore its almost positive that this urges will stay for your entire life.
but who said that urges are a bad thing ? Having an urge has nothing to do with a person him self, it's mainly showing that you are healthy normal person, the bed thing is when we act on it, or through fiscally acting out, or through thinking about it over and over again and again. But as long we don't do that there is nothing at all to be upset about it, just the opposite, we should be happy that we did overcome our big yeitzer hura, and be proud of our self, just like finishing the whole shas.
2-even tho when our mindset is totally crippled with those thoughts we shouldn't try to fight with it, just go further and do whatever you are in middle of doing, because stopping to do things and start fighting is the first step to fail, since you will not be able to push it away, just by ignoring the thoughts and doing something, we will get to think about what we are doing and forget from the urge we had.
3-dont worry it will not always be so hard, the more you will get away from it, the easier it will get, just like the vilna gaoin z"l said on the chazal אם אבן הוא נימוח, that when water is dripping on a stone, with every drop, a little of the stone goes down, even tho we can't see it but after years you will see that the stone disappeared, the same thing with the yeitzer hura, he is like a stone and with every drop of good, a little bit of him dissappear, and with the time we will see a big difference. 
hatzlacha raba and I love all of you

Re: Why is it so hard? 15 Nov 2022 01:35 #387739

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I fell last night after 110 days clean…

I don’t even know why. I was in bad mood went to bed woke up 1 am and had such crazy urge I just couldn’t… but I want to know why??? I’m trying so hard! I made such progress! I begged H’ for help! Like why did H’ let the y.h. Do this to me?!?! ( or better said why did he send him) like why did I need to fall like H’ knew that I wouldn’t be able to control it was not normal I was shaking I felt like a complete אונס (forced) ….
hope H’ gives me the כח to get up and start again… cause I I know that I really don’t want to cause there’s no end if I get to high I will be forced to fall I feel like I was pushed down because I was getting to high and like I can’t get there… if so why should I try?!?!?
Btw tears I rolling down my face as I type
Guys the only way were really gonna get help is with H’s help so we gotta beg him for help and he sure will help us cause he wants us helped!!
CRY TO HIM!!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/387630-Powerful!#387630

Don’t fall back even one step:https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/386598-Why-is-it-so-hard?limit=15&start
Feel free to pm me!
Last Edit: 15 Nov 2022 01:37 by Geshmak!.

Re: Why is it so hard? 15 Nov 2022 01:38 #387741

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Geshmak! wrote on 15 Nov 2022 01:35:
I fell last night after 110 days clean…

I don’t even know why. I was in bad mood went to bed woke up 1 am and had such crazy urge I just couldn’t… but I want to know why??? I’m trying so hard! I made such progress! I begged H’ for help! Like why did H’ let the y.h. Do this to me?!?! ( or better said why did he send him) like why did I need to fall like H’ knew that I wouldn’t be able to control it was not normal I was shaking I felt like a complete אונס (forced) ….
hope H’ gives the כח to get cup and start again… cause dip down I know that I really don’t want to cause there’s no end if I get to high I will be forced to fall I feel like I was pushed down because I was getting to high and like I can’t get there… if so why should I try?!?!?
Btw tears I rolling down my face as I type 

I hear. That’s very frustrating and hard to take. But…

110 days!!! What a streak. What strength that took. Those days are not invalidated!! You walked a long way down the road and tripped on a stone in your way. But the road walked is still there and so is the road ahead. Dry your tears, get up, and move on to day #111. We are with you, buddy!!!
Last Edit: 15 Nov 2022 01:40 by Teshuvahguy.

Re: Why is it so hard? 16 Nov 2022 17:05 #387802

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I feel your pain..... I really do. it feels like we are forced. and we are full of complaints. I have the same thoughts. 
But then other times when im lucid and clear eyed, i know that nobody is really forcing me to do anything, its all in our imagination. The longer we do this and the longer we dont give in, the longer we reality for what it is, the more we cry and ask Hashem for help. The easier it will be in the end. Sins are not measured only by the severity of the sin, but also by the circumstances. The fact that you ask Hashem to help you in this battle and you fight and fight and fight and you really want to get clean, all of this counts in your favor. Nothing is lost on Hashem! 
A Big Tzaddik once said that hes never seen an angle created from a sin that was whole.... it was always missing some limbs and stuff. because even when a jew sins, its with a heavy heart and without fully being into it. 
Hashem look at the struggles that we are going thru for your Torah and for you! Have mercy on us and our souls and lift all of us up above this filth and let us be close to you and your Torah!
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