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Keeping Accountability
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Keeping Accountability 4512 Views

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Jun 2021 02:36 #369378

  • Hashem Help Me
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We tend to sometimes view the nisayon of looking as a monster and therefore need "methods" or "strategies" to conquer this monster. Lets get some facts straight. Masturbation causes endorphine secretions in the brain, so there is a chemical addictive side to it. Yet, you overcame that BH. It appears from what you wrote that your viewing issues are in the street; not technology related. High resolution pornography watching also causes chemical releases in the brain, yet you are BH free from that. So it's the good old fashioned and normal street yetzer hara? No chemicals there buddy. Fantasizing? Without any intense deep concentration, no major chemicals there either. So with the exception of heavy addicts, the advice is simple. Look away. Ignore. Look down. Choose the less busy street. Choose wiser times to go to the shopping district. Or choose to go to quieter stores - even if a drop more expensive. When attending a wedding, park yourself by the men and avoid unnecessary mingling moments. Summary - train yourself that you have the ability to simply not look.

Fantasizing is a little harder because it usually happens when we are falling asleep or spaced out. Its the subconscious at work. However once again, just stop. Simple. When you realize where you are heading - down the escape slide of fantasy with the erection etc, just pick up a book and start to read, or get busy, or call a friend. Just stop. You can b'ezras Hashem do just that.

I apologize to anyone that is having a challenging time and may find my comments minimizing their struggle. If anyone feels that way, please PM and i will give you my phone number to straighten it out. I apologize for any discomfort my comments may have on anyone.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Jun 2021 04:28 #369386

  • HappyYid
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Very well put.
Thank you very much for taking your time and writing it a third time!
It's very helpful reading it.
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Jun 2021 06:51 #369390

  • wilnevergiveup
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I think for most of us especially guys with long streaks like yours, we go through periods of clarity and periods of murkiness. 

When we have that clarity, it's clear to us that even a gaze or a quick fantasy is poison. It's obvious to us that we are just causing ourselves more suffering. 

When the clarity fades into murkiness, it's not so easy to see. During those moments, I can find myself doing pretty much everything besides actual porn and actual masturbating. Now that's good for my "streak" but not good enough to say that I am really free. The issue here is that this monster either grows or is starved. If I keep on doing those borderline things, I am feeding it, even without masturbating. It will grow and eventually it will become to much to handle. It just causes me more suffering. It's kinda like an overweight guy with a heart condition who is on a strict diet and loves candy going into a candy store "just to take a sniff" but G-d forbid not to touch anything. He may do it once or twice, but it's not a recipe for success. 

The question is how to see clearly when things are murky. I don't have an answer. @Bigmoish told me "The key is to make sure you're so swamped that you have no time to think about how murky everything is."

I wish I knew, but at least we know what that there are times that we have clarity and during those times the answer is "just don't look." 

Like someone who is anaphylactic to peanuts doesn't taste or lick or try (just without swallowing...), he keeps all thing peanuts far away. No pb ice cream or cookies or even plain without sugar and not even tasteless without salt. All forms are off limits.  
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Jun 2021 09:33 #369393

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 03 Jun 2021 06:51:

When we have that clarity, it's clear to us that even a gaze or a quick fantasy is poison. It's obvious to us that we are just causing ourselves more suffering. 

Not sure if i agree. The gemara tells us that it is normal for one to have hihurei aveira. Gedolim have been me'id on themselves that they have nisyonos. (Famous story with Rav Elya Lopian zatzal, for example). Of course to purposely tease ourselves is wrong and detrimental, but "a gaze or quick fantasy" is often the work of the subconscious and is bound to happen. Our job is to stop ourselves from pursuing it further. If one accepts that reality, and accepts himself as imperfect, while of course trying to properly guard his eyes and thoughts as best as possible, then these mini episodes will be opportunities for growth; not for suffering. Just my opinion.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Jun 2021 10:25 #369396

  • wilnevergiveup
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 03 Jun 2021 09:33:

wilnevergiveup wrote on 03 Jun 2021 06:51:

When we have that clarity, it's clear to us that even a gaze or a quick fantasy is poison. It's obvious to us that we are just causing ourselves more suffering. 



Not sure if i agree. The gemara tells us that it is normal for one to have hihurei aveira. Gedolim have been me'id on themselves that they have nisyonos. (Famous story with Rav Elya Lopian zatzal, for example). Of course to purposely tease ourselves is wrong and detrimental, but "a gaze or quick fantasy" is often the work of the subconscious and is bound to happen. Our job is to stop ourselves from pursuing it further. If one accepts that reality, and accepts himself as imperfect, while of course trying to properly guard his eyes and thoughts as best as possible, then these mini episodes will be opportunities for growth; not for suffering. Just my opinion.

I hear that, if they are "mini episodes" that happen once every month for a fleeting moment. A different story when we go through a period of constant dwelling on these things. It sounded like the latter, although I might be mistaken. That is what I was referring to as "periods of murkiness". 
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 03 Jun 2021 11:04 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Jun 2021 11:56 #369403

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 03 Jun 2021 10:25:

Hashem Help Me wrote on 03 Jun 2021 09:33:

wilnevergiveup wrote on 03 Jun 2021 06:51:

When we have that clarity, it's clear to us that even a gaze or a quick fantasy is poison. It's obvious to us that we are just causing ourselves more suffering. 





Not sure if i agree. The gemara tells us that it is normal for one to have hihurei aveira. Gedolim have been me'id on themselves that they have nisyonos. (Famous story with Rav Elya Lopian zatzal, for example). Of course to purposely tease ourselves is wrong and detrimental, but "a gaze or quick fantasy" is often the work of the subconscious and is bound to happen. Our job is to stop ourselves from pursuing it further. If one accepts that reality, and accepts himself as imperfect, while of course trying to properly guard his eyes and thoughts as best as possible, then these mini episodes will be opportunities for growth; not for suffering. Just my opinion.

I hear that, if they are "mini episodes" that happen once every month for a fleeting moment. A different story when we go through a period of constant dwelling on these things. It sounded like the latter, although I might be mistaken. That is what I was referring to as "periods of murkiness". 

You are correct. (Bolded words)
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 03 Jun 2021 11:57 by HappyYid.

Re: Keeping Accountability 07 Jun 2021 04:37 #369547

  • bm263
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 03 Jun 2021 06:51:
The question is how to see clearly when things are murky. I don't have an answer. @Bigmoish told me "The key is to make sure you're so swamped that you have no time to think about how murky everything is."



I can't seem to remember this conversation, but I guess I wish I were a bit more swamped...

Re: Keeping Accountability 07 Jun 2021 06:27 #369562

  • wilnevergiveup
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bm263 wrote on 07 Jun 2021 04:37:

wilnevergiveup wrote on 03 Jun 2021 06:51:
The question is how to see clearly when things are murky. I don't have an answer. @Bigmoish told me "The key is to make sure you're so swamped that you have no time to think about how murky everything is."





I can't seem to remember this conversation, but I guess I wish I were a bit more swamped...

Email.

Unless there are two of you?
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 07 Jun 2021 06:28 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Keeping Accountability 11 Jun 2021 02:43 #369756

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130!
Bh things were pretty calm the last few days.
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 21 Jun 2021 00:50 #370054

  • HappyYid
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Day #140!
I feel like a different person. 
Although work still needs to be done for my shmiras enayim, but I'm in a much better place than I used to be.
Thank you Hashem!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 21 Jun 2021 04:27 #370059

  • EvedHashem1836
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love to hear it
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Keeping Accountability 22 Jun 2021 12:21 #370087

  • HappyYid
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Can I give myself some credit on the forum?
Nothing out of the ordinary but...
I was by a wedding last night and I had a huge urge to look...
But I didn't! 
Bh I was able to turn my eyes away. During marriv in the hallway there were some of 'them' around so I turned myself towards a different side and tried looking the other way.

Thanks for letting me share 
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 22 Jun 2021 14:03 #370092

  • DavidT
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HappyYid wrote on 22 Jun 2021 12:21:
Can I give myself some credit on the forum?
Nothing out of the ordinary but...
I was by a wedding last night and I had a huge urge to look...
But I didn't! 
Bh I was able to turn my eyes away. During marriv in the hallway there were some of 'them' around so I turned myself towards a different side and tried looking the other way.

Thanks for letting me share 

YES! you deserve a lot of credit and recognition. 
If everyone would be like you, Moshiach would be here already!
You're a REAL inspiration for me and I hope you'll keep it up and we can all follow in your footsteps. 
THANK YOU FOR POSTING THE AMAZING CHIZZUK
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Keeping Accountability 02 Jul 2021 00:53 #370423

  • HappyYid
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Day 151!

The last few days I had huge urges to masturbate. I really wanted to, but I didn't. 
It's hard sometimes. But here I am bh still clean. 
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 02 Jul 2021 14:04 #370431

  • wilnevergiveup
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What did you do instead?
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
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