Aaron613 wrote on 17 Dec 2020 06:07:
I am newly married Baruch HaShem. Since the age of about 15 I began being motzei zera levatala (didn’t know what I was doing for about a year). I’ve watched pornography and all sorts of things for many years. I can honestly say that I’ve been fighting with all I’ve got for many years now but I’ve never been successful for a long period of time(two months at the most). These horrible habits have become a part of me and I’m immune to seeing bad things at this point. I have all kinds of filters on my phone and lap top but it doesn’t take much to get me going. I need advice...I need chizuk....
Been there, done that, moved on.
Welcome Aaron your situation sounds horribly familiar but you're a fighter. You sounds like you really want to break free. You've come to the right place.
You say you can do about 2 months clean at times. In that case you should not be describing it as 'part of you'. It sounds like you have amazing willpower and just need some chizzuk sometimes and to remind yourself why you don't want to be doing this.
B"h there is plenty of chizzuk here, great family, just share when it gets rough and in general stick around and you'll get there sooner than you think.
Hatzlocho