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Want to be BT again
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Want to be BT again 3408 Views

Re: Want to be BT again 13 Jan 2022 16:12 #375883

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Brothers, we're all gonna make it. Holding at 27 days B''H.

I learned yesterday an idea that the nisyonos we have were chosen by us before we came into this world. This means that all our struggles have a purpose AND we have the power to overcome them, or we wouldn't have chosen them!

Re: Want to be BT again 18 Jan 2022 05:41 #376072

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32 days--lots of struggles lately but I am clean. P and M won't fix my problems; they will only make them worse.

Re: Want to be BT again 18 Jan 2022 15:36 #376100

גבורות!!!

Re: Want to be BT again 21 Jan 2022 18:17 #376300

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35 days! Still urges. I actually came somewhat close to falling (M) the past two mornings. Today I snapped out of it quicker. I think I need to get back on my step work and also get better sleep so I'm not so groggy.

Re: Want to be BT again 24 Jan 2022 19:43 #376421

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38 days, pushing through it. I haven't updated the chevra on my davening situation in a bit, but I am now BH davening shacharis and mincha every day with little difficulty. I think I'm ready to incorporate maariv, honestly I have no reason not to at this point. So my goal from here on out is to daven every service! I have never been able to keep this up for more than a week, but I think I'm actually in a place where I can take it on successfully, G-d willing.

Re: Want to be BT again 24 Jan 2022 20:30 #376422

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BT Again wrote on 24 Jan 2022 19:43:
38 days, pushing through it. I haven't updated the chevra on my davening situation in a bit, but I am now BH davening shacharis and mincha every day with little difficulty. I think I'm ready to incorporate maariv, honestly I have no reason not to at this point. So my goal from here on out is to daven every service! I have never been able to keep this up for more than a week, but I think I'm actually in a place where I can take it on successfully, G-d willing.

You're amazing! Keep it up...
As a side note, davening Maariv when it is dark outside is symbolic of praising G-d even when things are dark and bleak. 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Want to be BT again 30 Jan 2022 06:17 #376624

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Checking in at day 44--the last few days have been incredibly hard on many fronts and I have come very close to falling. But I can't fall. How can I be a holy person if I'm a slave to this? Incredibly grateful for the fact that I am able to make a shvuah to hold me back in the worst situations, for shabbos, and for the amazing framework that Torah gives us. I'm on another forum for SA recovery and goyim struggle too, but they don't have the tools we do. We may as well take advantage of the gifts Hashem has granted us.

I've started writing down Torah verses and quotes to review regularly to keep me inspired; if anyone has ideas let me know.

Also been able to keep up davening!!!!

Re: Want to be BT again 31 Jan 2022 17:32 #376699

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45 days, halfway to 90!!!!

Re: Want to be BT again 03 Feb 2022 20:15 #376817

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Well, I fell (no visual stimulation) this morning, after oversleeping. It's been weeks in the making honestly, with built-up stress, triggers, and numerous close calls. This was a 48-day streak, but I recognize that my progress is not lost. I'm unbelievably grateful for this long and transformative clean streak.

I learned from this that I need to strengthen my shvuah; I did one of the distractions beforehand but it didn't stop me. I will be fasting until chatzos tomorrow, in line with the knas I put in place. I also added a second shvuah, which prohibits me from accessing certain triggering things and from edging (M without finish)--I am confident that this will truly make a difference. 

I also need to prioritize sleep (probably the biggest issue) and meditation, which I will be focusing on.

Re: Want to be BT again 03 Feb 2022 20:24 #376819

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BT Again wrote on 03 Feb 2022 20:15:
Well, I fell (no visual stimulation) this morning, after oversleeping. It's been weeks in the making honestly, with built-up stress, triggers, and numerous close calls. This was a 48-day streak, but I recognize that my progress is not lost. I'm unbelievably grateful for this long and transformative clean streak.

I learned from this that I need to strengthen my shvuah; I did one of the distractions beforehand but it didn't stop me. I will be fasting until chatzos tomorrow, in line with the knas I put in place. I also added a second shvuah, which prohibits me from accessing certain triggering things and from edging (M without finish)--I am confident that this will truly make a difference. 

I also need to prioritize sleep (probably the biggest issue) and meditation, which I will be focusing on.

sorry to hear that; onward!
during the 48-day-streak, you were edging (of which i wrote about once without calling it out by name)?
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: Want to be BT again 03 Feb 2022 23:20 #376826

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Yes, I didn't count it as a fall and didn't include it in my shvuah. It definitely didn't help.

Re: Want to be BT again 04 Feb 2022 04:14 #376839

I am amazed by your response to your fall. I hope you realize how special both your attitude and what you have accomplished are. Looking forward to seeing you get to even higher levels
Last Edit: 04 Feb 2022 04:15 by committed_togrowth.

Re: Want to be BT again 09 Feb 2022 23:03 #377141

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Clean and no edging! 54 days no P, 6 days no M. Lots of mental health issues lately, but not really interested in falling because it won't help. Started working on 4th step (cheshbon hanefesh).

Kinda related since my secular job is affecting things--does anyone know of any way I can learn in yeshiva but still provide for my family financially?
Last Edit: 10 Feb 2022 18:55 by BT Again.

Re: Want to be BT again 10 Feb 2022 12:34 #377184

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Do you have a rav/rosh yeshiva? This is a discussion to have with such an individual...  Here you can get sympathy, chizuk, and the like.... for the "real thing" let's ask someone who knows you.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Want to be BT again 10 Feb 2022 18:57 #377199

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Yeah, I should reach out to some of the rabbis I know. Thought I'd see if anyone had any general advice, but that's probably the best advice someone could give on here--thanks!

Clean 7 days now. Had a better day yesterday BH.
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