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Deal made with friend need help asap please ALL
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TOPIC: Deal made with friend need help asap please ALL 246 Views

Deal made with friend need help asap please ALL 19 Mar 2022 21:15 #378774

  • lee1999
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Hi helpers 
I have a taphsic method set up with a friend who was with me in Yeshivah. This is the rules before a fall one has to walk min 15 min, and call each other or a mentor and say clearly i want to fall. If one falls without any of this its 70 pound for pm and £50 for m. If you do the above it is 35 for pm and 25 for m.
 However you fall you must stay up Thursday night after,or for one week straight be before berachos and stay right till the end.
The score is 18/3 to him ive lost so much money and been up so many weeks!!!!! Any tips how i can get better this deal??? Or help to stop!!!
Ive asked if I should cancel the deal for evidently im an addict and hes not. Daas tora said if I quit this guy will go rock bottom and thats no good and i should carry on!!!!
Please help im at home for a long time now,since my dad was niftar im in year and purim halochos in the first year not for me in israel ie music etc so im home already.
Plus there is so much hardships going on at home real tough pain and nisyanos and it makes it so hard!!!!!!!!!
there is so many upsetting things going on it makes the nisayon really tough please respond any tips and help
I NEED YOU ALLL

Re: Deal made with friend need help asap please ALL 20 Mar 2022 00:56 #378776

If you have access to unrestricted internet, you're setting yourself up for failure sooner or later and this includes having access to "borderline" websites like youtube (I only put that in quotes because it has much immodest material to look). And since you say you've fallen so many times, I assume that you do have access to unrestricted internet though some means, and if that's the case look into the free filters I listed in my signature below. They work as whitelists and have many accountability features. It's a halachic obligation to get them, so if it needs any explaining to people, tell them it's literally just halacha. If that's not the case and you have other problems, let the chevra know.
FOR FREE FILTERS AND ACCOUNTABILITY SOLUTIONS CLICK HERE
(Included is how to get WebChaver, or CovenantEyes, for free. Also included is Microsoft Family Safety and Apple Screentime to filter most computers and smartphones)  

Even if you already have a filter, these are necessary additions because they fix many loopholes that exist with paid filters (speaking from firsthand experience) and they add a lot more accountability.

If you have trouble filtering your shared device(s) because of how you think the other users may view you, then you should know that you can get these filters discreetly, without them affecting the other users at all and without their knowledge whatsoever, see the post for more details.
If you have trouble filtering your shared device(s) because the other users don't want their web browsing "unnecessarily" restricted, then you should know that these filters won't affect them at all as stated above, and they can also be set to block just p websites for them specifically, see the post for more details.
Last Edit: 20 Mar 2022 01:06 by ליוסף הצדיק.

Re: Deal made with friend need help asap please ALL 20 Mar 2022 01:09 #378777

  • Vehkam
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Did you ask daas Torah yourself? I don’t believe the impact on your friend is part of the calculation. You have to do something that works for you. Make sure that the person advising you knows you well.
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

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some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Deal made with friend need help asap please ALL 20 Mar 2022 02:43 #378780

  • Markz
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Vehkam wrote on 20 Mar 2022 01:09:
Did you ask daas Torah yourself? I don’t believe the impact on your friend is part of the calculation. You have to do something that works for you. Make sure that the person advising you knows you well.

Once you’re at it - Ask the Daas Torah “what’s so bad if my friend hits rock bottom? My friends on gye say that’s where life begins for someone who needs it”
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Re: Deal made with friend need help asap please ALL 20 Mar 2022 15:09 #378798

  • lee1999
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Thanks 
he does do you think stopping is ideal?

Re: Deal made with friend need help asap please ALL 20 Mar 2022 18:03 #378803

  • Vehkam
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It sounds like an adjustment to your deal might be necessary.  You certainly don’t want to get to the point where you give up hope because of something that isn’t working.  (it’s also possible that it will work and your numbers will get better- that’s why I said to make sure the person knows you well. )
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Deal made with friend need help asap please ALL 21 Mar 2022 06:03 #378840

  • wilnevergiveup
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I think it's recommend that you add a clause that cancels your end of the deal after a specific number of times. in your case, while a taphsik may or may not help, I would imagine that it should not involve someone else. It should be about you and what works for you, and you can make a deal with a Rebbe (or a friend) that makes for you and is doable and the money can go to a third party (like Yeshiva). 

For some people, the challenge of trying to win over their friends is a great motivation, for many it's not. Clearly this is not working for you and therefore I would imagine a little tweaking is necessary. Don't make it about a competition, instead do what's good for you.

You might also want to look at some of the other tools on GYE first ans I am not sure this one is working for you.

Hatzlacha!
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