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My Clean Days Log
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TOPIC: My Clean Days Log 12751 Views

Re: My Clean Days Log 12 Jul 2021 00:15 #370713

Day #66.

Re: My Clean Days Log 13 Jul 2021 15:07 #370778

Got to day #67 and then fell.

What led to the fall?
I spend too much time in front of a computer screen. I have recently been trying to find media that the filter doesn't block. Not very proud of that. It is almost like my brain activity decreases and I just search and click. Auto-pilot. I found a couple of problem areas and those led to the fall.

Now what?
I have already blocked those problem areas and checked that I can't access them.

This post is a huge step for me. In my experience with GYE so far, I haven't done that so soon. I don't report the fall on the counter right away and I certainly don't post about it. That usually leads to more masturbation. This time, I made up in my mind that I would not do that. Here I am, posting the next morning. Part of it is not attributing so much weight to the misdeed. That is a big accomplishment for me that I have written about in the past. It is still a "serious offense," but I don't experience it as a world-toppling event. That is the second time I looked at pornography in the last twelve months. I mean, wow! I used to look at it 2-4 times a week!

A few times a week, I insert a confessional paragraph into my prayers. It is printed in most siddurim in the middle of the beracha of shema koleinu. I used to confess these sins all the time. I haven't had to with the same frequency since joining GYE. When I mentioned them this morning, I thought to myself, but I have other things that I need to share too. Why should I put more weight on these misdeeds than other ones? I went through the exercise, for just a few moments, of thinking about the previous day and finding other things that I did that were not in line with the halacha.

I feel great! I am proud that, even if I don't have a perfect record, I have 495 cumulative clean days since late-January 2020. I am proud that I posted right away to hold myself accountable immediately.

Thanks for reading and joining with me!

Re: My Clean Days Log 13 Jul 2021 16:16 #370780

  • HappyYid
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You should be proud!

Many times in the past I would use the day I fell as an 'off day' and would fall many more times, till I would get the courage to start again. 
It's amazing how you got right back up!

Hatzlacha!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: My Clean Days Log 13 Jul 2021 19:27 #370787

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שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 13 Jul 2021 15:07:
Got to day #67 and then fell.

What led to the fall?
I spend too much time in front of a computer screen. I have recently been trying to find media that the filter doesn't block. Not very proud of that. It is almost like my brain activity decreases and I just search and click. Auto-pilot. I found a couple of problem areas and those led to the fall.

Now what?
I have already blocked those problem areas and checked that I can't access them.

This post is a huge step for me. In my experience with GYE so far, I haven't done that so soon. I don't report the fall on the counter right away and I certainly don't post about it. That usually leads to more masturbation. This time, I made up in my mind that I would not do that. Here I am, posting the next morning. Part of it is not attributing so much weight to the misdeed. That is a big accomplishment for me that I have written about in the past. It is still a "serious offense," but I don't experience it as a world-toppling event. That is the second time I looked at pornography in the last twelve months. I mean, wow! I used to look at it 2-4 times a week!

A few times a week, I insert a confessional paragraph into my prayers. It is printed in most siddurim in the middle of the beracha of shema koleinu. I used to confess these sins all the time. I haven't had to with the same frequency since joining GYE. When I mentioned them this morning, I thought to myself, but I have other things that I need to share too. Why should I put more weight on these misdeeds than other ones? I went through the exercise, for just a few moments, of thinking about the previous day and finding other things that I did that were not in line with the halacha.

I feel great! I am proud that, even if I don't have a perfect record, I have 495 cumulative clean days since late-January 2020. I am proud that I posted right away to hold myself accountable immediately.

Thanks for reading and joining with me!

This is a post from a recovered individual, who like all normal people, has nisyonos. Your brain and heart are BH where they need to be; the nefesh ha'behamis will iyh catch up soon too.  Your post should be publicised to all newcomers. Hatzlocha!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My Clean Days Log 15 Jul 2021 14:20 #370904

Day #2.

Thank you all for the "thank yous" and feedback.

Re: My Clean Days Log 19 Jul 2021 14:05 #371011

Thanks for all the support. I fell again.

I brought this issue up a couple months ago and...well...it's an issue! I, thankfully, got a new job and I started two weeks ago. I was given, not one, not two, but three unfiltered devices! I tried, on my own, to install a filter on the laptop with the representative from the filter company, but it seems that there is a security measure that blocked the installation. Did I give up?

:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: My Clean Days Log 19 Jul 2021 20:45 #371036

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May I ask which filtering company? Different filters work different way and there may be a way to filter with the technology of a different company

Re: My Clean Days Log 19 Jul 2021 21:09 #371037

I was trying to install GenTech. I don't have administrator privileges. and there is a lock on new installations (outside of their preapproved apps). Content filtering is not on their radar screen. My request got sent up to the upper levels of IT and hopefully I will get a response soon.

Re: My Clean Days Log 20 Jul 2021 01:13 #371058

Day #1. First 24 hours! 

Re: My Clean Days Log 21 Jul 2021 02:50 #371096

Day #2.

Re: My Clean Days Log 22 Jul 2021 21:08 #371126

Struggling a little bit with the unfiltered devices that I received from my company. Question for you all, especially the more techy amongst us... My company's IT department has no content filtering solutions for their devices. Any apps, outside of their preapproved ones, need to be approved before they unlock them for the devices. How should I proceed?

I use GenTech Solution, but I'm not sure that is the easiest one to convince these IT people to authorize. Content filtering is so not on their radar. "Just don't look at the adult content" kind of attitude. Any suggestions?

Re: My Clean Days Log 22 Jul 2021 21:23 #371127

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Tell them that even a basic level of filtering will also protect the devices from phishing and hacking sites, and it's a good cybersecurity investment.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: My Clean Days Log 22 Jul 2021 21:42 #371128

  • Markz
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Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 22 Jul 2021 21:23:
Tell them that even a basic level of filtering will also protect the devices from phishing and hacking sites, and it's a good cybersecurity investment.

NEWSFLASH

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Buy 1 get 50% off!!!
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Last Edit: 22 Jul 2021 21:44 by Markz.

Re: My Clean Days Log 23 Jul 2021 10:53 #371138

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It keeps their employees from wasting time. Especially if it  is the kind that keeps track of activity, or reports if something was accessed that shouldn't. I see on a filter's site that it can also protect from legal issues if something is illegibly downloaded or accessed on company computers. Also keeps employees from deliberately accessing malicious sites to ruin the network, keeps being from using all the bandwidth

Re: My Clean Days Log 29 Jul 2021 15:54 #371284

Day #0.

"We would not be able to utilize this app on *company name* mobile devices. After review, I am not seeing a suitable app."

That is what I received from the IT department of my company. I think this has to do with the company's VPN and security protocols, but I'm not sure. I didn't get an explanation. I was then instructed to contact the HR department to explain why I need this service and that they could authorize the IT department to pursue further. I will do that, but this is going to take a while...

I have been using the unfiltered devices for more than just work... This is the most masturbation and pornography that I have done since I started GYE in January 2020. Difference between then and now is my attitude. Falls are less impactful. I move on and realize that this is a small percentage of my daily activity.

Nonetheless, I am resolving to stop. I am going to hold off from recommitting to the challenge that puts a financial penalty on falls because I am not set up for success right now, but I am still resolving to stop.

My plan:
Put unfiltered devices away at the end of the workday.
Avoid activities that may lead me to want to get the unfiltered devices (for example, spending too much time on my personal filtered devices)
Post here for accountability.

Any and all chizuk is appreciated.
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