Welcome, Guest

BT2001's Journey
(0 viewing) 
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
  • Page:
  • 1
  • 2

TOPIC: BT2001's Journey 694 Views

BT2001's Journey 22 Mar 2022 17:46 #378926

  • BT2001
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 8
  • Karma: 1
Hi, I've been struggling with these issues. I wouldn't necessarily call it a dependence; when I am busy and have stuff actively going on in my life it's easy as pie to not think about P&M, but when I'm in situations where I'm primarily dealing with self-motivated activities, then it is far easier for me to go to P&M. And sometimes I don't always understand or know how it is wrong (which can tend to be a pretty large roadblock).

I've mostly blown off GYE and said I don't need to consider it too much to help me, that I can fight my urges alone; but I want to try it. Maybe it'll help. Definitely having a community will help me.

The main issue with P&M I have is that after I do, I've noticed my motivation hits a BIG low the following day. For instance, last night I watched, then this morning I woke up at 11, missing an early morning engagement I was supposed to attend. Additionally, I just want to be better and strengthen myself so that I can also strengthen my connection with my future wife.
Last Edit: 22 Mar 2022 17:46 by BT2001.

Re: BT2001's Journey 22 Mar 2022 18:15 #378927

  • Vehkam
  • Current streak: 249 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 476
  • Karma: 119
Welcome and hopefully we can be inspired together.  I tried going it alone for 30 years.  I was not successful.  My perspective has changed tremendously since I joined GYE.   

hopefully you will be able to learn, as I was able, to use your battles as a source of inspiration instead of something that makes you feel down.  
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: BT2001's Journey 22 Mar 2022 20:29 #378930

  • Larry Bird
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 90
  • Karma: 2
I just started actively participating, and already seeing so much support from the boys. It helps me put my emotions in writing, which gets me back to myself.

Re: BT2001's Journey 22 Mar 2022 20:31 #378931

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
  • Current streak: 338 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 124
BT2001 wrote on 22 Mar 2022 17:46:
Additionally, I just want to be better and strengthen myself so that I can also strengthen my connection with my future wife.

Correct. Pornography and lust are absolutely ruinous to a marriage. Don't let anyone tell you that marriage will solve a pornography or lust problem. Attraction to women is healthy and normal and marriage can help a man constructively direct these healthy sexual energies. However, compulsive lusting and corruption of the mind with what pornography tells us is desirable sex are nothing short of poison and marriage will only exacerbate these problems.
So, consider yourself among the lucky, as you have the opportunity to rewire your brain before getting married.
As long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

Re: BT2001's Journey 22 Mar 2022 22:56 #378936

Hi BT2001, 

I resonate with the lack of clarity on why these habits are wrong, especially in the first few weeks/months of trying to quit. We learned these habits very early on and none of us were trying to do anything wrong, we were just kids that lacked proper education. Now we're all in the process of re-educating ourselves on intimacy, it takes time! Welcome to GYE, wishing you lots of success here!
Last Edit: 22 Mar 2022 22:57 by committed_togrowth.

Re: BT2001's Journey 23 Mar 2022 00:33 #378939

GYE will definitely help, before I found out about it I tried stopping for maybe 8 months straight and I could not make it past 35 days. After finding about it, in October, I'm more than 90 days clean from m and exactly 7 days from watching any p or anything assur in a matter of months baruch Hashem. I recommend you start your journey by looking into filters and accountability services. I listed a few in my signature that should help you filter most, if not all, of your devices.
FOR FREE FILTERS AND ACCOUNTABILITY SOLUTIONS CLICK HERE
(Includes WebChaver/CovenantEyes, Microsoft Family Safety, and Apple
Screentime
and a how-to guide to set them up without loopholes)  

Even if you already have a filter, these are necessary additions because
they fix many loopholes that exist with paid filters (speaking from firsthand
experience) and because they add priceless accountability features.

If you have trouble filtering a shared device, then see the post for how
to get these filters discreetly, without any other users' knowledge whatsoever
and without the filters affecting the other users of the device at all.
Last Edit: 23 Mar 2022 00:34 by ליוסף הצדיק.

Re: BT2001's Journey 23 Mar 2022 17:54 #378977

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 22 Mar 2022 20:31:

BT2001 wrote on 22 Mar 2022 17:46:
Additionally, I just want to be better and strengthen myself so that I can also strengthen my connection with my future wife.




Correct. Pornography and lust are absolutely ruinous to a marriage. Don't let anyone tell you that marriage will solve a pornography or lust problem. Attraction to women is healthy and normal and marriage can help a man constructively direct these healthy sexual energies. However, compulsive lusting and corruption of the mind with what pornography tells us is desirable sex are nothing short of poison and marriage will only exacerbate these problems.
So, consider yourself among the lucky, as you have the opportunity to rewire your brain before getting married.

Wow, this is so true! This is something that should be spread as much as possible! Many don’t understand why this is true cuz all the unmarried guys never experienced the fade of sexual excitement. However, there’s no excitement in our lives that lasted long term. Think of masturbation itself it’s not exciting after! Excitement comes and goes especially sexual excitement! If that’s our whole life and what we want from our spouse then we’re doomed. Because at the end of the day in a marriage generally we’re left with rare excitement and passion and most of that there is to make of it is connection and intimacy. Therefore we’re ruining that chance each time we act on our lust and sexualize or even look at mere pritzus because we’re training ourselves into the excitement mode which marriage can’t fulfill. Going down the route is never successful - our spouse can’t live up. This isn’t my own thing, Chazal said it too! The more we feed- the more thirst. I believe it’s referring to exactly this - sexual excitement.
“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.” 

“Human connection can help every sort of struggle” 

If anyone would like to reach me I’d love to help out! 
anonymouslyhappy111@gmail.com

Break free the easy way using the self-talk method!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain--Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Check out this thread with packed Insight for every person at every stage! 
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29
Last Edit: 23 Mar 2022 18:03 by Shtarkandemotional.

Re: BT2001's Journey 23 Mar 2022 18:05 #378978

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 23 Mar 2022 17:54:

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 22 Mar 2022 20:31:

BT2001 wrote on 22 Mar 2022 17:46:
Additionally, I just want to be better and strengthen myself so that I can also strengthen my connection with my future wife.




Correct. Pornography and lust are absolutely ruinous to a marriage. Don't let anyone tell you that marriage will solve a pornography or lust problem. Attraction to women is healthy and normal and marriage can help a man constructively direct these healthy sexual energies. However, compulsive lusting and corruption of the mind with what pornography tells us is desirable sex are nothing short of poison and marriage will only exacerbate these problems.
So, consider yourself among the lucky, as you have the opportunity to rewire your brain before getting married.

Wow, this is so true! This is something that should be spread as much as possible! Many don’t understand why this is true cuz all the unmarried guys never experienced the fade of sexual excitement. However, there’s no excitement in our lives that lasted long term. Excitement comes and goes, especially sexual excitement! If that’s our whole life and what we want from our spouse then we’re doomed. Because at the end of the day in a marriage overall we’re left with rare excitement and passion and most of that there is to make of it is connection and intimacy. Therefore, we’re ruining that chance. Cuz, each time we act on our lust and sexualize or even look at mere pritzus we’re training ourselves into the excitement mode which marriage can’t fulfill. Going down the route is never successful our spouse can’t live up. This isn’t my own thing, Chazal said it too! The more we feed- the more thirst. I believe it’s referring to exactly this - sexual excitement.

Kind of reminds of the chassan shmuez I received back in the day - "Your wife will serve you supper, be open for intimacy every once in a while (probably with an emphasis on the 'once' more than the 'while') and will change your kids diapers should you merit children. Do not expect any excitement - marriage will be boring, productive, bland, fulfilling, dull and should you God forbid get divorced, there is no way you would do it again."

Re: BT2001's Journey 23 Mar 2022 18:30 #378980

  • Larry Bird
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 90
  • Karma: 2
The more you feed it the more we thirst, the more we starve it, the more satiated you will be.

Re: BT2001's Journey 23 Mar 2022 19:21 #378984

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 2059 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3223
Excuse my blunt reaction, but i hope that either you misunderstood the chassan rebbi, or if you didn't - that he has left the field of chassan shmuessen.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: BT2001's Journey 23 Mar 2022 20:26 #378986

Hashem Help Me wrote on 23 Mar 2022 19:21:
Excuse my blunt reaction, but i hope that either you misunderstood the chassan rebbi, or if you didn't - that he has left the field of chassan shmuessen.

It was actually a reply to the fellow who was preaching that one should not expect any sexual excitement in marriage.

Re: BT2001's Journey 23 Mar 2022 21:31 #378991

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1142
  • Karma: 112
Shtarkandemotional wrote on 23 Mar 2022 17:54:

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 22 Mar 2022 20:31:

BT2001 wrote on 22 Mar 2022 17:46:
Additionally, I just want to be better and strengthen myself so that I can also strengthen my connection with my future wife.





Correct. Pornography and lust are absolutely ruinous to a marriage. Don't let anyone tell you that marriage will solve a pornography or lust problem. Attraction to women is healthy and normal and marriage can help a man constructively direct these healthy sexual energies. However, compulsive lusting and corruption of the mind with what pornography tells us is desirable sex are nothing short of poison and marriage will only exacerbate these problems.
So, consider yourself among the lucky, as you have the opportunity to rewire your brain before getting married.

Wow, this is so true! This is something that should be spread as much as possible! Many don’t understand why this is true cuz all the unmarried guys never experienced the fade of sexual excitement. However, there’s no excitement in our lives that lasted long term. Think of masturbation itself it’s not exciting after! Excitement comes and goes especially sexual excitement! If that’s our whole life and what we want from our spouse then we’re doomed. Because at the end of the day in a marriage generally we’re left with rare excitement and passion and most of that there is to make of it is connection and intimacy. Therefore we’re ruining that chance each time we act on our lust and sexualize or even look at mere pritzus because we’re training ourselves into the excitement mode which marriage can’t fulfill. Going down the route is never successful - our spouse can’t live up. This isn’t my own thing, Chazal said it too! The more we feed- the more thirst. I believe it’s referring to exactly this - sexual excitement.

I like to think of it differently. Yes, marriage can and IY"H will bring much sexual satisfaction. And for me, so does masturbating and fantasizing. The thing is that when I fantasize or watch I don't have just one girl that I am into who I can fully satisfy my desires with. One is never enough, I want them all. 

This is the issue that marriage does not fix. Marriage can bring a wonderful sex life, but you are still stuck with one. Why if today you want to have them all do you think when you get married things will be different? I think that when guys get married, it's not because their marriage sucks that they are looking elsewhere, rather it's because they want as much as they can get. 

I cannot emphasize this enough, even guys with great sexual satisfaction still end up looking elsewhere for more.

If we can learn to live without it, maybe we can be satisfied with just one.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: BT2001's Journey 23 Mar 2022 22:13 #378996

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
  • Current streak: 338 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 124
wilnevergiveup wrote on 23 Mar 2022 21:31:

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 23 Mar 2022 17:54:

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 22 Mar 2022 20:31:

BT2001 wrote on 22 Mar 2022 17:46:
Additionally, I just want to be better and strengthen myself so that I can also strengthen my connection with my future wife.






Correct. Pornography and lust are absolutely ruinous to a marriage. Don't let anyone tell you that marriage will solve a pornography or lust problem. Attraction to women is healthy and normal and marriage can help a man constructively direct these healthy sexual energies. However, compulsive lusting and corruption of the mind with what pornography tells us is desirable sex are nothing short of poison and marriage will only exacerbate these problems.
So, consider yourself among the lucky, as you have the opportunity to rewire your brain before getting married.

Wow, this is so true! This is something that should be spread as much as possible! Many don’t understand why this is true cuz all the unmarried guys never experienced the fade of sexual excitement. However, there’s no excitement in our lives that lasted long term. Think of masturbation itself it’s not exciting after! Excitement comes and goes especially sexual excitement! If that’s our whole life and what we want from our spouse then we’re doomed. Because at the end of the day in a marriage generally we’re left with rare excitement and passion and most of that there is to make of it is connection and intimacy. Therefore we’re ruining that chance each time we act on our lust and sexualize or even look at mere pritzus because we’re training ourselves into the excitement mode which marriage can’t fulfill. Going down the route is never successful - our spouse can’t live up. This isn’t my own thing, Chazal said it too! The more we feed- the more thirst. I believe it’s referring to exactly this - sexual excitement.

I like to think of it differently. Yes, marriage can and IY"H will bring much sexual satisfaction. And for me, so does masturbating and fantasizing. The thing is that when I fantasize or watch I don't have just one girl that I am into who I can fully satisfy my desires with. One is never enough, I want them all. 

This is the issue that marriage does not fix. Marriage can bring a wonderful sex life, but you are still stuck with one. Why if today you want to have them all do you think when you get married things will be different? I think that when guys get married, it's not because their marriage sucks that they are looking elsewhere, rather it's because they want as much as they can get. 

I cannot emphasize this enough, even guys with great sexual satisfaction still end up looking elsewhere for more.

If we can learn to live without it, maybe we can be satisfied with just one.

While certainly marriage means you have to be satisfied with one woman only, I need to add something that you didn't write, but that is very important. Getting married does not change the completely selfish outlook to sex that fantasizing + masturbation ingrains in a guy. When a woman will see that she is being used as a mere kosher masturbation tool, yikes; that marriage is in for some serious problems. So for this reason, too, we have to realize that lusting and fantasizing is a recipe for a terrible life.
As long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

Re: BT2001's Journey 23 Mar 2022 22:51 #378997

  • BT2001
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 8
  • Karma: 1
Ignore this.
Last Edit: 23 Mar 2022 22:54 by BT2001.

Re: BT2001's Journey 23 Mar 2022 22:53 #378999

  • BT2001
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 8
  • Karma: 1
WhenZaidyWasYoung wrote on 23 Mar 2022 18:05:

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 23 Mar 2022 17:54:

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 22 Mar 2022 20:31:

BT2001 wrote on 22 Mar 2022 17:46:
Additionally, I just want to be better and strengthen myself so that I can also strengthen my connection with my future wife.





Correct. Pornography and lust are absolutely ruinous to a marriage. Don't let anyone tell you that marriage will solve a pornography or lust problem. Attraction to women is healthy and normal and marriage can help a man constructively direct these healthy sexual energies. However, compulsive lusting and corruption of the mind with what pornography tells us is desirable sex are nothing short of poison and marriage will only exacerbate these problems.
So, consider yourself among the lucky, as you have the opportunity to rewire your brain before getting married.

Wow, this is so true! This is something that should be spread as much as possible! Many don’t understand why this is true cuz all the unmarried guys never experienced the fade of sexual excitement. However, there’s no excitement in our lives that lasted long term. Excitement comes and goes, especially sexual excitement! If that’s our whole life and what we want from our spouse then we’re doomed. Because at the end of the day in a marriage overall we’re left with rare excitement and passion and most of that there is to make of it is connection and intimacy. Therefore, we’re ruining that chance. Cuz, each time we act on our lust and sexualize or even look at mere pritzus we’re training ourselves into the excitement mode which marriage can’t fulfill. Going down the route is never successful our spouse can’t live up. This isn’t my own thing, Chazal said it too! The more we feed- the more thirst. I believe it’s referring to exactly this - sexual excitement.

Kind of reminds of the chassan shmuez I received back in the day - "Your wife will serve you supper, be open for intimacy every once in a while (probably with an emphasis on the 'once' more than the 'while') and will change your kids diapers should you merit children. Do not expect any excitement - marriage will be boring, productive, bland, fulfilling, dull and should you God forbid get divorced, there is no way you would do it again."

I kind of hate that outlook on marriage though. Marriage is a journey with its ups and downs, highs and lows. It should be a continual process between the husband and wife of learning and growth. Sure, it'll be boring SOMETIMES, doesn't mean you shouldn't try to find small ways to make it fun and exciting.
  • Page:
  • 1
  • 2
Time to create page: 0.66 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes