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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: O God 191 Views

O God 27 Jul 2020 04:16 #353039

  • banana
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4 days into 90 day challenge and my struggle got way stronger then usual instead of just wanting to watch adult content I leaped 10 steps and now feel like I'm fighting a wall wen I explain to people what I'm doing they say it's impossible who ever claims to do it is lying they say there supportive but don't buy it my struggle is now I want to do go a step further by being strong for 90 days I feel like I'm trapped gonna keep going hopefully it passes I'm honestly not sure if it's completely realistic to just never do it again it's human nature Its hard to fight a a war you can't fully win but I see the benefits and will give it what I got  I'm completely confused there's no way I can fully understand why my strongest urge is supposed to be the devil I'll take this as being the biggest challenge for Jews guys that just goes pretty unnoticed unless you pay attention maybe lashan Haras bad and keeping shabbas is great but I don't see how it gets harder this topic I think there should be way more addressing of this topic so it doesn't get hit at you like lighting but the lighting is here to stay I'll deal with burns and keep moving I don't think anyone is gonna read this but I'm happy to vent

Re: O God 27 Jul 2020 05:33 #353041

Welcome! We are happy to have you here.

What you are feeling is something a lot of people here feel but you must know that even though it seems too difficult, it can be done. Countless people here have recovered from similar situations and with G-D's help, you will to.

It's not going to be an easy journey neither will it be a quick one. Most people don't get it on their first or second try, it takes perseverance. The most important thing is to keep on fighting, keep chipping away at it and you will be able to change your life. 

Take a look around, read through some of the forums for some ideas and chizzuk.

A good place to start is the GYE handbook guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/gye-handbook and Rabbi Shafier's series"The Fight" https://gye.vids.io/tags/6c9cdbbb1ce9/rabbi-bentzion-shafier .

Hatzlachah, keep us posted.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: O God 27 Jul 2020 13:17 #353046

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Also check out The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. It will help you change your attitude toward this holy fight, which is in actuality your opportunity to be considered one of the greatest tzaddikim.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: O God 27 Jul 2020 13:47 #353047

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Hello banana and welcome!!!

Of course people are going to read your post! Everyone here struggles with similar problems and we ALL had/have the same thought process- it's too hard, how could God do this to us, it's the only thing on my mind, it's too painful, FOREVER!?!? etc. I'd like to make a few points: 
1) The fact that it seems insurmountable has to do with where you are holding now. From what I understand, you were in a place of doing whatever and whenever, so the extremely rapid change makes it seem impossible. Of course it's hard. Bloody hard. But it will get better. Perspectives change. New appreciations and understandings. 

2) A tremendous part of the reason it is so insanely hard right now and the reason your friends can't understand how it's possible is because they are "shakua"- entrenched in feeding their lust. If one exposes themselves to stimulating and enticing situations inevitably he WILL fall. By removing the cause, i.e. videos, ogling women, fantasizing and installing filters, the fight inevitably becomes possible, because without that it's like moving to an island that only serves ham and being frustrated that God expects you to keep kosher, because there's nothing else to eat. You can't put yourself in a situation of temptation and be shocked when you are expected to resist. (Or even expect yourself to resist)

3) Don't view the battle as a lifelong battle. View it minute by minute. Day by day. That's all Hashem wants. You can't say to yourself there's no way I can last for a lifetime so let me just give in now... if you do, of course its impossible! Let us ruminate upon worst case scenario. You fall after a while (or short time), why does that make it a failure? Yes you failed THIS time but the past minute/ hour/day/week/month/year was a SMASHING success. Do you tell your brother: I dont think I'm going to be able to never hit you again in my life so...Wham! I may as well punch you at every opportunity? No! We do our best.

4) Get some new friends asap! If your friends are all still entrenched in lust and you hang out with them your battle will be many times harder.

5) You wrote shabbos doesn't compare. That is nowadays. What about in the beginning of the 20th century? Imagine yourself married with 3 kids. Living in the tenements in the lower east side of Manhattan. Struggling to find a job to make a few pennies to literally buy food for your family. The baby is wearing an old torn stretchy. Each week in Friday you must trek into the boss's office and notify him that you cant work in shabbos. Immediately you are fired. Week after week. No money. Sad kids. Oh yeah... and your friends say- c'mon you gotta work on shabbos...no choice- this isn't Europe-as they drive away in shiny new cars to their summer homes. You would say-  "arayos" that's doable but shabbos? C'mon my kids are hungry... I don't know where my next paycheck is coming....and so on in each generations custom made nisayon.

6)People here say the truth. They are anonymous. Making believe everything is well is pointless. 

7) Please post about your struggles- and please use commas and periods. It makes it soooo much easier to read 

                           Adios,
                                 Grant
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