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My Clean Days Log
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: My Clean Days Log 14109 Views

Re: My Clean Days Log 29 Jul 2021 18:13 #371287

  • DavidT
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1344
  • Karma: 92
Here is an excerpt from the EasyPeasy book (Painlessly quit porn immediately, without willpower or any sense of deprivation or sacrifice.) 

The Instructions
1. Follow all instructions.
2. Keep an open mind.
3. Start with a feeling of elation.
4. Resist any promise of a temporary fix.
5. Get it clear in your mind: Porn provides no genuine pleasure or crutch and you aren’t making a sacrifice.
There’s nothing to give up and no reason to feel deprived.
6. Don’t wait to quit, do it now!
7. Make a decision never to watch again and never question it.
8. Remember there is no such thing as just one peek.
9. Never watch porn again.

• I’m free from the slavery of porn.
• It’s easy to ignore my thoughts about porn.
• Bye bye thoughts, bye bye urges. Oh, there goes my cravings.
• I focus my subconscious mind to overcome porn addiction.
• Porn steals my time, energy and vitality.
• Beating porn gets exponentially easier day by day and in every aspect.
• I enjoy and value my porn-free, strong, happy, light and easy lifestyle.
• If I look back and think about my progress, it gives me great joy and pride in myself.
• Every time I see other porn users I get more motivated to see myself break that chain.
• All that pent up energy is healing my body and mind. Then, I can do more productive and challenging
work towards my values and goals.
• My brain is getting back in correct shape, getting exercised by me not doing what I was previously doing.
• Now all that pent up willpower is being utilized to handle lightweight stresses and strains of life.
• Great, I’m free and no longer a slave!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: My Clean Days Log 29 Jul 2021 21:54 #371290

  • lionking
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 884
  • Karma: 97
Most filters, especially all the Jewish ones conflict with VPN's. You cannot have the same traffic tunneling through 2 separate channels. 

One idea which you mentioned, is making a physical filter on the device for example only keeping it at work or in a locked cabinet, etc...

Please be advised that since this is a work device, you should assume the IT department can monitor everything done on it. Some countries allow that without disclosure, others require disclosure which could've been a sentence buried in some terms and conditions. How would you feel if at the next company office party, some IT member decides to share screenshots on the large office projector?

Depending on the device, apps needed, and how much willingness, IT has to work with you, it is possible to come up with a semi solution. Can you email me details about the setup?

My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: My Clean Days Log 30 Jul 2021 02:28 #371297

First 24 hours!

Re: My Clean Days Log 08 Aug 2021 16:14 #371510

Day #0.

-Recommit myself to "the challenge." As soon as I turn on an unfiltered device outside of work, I have to pay the penalty.
-Post here for accountability.
-Four times a day reflection.

That last point about the reflection is really what this is all about for me. I've asked myself and others, "why do you want to stop?" For me, the answer is not because I don't like it and it is not because it is affecting my employment or relationships. It isn't. The reason I want to stop is because I want to successfully live a life serving G-d. So, this four times a day reflection has a lot less to do with pornography and masturbation than it might have before I joined GYE. I pause to reflect on the last four hours and remind myself of what I want to do in the next four hours. On my list of things to review, I have five prompts:
1. Mitzvos and Halacha
2. Mood and behavior with others.
3. Prayers and blessings with intention and feeling.
4. Faith
5. Matters of holiness (which refers to this struggle)

I have a note pad with me on which to jot down notes and thoughts if that will help me.

I hope to get rid of one of the unfiltered devices that is causing my trouble within the next couple of weeks. In terms of the other two that haven't been an issue yet, I hope to continuing shutting them off at the end of the work day, putting them away, and avoiding them. I want to spend less time on my own personal devices. Even though they are filtered, the sitting in front of them for long periods of time definitely doesn't help and can be damaging. I have plenty of Torah to learn, work to do, and hobbies to be involved in. On the other hand, it is good to have a filtered device available, so that I have no need for the unfiltered work ones.

Re: My Clean Days Log 08 Aug 2021 20:45 #371517

  • lionking
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 884
  • Karma: 97
Welcome back, was wondering about you and hoped you are ok. Good to see you working on yourself.
Hatzlacha Rabba
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: My Clean Days Log 16 Aug 2021 01:47 #371635

Day #8.

Re: My Clean Days Log 27 Sep 2021 02:23 #372689

Day #14.

Although it has been some time since I posted here, I never despaired.

I had some great success when I first started on GYE back in January 2020 and one of the major contributors to the success was filters. At the end of June this year, I got a new job and my company gave me three unfiltered devices with no way to filter them (for various reasons). That really tripped me up.

I knew that I needed to be able to connect with someone in real time to keep me accountable. Someone that I could be friendly with and be in touch with through text. Thankfully, I found someone through GYE and I have experienced the most success since I was issued the devices.

It reminds me of the gemara:

אין חבוש מתיר עצמו מבית האסורים

The one locked up doesn't free himself from jail. Namely, someone else has to be the one to get him out.

Re: My Clean Days Log 27 Sep 2021 12:33 #372702

  • taherlibeinu
  • Current streak: 7 days
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 48
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Firstly before i write anything I just wanted to mention I am so inspired by your continued efforts. May Hashem give you Koach to be successful and for us all to break free from this incredible challenge. The Yetzer Hara's greatest ploy is to tell us we are "lost" and its all "gone" and there is "no hope". Seeing how you are persisting in your quest for Kedusha is so special and gives me strength too. May Hashem grant you only Hatzlacha and Bracha and may you obtain the Kedusha you so deserve!

I just want to note down some things that have helped me I wonder if they will be beneficial to you. 

