Welcome, Guest
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: My new life 7082 Views

Re: My new life 24 Nov 2022 12:22 #388197

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 2232 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3384
May Hashem continue letting you taste true menuchas hanefesh. Enjoy your (basically) nisayon free life, and may that somehow continue when you return home.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My new life 24 Nov 2022 14:32 #388198

  • Geshmak!
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 369
  • Karma: 9
I don’t get it. I didn’t read all your posts so maybe you mentioned it already… but can I just ask( if don’t feel comfortable answering please don’t) you have full access at home?? Like you can’t ask your parents to please put on a filter on their devices or at least put in a password?!?! Like it’s no secret today that these things need filters.. like 20 years ago it could of been embarrassing to ask for it cause they might say what you would go search porn? But today you can just say all my rebbes always speak abt the dangers of technology etc or you can even say r’Vusner zz’l paskined that there’s a איסר יחוד with a unfiltered device and you want to follow what the gedlom say…
If you already explained this before pls forgive me for asking again you can just put the link to that post please.
Kol tov!!
Guys the only way were really gonna get help is with H’s help so we gotta beg him for help and he sure will help us cause he wants us helped!!
CRY TO HIM!!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/387630-Powerful!#387630

Don’t fall back even one step:https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/386598-Why-is-it-so-hard?limit=15&start
Feel free to pm me!

Re: My new life 30 Nov 2022 04:05 #388562

  • bochur23
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 113
  • Karma: 13
It's not a specific post, but look at the first two pages of this topic and you'll see what my situation was.
יאוש - בכלל ה"ז היפך אמונתנו ותורתנו הנקראת תורת אמת - ז.א. המתארת המציאות לאמתתה, שהקב"ה משגיח על כאו"א בגו"ר ועוזרו וכו'.
הצינור והכלי לקבלת עזר לברכות השם - ה"ז הנהגה מתאימה לרצון השם, היינו ע"פ שו"ע.

Feel free to PM me, or email me at 23bochur@gmail.com

Re: My new life 30 Nov 2022 05:08 #388563

  • bochur23
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 113
  • Karma: 13
Tonight marks the beginning of my 30th day clean. It's the first time in three and a half years that I've gotten this far (I got close twice, once a year ago and once at the beginning of the summer)!
tonight is also my first fall in 30 days.

What happened: I found a loophole through an app on my phone. When I want to install a new app, the first thing I check is for this loophole. But I didn't find it on this app, so I thought it was alright. Today I found it. I didn't fall right away, but after a few hours of slipping I eventually watched ppornI've already uninstalled the app and had it blocked so I can't reinstall it in the future.

What this taught me: first of all, that when given the opportunity I will still fall. So I need to continue staying away from accessible unfiltered internet as much as possible (I knew it before, but this reinforced it).
another lesson I should take from this is that staying away from access isn't enough -there'll always be something available - so I need to do more. The question is what? I'm in a good atmosphere, I have a schedule where I'm (almost) always busy. And this is also only when I'm in Yeshiva, not at home. So how do I work on not falling whenever I do have access?

Please - any advice.

I should speak to someone. And I think I became more open to it as I put more time since my last fall. Another thing is that my friend did actually speak to the Mashpia I asked him to on my behalf (he didn't say my name), and he said I should reach out to him myself... So he does (somewhat) know. Now I just need to call him...
יאוש - בכלל ה"ז היפך אמונתנו ותורתנו הנקראת תורת אמת - ז.א. המתארת המציאות לאמתתה, שהקב"ה משגיח על כאו"א בגו"ר ועוזרו וכו'.
הצינור והכלי לקבלת עזר לברכות השם - ה"ז הנהגה מתאימה לרצון השם, היינו ע"פ שו"ע.

Feel free to PM me, or email me at 23bochur@gmail.com

Re: My new life 30 Nov 2022 06:44 #388567

  • Emes-a-Yid
  • Current streak: 11 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 116
  • Karma: 3
bochur23 wrote on 30 Nov 2022 05:08:
What this taught me: first of all, that when given the opportunity I will still fall. So I need to continue staying away from accessible unfiltered internet as much as possible (I knew it before, but this reinforced it).
another lesson I should take from this is that staying away from access isn't enough -there'll always be something available - so I need to do more. The question is what? I'm in a good atmosphere, I have a schedule where I'm (almost) always busy. And this is also only when I'm in Yeshiva, not at home. So how do I work on not falling whenever I do have access?

Please - any advice.

I should speak to someone. And I think I became more open to it as I put more time since my last fall. Another thing is that my friend did actually speak to the Mashpia I asked him to on my behalf (he didn't say my name), and he said I should reach out to him myself... So he does (somewhat) know. Now I just need to call him...

