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Starting again!!!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Starting again!!! 5730 Views

Re: Starting again!!! 08 Oct 2020 16:06 #355915

  • OivedElokim
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Day 38:

Having a much better day today, BH. Got up relatively early, davened and learnt a bit. I’m going to be traveling today so I may run into some triggers but I’m pretty sure I can handle it, bez”h.

In other news: I’ve been going through the form called “Yechida’s reflections” from the beginning. It’s amazing stuff, although it seems like the style has changed. The old posts are pretty big, incredibly deep and inspiring. It’s massive, and I don’t necessarily have the patience for the really long ones, but it’s really good stuff.

Anyways friends have a good moed and a Gmar Chasima Tovah!
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Last Edit: 08 Oct 2020 16:08 by OivedElokim.

Re: Starting again!!! 12 Oct 2020 05:30 #355987

  • OivedElokim
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Day 42:
Yom Tov was amazing, BH. Squeaky clean.
On Simchas Torah we celebrate the giving of the second luchos. HaShem gave them to us after we sinned and did Teshuva. Specifically After we mess up and return do we get the ultimate treasure, כפליים לתושי׳. HaShem wants to be full partners with him. That is only possible if we have something to contribute that he cannot provide, כביכול. The ability to transform זדונות into זכיות is something that is unique to us. Let us rejoice in the knowledge that HaShem is eagerly awaiting for us to do our part, so that he could take pride in our accomplishments and rejoice with us.
א גוט יאר און א פרייליכען תמיד.
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Re: Starting again!!! 12 Oct 2020 19:31 #356022

  • OivedElokim
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I had a tough time getting out of bed today. I had a wet dream while vacillating in bed. I’m not sure if I should count that as a fall being that I wasn’t fully asleep, although i didn’t touch myself at all...
Anybody know how this works?
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Last Edit: 12 Oct 2020 19:48 by OivedElokim.

Re: Starting again!!! 12 Oct 2020 19:37 #356023

  • wilnevergiveup
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I think we need a GYE beis din for this one...
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Starting again!!! 12 Oct 2020 21:23 #356028

  • Grant400
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OivedElokim wrote on 12 Oct 2020 19:31:
I had a tough time getting out of bed today. I had a wet dream while vacillating in bed. I’m not sure if I should count that as a fall being that I wasn’t fully asleep, although i didn’t touch myself at all...
Anybody know how this works?

If you would've been fully awake would you have made the same ill-fated decision? 

I think not. מותר לך. מותר לך. מותר לך. 

Re: Starting again!!! 12 Oct 2020 21:29 #356029

  • OivedElokim
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Thanks man. That sounds right, now that it’s coming from someone else...
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Re: Starting again!!! 12 Oct 2020 21:33 #356030

  • OivedElokim
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I’m in a pretty bad mood right now. Just stressed about a few things, like my relatively new hat getting blown off, smashed and falling into a puddle today and waking up way too late. Don’t think I’m going to fall because of it, though.
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Re: Starting again!!! 12 Oct 2020 22:33 #356034

  • Grant400
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OivedElokim wrote on 12 Oct 2020 21:33:
I’m in a pretty bad mood right now. Just stressed about a few things, like my relatively new hat getting blown off, smashed and falling into a puddle today and waking up way too late. Don’t think I’m going to fall because of it, though.

I don't think you should either. I just had a fall after 35 days which was preceded by a fall after 53 days. Nothing is worth it. Nothing. Stay strong for me please- and for yourself too.

                                                              !הצלחה אחי!
 אני מבטיח אותך עוד פעם שזה באמת לא כדאי     בכלל! 

                                  גראנט

Re: Starting again!!! 12 Oct 2020 23:03 #356037

  • OivedElokim
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Thanks my friend. Good luck with you journey towards purity and growth. I appreciate your support.
כל טוב!

Saw a nice quote today I’d like to share. Unrelated to anything:
“Everyone is gifted - but some people never open their package”
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Re: Starting again!!! 13 Oct 2020 21:40 #356113

  • OivedElokim
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Having a better day today. Woke up late, though not as late as yesterday. Had a short workout when I got up. Really energized me and put me in a better mindset. Going to try to learn and do some errands today, maybe learn with a friend. HaShem help me stay clean and maintain a positive attitude.

The Kotzker said (I didn’t see this recently, so maybe it’s a misquote) that he is not concerned with a chossid that sins. He is concerned that he had time to sin. 
I know that it’s sometimes hard to deal with lust this way, but we have to know that it’s ultimately true. HaShem gave us a day today for a specific purpose. Acting out is not on the schedule. Find out what is on the schedule and try your best to do that...
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Re: Starting again!!! 14 Oct 2020 21:53 #356201

  • OivedElokim
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Day 44:
Can’t get myself out of this vicious cycle of late nights and late “mornings”. 

Also, I’m noticing that I have been spending way too much time on this site recently. Going through full threads in one sitting...
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Either way, I’m clean today, Bh.
I’m trying to think of how to celebrate my sobriety. Maybe I’ll buy myself something at 50 days.

Now I’ll go daven mincha and learn something...
See y’all later.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
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Re: Starting again!!! 14 Oct 2020 22:09 #356202

I'm in a similar boat, also spending a while here. I think there's a lot to be gained from some threads

Looking forward to being 1 day behind you for a long time!

Re: Starting again!!! 15 Oct 2020 01:19 #356213

  • OivedElokim
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There’s definitely a lot to gain here. But at the end of the day if your spending 3 hours a day on it you might wanna question what your trying to escape from...
I have a few ideas.
Whatever.
Either way, it should be your biggest problem...
Looking forward to staying ahead of you...
קנאת סופרים תרבה חכמה...
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Last Edit: 15 Oct 2020 01:20 by OivedElokim.

Re: Starting again!!! 15 Oct 2020 04:43 #356226

  • wilnevergiveup
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Spending a lot of time on GYE is definitely not the worst thing in the world, but not the greatest either.
If it's during bein hazemanim and you really have nothing better to do, then great. Although you might want to find something to do, it's not a sign of anything other then just being bored.
If you really are busy though, and you find yourself here in the place of other important things then it's more of an issue.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Starting again!!! 15 Oct 2020 04:47 #356228

  • OivedElokim
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Your probably right. I think I’m just speaking from a idealistic point of view (perfectionism alert). Like even during Bein Hazmanim you should have something your occupied with. But I know that it’s difficult sometimes realistically speaking ...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
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