When i look back and analyse when have i remained strong I think there are two main components..

1. distance from the bad stuff...
I removed as much as possible any easy possibility of accessing inappropriate material. For example i don't have the password to turn on the home computer. I also don't have the admin password on it and i have a standard user account. WebChaver and an internet filter are installed as well. There are multiple challenges though still working on..  My kids like netflix (Paw patrol!!!) - so being a programmer i wrote a program which my wife can run as the admin account (using the password i don't have) and it opens a browser that allows access to netflix (this is not filtered by our filter to allow this). This browser automatically closes in 45 minutes. I also have both a reporting tool Webchaver and a filter. I cannot stress how much it has helped to know that what i do is being reported (to my wife) - only installed this recently.. why oh why didn't i do it earlier!! You need both in order to have a chance.. 1 on its own is not enough. I don't have a smart phone either to be honest i am afraid of getting one i do not have the control to use it properly so i don't have it. Each person knows themself so i can't comment for anyone else. But in order to give myself a genuine chance at this i knew i needed to remove anything from the house that could lead to inappropriate material. Without removing the temptation its almost impossible to move forward. Every time i fall i try make sure the cause is removed so it can't happen again. Recently this was an old iphone of my wifes i found lying around the house.. BH i threw away the charger it has one of the old chargers and we only had one in the house.. I actually still need to remove the phone i might take it to my inlaws and leave it there (with my wifes permission )

The bottom line I learnt was is if you have an unfiltered and unreported device in your house you are doing yourself a disservice. I didn't realise this for a long period of time and I wish i had taken the steps I have done now many years earlier. You need both a filter and a reporting tool to have a chance. one on its own is not enough. Without that it really is Toivel V'Sheretz Byado. its as simple as that. I don't know if you have removed the unfiltered devices but one thing i know for sure is that He who made you will not let you lose out in any way if you choose to go down this route. On the contrary it will be the greatest thing you do. That fire that burns uncontrollably inside often for me is triggered by knowing there is a possibility of watching/acting out. Removing that has really helped me. Does this mean it won't happen again, of course not but it helps!

The second thing that helped me is the positive aspects - there is so much out there to help. GYE are amazing as are Shiurim from Rav Moshe Weinberger (Chaburas Yosef Hatzadik) I often go running listening to these..  Also celebrate the days you are clean.. I sometimes say to myself.. Imagine if i wasn't clean now.. how painful would this day be.. instead i can really enjoy it.. I write a small Cheshbon each night where i often note how many days and try talk to Hashem a little through my writing. I ask Him to look after me and my family and think through where i could have done better and note it down. Recently this has been showing more empathy and love to my family. Something I find very strongly related to Kedusha. When i am strong with Kedusha this is strong too! 

Wishing you much Hatzlacha! I hope to take Chizuk also from what i am writing here. I am BH on the way back to 90 days am at day 27 at the moment.. I am so nervous for once Yom Tov is over but i am taking day by day and PG with Hashem's help i will get there. I have been able to go longer periods in the past and then i fall back.. a similar story from reading your posts am sure you can relate too.. But Chas V'shalom for one second will i give up. This is our challenge and there is nothing to be ashamed about. Quite the contrary we are Hashem's army and fighting the battle on the front line. There is no way he will not give us the tools we need to win. This is probably the final and most important component that i use - Daven, Daven and Daven some more. Hashem will listen and He will help. 

Have a wonderful Chag

Re: My Clean Days Log 27 Sep 2021 19:29 #372718

taherlibeinu wrote on 27 Sep 2021 12:33:
Firstly before i write anything I just wanted to mention I am so inspired by your continued efforts.

Thank you

1. distance from the bad stuff...

Exactly. I couldn't agree with you more.

The second thing that helped me is the positive aspects -

Yes. Doesn't help anyone to wallow in misery. 

This is probably the final and most important component that i use - Daven, Daven and Daven some more. Hashem will listen and He will help. 

ברוך שומע תפלה

Re: My Clean Days Log 01 Oct 2021 01:29 #372766

Day #18.

Re: My Clean Days Log 08 Oct 2021 15:57 #373086

Day #25
Cumulative Clean Days: 552

Re: My Clean Days Log 13 Oct 2021 17:04 #373256

Day #30

Re: My Clean Days Log 14 Oct 2021 15:45 #373295

  • taherlibeinu
  • Current streak: 7 days
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 48
  • Karma: 10
Awesome - keep going.. Today is a little harder for me then other days.. Writing back to you is giving me chizuk!

Re: My Clean Days Log 18 Oct 2021 11:33 #373384

Day #35.

Re: My Clean Days Log 18 Oct 2021 12:04 #373386

  • Rebuild613
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 160
  • Karma: 60
שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 18 Oct 2021 11:33:
Day #35.

Mazel tov for reaching day #35 
wishing you that you should reach Year #35 
מתוך נחת והרחבת הדעת

If you don't mind allow me to share what I have tried lately,. All the expressions in Tehilim about the enemies I have in mind the ultimate enemy of man which is the Yetzer Hara, so in honor of day #35 let's have a look into chapter 35 in Tehilim

(translating from ArtScroll)
Dovid is asking Hashem. Fight O'Hashem my adversaries, battle those who do battle with me. 
May they be ashamed and humiliated  those who seek my life.
O Lord, how long will you look on? Rescue my soul from their destruction, from the young lions my essence. 

comment's and suggestions are welcomed
Without feedback how can I improve
Demolished is my real name
Fool is my middle name
Last Edit: 18 Oct 2021 12:07 by Rebuild613. Reason: .
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