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OivedElokim-I’ll never give up
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 6509 Views

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 02 Sep 2021 22:49 #372151

  • wilnevergiveup
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OivedElokim wrote on 02 Sep 2021 21:30:
Unfortunately I didn’t hold it together. I feel like I don’t have the ability to say no to myself. I can’t think of a single instance in the past few months where I had easy access to porn and I didn’t go for it. It’s almost as if I don’t want to stop. I’m feeling very discouraged, hopeless.

Me too. I don't think that makes the next line true.

You don't want to stop? Then why are you here? Social stimulation?
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 03 Sep 2021 00:46 #372153

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I had an interesting realization recently... I'm not sure if it's accurate or not, or if it will help or make it worse...
Acting out (and looking porn) is just as enjoyable as it seems. It may make you feel sick afterwards etc. but the 'moment of pleasure' is real.
I find, that convincing myself that it's not as enjoyable as it seems is partly foolish and false, and you can't believe yourself when you know or think you are lying... There is a reason why its such a big struggle, because its so enjoyable.
You (or at least me) have to say that although the Yetzer Hara makes it  feel so good it isn't good. Although it feels good it makes me ​feel disgusting after. Although it feels good it goes against my values and who I want to be etc. etc.
But not doing it by convincing yourself that its not as good as it seems, to me seems like a stretch...
Please feel free to disagree
Hope for the best Prepare for the worst

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 03 Sep 2021 01:02 #372155

  • dovidfg
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OivedElokim wrote on 02 Sep 2021 21:30:
Unfortunately I didn’t hold it together. I feel like I don’t have the ability to say no to myself. I can’t think of a single instance in the past few months where I had easy access to porn and I didn’t go for it. It’s almost as if I don’t want to stop. I’m feeling very discouraged, hopeless.

First of all i would consider myself lucky not to have access to porn all the time. Wherever you're thoughts take you youre still actually not looking.

I unfortunately have access all the time. But i dont have the urge to just look at things randomly, its only when im feeling down. So I think that because you dont always have access, thats what keeps your mind going, waiting for the chance to actually see something. And that could make it much harder when you actually get access as you're mind was building up pressure for it. but in no way should you think its impossible to say no. It really is trust me been there done that.   

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 03 Sep 2021 01:38 #372160

  • OivedElokim
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gettingthere9 wrote on 03 Sep 2021 00:46:
I had an interesting realization recently... I'm not sure if it's accurate or not, or if it will help or make it worse...
Acting out (and looking porn) is just as enjoyable as it seems. It may make you feel sick afterwards etc. but the 'moment of pleasure' is real.
I find, that convincing myself that it's not as enjoyable as it seems is partly foolish and false, and you can't believe yourself when you know or think you are lying... There is a reason why its such a big struggle, because its so enjoyable.
You (or at least me) have to say that although the Yetzer Hara makes it  feel so good it isn't good. Although it feels good it makes me ​feel disgusting after. Although it feels good it goes against my values and who I want to be etc. etc.
But not doing it by convincing yourself that its not as good as it seems, to me seems like a stretch...
Please feel free to disagree

I hear your point. There’s definitely truth to that, but I also think that at least in my case there is an element of imagination that inflates the amount of pleasure I actually get from it. I don’t know if I’m making sense.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 03 Sep 2021 14:30 #372175

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gettingthere9 wrote on 03 Sep 2021 00:46:
I had an interesting realization recently... I'm not sure if it's accurate or not, or if it will help or make it worse...
Acting out (and looking porn) is just as enjoyable as it seems. It may make you feel sick afterwards etc. but the 'moment of pleasure' is real.
I find, that convincing myself that it's not as enjoyable as it seems is partly foolish and false, and you can't believe yourself when you know or think you are lying... There is a reason why its such a big struggle, because its so enjoyable.
You (or at least me) have to say that although the Yetzer Hara makes it  feel so good it isn't good. Although it feels good it makes me ​feel disgusting after. Although it feels good it goes against my values and who I want to be etc. etc.
But not doing it by convincing yourself that its not as good as it seems, to me seems like a stretch...
Please feel free to disagree

I think that there is truth to this. Denying that it feels good when it does is just lying to yourself, and that always makes things more difficult. But what we really need to say is that it doesn't live up to the hype, which it doesn't, probably because we seek something more like some emotional pleasure and contentment that this can't provide us with.

