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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Hayom Yom 10473 Views

Re: Hayom Yom 20 May 2021 20:20 #368750

  • BHYY
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Snowflake wrote on 20 May 2021 13:22:
Great to see you fighting.
Keep going and the rewiring will occur.
About the whole marriage helps or not, my 2 cents:
Having been married before, not being married now and looking forward to getting married Ym"H soon, I don't think men really crave sex. (what? lol)
Looking at myself, I'm a very needy guy, i.e. I need my future wife to give me a lot of attention in any form. Sex is the ultimate "attention giving", "token of acceptance", you name it. But if she doesn't give me that all the time but at least give me her love, smile, talk to me, ask me how my day went, I think I can withstand the 14 day period (sometimes 60 if she gives birth), as I think anyone here can. I know in my past marriage, I think the main issue was not getting enough attention, despite the other part not being great either. I'm not sure this should be in the baalei batims section, but if she does "it" solely for you (and you know when such a thing happens), it is not satisfying at all. On the contrary, it's very depressing.
Dov talks a lot about that. Being single now, I'd say I don't really crave sex. I crave closeness. A female heart. A partner. You name it. Unfortunately, I look for the wrong means to solve the issue, hence my problem.
Be kitzur, IMHO, find someone who will give you plenty of support and love. Although unrelated to GYE, common values is a must too. That should be of great help.

+100000000000000
I have no idea if I actually crave sex, I've never had it (outside of with myself).
But I will say the feelings that you describe are exactly what I crave. Support, love, closeness. Everything. You hit the nail on the head.
With the help of the Ribono Shel Olam we'll both be clean and happily married very soon!
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 20 May 2021 23:00 #368754

  • Snowflake
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Thanks brother!
Amen to that!! 1000x
If I may add, being optimistic about life in general, and shidduchim in specific, is really helping me out. I think it could help anyone of course. Hope you're optimistic too, you seem like a very nice fellow
All we have to remind ourselves is that the Ribbono Sheil Oilam has got our backs. No need to fret about it.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Hayom Yom 08 Jun 2021 16:29 #369633

  • BHYY
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B”H been clean for a while. Going through a rough patch with shidduchim, got dumped a few times. Not easy. 
I’m noticing how difficult it is this time without muting the pain by masturbating and watching porn. I’m actually feeling life. It’s not pleasant but there’s something more pleasant about feeling it than escaping from it. 
Urges are there. Urges will always be there. But I’m not giving in. 
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 08 Jun 2021 16:47 #369634

  • DavidT
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BHYY wrote on 08 Jun 2021 16:29:
B”H been clean for a while. Going through a rough patch with shidduchim, got dumped a few times. Not easy. 
I’m noticing how difficult it is this time without muting the pain by masturbating and watching porn. I’m actually feeling life. It’s not pleasant but there’s something more pleasant about feeling it than escaping from it. 
Urges are there. Urges will always be there. But I’m not giving in. 

רוק הדר בכרך ואינו חוטא   פסחים, קיג.רוק = אדם שלא נשוי, ואין לו אשה, ואין לו פת פסלו, ורוק זה גר בכרך, שזהו מקום של העיר הגדולה, ויש שם הרבה נסיונות של פריצות ועריות, וזה הרוק לא חוטא, אז הקדוש ברוך הוא מכריז עליו ומתפאר בו בכל יום ויום על ששומר עצמו מלחטוא.הרוק הזה הוא לא חוטא בעריות זה ממש התנהגות מעל הטבע, זה הדבר הקשה ביותר שלא לפגום ביסוד.כמו שכותב הרמב"ם בהלכות איסורי ביאה:"אין לך דבר בכל התורה כולה שהוא קשה לרוב העם לפרוש ממנו אלא מן העריות והביאות האסורות" עכ"ל.ומכל מקום אתה ממשיך לשמור על הברית ולא לפגום ביסוד ע"י הוצאת שז"ל או כל עניני עריות, אז זה ממש בגדר "כי עליך הורגנו כל היום" , שבכל יום ויום אנו הורגים את התאוה של הניאוף, שהיא הכי קשה לפרוש ממנה, אבל לכבוד הקדוש ברוך הוא, שאני אוהב אותו, אם כבן או אם כעבד, אני אשמור על היסוד שלא לפגום, ועל זה נאמר: כי עליך הורגנו כל היום!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Hayom Yom 10 Jun 2021 17:25 #369728

  • yosef10
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Its great to hear that your doing well. KEEP ON PUSHING
"Sometimes the only Bechira we have is to ask for help"

Maybe you can gain something by following my journey... Or not, whatever works
MY Forum

Re: Hayom Yom 10 Jun 2021 17:39 #369729

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HEYYYY!!!
How you been, long time no post (for me especially)
"Sometimes the only Bechira we have is to ask for help"

Maybe you can gain something by following my journey... Or not, whatever works
MY Forum

