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A newly married man trying to fight
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: A newly married man trying to fight 2303 Views

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 01 Jan 2021 17:36 #360354

  • Zedj
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Hi A.6.1.3,

Thank you for updating!

I think it's a good thing to be wary about what may make you fall/slip but not to overthink it.

These battles are in the moment.
So as the saying goes here at GYE:
One day at a time

Good Shabbos!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 05 Jan 2021 05:15 #360573

Had a fall tonight. Was clean for 12 days. I thought about it and just drives me mad because it started in the morning during seder where these thoughts and feelings came to unexpectedly and unprovoked. I just didn’t fight enough throughout the day and finally caved at night. 
I let my guard down because I thought I had a good streak going. 
Once again I tell Hashem not to give up on me, I’m a fighter and I’ll never stop. 
Although I’m in desperate need of something that is practical and can last permanently for this battle.

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 05 Jan 2021 05:34 #360582

I haven't really read your whole thread so forgive me if I'm missing a part., But do you have a therapist you go to?
that can be very helpful
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 05 Jan 2021 13:25 #360597

I do not have a therapist, I don’t think it’s an addiction problem b”h. It’s just a battle which I win over way more than I lose but I still do lose periodically. 

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 05 Jan 2021 14:05 #360599

  • Thistimeillwin
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Aaron613 wrote on 05 Jan 2021 13:25:
I do not have a therapist, I don’t think it’s an addiction problem b”h.

The two need not go hand-in-hand.

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 05 Jan 2021 14:09 #360600

Interesting. I don’t think I’m ready for therapy just yet to be honest. Could be I’m in the wrong there but I am still confident I’ll win this here I just need to stay focused on the battle all the time. That’s the challenge for me. 

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 05 Jan 2021 14:13 #360601

  • Grant400
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Aaron613 wrote on 05 Jan 2021 05:15:
Had a fall tonight. Was clean for 12 days. I thought about it and just drives me mad because it started in the morning during seder where these thoughts and feelings came to unexpectedly and unprovoked. I just didn’t fight enough throughout the day and finally caved at night. 
I let my guard down because I thought I had a good streak going. 
Once again I tell Hashem not to give up on me, I’m a fighter and I’ll never stop. 
Although I’m in desperate need of something that is practical and can last permanently for this battle.

Hashem isn't giving up on you anytime soon, so don't give up on yourself.

You recently started your GYE journey, 12 days is a great start. It's almost two weeks. I'm sure you've learned alot already, and have more tools in your workshop than you did before.

Something can be learned from every fall (if you were really trying). Any success is always based on trial and error. Thomas Edison produced over 100 prototypes of lightbulbs before the now near obsolete, but then modern filament glowed without breaking.

Yes, it's discouraging when we act out. We start a new streak every time, feeling on top of the world. We always say to ourselves, now is for real. Then the initial excitement starts to wear off, and we start to relax a little. Letting our vigilance fade slowly, and sometimes we start to take little nips of lust here and there. We feel strong enough...and then bust.

So sit down and figure out where you need to improve. Modify your behavior and actions accordingly. To just continue on without significant changes, is foolish and unfair to yourself, your sweet wife, and your goals. Use this fall as an educational opportunity. Make it count in a good way.

One day you will be gazing at you very own successful invention. A new and improved you. A better husband, and a different father than you would've been, had you been discouraged by those speed bumps and hiccups in your road to control.

                                   Grant

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 09 Jan 2021 23:56 #360927

  • YeshivaGuy
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How was Shabbos?

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 10 Jan 2021 00:31 #360930

Hey thanks for asking. I’m doing ok b”h. Shabbos was very nice Baruch HaShem, motzei shabbos is usually a tough time for me regarding shmiras enayim for some reason not sure why. I saw a couple not so ok images but stopped and got out of it, I guess it’s a win of sorts but not really idk. 
Been having a good last few days. I hope it lasts. 

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 10 Jan 2021 00:33 #360932

  • YeshivaGuy
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Aaron613 wrote on 10 Jan 2021 00:31:
Hey thanks for asking. I’m doing ok b”h. Shabbos was very nice Baruch HaShem, motzei shabbos is usually a tough time for me regarding shmiras enayim for some reason not sure why. I saw a couple not so ok images but stopped and got out of it, I guess it’s a win of sorts but not really idk. 
Been having a good last few days. I hope it lasts. 

Ya same here, Motzei Shabbos is a killer...

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 12 Jan 2021 00:02 #361096

Hey everyone, so I need some advice. For the most part I’m able to be consciously aware of what I look at and I’m mindful of the seriousness of the aveira of shmiras einayim and shmiras habris. The issue is when I get caught up either fantasizing without realizing or seeing something and then snapping out of it, it can sometimes last an entire day where my mind and drives are worked up and focused on sexuality. I could use advice on how to stay focused on my holy mission in life. 

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 12 Jan 2021 04:19 #361111

  • Realestatemogul
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Hey! That is a great question, and something that I always struggle with a lot. Sometimes I find it more frustrating that I can't shake those thoughts than when I actually act on them. 

Although it is counterintuitive, try to just let them be and don't try and fight them. Don't make the thought the enemy, but don't act on them either. The less you focus on them, the easier they will disappear. 

Does that make sense? 

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 12 Jan 2021 05:10 #361118

  • wilnevergiveup
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When I have something on my mind that is taking away my focus I like to write them down. This helps me forget about them, almost like it's okay to forget it because if I ever want to remember, I can always check back what I wrote down.

This helps me in all areas, I use it a lot for when I second guess myself or if something stressful is going on and I can't stop thinking about it, writing it down tells our brain don't worry, we will deal with it soon so it doesn't have to take up all my brain space right now.

I think it works here too. You don't have to write down all the details of your fantasies, just something like "can't stop thinking about so and so" or "the Y"H really want's me to think about this and that" once it's down, it's not as urgent to think about it right now.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 12 Jan 2021 12:21 #361135

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Accept the thoughts. Our subconscious brings them up when we are not focused. Accept them and accept where you are up to. Face reality that Chazal say people have hirhurim very often. Do not fight. Definitely do not panic. Our job is simply not to pursue the thoughts or chas v'shalom act out because of them. Just laugh them off and get busy with something else.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 13 Jan 2021 04:42 #361198

Ya I agree. The key is not to get overly focused on bad thoughts. Sometimes these impulses have to be regarded as just that; impulses, not actual pre meditated thoughts. I guess it’s only natural that in the process of purifying the mind these old habits will surface often. 
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