And the guilt also does ruin things.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 03 Sep 2021 20:17 #372181

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Slept in extremely late. Missed selichos, Shachris and all the zemanim. Don’t feel like I did anything serious to prepare for Rosh Hashana. Looking for chizuk…
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 03 Sep 2021 20:25 #372183

  • YeshivaGuy
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OivedElokim wrote on 03 Sep 2021 20:17:
Slept in extremely late. Missed selichos, Shachris and all the zemanim. Don’t feel like I did anything serious to prepare for Rosh Hashana. Looking for chizuk…

All I can say to you is what I’ve been saying to HaShem.
אדם is חסר. We were created that way with the ultimate goal of attaining שלימות. I come to HaShem on Rosh Hashana as a flawed being asking HaShem to help me become more שלם. God doesn’t expect us to be שלם yet.
Man is meant to have flaws, it is what makes us Singular. 
Rosh Hashana is about being mamlich HaShem as the Melech. Being mekabel “ol malchus shamayim”and committing ourselves to being conduits for Hashroas Hashechina in this world.

Thats it, no teshuva on Rosh Hashana. You’re flawed? 
Seems like you’re just as ready for Rosh Hashana as everyone else is.

Good Shabbos buddy,

YeshivaGuy

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 05 Sep 2021 06:01 #372195

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So here I am, way past my bedtime, tossing and turning in my bed. I am excited from the encounter I had tonight with one of the greats, the legends of GYE. It was a meeting that brought me to the realisation that I am normal, that there are special Jews just like me , chosuveh yidden in every other respect who struggle with inyanei kedusha as I do, but are otherwise amazing upstanding members of klal Yisroel. It left a very deep impression on me and I hope that it will help me move forward to recovery and to a brighter future. 

Also-I fell tonight. Pretty badly. But unlike other times , I feel like it is a temporary setback, not a statement about who i am. Because my meeting tonight taught me that I am much greater then my porn issue, much bigger then the petty struggles Hashem sends my way. I am a precious child of an infinite G-d who loves me unconditionally and who will help me through this nightmare and bring me out the other side , to a better life, a beautiful life. A life worth living.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 06 Sep 2021 01:31 #372236

  • OivedElokim
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Day one

Clean, BH!
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 06 Sep 2021 21:22 #372259

  • OivedElokim
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I want to take a few moments to wish you all, my dear brothers, what I wish for myself.
A year of happiness and clarity of purpose.
A year of physical, spiritual, mental, and  emotional health and well-being.
A year in which we serve Hashem and fulfill his plan for us, each in our own way.
A year in which we find joy in Torah learning and the fulfillment of mitzvos.
A year in which we remain clean and pure.
A year in which Hashem draws us close to him, embracing us in his love and showering us with every blessing imaginable, physically and spiritually.
A year in which he redeems us from this dark and bitter galus, and brings about the grand finale, the תכלית הבריאה.
ויקויים היעוד
ופדויי ה ישובון ובאו ציון ברנה ושמחת עולם על ראשם
במהרה בימינו
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 06 Sep 2021 22:19 #372260

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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אמן!

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 09 Sep 2021 04:21 #372272

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Four days clean, BH

Had a nice YT. Was hard to daven properly though due to various reasons but I hope Hashem will understand. I’m counting on it.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 10 Sep 2021 22:44 #372346

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Slipped up a bit today, looking at borderline pictures on a shopping app. I should really delete it, but then I won’t be able to order stuff… It’s tough keeping this yetzer hara under control. You have to make sacrifices that you would otherwise not want to make. I made many of them already- very restricted internet (white list filter), no YouTube- but there are some I still haven’t made- this shopping app and apple podcasts. I’ll stop rambling as it’s almost Shabbos. Wishing you all a גמר חתימה טובה and the strength to stay clean.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 12 Sep 2021 01:04 #372351

  • Markz
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OivedElokim wrote on 10 Sep 2021 22:44:
Slipped up a bit today, looking at borderline pictures on a shopping app. I should really delete it, but then I won’t be able to order stuff… It’s tough keeping this yetzer hara under control. You have to make sacrifices that you would otherwise not want to make. I made many of them already- very restricted internet (white list filter), no YouTube- but there are some I still haven’t made- this shopping app and apple podcasts. I’ll stop rambling as it’s almost Shabbos. Wishing you all a גמר חתימה טובה and the strength to stay clean.

BPD….





Borderline Picture Dispensation
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Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 12 Sep 2021 01:17 #372352

  • Markz
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OivedElokim wrote on 10 Sep 2021 22:44:
Slipped up a bit today, looking at borderline pictures on a shopping app. I should really delete it, but then I won’t be able to order stuff… It’s tough keeping this yetzer hara under control. You have to make sacrifices that you would otherwise not want to make. I made many of them already- very restricted internet (white list filter), no YouTube- but there are some I still haven’t made- this shopping app and apple podcasts. I’ll stop rambling as it’s almost Shabbos. Wishing you all a גמר חתימה טובה and the strength to stay clean.

Shabbos is over. 

Rant part II please!
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