Re: Hayom Yom 10 Jun 2021 17:49 #369730

  • yosef10
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Great to see you fighting.
Keep going and the rewiring will occur.
About the whole marriage helps or not, my 2 cents:
Having been married before, not being married now and looking forward to getting married Ym"H soon, I don't think men really crave sex. (what? lol)
Looking at myself, I'm a very needy guy, i.e. I need my future wife to give me a lot of attention in any form. Sex is the ultimate "attention giving", "token of acceptance", you name it. But if she doesn't give me that all the time but at least give me her love, smile, talk to me, ask me how my day went, I think I can withstand the 14 day period (sometimes 60 if she gives birth), as I think anyone here can. I know in my past marriage, I think the main issue was not getting enough attention, despite the other part not being great either. I'm not sure this should be in the baalei batims section, but if she does "it" solely for you (and you know when such a thing happens), it is not satisfying at all. On the contrary, it's very depressing.
Dov talks a lot about that. Being single now, I'd say I don't really crave sex. I crave closeness. A female heart. A partner. You name it. Unfortunately, I look for the wrong means to solve the issue, hence my problem.
Be kitzur, IMHO, find someone who will give you plenty of support and love. Although unrelated to GYE, common values is a must too. That should be of great help.


Thats really a lot in that post. I think everyone can give some credence to the fact that we all like attention. I nice to hear a real perspective from someone who has actually been there, and can talk to us about it. 
But I think (which doesn't usually lead to good things), that there is some aspect of guys craving lust, and the highest form of it is using another for your own personal needs. Not arguing at all, just another perspective of someone who went to a couple of SA meetings.
"Sometimes the only Bechira we have is to ask for help"

Maybe you can gain something by following my journey... Or not, whatever works
MY Forum
Last Edit: 10 Jun 2021 17:51 by yosef10.

Re: Hayom Yom 18 Aug 2021 05:08 #371714

  • YeshivaGuy
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How u doing buddy?

Re: Hayom Yom 01 Sep 2021 18:59 #372100

  • YeshivaGuy
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C’mon man, you can’t leave us hanging.
Hows it going? Speak to us, we miss you!!

YeshivaGuy
Last Edit: 01 Sep 2021 18:59 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Hayom Yom 11 Oct 2021 00:41 #373138

  • BHYY
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Shalom, shalom larachok ul'karov.
How has everyone been?
B"H I have been doing well, not perfect (who is?) thanks to some special people, SMART meetings, and just believing in myself.
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 12 Oct 2021 23:19 #373222

  • BHYY
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Just wanted to pop in and say hi again. 
I don’t really know what to say. I’ve been journaling more, really writing out my thoughts completely unadulterated. (The more sharp-eyed of you might have caught me contemplating sharing some of it but I decided it was more personal.)
A cool tool that I learned which acts as a confidence booster when I’m contemplating falling or acting out is to write out the pros and cons of acting out. (The fancy name is CBA-cost benefit analysis). Take a piece of paper and divide it into 4 boxes. Top left is the benefit of acting out, top right is cost of acting out. Bottom left is benefit of abstaining and bottom right is cost of abstaining. Write 4-5 things per box. I’m not trying to lecture from my soapbox but when I sit and fill out a CBA I get a nice boost of confidence.
This tool actually came from GYE’s new Flight 2 Freedom platform.
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Oct 2021 03:07 #373231

  • OivedElokim
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Hey buddy. Keep up the good work and please stick around and post more often. It gives me a lot of chizuk…
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Oct 2021 19:59 #373267

  • BHYY
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Just a thought I had driving home from Shacharis this morning...
Our eyes are drawn to movement. That's the way Hashem created us. The reason your car's turn signal blinks is so other drivers' attention should be drawn to it. When we are driving or walking and our eyes catch movement and we find ourselves looking at a lady that's not our fault, Hashem created our bodies to do that. The question is do we let our eyes linger or do we look away? Do we move on or take a second glance?
When I was driving home from Shacharis this morning I was stopped at a red light and I found myself looking at a lady walking down the street. I quickly looked away and before I could beat myself up for looking at her, I reminded myself that it was out of my control. Hashem made that happen.
What happens after is my control.
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 14 Oct 2021 13:52 #373291

  • BHYY
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Yesterday was tough. I had so many urges to act out. I was sitting for most of the day in front of my computer and just wanted to masturbate to let off some steam and relax. My built in stress reliever. 
By taking it slow, deep breaths, and telling myself I could do it, just push it off a little longer, I B”H made it through clean. What a confidence booster. It’s not about “well this urge is pretty strong and it’s only 10am, no way I’m going to make it through today, may as well give in now.” I pushed myself every time an urge arose yesterday and walked away with a complete clean day. No matter what happens after, no one can take that away from me. 
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 15 Oct 2021 20:34 #373332

  • BHYY
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Let's start with the good:
Yesterday, Thursday, I came home to a house full of unfiltered internet. With the help of the Ribono Shel Olam and careful planning, I stayed clean. A major accomplishment!
Today however, I fell. Progress! I planned for Thursday and was successful. 
מי שטרח בערב שבת יאכל בשבת מי שלא טרח בערב שבת מהיכן יאכל בשבת
I need to plan better for my Fridays!
All in all, I am happy where I am. I definitely need work but I'm moving in the right direction.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!!
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom
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