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Keeping Accountability
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Keeping Accountability 4515 Views

Re: Keeping Accountability 11 May 2021 02:01 #368320

  • HappyYid
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bm263 wrote on 10 May 2021 20:54:

HappyYid wrote on 10 May 2021 13:37:
My wife found out that I'm active on here, she wanted to know why, she thought that I don't have the problem anymore (of masturbating; she doesn't know anything about porn)... 
I had to explain to her that it's never over...
She said she doesn't want me to be here because 'you're not like them'. I told her that I'm here just to stay connected and I told her a bunch of דברי חיבה. 
Bh it's easy for me to talk her out of things, she originally said she wanted to see everything I wrote  but I was able to switch the topic and just said that it's ok don't worry. Luckily she took that as an answer.
What bothered her most was that I kept a secret from her. Bh I was able to tell her that I'm doing ok.
Imagine if she would've found out at day 2.

So I might not be here as often...

HappyYid

Welcome to my life.
How did she find out?
Personally, I hide it from her the same way I hid the porn.
Is this the best advice for an honest relationship? No.
Neither is watching porn and masturbating behind her back.
I'm trying for the lesser of the evils.

She saw a conversation I had on Google voice with a fellow from here. 
She knew that I was once into gye but she thought that I was done with it...

What you wrote is exactly what I felt that nu nu, at least I'm hiding something 'good'.
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 11 May 2021 02:01 by HappyYid.

Re: Keeping Accountability 11 May 2021 02:12 #368321

  • Lou
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bm263 wrote on 10 May 2021 20:54:

HappyYid wrote on 10 May 2021 13:37:
My wife found out that I'm active on here, she wanted to know why, she thought that I don't have the problem anymore (of masturbating; she doesn't know anything about porn)... 
I had to explain to her that it's never over...
She said she doesn't want me to be here because 'you're not like them'. I told her that I'm here just to stay connected and I told her a bunch of דברי חיבה. 
Bh it's easy for me to talk her out of things, she originally said she wanted to see everything I wrote  but I was able to switch the topic and just said that it's ok don't worry. Luckily she took that as an answer.
What bothered her most was that I kept a secret from her. Bh I was able to tell her that I'm doing ok.
Imagine if she would've found out at day 2.

So I might not be here as often...

HappyYid

Welcome to my life.
How did she find out?
Personally, I hide it from her the same way I hid the porn.
Is this the best advice for an honest relationship? No.
Neither is watching porn and masturbating behind her back.
I'm trying for the lesser of the evils.

I can identify with this very much!

Re: Keeping Accountability 11 May 2021 02:23 #368323

  • HappyYid
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It's funny, she asked me 'is Rabbi ***** (aka Hashem Help Me) also still on there? Like it's never over?' 
I told her that he's on there but mainly to give Chizuk...
Lol
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 11 May 2021 02:24 by HappyYid.

Re: Keeping Accountability 11 May 2021 02:28 #368324

  • Markz
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HappyYid wrote on 11 May 2021 02:23:
It's funny, she asked me 'is Rabbi ***** (aka Hashem Help Me) also still on there? Like it's never over?' 
I told her that he's on there but mainly to give Chizuk...
Lol

“Rabbi Five Stars”. I like the name!
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Re: Keeping Accountability 11 May 2021 03:32 #368329

  • HappyYid
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Markz wrote on 11 May 2021 02:28:

HappyYid wrote on 11 May 2021 02:23:
It's funny, she asked me 'is Rabbi ***** (aka Hashem Help Me) also still on there? Like it's never over?' 
I told her that he's on there but mainly to give Chizuk...
Lol

“Rabbi Five Stars”. I like the name!

That was not on purpose, what a coincidence!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 11 May 2021 11:33 #368350

  • Hashem Help Me
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You can suggest to your wife to give me a call. Very happy to put her at ease b'ezras Hashem.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Keeping Accountability 11 May 2021 12:00 #368352

  • HappyYid
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 11 May 2021 11:33:
You can suggest to your wife to give me a call. Very happy to put her at ease b'ezras Hashem.

Thank you.
But she's really fine bh, I explained to her the whole thing and she got it (somewhat).
She was always machsiv me in general; and she still is.
If I feel she could use a call, I'll suggest it.
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 12 May 2021 00:09 #368393

  • HappyYid
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100!
Three digits. Nice 
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 16 May 2021 17:13 #368638

  • HappyYid
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104 bh

Was very busy the past few days...

