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OivedElokim-I’ll never give up
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TOPIC: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 18484 Views

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Jan 2022 05:15 #375946

  • OivedElokim
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Fell Friday night and then again today. Someone made an insensitive comment to me today that utterly destroyed my day and sent me deeper into the throes of depression. I feel horrible about myself, my past and I don’t see a future for myself in this cruel world. The pain is too much sometimes, and I can’t fathom anything in life that would make this suffering worth it to endure. I just want it all to end. Feel like I’m being a bit dramatic but those were the thoughts going through my head today. Good night people.

the defeated OE
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
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Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Jan 2022 12:17 #375959

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Don't let a "meshugane" ruin your life. You are a good solid fellow, and you have a purpose being in this world. There are things only you can accomplish. Even your persistence in trying to overcome this challenge is an inspiration for so many and thousands of times you have remained pure. You have a team of guys here rooting for you. Keep on forging ahead. 

One question - the falls involved watching or just masturbation?
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Jan 2022 18:40 #375973

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Thank you for the kind words. 
Just masturbation.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
My old thread
My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Jan 2022 18:43 #375974

  • Vehkam
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So sorry for your pain.  Perhaps you can Try to isolate the sadness. E.g. tell yourself that until this person made a comment I was OK.    Right now I am feeling very very sad because of this comment.  However I know this is temporary and by tomorrow or next week etc.. The sting of this person‘s comment will wear off. This may help minimize the bad feeling and make it easier to get through it.   I know that it worked for me when I was very sad on Friday because of some thing someone said.  (I also bought myself a danish!)
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Jan 2022 18:46 #375975

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OivedElokim wrote on 16 Jan 2022 05:15:
Fell Friday night and then again today. Someone made an insensitive comment to me today that utterly destroyed my day and sent me deeper into the throes of depression. I feel horrible about myself, my past and I don’t see a future for myself in this cruel world. The pain is too much sometimes, and I can’t fathom anything in life that would make this suffering worth it to endure. I just want it all to end. Feel like I’m being a bit dramatic but those were the thoughts going through my head today. Good night people.

the defeated OE

Sorry to hear about your unimaginable pain. 
It's so important to watch what we say to others, we have no idea what other people are going thru and how much a kind word can accomplish and the opposite with destructive words. 
As "Hashem Help Me" wrote  
You have a team of guys here rooting for you.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Jan 2022 18:47 #375976

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So move on! Celebrate the fact that you have b'ezras Hashem kept your eyes clean for an extended period of time, and only masturbated due to severe pain. In reality you are in the process of graduating from masturbation too; just you need to find other ways of relieving emotional distress when it comes hard and fast in a surprising way.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 23 Jan 2022 04:13 #376329

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Watched porn for the first time in awhile.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
My old thread
My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 23 Jan 2022 04:47 #376332

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Don't let this setback derail you! Tomorrow will be a new day. Get to sleep early and wake up refreshed, ready for the day.
“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.”
-Charlie Brown

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 24 Jan 2022 07:41 #376393

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I’ve come to the realization that I need to change my game plan. It’s not enough for me to have filters and a knas system for falling. Filters don’t help for other peoples unfiltered devices , and a knas doesn’t always serve as enough of a deterrent. That doesn’t deal with the underlying issue. I still have a strong desire and “need” to act out. I still believe on some level that porn is good for me. I need to change that. Maybe I need to make a pro/con list. Did that awhile back and it seemed to help for a period. Any comments or suggestions are welcome and appreciated.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
My old thread
My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 24 Jan 2022 09:12 #376395

  • jackthejew
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OivedElokim wrote on 24 Jan 2022 07:41:
I’ve come to the realization that I need to change my game plan. It’s not enough for me to have filters and a knas system for falling. Filters don’t help for other peoples unfiltered devices , and a knas doesn’t always serve as enough of a deterrent. That doesn’t deal with the underlying issue. I still have a strong desire and “need” to act out. I still believe on some level that porn is good for me. I need to change that. Maybe I need to make a pro/con list. Did that awhile back and it seemed to help for a period. Any comments or suggestions are welcome and appreciated.

Maybe get a partner? guardyoureyes.com/tools/partner-program
Feel free to reach out! jackthejewgye@gmail.com I'll do my best to try and listen! 
Hashem is always with you!
Life. Learning. Liberty from the Past
Life: Actual, enjoyable living. Not to sulk through the shadows juggling the "Frum side" and "Dark side"
Learning: Learn and grow from my mistakes, triumphs, and experiences
Liberty from the Past:  To have today's struggle be Different than yesterday's

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 24 Jan 2022 13:58 #376409

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Try Lesson 1 on the Flight for Freedom program.
“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.”
-Charlie Brown

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 24 Jan 2022 19:15 #376418

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jackthejew wrote on 24 Jan 2022 09:12:

OivedElokim wrote on 24 Jan 2022 07:41:
I’ve come to the realization that I need to change my game plan. It’s not enough for me to have filters and a knas system for falling. Filters don’t help for other peoples unfiltered devices , and a knas doesn’t always serve as enough of a deterrent. That doesn’t deal with the underlying issue. I still have a strong desire and “need” to act out. I still believe on some level that porn is good for me. I need to change that. Maybe I need to make a pro/con list. Did that awhile back and it seemed to help for a period. Any comments or suggestions are welcome and appreciated.

Maybe get a partner? guardyoureyes.com/tools/partner-program

I’m in frequent contact with several friends from GYE
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
My old thread
My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 24 Jan 2022 19:16 #376419

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omekhadavar wrote on 24 Jan 2022 13:58:
Try Lesson 1 on the Flight for Freedom program.

How do I access that?
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
My old thread
My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 24 Jan 2022 19:19 #376420

  • jackthejew
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OivedElokim wrote on 24 Jan 2022 19:16:

omekhadavar wrote on 24 Jan 2022 13:58:
Try Lesson 1 on the Flight for Freedom program.

How do I access that?

f2f.guardyoureyes.org/
It doesn't work on netfree filtered computers
Feel free to reach out! jackthejewgye@gmail.com I'll do my best to try and listen! 
Hashem is always with you!
Life. Learning. Liberty from the Past
Life: Actual, enjoyable living. Not to sulk through the shadows juggling the "Frum side" and "Dark side"
Learning: Learn and grow from my mistakes, triumphs, and experiences
Liberty from the Past:  To have today's struggle be Different than yesterday's

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 25 Jan 2022 12:29 #376449

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If you are thinking that way, definitely start the Flight to Freedom program, but do it consistently. It is a great tool.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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