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Been off the wall for awhile
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Been off the wall for awhile 1426 Views

Been off the wall for awhile 19 Dec 2009 21:22 #35866

I fell off the wall, and off the wagon, a bunch of times since I started trying for 90 days.  Then I decided I wasn't going to look at this site anymore.  I figured, when I talked about this sin so much with other men going through the same thing, I kept thinking about it for the rest of the day.  I had to keep saying "no! no!  NOOO!" to myself because I would keep thinking about the thing that I wasn't supposed to do.

Once I stopped looking at this site, I had only a minimal desire to sin.  That minimal amount I could overcome.  I've been clean 12 days now, and I hope I can stay clean for good, from now on.

I see how much this site has helped a lot of men overcome this desire to sin.  Just be aware of the possible negative consequences to reading the forum posts everyday.
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Re: Been off the wall for awhile 19 Dec 2009 21:34 #35869

  • the.guard
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I must say, this is the FIRST time I have ever heard anyone say this. WOW. How interesting.

Should I make a "meshana Habriyos" or are there perhaps many others that felt the same (and that's why we don't hear from them again after they post here a few times)?  :-[

I think that most people find that talking about it in a non-triggering way with others who are going through the same thing, helps them "get out of their heads" and "out of isolation" and gives them a lot of Chizuk. Most people find that by talking about it and being Mechazek others, the desires are greatly diminished, not increased.

Well, I'm learning new things each day...  :-\

Thanks for being honest with us.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Been off the wall for awhile 19 Dec 2009 21:40 #35871

  • imtrying25
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I think it depends alot on the mindset. If we come here to read things that will trigger us, for ex. other peoples trials and tribulation, even if its only subconscience it will hurt us. But if we come here to be mechazek eachother and ask for chizuk for ourselves in time of need, its really hard for me to accept that this site culd be detrimental. But once again, What do i know?????
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Re: Been off the wall for awhile 20 Dec 2009 20:19 #36160

Posted yesterday.  fell today.  I accept full responsibility, and I'm certainly not blaming anyone here at all.  I seem to hit a wall at about the two week mark, give or take.

Still, it's strange that the day after I log on to post in the forum....

I have told other people to come here, and I will continue to refer holy Jewish men who have stumbled.

This is just a wild guess, but maybe it has something to do with a concrete number of days attached to my progress?  Before I came to this site, I knew that the last time I fell was "a couple of days ago", or "awhile ago", or "for sure not last week, was it the week before...?"  - it was some indeterminable amount of time.  It was just "in the past".  I did tshuvah and the past was now erased, with no number attached to it.

As soon as I see a double digit number....my yetzer hara goes crazy - "oh c'mon!  You've been good for 12 WHOLE DAYS?  You can let yourself enjoy just once.  You've already earned a reward for staying clean this long!"

For me, I feel like I can't associate a number of days with past sins.  I can't tell you how long it has been since I ate treif or broke shabbat intentionally.  (It's been many years, but I never kept track of number of days, months, etc.)

I know that recovering alcoholics can recite for you "it's been ten years, five months, four days, twenty two hours and ten and a half minutes since my last drink" - thank G-d I never had that problem, maybe I'd be getting flat drunk every two weeks as well!  (ch"v)

Of course, there IS a difference.  Alcoholics have tangible assets that they lose if they go back to their addiction.  Lost jobs, broken marriages, losing custody of children, bad long term health, etc.

All I'm doing is destroying my connection with Gd.  Maybe that's it.  Maybe I don't really believe in Gd. 

Of course I do.  I'm going to keep on doing the other mitzvot, and I would never even think of doing another aveirah on purpose - even another sexual transgression - the ones that involve two people.

But if I REALLY knew that Gd was there, how could I ever even consider the remote possibility of giving in?



You do amazing work here, and I wish everyone the best. 
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Re: Been off the wall for awhile 20 Dec 2009 22:17 #36253

  • the.guard
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An addiction is a disease. It doesn't help us much to know G-d is there... Have you read the GYE handbooks?

As an addict, we must develop the frame of mind that we only have TODAY, not yesterday and not tomorrow. We only need to stay clean TODAY. Don't focus on how LONG you are clean for at all, it is irrelevant.

Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Been off the wall for awhile 27 Dec 2009 08:37 #38258

  • Momo
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YOU ARE SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!!
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