Thread 3
Day 0
Restarting from square one

Keep it up! And may this be the last time you'll ever have to restart again

Hey! Here you are! I got scared when I saw you closed your first thread.

First of all, as a bochur fighting the good 'ol fight like you do, it is nothing short of incredible. There is so much hopelessness sometimes and to still be getting back up is a powerful lesson in true determination.

Now, the other part. You wrote on your last thread that you've witnessed others coming here and succeeding but you feel like you are trying to catch your tail.

Here's the cold truth that you already know. Let's review. It's not GYE or the forum that changes people. Neither is it short lived occasional inspiration. It is only you. You fighting against the oncoming waves. You keeping your head above the water in the face of a deluge. It's you, battle worn, scarred, limping, bleeding - yet not being intimidated in the slightest. Taking those deep breaths and pushing onwards. Determinedly dragging yourself to the light, to your goal, to the place you cherish with a fierce and fiery passion. 

It's only you, fighting for freedom. To tear yourself out of the shackles of lust, and the shadows of lost control. 

People came, they may have gained from GYE how to properly escape, but all the thrust, determination and energy was completely homegrown. No amount of reading or sharing can manufacture a long term change. 

You have it in you my friend, everyone can see that. Dig deep and harness that fight to see the light of truth and happiness. Fight until you reach the goal you know is yours for the taking.

It is you and you only, but we are here to hold your hand all the way through it.

                                     Grant 

I fell again today also. I know how you feel. I've been having a real hard time getting things together since my last streak...really hard to internalize ODAAT when your counter goes down to single digits.
But we'll get through this. What Grant wrote is really true.
We'll do this together.
We're on the same day.

Was about to go act out just now. Finally the issue I had with my filter has been sorted and I didn't act out, it's taken far too long for it to be sorted 

Day 1
Mostly a good day today bH, except for going to act outBeH I'm gonna have a lot of menuchas hanefesh now that my filter doesn't have any loopholes. I think my main avodah now is to avoid trying to find any more

Looking_to_improve wrote on 01 Mar 2021 22:08:

What I do when I find myself constantly doing things that can lead to a fall, is to start considering that action a fall. Accept upon yourself that the next time your search for a loophole it is a fall, and you will have to restart your count.

Day 2

Good day BH

Feeling a small urge to act out now, but my filters all good now, so don't have anything to look at if I wanted. My ikar avodah now is to keep it that way and not to be curious

Keep it up.

חזק ואמץ.

Hashem is very proud of you.

Day 3

Clean bH

Day 4

BH clean
Having an effective filter (or being under the impression that it is) works wonders, especially when I'm fussy and only act out 90% of the time when I have something to look at (porn or other stuff)

Looking_to_improve wrote on 04 Mar 2021 22:40:

Even though a person knows he can undo the gedarim he has set for himself, 
he should still institute them, as doing so has a powerful effect. When one makes a geder, it’s as if he is saying, “I am committed to breaking this cycle, and my proof is that I’m going to make things difficult for myself.”

Been feeling a lot of desire for fantasising when I lie down to sleep. Often I don't know what I want to think about, but my mind is just like "Right, let's start thinking about this now, so now pick what it is that's coming first". I don't know if it makes any difference, but in the past it was more of a desire to think about details already from the beginning. Maybe I'm overthinking this. It's not been bothering me, I think it will pass in a few days

Also was in public today for the first time in a while, my eyes were darting around a bit too much, too many second and third looks, etc.

Shavua tov

Thoughts have not been great over shabbos, struggling to clear my mind from negative thoughts and fantasies.
Need a reset