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Overcoming challenges
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Overcoming challenges 8960 Views

Re: Overcoming challenges 12 Sep 2021 14:09 #372369

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 12 Sep 2021 07:57:

Zedj wrote on 12 Sep 2021 05:55:
I really gotta post here more often.

I'm going to bli neder post here at least once a week even if it's just something small

BH Yom tov was fabulous. 

Sometime it gets hard 
The usual fantasies and what not just  pop up during davening or just when I'm simply trying to relax.

This quote has been helpful for me as of late.
"Thoughts and feelings are not your friend'

I don't know who came up with that line but you are your thoughts and your feelings (my friend).

My guess is that what was meant is to view thoughts and feelings that just start up out of nowhere as just our bodies expressing something that is not us. This way we can ignore it instead of getting worked up or letting it define us (= letting it be how we view ourselves, and viewing it as an integral part of ourselves). This makes it much easier to dismiss it and to not give it much meaning and significance. 

This is as opposed to willful thoughts, or when we notice that we are having such thoughts and willfully choose to continue thinking about them. Those thoughts are more of us.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: Overcoming challenges 13 Sep 2021 04:44 #372396

  • Zedj
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Thank you @captain for elaborating and doing a fine job too.

I thought I submitted a reply but I guess it didn't go through. 
In any case at least for me I feel (at times) i give the thoughts and desires too much attention..more attention then they deserve. 
at the end of the day a thought is a thought and a feeling is a feeling ( In the sense that they shouldn't be taken too seriously and best to ignore them)

Just elaborating on what was already said.

Wishing you all the best

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 13 Sep 2021 07:48 #372397

  • wilnevergiveup
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Zedj wrote on 13 Sep 2021 04:44:
Thank you @captain for elaborating and doing a fine job too.

I thought I submitted a reply but I guess it didn't go through. 
In any case at least for me I feel (at times) i give the thoughts and desires too much attention..more attention then they deserve. 
at the end of the day a thought is a thought and a feeling is a feeling ( In the sense that they shouldn't be taken too seriously and best to ignore them)

Just elaborating on what was already said.

Wishing you all the best

Your point is well taken and I don't disagree, I am just presenting anther angle. The way I see it, a feeling or thought may not be how you should identify yourself, but it often is indicative of how you do identify yourself. Ignoring them can just be ignoring that you actually have a problem to deal with. Dealing with the thoughts and feelings in a healthy way might be a better idea.

So for example, if I feel that I am a loser, even though logically I know that I am not, ignoring this feeling means that it will come every time I am triggered to feel down. I am not dealing with the issue, I am just ignoring it. However doing exercises that build my self esteem and sharing with a friend who can give me chizzuk etc. are things that I can do that will actually help solve the problem. It's true that you don't have to be what you feel, but until you do something about it, the truth is that you actually are how you feel. 

Just sharing another angle, take it or leave it. I could argue either side of this, I don't believe one side is more right than the other, just keep an open mind to the idea of change instead of ignoring a problem.

All the best. 
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Overcoming challenges 13 Sep 2021 13:20 #372400

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 13 Sep 2021 07:48:

Zedj wrote on 13 Sep 2021 04:44:
Thank you @captain for elaborating and doing a fine job too.

I thought I submitted a reply but I guess it didn't go through. 
In any case at least for me I feel (at times) i give the thoughts and desires too much attention..more attention then they deserve. 
at the end of the day a thought is a thought and a feeling is a feeling ( In the sense that they shouldn't be taken too seriously and best to ignore them)

Just elaborating on what was already said.

Wishing you all the best

Your point is well taken and I don't disagree, I am just presenting anther angle. The way I see it, a feeling or thought may not be how you should identify yourself, but it often is indicative of how you do identify yourself. Ignoring them can just be ignoring that you actually have a problem to deal with. Dealing with the thoughts and feelings in a healthy way might be a better idea.

So for example, if I feel that I am a loser, even though logically I know that I am not, ignoring this feeling means that it will come every time I am triggered to feel down. I am not dealing with the issue, I am just ignoring it. However doing exercises that build my self esteem and sharing with a friend who can give me chizzuk etc. are things that I can do that will actually help solve the problem. It's true that you don't have to be what you feel, but until you do something about it, the truth is that you actually are how you feel. 

Just sharing another angle, take it or leave it. I could argue either side of this, I don't believe one side is more right than the other, just keep an open mind to the idea of change instead of ignoring a problem.

All the best. 

This is definitely true. Regarding the area of thoughts of taivah it's different though, and it seems that the ignoring method works best for random thoughts and just-starting-up desires.
Unless you know that this is something that is a major trigger for you and will just keep re-appearing with passion and emotion. Then something more drastic is needed.
Either way regarding taivah I don't think it's good to try to identify yourself and where you are holding, especially by judging yourself based on your thoughts and feelings that pop up. Usually that just makes you identify yourself as a luster or a person who gives in (which probably even is wrong because these are just thoughts that came up, and you're a normal human male). It's better to say "i'm a fighter" (as long as you are trying something to get out, like being here on gye and trying strategies etc) and then not think about whether "you are pure" or not and how "holy" you are or are not.
Again, this too probably is different for taivah than other matters.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: Overcoming challenges 23 Sep 2021 04:01 #372612

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Update for the chevra,

The night before Yom kippur I had a hiccup and searched something i shouldn't of and the result was that i ended up reading some explicit/arousing content.

It took me a few minutes to get my act together and  contacted a GYE member and let him know exactly what happened.
i promised myself i would get the site blocked before Yom kippur and BH that is what I did.

Other than that I'm doing well.
I plan to continue to count as if nothing happened and consider it a learning experience.

Wishing you all well

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 30 Sep 2021 14:14 #372740

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I regret to inform the chevra that i had a fall this morning.
looking forward to speaking to a GYE member later today to get back on my feet.
310 days clean (353 cumulative days!)
I know im in a better place then where i was 10 months ago and I feel this fall is only so that i should up my game.

I'm going to wait to reset my days until  after i figure out the plan going forward. 

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Last Edit: 30 Sep 2021 14:22 by Zedj.

Re: Overcoming challenges 30 Sep 2021 14:36 #372742

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Zedj wrote on 30 Sep 2021 14:14:
I regret to inform the chevra that i had a fall this morning.
looking forward to speaking to a GYE member later today to get back on my feet.
310 days clean (353 cumulative days!)
I know im in a better place then where i was 10 months ago and I feel this fall is only so that i should up my game.

I'm going to wait to reset my days until  after i figure out the plan going forward. 

As I'm reading your post, I am trying to imagine the pain... Unimaginable. 
In SMART recovery* we believe that if we learn from the fall then it's only considered a lapse, not a relapse.

Please try to focus on your amazing 353 cumulative days!

(* a lapse is also known as a slip: when an individual in recovery reverts to acting out and stops again within a short time. The almost immediate retraction helps a person to avoid falling back into addiction once again, but a lapse can feel like a setback in recovery even if the person regains sobriety. A lapse can be a productive reminder that you have to remain dedicated to recovery.)
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 30 Sep 2021 14:37 by DavidT.

Re: Overcoming challenges 30 Sep 2021 15:22 #372743

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310 Days!!! that is an incredible achievement. You are truly amazing. Don't let the fall get you down - move onwards and upwards! BH you should be matzliach. 

Re: Overcoming challenges 30 Sep 2021 22:10 #372754

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Thank you DavidT and taherlibeinu for your kind words

Thank you for those that reached out privately.

I would never have gotten close to 310 days without GYE and the amazing community here.

Here I am back to day one.

There are some changes gonna be made to move on forward.

1-write up a new contract with specific rules customized accordingly.

