Welcome, Guest
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Here we go! 4159 Views

Re: Here we go! 22 Jun 2022 00:10 #382243

  • sleepy
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1328
  • Karma: -41
Hashem Help Me wrote on 21 Jun 2022 11:22:

sleepy wrote on 21 Jun 2022 04:19:

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 20 Jun 2022 13:08:
"5Uu80*cdwB#^" post=382166 date=1655730533 catid=4

why is zera livatala from masterbation bigeder o'nes?

According to Rabbanim, guys that were introduced to this stuff in younger years (which includes teenage years) actually suffered a sort of trauma - confusion about the adult world which had up until that time represented to them safety, security, and predictability. Now they saw a different side to adults and subconsciously are wondering if their parents, rebbeim, policemen, grocery store owner, etc engage in the bestial behaviors seen.  Therefore, the "compelled need" to see it again and fantasize about it while masturbating comes from a most unhealthy place and should be viewed as a type of mental illness. A strange effect of experiencing trauma is to actually crave "going back to the event/perpetrator again". That is why so many otherwise healthy chevra that excel in so many areas of yiddishkeit and general life, describe complete loss of control regarding viewing and masturbating. Although the actions are b'geder aveira, most guys are b'geder onais - this is the opinion of gedolei haRabbonim.   As an aside, that is why "doing teshuva" is only appropriate once one has stopped, regained control, and can view himself positively. The advice given by one of the Gedolei Roshei Yeshiva is to wait at least two years of being clean, and in many cases it takes longer than that. As long as there are remnants of disease, teshuva will unfortunately bring him down by rehashing the (incorrect) script that he is a bad guy.  And in reality, once one has stopped, all three components of teshuva took place - especially if the guy reached out for help and was mekayem the vidui chelek numerous times....

I have spoken to numerous Roshei Yeshiva, Rebbes, Rabbonim, and mechanchim. I have heard the viewpoint stated above "across the boards". If there is a da'as yachid who disagrees, so be it. However let's face it - our boys growing up in this generation are facing this challenge in an unprecedented way that nobody in history did. They need our chizuk, and if Gedolei Yisroel say there is genuine chizuk available, let's opt for that.

hey if daas Torah is that they are anusim in this aveira, all i can say is THATS GOOD NEWS FOR THE JEWS!but alas !sleepy cannot share in this joy regarding himself since he wasnt exposed to internet , just regular tv , newspaper shmutz which i assume is not the case that you got this daas Torah for. but LAYIHUDIM!(yes it snowballed into porn/internet ,but thats a different type of thing commited by free will and not anus)
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 22 Jun 2022 00:12 by sleepy.

Re: Here we go! 26 Jun 2022 01:14 #382436

  • frank.lee
  • Current streak: 185 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 133
  • Karma: 3
Hi Sleepy! I think you may well be considered begeder Ones, but i don't know your background or circumstances and I'm not a Rabbi...

Re: Here we go! 26 Jun 2022 03:39 #382445

  • sleepy
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1328
  • Karma: -41
frank.lee wrote on 26 Jun 2022 01:14:
Hi Sleepy! I think you may well be considered begeder Ones, but i don't know your background or circumstances and I'm not a Rabbi...

maybe somewhere in my mind i wish i was an o'nes but i dont think so
just curious so it comes out that there are two types of o'nes
1.o'nes because of addiction
2.o'nes because of what HHM said?
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Here we go! 26 Jun 2022 17:37 #382469

  • bisyata dishmaya
  • Current streak: 150 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 135
  • Karma: 7
111! 1 day at a time!
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 26 Jun 2022 18:19 #382472

  • frank.lee
  • Current streak: 185 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 133
  • Karma: 3
@sleepy I think there is an idea that after certain actions, we lose our bechira on certain thing and our nekudas habechira moves over.

One thing is for sure - Hashem Loves you!!

