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My Clean Days Log
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: My Clean Days Log 12753 Views

Re: My Clean Days Log 27 Oct 2021 02:22 #373624

Day #44.

Re: My Clean Days Log 02 Nov 2021 02:04 #373793

#50.

Re: My Clean Days Log 02 Nov 2021 16:30 #373814

What an incredible milestone!

Re: My Clean Days Log 07 Nov 2021 00:35 #373995

Day #55.

Re: My Clean Days Log 12 Nov 2021 01:18 #374210

Day #60.

Re: My Clean Days Log 12 Nov 2021 04:15 #374216

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60=2 months,
Incredible!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: My Clean Days Log 22 Nov 2021 00:51 #374474

Day #70.

Re: My Clean Days Log 22 Nov 2021 01:11 #374475

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Beautiful!!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My Clean Days Log 25 Nov 2021 07:57 #374569

Day #73.
Cumulative Clean Days: 600

Re: My Clean Days Log 07 Dec 2021 04:17 #374787

Day #85.

Re: My Clean Days Log 12 Dec 2021 01:55 #374896

Day #90.

A few points from this 90-day journey:
1. I did this 90-day journey with three unfiltered company devices. It's possible (although I highly recommend and encourage filtering software on all personal devices!!!). I arranged an accountability partner, GYE's own HHM, and communicated with him regularly through texts and a phone call or two. Thank you, HHM. 

2. Refraining from watching pornography and masturbating, in my experience, is not satisfying. In other words, I don't feel like I am accomplishing anything by not doing something. The 90-day counter helps that a little bit because I can see my progress, but not fully. I try my best to be productive and to do things that make me feel like I am accomplishing good in this world. Being satisfied and fulfilled goes a long way in this and other struggles. I don't think, in this 90-day period, I ever had an urge to masturbate or look at pornography when I was focused and involved in a productive activity.

3. I didn't graduate. I didn't kill the yetzer hara. My desire for sexual gratification has not changed. And that is perfectly okay and normal. That also means that the controls I set up for the 90 days are not going away. I want to stay away from pornography and masturbation for many reasons, religious, personal, and otherwise. I am not going to let my guard down.

4. The slips and falls that I have had since joining GYE are nothing compared to what I was like before joining GYE (617 cumulative clean days since Jan 2020 vs. 3-4 times a week for the better part of 15 years). Being part of an online anonymous community has made a difference for me. It didn't guarantee that I was 100% cured of all problems in one day. For me, it was and is a process, but I am experiencing success. 

5. I've written about this before, but I'll write it again. What GYE did for me was helped me to chip away at the shame that I was carrying. I felt that there was something wrong with me. How could this rabbi (yes, rabbi) and
ben Torah keep indulging in this sinful and dark behavior? I don't feel that way anymore. I am a great person. A tzaddik. I also have my shortcomings. You know what that makes me? Like everyone else in the world. This issue of pornography and masturbation is a slight imperfection in my whole self. I sized the issue down tremendously and was able to start making real progress.

Thank you to all the GYE users who have helped and supported me throughout these last two years. I will continue to post updates on my end and I will try to pop in and respond and engage with other users on their threads too.

Wishing hatzlacha to all of you reading this on your journeys both regarding these issues and the rest of your lives!

Re: My Clean Days Log 12 Dec 2021 05:09 #374900

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Mazel Tov tzaddik. Now start helping others.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My Clean Days Log 13 Dec 2021 01:18 #374923

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שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 12 Dec 2021 01:55:
Day #90.

A few points from this 90-day journey:
1. I did this 90-day journey with three unfiltered company devices. It's possible (although I highly recommend and encourage filtering software on all personal devices!!!). I arranged an accountability partner, GYE's own HHM, and communicated with him regularly through texts and a phone call or two. Thank you, HHM. 

2. Refraining from watching pornography and masturbating, in my experience, is not satisfying. In other words, I don't feel like I am accomplishing anything by not doing something. The 90-day counter helps that a little bit because I can see my progress, but not fully. I try my best to be productive and to do things that make me feel like I am accomplishing good in this world. Being satisfied and fulfilled goes a long way in this and other struggles. I don't think, in this 90-day period, I ever had an urge to masturbate or look at pornography when I was focused and involved in a productive activity.

3. I didn't graduate. I didn't kill the yetzer hara. My desire for sexual gratification has not changed. And that is perfectly okay and normal. That also means that the controls I set up for the 90 days are not going away. I want to stay away from pornography and masturbation for many reasons, religious, personal, and otherwise. I am not going to let my guard down.

4. The slips and falls that I have had since joining GYE are nothing compared to what I was like before joining GYE (617 cumulative clean days since Jan 2020 vs. 3-4 times a week for the better part of 15 years). Being part of an online anonymous community has made a difference for me. It didn't guarantee that I was 100% cured of all problems in one day. For me, it was and is a process, but I am experiencing success. 

5. I've written about this before, but I'll write it again. What GYE did for me was helped me to chip away at the shame that I was carrying. I felt that there was something wrong with me. How could this rabbi (yes, rabbi) and
ben Torah keep indulging in this sinful and dark behavior? I don't feel that way anymore. I am a great person. A tzaddik. I also have my shortcomings. You know what that makes me? Like everyone else in the world. This issue of pornography and masturbation is a slight imperfection in my whole self. I sized the issue down tremendously and was able to start making real progress.

Thank you to all the GYE users who have helped and supported me throughout these last two years. I will continue to post updates on my end and I will try to pop in and respond and engage with other users on their threads too.

Wishing hatzlacha to all of you reading this on your journeys both regarding these issues and the rest of your lives!

Well said! Great post - thank you! 

In terms of refraining not being satisfying, I think I know what you mean. There isn't a tangible pleasure. For me, when I'm tempted to act out or look for or at something, I compare my current life with what it was before I joined GYE. There's no comparison! I'm not constantly being pulled by a riptide through the mud, I'm more present for my wife and kids, I have more serenity, not loaded with guilt, and much more. I don't know if it's that way for everyone, but that is satisfying for me.
אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי
אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו לא יכול לו
זרע אברהם אוהבי

Re: My Clean Days Log 22 Dec 2021 03:55 #375148

100 Days.

Re: My Clean Days Log 22 Dec 2021 12:21 #375155

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Mazel Tov!!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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