2-tightening up restrictions on netspark

3-bli neder will look into screen monitoring (if you know of a good one please let me know... preferably free)

4-Will continue to keep up nightly updates to a GYE Member.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 01 Oct 2021 00:13 #372760

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Zedj wrote on 30 Sep 2021 22:10:
Here I am back to day one.

You are back to Day 1 on a gimmicky chart thing that ultimately does not matter. You came here to get taivah under control, not to rack up points on a chart. And in that you are doing great! And it's amazing that you got right back up- you are basically where you left off!

There are some changes gonna be made to move on forward.

We should all learn from this, that the first minute there's a crack in the armor then serious changes are made and tightening up of any vulnerabilities. You are a hero!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
Last Edit: 01 Oct 2021 00:13 by Captain.

Re: Overcoming challenges 01 Oct 2021 06:25 #372772

  • wilnevergiveup
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Hey Zedj, I feel for you. I've been there, done that. Falling after a really long streak has it's own unique challenges. On the one hand, you know it can be done and what works and doesn't, on the other hand, there might be a lot of built up frustration, stress, urges and so on. Because of this sometimes we actually killed the momentum long before the streak was over. 

I find that it really helps to be in touch with someone on a daily basis, at least for the first few days until you get back on your feet (I know that you mentioned that you were planning on connecting with someone). The second thing that is helpful is to make a deal with someone, also just until you get back on your feet to make sure you don't chap arein.

It's really hard after you just deprived yourself from this for all that time, your Y"H will throw all it's got at you. Try to remember all that you've learned and take this as a learning experience.

All the best, when you get through this, you will be even higher.

Wilnevergiveup
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Overcoming challenges 01 Oct 2021 13:36 #372777

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Hi congratulations on your beautiful streak. And sorry for your fall.

Here is how I feel about it and the challenge about. If you think about your cumulative days and especially your streak then your doing beautiful, so you had a fall, think in shomayim putting everything on a scale one fall on one side and 350 on the other side. It's like someone who started to Daven with kavanah and one day of 310 days he didn't, and he would get all mad and would wanna give up sounds crazy. Also try to remember how it looked before your streak.
But on the other side a big motivation is the streak and and we like to see the days building.
So we gotta focus on both.

Hashem should continue to give you strength, and you should be Matzliach.
All the best

Re: Overcoming challenges 01 Oct 2021 15:27 #372783

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zedj you are such an inspiration and you should be proud. 
the ikkar avodah is changing who we are and our relationship with tayva, and I can't imagine that you are the same person you were before this amazing streak. You are elevated cleansed soul and ready to bounce back and be so clean again. 
Thank you so much for all the chizuk you provide

Re: Overcoming challenges 04 Oct 2021 04:18 #372871

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@CAPTAIN
@WNGU
@NO MASK
@ASJ
Thank you all so very much! 
I'm already feeling alot better about myself!

4 days clean
these four days went quicker than I thought it would...i think that's a good thing.

BH so far i wrote out a new contract with some more restrictions. 
I Have been keep in touch with someone nightly and give a summed up version of how the day wwent.
Also i have looked into screen monitoring and have a few issues with that1-its expensive 2-i do have private conversations on WhatsApp and text that would be seen by the screen monitoring program (and the guy being the accountability partner) so I don't think that will work for me. 

At the moment im contemplating a white list....not the most fond of the whitelist but it will definitely be a game cchanger
IF anyone can share their whitelist experience that would be great!
Wishing you all well

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 04 Oct 2021 04:28 #372873

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I personally have a whitelist on my phone. It works very well, only that sometimes I put a website on the list only to discover that it’s not as clean as I thought. On Apple you need to put in the code to remove sites, so I sometimes get stuck with a compromised site on my list till I can get my code put in to adjust it. Also it’s extremely inconvenient overall. I guess it may be a sacrifice you have to make for the sake of staying clean …
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

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