Re: Here we go! 26 Jun 2022 21:17 #382476

  • Yissie
  • Current streak: 53 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 46
  • Karma: 4
bisyata dishmaya wrote on 21 Jun 2022 18:24:

Yissie wrote on 21 Jun 2022 13:55:
 Just most people who do not live dealing with them will generally not experience them. They only come to torment people who deal with them, but they exist by everyone.

Please explain what you mean by that.


Sorry for not seeing this earlier. What I wrote before was from my rebbe.
My understanding is that these children that did not come into the world do exist one hundred percent. They are there and they torment the neshama.
We exist in a physical world and do not experience them. Sometimes Hashem gives us a glimpse to what is going on in the real world. People who live their lives not dealing with what goes on in spiritual realms, Hashem does not show them what is going on. And most people in the Yeshiva system say it is better for us this way , and there is no gain to see it.
There are some people. generally people who focus on Kabbala and these ideas, Hashem gives them the opportunity to see what is going on as a result of their actions.

I hope this is helpful. If not, assume that it is due to my lack of clarity than your understanding. But either way, only if it is helping you should you focus on it. If it is paralyzing you and making it harder, than you can ignore it.

Re: Here we go! 27 Jun 2022 04:40 #382491

  • bisyata dishmaya
  • Current streak: 150 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 135
  • Karma: 7
Here is the latest. Wednesday night I received very difficult/disappointing news and had strong taivos. I told myself no matter how horrible I feel being MZ"L will just make me feel worse when I'm done. BH made it through that night! The next day found out good news though not as good as I wanted although with the potential to improve.  
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 01 Jul 2022 05:12 #382710

  • bisyata dishmaya
  • Current streak: 150 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 135
  • Karma: 7
BH 116!
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 04 Jul 2022 05:54 #382806

  • bisyata dishmaya
  • Current streak: 150 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 135
  • Karma: 7
Update: BH 119! Remains to be seen if there's life after 120. Friday night woke up in middle of the night went back to sleep sometime later maybe semi conscious had inappropriate dream don't think I should consider it a fall, if you disagree let me know. It's also getting challenging walking down the street with all the inappropriately dressed frum women.
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 04 Jul 2022 12:52 #382810

  • Vehkam
  • Current streak: 249 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 476
  • Karma: 119
You are definitely correct. There is no fall unless you are fully conscious. Just move on from thinking about it.
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Here we go! 06 Jul 2022 04:43 #382917

  • bisyata dishmaya
  • Current streak: 150 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 135
  • Karma: 7
BH THERE'S LIFE AFTER 120!
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 06 Jul 2022 14:02 #382936

bisyata dishmaya wrote on 06 Jul 2022 04:43:
BH THERE'S LIFE AFTER 120!

Phew!!

On a serious note, unbelievable that you made it so far! I see from your signature that you say the Tikun Haklali and feel it is  a great tool. Is that purely on a spiritual level or do you feel that it helps you on a physical level as well (ie. to be more mindful etc.)?
3 things to think about... 
#1 do you want to stop?
#2 WHY do you want to stop?
#3 (assuming you answered yes to #1 and found your why) What behaviors are causing you to fall
#4 stop overthinking

Re: Here we go! 07 Jul 2022 02:44 #382995

  • bisyata dishmaya
  • Current streak: 150 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 135
  • Karma: 7
I'm not exactly sure what mindfulness is. I feel it changes it from feeling impossible to a difficult challenge. In the past I was once clean for over a year and the main tool I used was saying the Tehillim I was not even on GYE. I got overconfident and slacked off from saying it and fell pretty bad. Now I make sure to say it every day. I just do the Tehillim no other prayers like I've seen to say with the Tehillim.
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 07 Jul 2022 13:40 #383042

Got it. Thanx
3 things to think about... 
#1 do you want to stop?
#2 WHY do you want to stop?
#3 (assuming you answered yes to #1 and found your why) What behaviors are causing you to fall
#4 stop overthinking

Re: Here we go! 08 Jul 2022 20:52 #383104

  • bisyata dishmaya
  • Current streak: 150 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 135
  • Karma: 7
BH 123!
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!
Time to create page: 0.66 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes