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Journal of a soldier in the war of his life
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 1045 Views

Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 25 Jan 2021 22:54 #361926

Hi! Hope everyone is doing well. Its been awhile since I've posted here but I thought it might help me if I posted here from time to time. If you don't have time to respond I'm more than fine with that. I'm sure it will just feel good to let out whatever it is I will be feeling at the time. Unfortunately I just "fell" last night, but there's something positive I can take away from that. The Yetzer Hara always seems to leave me alone for the first few days or so after I mess up, so I've got a great opportunity to regroup and push forward again. Writing on this forum again is one of the ways I'm regrouping. I'm also trying to work on cleaning out my mind, and I also set up a cool reward system where I give myself a reward every 15-20 days or so. So even if I start getting tired of the fight I'll have this to give me a boost.

Thats all for now. Thanks for reading, and I hope that Hashem helps you with whatever you're going through as well.

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 25 Jan 2021 23:34 #361937

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Welcome. Stick around and post often. It works wonders. 

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 26 Jan 2021 00:49 #361945

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Instead of getting down on ourselves after a fall, let us reflect back on how many times we did manage to say “no” to the Yetzer Hara before he won us over now! Let’s recall the many tens - if not hundreds - of times during the past clean-streak that we didn’t give in to him! We definitely have the upper hand in this war.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 28 Jan 2021 18:12 #362186

Im at 3 days clean now!

I know its a nice achievement, but I dont think of it that way because I expect myself to go at least that long without messing up. That does make me wonder though...maybe thats what we should be working to achieve. We should try to reach the point where we can expect ourselves to go 90+ days without messing up. Maybe thats what recovery is, the ability to expect ourselves to not mess up. If anyone has anything they want to add to that or disagree with, I would love to see those opinions.

Thanks for reading!!

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 28 Jan 2021 23:23 #362200

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Stay clean one day at a time. "Today, b'ezras Hashem i will stay clean", should be your mantra. Of course you can keep in the back of your mind as an incentive "It will be very special to come into Purim clean", but the main focus is day by day.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 29 Jan 2021 17:57 #362272

Very true, and I think thats exactly how Im trying to handle it right now. Have a great shabbos!

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 01 Feb 2021 20:54 #362497

Well, its been 7 days.

Wait, let me try that again.

ITS BEEN 7 DAYS! WHOO!!!

So far so good! Baruch Hashem I have been very successful with keeping my mind clean lately and that has helped in a huge way. Last time I barely made it to 7 days and fell soon after that because I couldn't keep my mind clean. But so far no problem! 7 days are gone and I feel like its full steam ahead now. I can't wait to see how far this can go!
I'm also pretty excited because I'm getting close to the first reward on my reward system. If, sorry, AFTER I stay clean for rest of the day I will only need another 7 more days of being clean to get to that reward. I can do that. After all, I just did it didn't I?

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 01 Feb 2021 21:36 #362503

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7 days means you dont need it. Keep reminding yourself of that. Try not eating/drinking/sleeping for half that time.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 04 Feb 2021 23:47 #362762

I like that! Thats a very good way of thinking of it. But I've always known that I don't need it. My problem is that I have to convince myself that I don't WANT it. I really do like that way of thinking though. Thanks for the inspiration!

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 08 Feb 2021 20:42 #362947

14 days have been conquered!!

I am beyond thankful to Hashem that I have made it this far without any real challenges. But I'm starting to reach the point where I see the number of days I have been through so far and I start feeling pressure. A voice in the back of my head goes "Whoa, I have come a long way.How long can I keep this streak up?"
I think I just have to remember to take things 1 day at a time. Everyday should be like its Day #1 for me. If I can keep that thought going I might be able to take off some of the pressure. Besides for that things couldn't be better in my battle. Finally being able to keep my thoughts clean has made a huge difference and now I'm only 1 day away from getting to the first reward on my reward system. Thanks for reading, see you out on the forums!

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 14 Feb 2021 22:23 #363350

Baruch Hashem, I have now reached 300 cumulative days clean since I first started doing the 90 day challenge!

It feels like its a good time to look back on what I have accomplished since then. In the last 300 days I have learned a lot more torah(nothing incredible. Just 1 thing a day), I have really begun to see the patterns of when I fall, I've really started to figure out what drives me for real and isn't just a time waster, my davening has been poor for a very long time but I've started taken baby steps to try to fix it, and so much more. I really feel that trying to win my battle has improved me as both a religious Jew and even when I'm not doing Jewishey things. That's another thing that I've noticed about me, and almost everyone else on the forums too. When you truly start to fight against the Yetzer Harah you not only pick up the tools to beat it, but you also pick up lots of other positive tools that you might not have ever thought you would ever get in life. For some people its learning more, for others its not going on certain websites anymore. For me its all of the things mentioned above and maybe even some others that I haven't discovered yet, but boy am I looking forward to finding them.

Thanks for reading! See you out on the forums!!

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 14 Feb 2021 22:29 #363352

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Very inspirational and upbeat post. Thank you. Hatzlocha!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 19 Feb 2021 19:33 #363789

HI again, it's me. Baruch Hashem everything is still fine. I just wanted to share something with you guys that I watched today. It was a documentary of a man's hike on a really long trail. It was a really good documentary, but I was shocked about the way he described it. It sounded like he was going through what we are going through. For most of the film he talked about finding himself, how there were times he felt like quitting but he kept on going, and how the journey had been tough but he could feel himself becoming a better happier person. But the thing that really had an impact on me was one time when he accomplished a certain amount of miles (I think it was 900) he didn't seem that excited about it. He just looked at it and said "it's just a number." I've been hearing that for a long time now on this site but I never understood it until now. Just a number?? If I get to 90 days that can't be just a number!! That should be the best reason to ever celebrate! But seeing that hiker say that made me realize that the number doesn't matter that much after all. Because just like the hiker Im supposed to be focused on the end of the journey, not just an accomplishment along the way. Knowing this should finally take the pressure off of me as I continue my streak G-d willing. 

It really was a great film and it was incredibly inspiring. For a good chunk of the film, whenever he said something about the long 100+ day hike, I was like "wow! Thats just like me with my battle!" I strongly recommend it to everyone here, especially if you love hiking. If you want to see it it's on YouTube and it's called "the Appalachian trail: A journey of the soul. " Or something like that. 

have a great shabbos! See you out on the forums!!
Last Edit: 19 Feb 2021 19:41 by #makelifegreatagain.

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 24 Feb 2021 01:03 #364095

ITS BEEN 30 DAYS!!!

Wow, it feels so good to type that. Its awesome that all the work that I have put in to clean my mind (plus adding a reward system) is paying off. But thats not the only thing thats happened recently. Apparently I'm now a Senior Boarder on this site. I don't know what that means or how I got that title, but I'm proud to have it anyway. That's all I have to type today. In honor of my 30 days I want to finish this off by giving everyone a bracha. It's not something I'm used to doing at all, but I want to give it a shot:

May everyone find the strength to win their battles, and may we all be able to celebrate our accomplishments together in Yerushalayim.

Thanks for reading. See you all out on the forums!!

Re: Journal of a soldier in the war of his life 24 Feb 2021 12:11 #364139

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Keep it up tzaddik. You are very inspiring - and are b'ezras Hashem "making life great again"!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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