Hi bachur23, I feel that we are very similar, I hope you don't know me so I can express myself.
Alef is, yes that is true, no matter what YOU CAN'T TRUST YOURSELF UNTIL THE DAY YOU D.E CH"VSH. So yes although literally the Pirkei Avos explain that clearly, yet it's very hard to understand it, and we always trust ourselves somehow or another, Hashem is there for you and although it may be a test or some sort Hashem wants you to get passed it, that may be one of your missions here. I don't know exactly why Hashem did all this BUT.. the emes is when you fall down.......You RISE BACK UP.

so BEIS is,
I recommend like many others do is to reach out if you can get yourself a bit comfortable and speaking to a helper on gye named HHM, he is not shayich. He has helped me, although many tricks helped others as to tactics and some not for me, we spoke out other mehalchim specifically that is designed for me and Baruch Hashem I am doing good. I am telling you I am not a frumee that has never seen sites till ever. I started seeing bad stuff since 13 and was really bad throughout the years, very similar to you. So all I can say although I am not expert is reach out to a helper, be anonymous too, no-one needs to know who you are, you are here clearly to help yourself, and that's the goa of GYE. Hatzlacha in all your endeavors and btw I am also a bachur so I know a bit how you feel during such times too.

Rooting for your success to 90, take 1 day at a time. Although you did 30 I know you can do more past that, just believe and interact with ppl here, it is world's of a difference apart.
I say all this because I gruelingly care for you my chaver that I don't know.
To my dear friend reading this:
You are an incredible yid for just being on this site, I am breath taken after each post or new person that comes on and shares a bit about himself, keep it up. You guys are mamash matzlichim in your own ways of growth and Hashem is proud of each one of you! (that includes me too) lol.

KEEP UP YOUR TREMENDOUS UPLIFTING IN THE AVODAH OF EMES!!

Thanks for reading! Stay shtark, I am also being challenged, just build your confidence, never quit no matter what, you are your strongest enemy and yet you are your strongest savior so you choose, I am not saying it's easy but am saying it's possible just takes effort and work!!
-from Emes-A-Yid

Re: My new life 01 Dec 2022 05:00 #388671

  • Emes-a-Yid
  • Current streak: 11 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 116
  • Karma: 3
bochur23 wrote on 30 Nov 2022 05:08:
Tonight marks the beginning of my 30th day clean. It's the first time in three and a half years that I've gotten this far (I got close twice, once a year ago and once at the beginning of the summer)!
tonight is also my first fall in 30 days.

Helloooooooo, I don't hear you bud, don't focus too much on your fail and be sad and depressed and let get to you. GO VIYTAR please, I want to hear from you, I am really rooting for you I know you can do this, and although yes it is hard, maybe to get ppast the sadness if you're going through any is to speak to someone (even me) I don't bite, but seriouslly like the "staple's have a button called- 'THAT WAS EASY'" You got to enable yourself to get a button called the "VIYTAR BUTTON". It's geshmak really, you can go on with yourlife and plug again be mechazek and stay strong, you give yourself a few assessments and that's it. If it's putting you down then there is no TOELES, and you should stop. Just go VIYTAR my friend.

It could be you have I am just hoping to hear an encouraging next drive for you to pull through anew.
Bhatzlacha with much ahava!
Emes-a-yid
To my dear friend reading this:
You are an incredible yid for just being on this site, I am breath taken after each post or new person that comes on and shares a bit about himself, keep it up. You guys are mamash matzlichim in your own ways of growth and Hashem is proud of each one of you! (that includes me too) lol.

KEEP UP YOUR TREMENDOUS UPLIFTING IN THE AVODAH OF EMES!!

Thanks for reading! Stay shtark, I am also being challenged, just build your confidence, never quit no matter what, you are your strongest enemy and yet you are your strongest savior so you choose, I am not saying it's easy but am saying it's possible just takes effort and work!!
-from Emes-A-Yid

Re: My new life 01 Dec 2022 06:00 #388676

  • bochur23
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 113
  • Karma: 13
Sorry, sorry... I have a life, I can't always sit down to write up what I want ... Usually I'm busy until after lights out for the bochurim.

I'm not depressed Chas Vshalom. I moved on. Today was actually a better day for the last while. Because the 30 days were clean from porn, but not from masturbation. Today I was completely clean Boruch Hashem.

I haven't been posting consistently since I got here, because I'm trying not to focus on it too much. I anyways don't have a constant Nisayon while I'm here, so why should I actively think about it (don't worry, I won't completely forget )
*

Really, I'm not sure what my goal was/is to know what's a fall. Am I aiming to be clean for 90 days? Forever? Am I trying to reach a certain accomplishment?

I think I need to start focusing on one day at a time, literally - not one day of a 90 day goal, or of any goal. Rather the one day is the goal.

A bit אותיות פורחות, but these are my unorganized thoughts right now...
יאוש - בכלל ה"ז היפך אמונתנו ותורתנו הנקראת תורת אמת - ז.א. המתארת המציאות לאמתתה, שהקב"ה משגיח על כאו"א בגו"ר ועוזרו וכו'.
הצינור והכלי לקבלת עזר לברכות השם - ה"ז הנהגה מתאימה לרצון השם, היינו ע"פ שו"ע.

Feel free to PM me, or email me at 23bochur@gmail.com

Re: My new life 01 Dec 2022 06:19 #388679

  • Emes-a-Yid
  • Current streak: 11 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 116
  • Karma: 3
bochur23 wrote on 01 Dec 2022 06:00:
Sorry, sorry... I have a life, I can't always sit down to write up what I want 

I'm not depressed Chas Vshalom. I moved on. Today was actually a better day for the last while. 

I haven't been posting consistently since I got here, because I'm trying not to focus on it too much.

I think I need to start focusing on one day at a time, literally - not one day of a 90 day goal, or of any goal. Rather the one day is the goal.

-First, my appologies, I only meant good, in case something were up do to your last post. But I was clearly wrong, sorry, and don't mind what I said if if it made it bring that you were depressed, because obviously I was wrong.
-Second, chazak very excited about you're day how you were doing great keep it up!! Very proud to hear.
-Third, If that's you so be it, whatever your mehalech is, wishing you the most hazlacha rabah with lots of ahavah
-Forth, that sounds like a great strategy, 1 day at a time, what people sometimes do on top of thinking of one day at a time only, they as well focus a "long Term goal" however their main focus would be on day at a time, because it is a struggle like you said earlier when in middle to feel you are doing so good and end up getting beaten over the head by the yetser hara.
You should have Lots of simcha only!
To my dear friend reading this:
You are an incredible yid for just being on this site, I am breath taken after each post or new person that comes on and shares a bit about himself, keep it up. You guys are mamash matzlichim in your own ways of growth and Hashem is proud of each one of you! (that includes me too) lol.

KEEP UP YOUR TREMENDOUS UPLIFTING IN THE AVODAH OF EMES!!

Thanks for reading! Stay shtark, I am also being challenged, just build your confidence, never quit no matter what, you are your strongest enemy and yet you are your strongest savior so you choose, I am not saying it's easy but am saying it's possible just takes effort and work!!
-from Emes-A-Yid

Re: My new life 01 Dec 2022 12:34 #388684

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 2232 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3384
If you received an invitation from the mashpia to speak to him, go for it. We can assume he feels confident and has helped other guys. Speaking to someone is what saved me. Hatzlocha buddy. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My new life 05 Dec 2022 06:08 #388928

  • bochur23
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 113
  • Karma: 13
So I had an interesting few days since I fell on Tuesday night. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Shabbos were all completely clean Boruch Hashem. Motzoei Shabbos and today in the morning I pushed and found some more loopholes on apps (including very Jewish ones)... So now I have no notepad, music and (most) learning apps on my phone... (It's almost going back to being just a phone:joy:)

I started the flight to freedom program (again...), And I did the first unit/week over the last couple of days. My main takeaway was the "debunking myths" lesson. Although I knew it already, but I needed that reminder... Another thing is that in the "stages of change" I guess for now I would put myself between the contemplation and preparation stages (or more accurately, stuck in the preparation stage). I hope to do the next unit over the next few days IYH.
יאוש - בכלל ה"ז היפך אמונתנו ותורתנו הנקראת תורת אמת - ז.א. המתארת המציאות לאמתתה, שהקב"ה משגיח על כאו"א בגו"ר ועוזרו וכו'.
הצינור והכלי לקבלת עזר לברכות השם - ה"ז הנהגה מתאימה לרצון השם, היינו ע"פ שו"ע.

Feel free to PM me, or email me at 23bochur@gmail.com
Last Edit: 05 Dec 2022 06:17 by bochur23.

Re: My new life 05 Dec 2022 12:20 #388951

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 2232 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3384
Your reslience and dedication is the stuff of heroes. Continued hatzlocha!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My new life 08 Dec 2022 18:57 #389164

  • bochur23
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 113
  • Karma: 13
A little update about where I'm holding. So far I'm clean since Monday, Boruch Hashem.

On Monday and Tuesday I did the second unit/week of the flight to freedom program about the CURE tracker, so officially I need to track my urges for at least a week to see a pattern. I'm going to continue doing that, although in my situation I don't think I'll learn anything.

Meanwhile I looked at the cue analyzer PDF, it has a list of specific external and internal cues. Based on my experience, the only cue that I'm aware of is external, from any unfiltered device being accessible. It's not specifically when I'm upset/sad/tired/bored etc. I don't think it's from external triggers from my surroundings (seeing or hearing something etc), but I'll need to check into that.

So the only CURE cycle I'm aware of now is: cue - unfiltered device, urge intensity and duration - keeps getting stronger for as long as it's available, response - (almost) always end up falling, effect - feel disappointed for messing up again.

I think I'm going to continue to the next unit/week, but continue tracking any urges.
יאוש - בכלל ה"ז היפך אמונתנו ותורתנו הנקראת תורת אמת - ז.א. המתארת המציאות לאמתתה, שהקב"ה משגיח על כאו"א בגו"ר ועוזרו וכו'.
הצינור והכלי לקבלת עזר לברכות השם - ה"ז הנהגה מתאימה לרצון השם, היינו ע"פ שו"ע.

Feel free to PM me, or email me at 23bochur@gmail.com

Re: My new life 08 Dec 2022 19:51 #389170

  • Eerie
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 305
  • Karma: 19
reading some of your posts and blown away. you are making Hashem so proud! Keep it up, my friend! And keep up with that mashpia, it's what holds us in place. Rooting for you!

Re: My new life 15 Dec 2022 01:43 #389444

  • bochur23
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 113
  • Karma: 13
So I did the flight training unit/week (I started a couple of days ago, but the last couple of days were very busy, so I didn't finish until now). Here are my observations:

He brings examples of minimizing cues like not using devices after a certain time or certain devices etc. Minimizing cues rewires the brain, because over time your brain creates new "bundles" how to respond to your cues. But I'm not sure how to apply that when the cue is the availability of unfiltered devices itself, because however much I minimize the access I'm not creating a new "bundle" of how I respond when I do have unfiltered devices available.

He brings up another point that I really need to start doing. Before he starts explaining the different urge management techniques he says that's when we're having a urge sometimes we're on autopilot, so the techniques won't help. First I need to tell myself "Stop! I'm having an urge, but I don't need to fall". I think this is where a lot of my problem is, that's whatever plans I make don't work because when I'm having an urge I'm not thinking. This is part of why I am still stuck at the "preparation" stage.
As a continuation to that, by the different "Escape" strategies, I didn't think that "Distract" or "Goodbye" would work in my situation because they never did, but maybe by first stopping and acknowledging the urge they would work. Also it depends what the situation is. If it's just temporary access to an unfiltered device then escape strategies can work. But if it's a loophole on my device (for example) escape won't really work because I'll still have the issue when I come back.

In the "Resist" strategies, I don't think the "Check your compass" will work for me. Regarding the "Find the fox" or "Countering self-talk", I don't think it'll work if it's just a "make believe" game and I'm not taking it seriously. So I'll see if I can do it.

In the "Stay calm" strategies, "Urge surfing" sounds really interesting. I've seen it before on GYE, but it sounded really weird to me. I just listened to the recording, and I realized that I didn't understand what it was (the name is a bit misleading, I would've called it urge analyzing). I'm going to try it out next time and see how it goes.
I have the same issue with "Coping statements" as I have with "Find the fox" and "Countering self-talk". "SOBER" sounds to me like an expanded urge surfing technique.
יאוש - בכלל ה"ז היפך אמונתנו ותורתנו הנקראת תורת אמת - ז.א. המתארת המציאות לאמתתה, שהקב"ה משגיח על כאו"א בגו"ר ועוזרו וכו'.
הצינור והכלי לקבלת עזר לברכות השם - ה"ז הנהגה מתאימה לרצון השם, היינו ע"פ שו"ע.

Feel free to PM me, or email me at 23bochur@gmail.com
Last Edit: 15 Dec 2022 01:48 by bochur23.

Re: My new life 15 Dec 2022 04:50 #389449

  • bochur23
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 113
  • Karma: 13
My previous post got too long, that I forgot to write my plan going forward:

IYH, based on what I've learned I'm going to write up a plan. My goal is to have it ready by Motzoei Shabbos - before Chanukah.

My first real challenge is going to be over the Chanukah break. BH the Yeshiva only gives 4½ days, and (as a Lubavitcher) I'll be busy Chanukah Mivtzoim in the evenings. But that's going to be the first test to my plan.
יאוש - בכלל ה"ז היפך אמונתנו ותורתנו הנקראת תורת אמת - ז.א. המתארת המציאות לאמתתה, שהקב"ה משגיח על כאו"א בגו"ר ועוזרו וכו'.
הצינור והכלי לקבלת עזר לברכות השם - ה"ז הנהגה מתאימה לרצון השם, היינו ע"פ שו"ע.

Feel free to PM me, or email me at 23bochur@gmail.com
Time to create page: 0.79 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes