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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Freedom 3074 Views

Re: Freedom 14 Oct 2020 13:19 #356174

  • Grant400
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Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 14 Oct 2020 10:17:

Meyer M. wrote on 13 Oct 2020 01:49:
Day 2-7: clean

Day 8: fell

Question: why is quitting this so difficult for me? I usually ace everything I put my head to in life so why is this so hard?

You know - I have the same exact question.

I fell again yesterday too. And I don't get why I keep on doing it. But for me personally, I think the answer is that I truly believe I will stop when I need to. Like, when I will start dating, or when I get married or whenever in the future it is, I will just stop with this nonsense. Its not that I feel marriage will cure me, rather as soon as I need to get my act together, I will. Be it marriage, or work, or whatever else will just get me to let go. I never see myself doing this for the rest of my life, struggling for the rest of my life. I just don't need to stop right yet.

Stupid I know. I'll have to work on it. And you'll have to find your own reason. Think about it. Let us know.

Oish! ITK my brother! You know better than that! 

This needs a longer response...I just don't have the time right now. Anyone? 

Re: Freedom 14 Oct 2020 13:53 #356178

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ITK, with your permission, I offer the following thoughts. I don't mean this as telling you what to do. This is not the place for that and it's not what I like doing. It's just that it seems that you are looking for a solution to this trick of the yetzer hora and that you want to hear how others have fought this. So that's why I write this. If that's not so, please disregard this message.

Like 15 years ago I was in a store and I heard a person telling his friend, "I'm not addicted to cigarettes! I could quit whenever I want! I just don't want to right now." 
I would bet anything that this person still smokes.
The question you have to ask yourself is when do you want to be that person who you want to be? Because if you don't decide that you want to be that person soon, you might tell yourself "tomorrow" for the rest of your life! But if you try now, then you will already be the person you want to be now!
There are things that are more important and greater to you than temptation, at least during the time of your life that you're not lusting. You have to ask yourself who you want to be. Do you want to be someone great? Then fight the battle and you'll be great (no matter whether you succeed or not).
When you want to win strong enough, you won't want to make excuses! You'll want to be the great person you can be, more than you want pleasures, and it will be easier not to make excuses.
Remember, the way to become a great person is by trying to overcome temptation. So when it's more difficult, it's a greater opportunity to become great!
C'mon, smash this yetzer hora. You got this! We're rooting for you!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
Last Edit: 14 Oct 2020 13:58 by Captain.

Re: Freedom 14 Oct 2020 15:51 #356185

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Give yourself a kick in the pants buddy. If you can stop, stop now. Immediately. Face it, you will start dating and then the nusach will be - "I can stop, and i will when this gets serious". Then it will get serious and the nusach will be "I can stop, and i will when i get engaged". Then you will get engaged, and the nusach will be "I can stop, and i will when i get married........." 

If you need help stopping or incentives, there are guys that help. You can PM to find out details.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Freedom 14 Oct 2020 22:50 #356204

@ITK My two cents: I think there is truth to people changing when they need to. However, I think some people find that what they thought would require them to change doesn't actually end having that effect. For example, turns out you can be dating or married and still struggle with this. 

Of course, for some people, certain situations like dating and marriage can offer additional incentives to fight. That's great. For other people dating is actually a massive trigger. Especially dealing with the rejection and disappointment aspect involved. Or really liking someone and fantasizing etc. Point is, if we anticipate we will be in situations in the future that will act as additional motivators, that's great. But if we wait until then to change, we may be mistaken about how much a motivator those events actually are. It also will likely be even harder to change, because our habit has become more ingrained by indulging. Hope that is useful!
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: Freedom 15 Oct 2020 11:06 #356256

Sorry Meyer, it seems I hijacked your thread a bit, I'll head back onto mine and make my responses there. Thanks all for responding though.

יהי רצון שהדברים לתועלת

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
We all make choices in life, but in the end, our choices make us.

Re: Freedom 16 Oct 2020 15:01 #356317

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@Meyer, how u been?

Re: Freedom 25 Oct 2020 19:32 #356672

  • Meyer M.
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Day 1-12 Clean followed by a fall.

Days in and out:

I had days where I felt like I didn’t want to get out of bed to go through the motions and yet I pushed myself.
I had days where I felt like I couldn’t daven and yet I pushed myself.
I had days where I felt like I couldn’t learn and yet I pushed myself.

