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A newly married man trying to fight
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: A newly married man trying to fight 2307 Views

A newly married man trying to fight 17 Dec 2020 06:07 #358904

I am newly married Baruch HaShem. Since the age of about 15 I began being motzei zera levatala (didn’t know what I was doing for about a year). I’ve watched pornography and all sorts of things for many years. I can honestly say that I’ve been fighting with all I’ve got for many years now but I’ve never been successful for a long period of time(two months at the most). These horrible habits have become a part of me and I’m immune to seeing bad things at this point. I have all kinds of filters on my phone and lap top but it doesn’t take much to get me going. I need advice...I need chizuk.... 

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 17 Dec 2020 06:15 #358905

  • OivedElokim
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Hey buddy!
Welcome to this holy community of fighters. We’ve all been up against this monster, and many of us have come a long way.We’re here to support you in you journey. Just keep posting, check out the tools on the site, and engage with others. 
You mentioned that you’re fighting as hard as you can. There’s a saying “fight smarter, not harder”. Meaning strategy can make up for willpower. If you learn your triggers and how to avoid them, it will save from a lot of the anguish of fighting urges that result from them, etc.
Check out all this site offers, and most importantly-know that your not alone in this.
All the best!
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 17 Dec 2020 06:59 #358908

  • Ish MiGrodno
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Aaron; listen to OivedElokim - he knows what he is talking about.

I struggled for many years (as a married "chashuv" yungerman - hah!) - yet nothing helped me until I met H.H.M. and the clan....

Whatever you do, DO NOT LEAVE THIS CHAT (it will be your lifeline; I promise!)

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 17 Dec 2020 13:25 #358921

  • Grant400
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Welcome!

It's great that you are a fighter. It means that as soon as you acquire the right tools and methods, attain a new (correct) understanding and perspective on sexuality, you will have the two most important things. The motivation and the ability. Welcome aboard! I promise you, if you stay around, you will be helped.

Like it has been mentioned many times, filters can only be effective as an accessory to a real change in a person. Understanding that lust isn't a need, although it may definitely feel like a necessity, (sometimes/always - more than eating!). It can be ignored. I've had this ride awakening too. 

Post and share, ask questions, and you will grow immensely! My promise to you.
Last Edit: 17 Dec 2020 13:30 by Grant400.

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 17 Dec 2020 14:32 #358933

  • DavidT
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Now that it is still Chanuka, there is a tikkun, that after lighting the Chanuka candles (or oil), one should look at the lights and meditate, "hanerot hallalu kodesh heim - these lights are holy." The sefarim say that they represent the original light of creation. Concentrating on the kedusha of the Chanuka lights helps prevent misuse of one's eyes.

Let's try to make one small  - but powerful - Kabala on the special day of Zos Chanukah. May we all succeed in doing real Teshuva and giving our hearts to Hashem on this special day.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 17 Dec 2020 15:50 #358941

  • wilnevergiveup
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Aaron613 wrote on 17 Dec 2020 06:07:
I am newly married Baruch HaShem. Since the age of about 15 I began being motzei zera levatala (didn’t know what I was doing for about a year). I’ve watched pornography and all sorts of things for many years. I can honestly say that I’ve been fighting with all I’ve got for many years now but I’ve never been successful for a long period of time(two months at the most). These horrible habits have become a part of me and I’m immune to seeing bad things at this point. I have all kinds of filters on my phone and lap top but it doesn’t take much to get me going. I need advice...I need chizuk.... 

I can relate to most of this, you can check out my thread (link in my signature). I also tried for many years to stop on my own without any success. You have come to the right place, welcome home. GYE has the tools to help you break free. 

As far as chizzuk, know that it is possible, many have broken free, but it may be a bumpy ride. It may take some time, don't get discouraged when things get rough, that's just how it is sometimes.


Some advice if I may, reach out whenever you feel down, we will be there for you when you need it.

Read through the GYE handbook, make a plan that is reasonable and stick to it. In order for this to work you have to have a plan and you have to stick to it for a reasonable period of time. There is no magic button, you have to see what works and what doesn't.

You can do it and with Hashem's help will succeed. Post here often, share, get to know the chevra here and take a look around at some other people's threads to see that you are not alone as well as to see how different people work through their struggles.

Wishing you much hatzlachah,
Wilnevergiveup
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 17 Dec 2020 18:07 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 17 Dec 2020 17:28 #358953

  • Captain
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Also check out these great free resources:

Great book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Also, sign up for the daily GYE Boost emails/ whatsapps at www.gyeboost.org.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 18 Dec 2020 02:38 #359016

Aaron613 wrote on 17 Dec 2020 06:07:
I am newly married Baruch HaShem.

First of all, mazel tov on your chasunah.

יר"מ יאו"א שתזכה לבנות בית נאמן בישראל.



Since the age [...]  I have all kinds of filters on my phone and lap top but it doesn’t take much to get me going.

What do you mean by "get me going?" You bypass the filters? You find images or videos that the filter doesn't block? Despite good filters you still masturbate?

I need advice...

  • Stay the course.
  • Be active on GYE. I have found the 90 Day Count and this forum to be very helpful. Posting on this forum and reading other users posts has helped me to remove the shame that has accompanied my struggle.
  • Your answers to the above questions may make this piece of advice irrelevant, but make sure to have a good filter. I use GenTech Solutions, but there are other good ones out there as well. There are also not good ones. Also, you may have a filter on your devices, but your wife may not. Do you have access to her devices? My wife's devices are password protected and I do not know the password. I have asked her to change the password over the years if I accidently see when she puts it in.


I need chizuk.... 

This is from my first post on GYE.

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 27 Jan 2020 01:01:


אין הקב"ה בא בטרוניא עם בריותיו (עבודה זרה ג.)

My translation tonight: G-d does not bring down humanity with clever ploys (Avodah Zarah 3a).
Namely, the mitzvos that we must keep are doable and are not impossible tasks. As hard as they may seem sometimes, the mitzvos of kedusha are not clever ploys to trip up humanity, but rather they are achievable mitzvos. I believe in the eternity of the Torah and its applicability and relevance to every generation, most importantly this one and my life. It would then follow that I can accomplish great growth in the area of kedusha and that I can work to push back against the yetzer hara.

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 18 Dec 2020 03:09 #359024

Thanks for the well wishes! 
in regards to the filters, my phone is whitelisted and downloads are blocked  so I’m basically ok on my phone. My lap top I use Techloq which is good but doesn’t block everything. 

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 18 Dec 2020 03:35 #359028

So I’ve watched some bad things today but b”h didn’t act out. It’s crazy, I can’t sit down on my couch without having feelings of desire to be motzei zera...it’s literally consuming me and my thoughts...I think I’ll make it through but just sharing what I’m going through..

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 18 Dec 2020 03:39 #359029

  • eved41
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Sounds rough. Hang in there buddy. The urge will pass. Is there anyone you can call up on the phone and talk to?
eved41

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 18 Dec 2020 03:44 #359030

  • Sapy
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It's okay to have desires.. just remember that it's also okay not to act opun it... it will iyh get easier to learn how not to follow them, and it wont consume your whole head, just keep strong buddy!

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 18 Dec 2020 04:07 #359031

I don’t know if I’m ready for phone calls but thank you very much. I’m listening some erect shabbos music hopefully it’ll help☺️

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 18 Dec 2020 04:13 #359032

  • OivedElokim
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Btw, phone calls don’t necessarily have to be to a GYE member, or about GYE topics. It can just be a good diversion. Moreover, the opposite of addiction is connection (see video in @Markz signature).
Obviously there is tremendous benefit in speaking to a GYE friend, but if you’re not up to that yet-no need to push it. You’ll cross that bridge when you get there...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: A newly married man trying to fight 18 Dec 2020 04:19 #359034

  • eved41
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@OivedElokim
I agree with you wholeheartedly. Thank you for spelling that out clearly.
eved41
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