Just a something from today's Daf (Yoma 35)
The gemara says:
רָשָׁע, אוֹמְרִים לוֹ: מִפְּנֵי מָה לֹא עָסַקְתָּ בַּתּוֹרָה? אִם אָמַר: נָאֶה הָיִיתִי, וְטָרוּד בְּיִצְרִי, (הָיָה) אוֹמְרִים לוֹ: כְּלוּם נָאֶה הָיִיתָ מִיּוֹסֵף

⁦In English:
And if a wicked man comes to judgment, the members of the court say to him: Why did you not engage in Torah? If he said: I was handsome and preoccupied with my evil inclination, as I had many temptations, they say to him: Were you any more handsome than Joseph, who did not neglect Torah despite his beauty?

While I was learning this I was thinking to myself oyy how many hours did I waste by looking at inappropriate stuff instead of learning torah... 

Now is the time for a recommitment to learning more torah.
Everyone should have a beautiful Yom Tov! 
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 23 May 2021 02:29 #368837

  • HappyYid
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Day 111 bh!

Still have urges, some days I have many.

I have to work on not touching at all.
Besides for it being assur by itself (plus the thoughts that come with it), I can't imagine it lasting for too much longer without finishing up...
I have to stay away fully. Period

This may sound weird (maybe grafic) but I'll say it either way;
Recently there has been a new style by the (frum) females that instead of having their skirts a little below their knees they have them longer like halfway down...
Honestly for me that really helps in regards to my sister in law because many times I would enjoy seeing her sitting which sometimes would reveal her knees and thereby making me 'excited', but now that doesn't happen because if this style 
Imagine the person that started it, little does she know that it would help some guy that has these issues lol.

Gut voch
HappyYid
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 23 May 2021 02:30 by HappyYid.

Re: Keeping Accountability 27 May 2021 00:27 #369071

  • HappyYid
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115 bh
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Jun 2021 00:54 #369371

  • HappyYid
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122!
Haven't posted in some time...

These are (some of) my thoughts.
I am doing very well bh with not masturbating. But I definitely need improvement in my shmiras enayim.
I am surprised I am withholding from masturbating for so long given how much I look and fantasize... 
I really have to work harder on this, I don't think I give it all I got. 
I still stare and think about my sister's in law, sometimes a little too much.
I was pretty good with not looking at a certain woman who I see often...but recently I started giving in to my yh there too.
So I really have to give myself a kick in the pants and get moving with this!

But on the other hand I definitely feel like I gained tons and that I really don't have to masturbate 3 times a day (like I was doing a few years ago) or even not once. I feel like I have somewhat control over it.

What's a good book to read to get me to really stop staring?
As much as I really enjoy looking, I'm waiting for the day that I will enjoy more to look away (does that happen?)

Anyway thanks for reading.
Your comments are welcome.

HappyYid
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 03 Jun 2021 00:55 by HappyYid.

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Jun 2021 01:25 #369373

  • Hashem Help Me
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Buddy, just don't look. (I wrote a much longer response explaining myself, but lost it twice!)
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Jun 2021 01:32 #369375

  • HappyYid
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 03 Jun 2021 01:25:
Buddy, just don't look. (I wrote a much longer response explaining myself, but lost it twice!)

The next time you have a chance, could you write the long version? It will definitely be beneficial. But only if you have time.

Thanks
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Jun 2021 01:57 #369377

  • Snowflake
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Hey HappyYid!

I went through your whole thread too and I just wanted to say you're a true gibbor. It mustn't be easy to constantly see the relatives that make your challenge more difficult.
If it helps, perhaps just remember Parshas Kedoshim (or is it acharei mot?). The Torah is osser these arayos, because G-d created a lust for them. If there were zero lust towards them, why be mazhir am Yisroel? So please don't feel guilty about the desire. Of course you should keep doing your best (as you already are) to avoid the triggers and adopt a zero lust tolerance. But the desire itself is not your fault.
On the touching department, what works for me (maybe you do it already) is to not touch the eiver at all, especially when going to the toilet for #1. Chochomim are matir nessuim, but "hamachmir al kach, tovo alov brocho". When I must (not to cause a mess in the toilet), I use tp or my belt/ edge of pants as a hefsek. Not touching the eiver at all reminds us it's off-limits.
Please keep us posted and inspiring us!
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
Last Edit: 03 Jun 2021 01:58 by Snowflake.
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