Welcome, Guest

Restarting the journey
(0 viewing) 
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Restarting the journey 10274 Views

Re: Restarting the journey 23 Jun 2020 22:29 #351691

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 2117 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3264
What you are suggesting is very wise. One may need access to various sites at work or maybe even at home. However that does not require having a smartphone in your pocket 24/6. This way your communication device is used solely for that - communicating with real people by phone. One need not fear "what will happen if I bring my phone into the bathroom?" anymore. You have displayed courage and by sharing it with the chevra, you are showing that a nice normal guy can make the decision to cut back on smartphone usage. Maybe someone else will have the wisdom to try doing the same.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Restarting the journey 24 Jun 2020 12:33 #351718

  • Snowflake
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 272
  • Karma: 26
Thanks HHM! 
B"H day 16 clean, as a matter of fact, last night I had a sudden urge and I think what really saved me was the fact that I was with my kosher phone by my side and I was in the living room. The smartphone was in my bedroom, turned off, and my wife was there. The thought of having to go there, see her, pick it up and turn it on discouraged me and gave me time to think twice. I managed to think you know what, it'll go away, no hurries. I thought of logging in here but the urge didn't last long and wasn't so strong.
I totally agree with that you said, that a "normal" guy can use a kosher phone. I'm not a "hareidi" guy. I follow some chumras, but I consider myself a more "modern" frum yid, since I'm interested in secular literature and sciences, although I do study Torah too, and I'm starting to think the kosher phone was one of the best decisions I've made. It also freed up a lot of time for me to do things I truly enjoy. 
Just for clarity's sake, this is how I'm using both phones:
Kosher phone is the one I use the whole day, both at work and at home.
Iphone is always at home (I don't bring it to work), and turned off. I only turn it on to either check whatsapp at night or access the bank (the phone has a token generated by an app to access the website at the pc). After using it I turn it off. 
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
Last Edit: 24 Jun 2020 12:36 by Snowflake.

Re: Restarting the journey 29 Jun 2020 13:45 #351939

  • Snowflake
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 272
  • Karma: 26
B"H 3 weeks clean.
Had a rather rough Shabbos and Motzaei Shabbos, but B"H made it through. I think I davened to Hashem at night to save me. Really helped. I have heard many people here say Motzaei Shabbos is a challenge for them. It is for me as well. I think my issue is I go for a nap on Shabbos afternoon and that makes it very hard for me to sleep on the Motzaei, which by staying up I end up getting bad ideas. I think ditching the nap will be a good move, Ym"H will do it next Shabbos. Anyone here also struggles with that?
But in the end B"H made it through. I felt really good this Shabbos just knowing I was clean. I'm a substitue baal koreh for the shul I daven, and it really felt bad when I was acting out and just a few days afterwards I'd read the Torah publicly. Now I've felt much better.
Preparing for the kryah helps me keep busy too.
I have been listening to Dov's and Daniel's shiurim on the 12 steps and they have really changed my perspective.
Have a clean week everyone.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 29 Jun 2020 15:07 #351948

  • Captain
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 478
  • Karma: 29
Wow I really agree with this. The question we must ask ourselves when asking gedarim is not the moral question of "am I such a frummie that i'm the kind of guy that doesn't have such access" but rather the practical question of "what might happen and how can I prevent it?"
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: Restarting the journey 01 Jul 2020 03:44 #352053

  • Realestatemogul
  • Current streak: 600 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 393
  • Karma: 29
Hey Snowflake!

You are doing amazing! Keep it up!

Re: Restarting the journey 08 Jul 2020 12:06 #352345

  • Snowflake
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 272
  • Karma: 26
B"H a month clean!
It has been a very good journey so far, a few bumps, but no close calls B"H, perhaps only once I had a very difficult day in these 30 days. I don't want to get too carried away with joy because in the last streak I fell around the 30 and somethings days.
I have had a difficult day just a while ago, where I had to talk to a very immodestly dressed employee for some time. Really struggled with shemiras einyaim, but B"H made it through. It really paid off to not look. I mamash had to close my eyes a few times lol.
The kosher phone has been the biggest blessing. Made my life a lot easier.
Two things that I also feel that have really helped me out:
#1-Not taking sobriety for granted. Every day I daven to Hashem, please keep me sober for today.
#2-Having a life where you're eager to wake up and kinda resentful of going to bed. It's very easy to get caught up in our problems and do the reverse, hope to sleep early and linger in bed. If you're at that stage, acting out becomes some sort of "fix" for your bitterness about your life. But if you try as much as you can to model your life around what you really want, then things get a lot better.
Thank you Hashem and thank you all!
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 10 Jul 2020 01:20 #352396

  • Realestatemogul
  • Current streak: 600 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 393
  • Karma: 29
Congrats on getting to 30+ again! Those seem like really great steps to continue progressing down the path to kedusha. 

Keep it up!

Re: Restarting the journey 17 Jul 2020 13:09 #352700

  • Snowflake
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 272
  • Karma: 26
Day #39 B"H still clean.
But what a challenge last night was. Some incident happened that really threw me off ground. I felt angry, hopeless, powerless, etc etc. I felt like I had every "reason" to act out, I "deserved" it, etc etc. I really davened to Hashem at one point, please Hashem, allow me to stay sober just for today, just for now, You know how this is important for me. Please save me from myself, from my YH!! I also kept convincing myself that acting out would only make my problems worse, not solve them in any way.
What really helped me was of course davening to Hashem, but also, not lusting. Usually when I wanted to act out, I'd lust first, meaning, fantasize about women etc and gradually I'd go to the point of "no-return". I think what really saved me was I fought with everything I got to not lust a single bit (and to be honest it was a huge effort). I knew if I lusted, I'd act out, it'd just be a matter of time. I managed to keep the debate into an intellectual layer, and not let it get into images, thoughts, and so on. I also got myself occupied with chess puzzles lol. Pretty trivial I know but I had to just, get my mind off these thoughts.
Other than last night, B"H it has been a smooth journey. Few bumps of course, some small urges, but managed to keep them off bay. But last night Hashem really saved me.
Thank you all and have a wonderful Shabbes!
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 17 Jul 2020 13:41 #352702

  • DavidT
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1334
  • Karma: 92
Snowflake, I don't know if you realize how many people you're inspiring! (me for sure!) Keep it up you're really a true role model! 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Restarting the journey 21 Jul 2020 03:40 #352797

  • Realestatemogul
  • Current streak: 600 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 393
  • Karma: 29
Sounds like not only are you doing better in your count, but all your hard work is making you a better and stronger person! 

People always focus on the numbers, but it is much more about what the constant effort does to you as a person. This time around, I am a different person than the last time around, even though my numbers may not be as high.

This last experience of yours gave you more koach, and next time you will be trained and stronger if something else comes along. 

You are doing awesome and Hashem loves you is super proud! And GYE is inspired! 

Re: Restarting the journey 22 Jul 2020 12:10 #352873

  • Snowflake
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 272
  • Karma: 26
Thanks for the chizzuk guys!!
You inspire me a lot too, REM and David!
Day #44
B"H still clean. So something really important happened a couple of days ago. I visited a psychiatrist for the first time. He diagnosed me with some level of GAD (General Anxiety Disorder). Looking back, it does make a lot of sense. I'm a bit too anxious, perhaps more than I care to admit. I worry about a lot of things everyday and perhaps I didn't realize how much this was affecting my daily life. So I'm on anxiety medication right now for the first time in my life. Takes some time to start the effects although I do feel a bit more relaxed already. The shrink told me that the P and M are totally related to my anxiety and the medicine should help. I'm actually excited.
Perhaps I was fighting a battle that didn't have to be so difficult.
Thank you all for your support.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 23 Jul 2020 02:57 #352917

  • Realestatemogul
  • Current streak: 600 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 393
  • Karma: 29
Hey Snowflake! 

Thanks for the positive feedback. 

That's really brave of you to share something like that. You would be surprised how many people deal with anxiety in the world around you. People deal with it in many different ways from medication, to therapy, to other tools like exercise. Also, the tool you start with may not have to be the tool you use your whole life.

Either way, I hope that this new assistance is truly helpful in all areas of your life. HOWEVER, Hashem still expects you to be the one to stay clean and not the medication. I am super confident that you will be able to continue to stay strong and continue inspiring us! 

You are doing really great and it is a pleasure reading your posts! 

Re: Restarting the journey 23 Jul 2020 13:54 #352940

  • Snowflake
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 272
  • Karma: 26
Thanks REM!
It sure is nice receiving such positive feedback from you too! Real thanks for the heads up! Perhaps I really don't know how many people suffer from anxiety. I still can't believe I didn't see how my anxiety was/is affecting my life till last week.
For sure as you say, the responsibility to stop is all mine, but to be honest it does seem that the meds greatly reduce the urges. I will only know that for sure in the coming weeks. I still daven to Hashem everyday to help me keep clean for today. By doing that, I realize that sobriety is an everyday gift, for which I have to strive for and plead to G-d.
Perhaps I don't have to take the medicine for life. But if I do, I've researched the adverse effects and they are actually very limited. Especially if compared to the quality of life you get for it. I used to be very against meds. But that's a destructive prejudice. Of course, if you can manage your "things" without meds, through exercise, therapy, meditation, etc that's all the better. But more often than not, people (myself included) think they "can do this", they "got this" when in fact, they don't. They are reluctant to admit that they have tried a lot of stuff and they still suffer silently. And so I've come to realize, why be stubborn in not accepting help? It will make your life a lot better, especially in this area of life (managing P & M addiction).
So here's my advice to everyone out there. If you feel that perhaps you are too anxious, or feel depressive, or feel that you are "diferent" in some respect, do get help. Even if only to ascertain you don't need any. But if you do really need it, it can change your life for the better.
BTW still clean for today B"H, 45 days / 50% through.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 23 Jul 2020 14:01 #352943

  • Grant400
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1089
  • Karma: 117
No two snowflakes are the same. 
If they were, I'd hope for more like you.
Last Edit: 23 Jul 2020 14:19 by Grant400.

Re: Restarting the journey 03 Aug 2020 02:41 #353264

  • Realestatemogul
  • Current streak: 600 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 393
  • Karma: 29
Hey Snowflake! I hope all is well.
Time to create page: 0.56 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes