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Starting 90 days let’s go!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Starting 90 days let’s go! 1613 Views

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 00:05 #378896

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
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If you enjoy learning, make sedarim for yourself!
And even if you don't [yet] enjoy learning, make sedarim for yourself!
Structured chavrusos every day have helped me make it through these struggles and literally saved me at times. And I am not in full time learning or in yeshiva.
As long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 01:22 #378901

  • Larry Bird
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I try so hard to find a chavrusa that I’m compatible with. I like to go over everything a million times and say the words slowly. But my chabrusas always want to move on and go quicker and more lomdish. I like to start from the roots. The psukim, context, mishnayos. Etc. no one learns like that anymore!

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 01:59 #378903

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
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I'm sorry you haven't found someone that works for you yet. Still, though, if you have unstructured time in your evenings, there's no reason you can't block some of it off, strengthen your resolve, and sit down by yourself with a shorter, "easier" perek (or even just a couple of daf of gemara) in something like Brachos, and learn the perek or couple of daf over and over again with rashi and tosfos until you feel tremendous sipuk from it and then do the next couple blat and repeat.
It's so gevaldig to be able to say over cold even just 1 daf of gemara with rashi and tosfos. This is something that you could almost certainly do by yourself. Besides, Artscroll even has put out Artscroll Tosfos on some masechtos, like Brachos, so you can use that as a reference.
Have a great night.
As long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 02:01 #378904

  • Larry Bird
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I hear that. You’re totally right. Thanks.

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 13:26 #378913

  • Larry Bird
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Today is day 3. Yesterday was tough. In my office there are many women working there, and they’re loud. I try so hard to block out my thoughts of them. When I walk by I try so hard to stop myself from peaking at them. Then I went to get lunch, tons of girls there. I listened to a Jewish female singer by mistake after I was searching for yishai Ribo. Then last night in a moment of weakness I searched for that female singer, and listened to her song. It soothed me. And thoughts of her in all different manners creeped into my head. And I don’t even know how she looks!! Last night I had a drop of a discrepancy with my father. Nothing major, and he’s still the best father I can ask for. I felt horrible about it. Easily could’ve went to porn to soothe my feelings. It was so hard not to. And my wife is off limits. Need a chizzuk for today. 

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 14:06 #378915

  • DavidT
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Larry Bird wrote on 22 Mar 2022 13:26:
Today is day 3. Yesterday was tough. In my office there are many women working there, and they’re loud. I try so hard to block out my thoughts of them. When I walk by I try so hard to stop myself from peaking at them. Then I went to get lunch, tons of girls there. I listened to a Jewish female singer by mistake after I was searching for yishai Ribo. Then last night in a moment of weakness I searched for that female singer, and listened to her song. It soothed me. And thoughts of her in all different manners creeped into my head. And I don’t even know how she looks!! Last night I had a drop of a discrepancy with my father. Nothing major, and he’s still the best father I can ask for. I felt horrible about it. Easily could’ve went to porn to soothe my feelings. It was so hard not to. And my wife is off limits. Need a chizzuk for today. 

You can get some great chizuk from reading your own posts (make believe someone else wrote them  ).
You're going through such difficult battles and you're not giving in! 
Such gevurah! You have no idea the nachas ruach that your giving to Hashem. Do you think Hashem has more nachas from someone that does not have nisyonos and stays clean?

Our Sages teach us that this is a major principle in the calculation of reward and greatness. How hard a person works to accomplish something is one of the primary determining factors in how great the accomplishment is. When a person faces overwhelming challenges and overcomes them, he performs acts that are truly great. Our successes are impressive only because the yetzer hara challenges us from every direction, trying to confuse and derail us. When we hang in there and try to succeed despite how much we want to give in, we are performing monumental acts of greatness!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 14:20 #378916

  • frank.lee
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Larry Bird wrote on 22 Mar 2022 01:22:
I try so hard to find a chavrusa that I’m compatible with. I like to go over everything a million times and say the words slowly. But my chabrusas always want to move on and go quicker and more lomdish. I like to start from the roots. The psukim, context, mishnayos. Etc. no one learns like that anymore!

Try Partners in Torah, see if they can find chavrusa(s) for you. www.partnersintorah.org/

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 16:18 #378920

  • Larry Bird
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This challenge is so hard. I have no idea how to actually deal with stress. Im in the office now. There’s women here working, and they’re loud. It’s making me sick. Im in need of a good porn session to make me feel better. Im also hyper focused on not watching porn. I m feeling aching down there. Aaaaaaahh it’s so frustrating.

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 16:21 #378921

  • Vehkam
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It sounds like you need a phone call to distract you
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 16:33 #378922

  • DavidT
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We are here for you and we are praying that you should be able to stay strong.

It's a smart idea, not to panic from an urge, rather to accept it. With rare exception we are not going to become malachim. We strive to live our lives in the boundaries of halacha. We will have strong emotions of anger, jealousy, and yes - lust, but we won't act on them. We accept that we are human and Hashem created us with drives which are supposed to be channeled and used properly.

The GYE hotline has great tools and techniques for dealing with urges

646-493-6600

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 17:20 #378924

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
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That sounds terribly frustrating. Honestly though, a porn session will not help you feel better, it just seems that way to you now.
Also, hyperfocusing on not watching porn is like thinking about not thinking about a blue elephant. Not likely an effective technique for clearing your mind of it.
Wishing you strength. The truth is, recovery is hard. Very hard. But very, very worth it.
As long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 22 Mar 2022 17:24 #378925

  • Larry Bird
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Thanks bro. You’re so right . Thank you for the chizzuk much needed.

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 23 Mar 2022 01:33 #378944

  • Larry Bird
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Day 3 recap: I can’t seem to get myself to make it to a shacharis minyan. Today I woke up late and had to go straight to work. I took my tallis and tefillin with me. I felt bad the whole day that I was working without davening first. Usually when this happens (often) I watch porn to soothe my feelings of failure. I finally put on tefillin after chatzois. I felt terrible at the time. I Bh made it to mincha. So I felt a bit better about myself. But this seems to be normal for me. Not enough time to daven and daven later.( I even ate breakfast before davening.) but I’m dealing with my problems without porn this time. I’ve listened to r Moshe Weinberger’s shiurim on the midday of yesoid. Going to sleep early to wake up early. But I have been slacking off big time. I hope my wife won’t say anything because I’ll feel horrible. I need to change my ways. Now I’m going to maariv. I would love to learn s bit too. I don’t know if I’ll muster the courage. 

thanks for reading. This helps me a lot.

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 23 Mar 2022 01:59 #378946

  • OivedElokim
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I can totally relate to the feelings of failure when missing Shachris. If it helps-I miss Shachris more days then not. Your lucky this isn't standard procedure for you...
Wishing you the best of luck,
OivedElokim
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
My old thread
My current thread 
Last Edit: 23 Mar 2022 02:00 by OivedElokim.

Re: Starting 90 days let’s go! 23 Mar 2022 02:01 #378947

Keep your head up! You've had so many successes over the past few days, and you'll get a handle on the davening soon no doubt
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