Hey guys, I know I am posting a lot and i apologize, but this is my only hope right now and tg i stayed clean today so hooray! 

I was reading snowflake's forum (awesome read!) and it basically ends with him getting diagnosed with anxiety and taking meds that he says lowered the urge. If there's anyone who qualifies as being stricken with stress and anxiety its me. I have inner issues from childhood trauma that was never resolved despite stints in therapy which never worked for me. I have a bunch of nervous habits and have been COMPLRELTY relient on porn and acting out as what keeps me even a bit sane. With all that, I am able to keep it together and consider myself a great husband and father (my wife would agree.) So should I get myself checked and start taking meds? Is that a cop out? If not, how not? Do I owe it to myself? If i need meds but don't take them, is there still a chance of breaking free on my own like russel crowe's character in a beautiful mind who cures his sitzofrecism (i think that officially makes me the first person to misspell a word that is not even a word lol please excuse me) with his mind by simplhy choosing to ignore them. They never go away, but he is victorious. Somehoe I feel like taking meds to make this easier would undo all the struggle and victory of the past 15 years. Like that's not how I envisioned this battle ending. I envisioned breaking free, on my own, with hashem's help. Not by finding a way around it - a way which, had I used meds 10 years ago, could have saved me a hell of a lot of pain, frustration, sadness, anger, self-loathing, shame, guilt etc etc etc etc etc. 

Thoughts?

No you do not need medication. Medication shouldn't be the first choice. There are many, many different therapies that can be used to overcome anxiety. All you need is a competent therapist and a strong will (which you clearly have). Sometimes they will prescribe medication in the beginning of therapy to help the patient calm down slightly so he can put his training into play. The goal should always be (if possible obviously) to eventually wean off of medication. If you suffer from anxiety on a daily basis that inhibits your regular living then you should definitely try therapy for it. It will make your life that much more pleasant and you might not feel the need for "extracurricular recreational " activities. 

                               Grant 

P.S. Please post as much as you like! Thats what this forum is for. Post away!

Thanks for that. I was in therapy a number of times, it honestly never worked for me. I always felt as if it was "knei lecha chaver" like i was paying for a non-judgemental friend to listen to me, who really didn't care about me outside the fact that I was paying him (overtime cost extra etc.)

First of all. A therapist is not a doctor. A person must connect to the therapist if it will be successful. You might have to try a few until you feel like you found one you connect to and like as a person. Also, the fact that you pay them doesn't mean they don't care. We pay rebbeim and most care. We pay our children's babysitter and they care. The reason we pay is because these people also have bills and also have expenses. He/she must charge for that reason it by no means is an indicator that you are purely a business partner. View overtime as your therapists child's afikomen present. A therapists time is his food, clothes and mortgage. 

Hey there fellow, thank you for the heads-up and at the same time a word of caution. Perhaps my words were a bit misconstrued. I didn't go to a psychiatrist because of my addiction to P and M, or rather, not specifically for that goal. The shrink saw the P and M as one of the many symptoms of my anxiety disorder. Nor do I advocate for meds outright. A psychiatrist, where I live (not in the US), is both a therapist and a certified physician. So he is 100% able to diagnose you and he might even say no, you don't need meds, you can do therapy x, y, z etc. But he might as well give you meds, or both meds and therapy. Every psychiatrist, as far as I'm concerned, is not interested in giving you drugs forever. There is such a thing as an intent to "wean you off". But some conditions are chronic and of course, the choice is all yours not to take any meds. But I say I grossly underestimated the impact my condition had on me. The psychiatrist pointed out a lot of things I was overlooking, besides P and M, that were symptoms of an anxiety disorder. I say go to a psychiatrist. It doesn't mean you'll qualify for meds. You need an assessment. You need to tell him your life story, how do you feel on a day to day basis. Do you have trouble sleeping?etc etc. Only then he will be able to tell you what to do. He is the only one who can tell you, if you could benefit from meds or if your case could be solved by therapy alone. The side effects could arguably be less than that of an over the counter pain-killer and depending on your case, greatly improve your quality of life in general.

Grant400 wrote on 04 Aug 2020 14:32:

I second Grants comment, medication is not the first option (doctors dont rush to surgery first to treat wounds so why here?) most people have emotions with triggers, deppression, anxiety, insecurities. the best course is to heal the wound with care (Therapies or working on yourself), if it doesnt work then we move to more aggressive measures. I cant speak for you so you need to decide what is best for you

Hi,
I went to therapy to help with my addiction. BH i am very grateful that i found a good one on the first try! Someone who dedicated his life to helping people with this addiction! It definitely cost a pretty penny but he cares just as much, and i can confidently say that it was successful!
Along the journey we discovered other issues that needed work such as ADHD. For me the best way to deal with it is with meds. It is important to recognize that medication is not a "magic pill" (mind the pun). Medication is usually given to substitute for a chemical imbalance, so it is only useful if you actually need it... Plus you will definitely still need to work on yourself or the medication will not be nearly as effective...