I’v known that sitting around on Shabbos doesn’t bode well for me as I usually end up slipping and falling. So I went and took a nap, I woke up feeling groggy and nauseous. And throughout Motzai Shabbos although physically I felt disgusted, I felt good mentally as I had gone through Shabbos without falling.

It all happened so quickly. As I was laying in bed to go to sleep. I inadvertently irritated myself, this was followed by a though, a disgusting thought that I thought I had left at the bottom of the pit I had crawled out of. And I fell. No further irritation, no further thinking. It happened so quickly.

I cried myself to sleep that night. Why? Why me? I had been a good kid. My mind had remained clean even after I found out about sex. And all it took was an abusive rebbe and the allure of a materialistic life, to shatter my self esteem into a million pieces.

Why? On which day I had I not pushed hard enough? To which person had I not been nice enough? To deserve this? Why?

I wish I knew the answer....
Here’s to 90 days
Hatzlacha Rabbah and thank you in advance for taking the time to read this post.
Your best teacher for success is your last mistake
Last Edit: 25 Oct 2020 19:33 by Meyer M..

Re: Freedom 26 Oct 2020 04:47 #356700

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Hey buddy, be strong, I feel for you, it sounds rough.

I still cry myself to sleep sometimes, not out of prayer or trying to connect to Hashem (although I do try to talk to Him) but as a shattered person.

It's rough and it feels like an endless battle against ourselves, we just cant seem to get out of our own way.

Yup, the story of my life, the crying, the promises, the week or two or three and then back to the beginning of the cycle all over again.

I am davening for you that you should have the strength and knowledge to know what it is that you need to do next and to be able to do it.

I wish I could be of more help.

Keep pushing and don't forget, the most important thing is to never give up!

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup 
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Freedom 28 Oct 2020 04:22 #356791

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Meyer M. wrote on 25 Oct 2020 19:32:
Day 1-12 Clean followed by a fall.

Days in and out:

I had days where I felt like I didn’t want to get out of bed to go through the motions and yet I pushed myself.
I had days where I felt like I couldn’t daven and yet I pushed myself.
I had days where I felt like I couldn’t learn and yet I pushed myself.

I’v known that sitting around on Shabbos doesn’t bode well for me as I usually end up slipping and falling. So I went and took a nap, I woke up feeling groggy and nauseous. And throughout Motzai Shabbos although physically I felt disgusted, I felt good mentally as I had gone through Shabbos without falling.

It all happened so quickly. As I was laying in bed to go to sleep. I inadvertently irritated myself, this was followed by a though, a disgusting thought that I thought I had left at the bottom of the pit I had crawled out of. And I fell. No further irritation, no further thinking. It happened so quickly.

I cried myself to sleep that night. Why? Why me? I had been a good kid. My mind had remained clean even after I found out about sex. And all it took was an abusive rebbe and the allure of a materialistic life, to shatter my self esteem into a million pieces.

Why? On which day I had I not pushed hard enough? To which person had I not been nice enough? To deserve this? Why?

I wish I knew the answer....
Here’s to 90 days
Hatzlacha Rabbah and thank you in advance for taking the time to read this post.

Hey hero, cut it out. You think this nisayon is a punishment?! You think it's the bad guys get tested with this tormenting taivah?! No, it is the heroes like you who Hashem for some hidden reason has chosen to rise to the challenge and stubbornly pick up after a fall (again) and keep trudging forward through the murky swamp. All those tears, all those promises, all those sick to the stomach feelings, all that agonizing pain is bringing Moshiach. And buddy, you will be on the front line. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Freedom 30 Oct 2020 08:46 #356896

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4 days.

Fell.
Your best teacher for success is your last mistake

Re: Freedom 09 Nov 2020 05:08 #357208

  • Meyer M.
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10 days.

Clean. 

Your best teacher for success is your last mistake

Re: Freedom 09 Nov 2020 13:39 #357213

  • Grant400
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Welcome back Meyer! 

Re: Freedom 09 Nov 2020 19:24 #357232

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Meyer M. wrote on 09 Nov 2020 05:08:
10 days.

Clean. 


Nice!
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Freedom 19 Nov 2020 03:56 #357543

  • Meyer M.
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20 days.

Fell but way better than 4 days.
Moving forward!!!
Your best teacher for success is your last mistake

Re: Freedom 19 Nov 2020 06:52 #357549

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20 is huge! 
But you can do more. Have you not hit 40 in the past? 

Now may be the time to pick up the phone and start speaking with people (if you haven't yet). Just a suggestion. Works for many of us. 

On to 50 now 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number
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