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Restarting the journey
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Restarting the journey 9446 Views

Re: Restarting the journey 13 Oct 2021 17:43 #373257

  • barber
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anonymous.lost.everything wrote on 13 Oct 2021 14:20:
It's very hard to be motivated when the addiction rewards us in such a powerful way and immediately. Still, if you want to approach your problem from that standpoint there are therapists and books that can help with motivation.

Recently I joined SA and I do find the fellowship tremendously motivating. But it was at the end of a long intellectual journey.

i can second that my life changed by going to live meetings, its very very hard but once i did it life is much batter  

Re: Restarting the journey 13 Oct 2021 18:43 #373264

barber wrote on 13 Oct 2021 17:43:

anonymous.lost.everything wrote on 13 Oct 2021 14:20:
It's very hard to be motivated when the addiction rewards us in such a powerful way and immediately. Still, if you want to approach your problem from that standpoint there are therapists and books that can help with motivation.

Recently I joined SA and I do find the fellowship tremendously motivating. But it was at the end of a long intellectual journey.

i can second that my life changed by going to live meetings, its very very hard but once i did it life is much batter  

A face to face meeting where you get to share properly is like taking a two-by-four to the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I walk out feeling like I imagine a 5-year-old feels all day. Too bad that I have to keep doing it or my destructive view of God eventually tears me apart again. But at least it works.

Re: Restarting the journey 14 Oct 2021 12:52 #373286

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B"H Day #3 clean.
Thanks for the suggestions, unfortunately SA is not an option right now. But I've found GYE's library and I'm reading zos ois brisi right now.
I'm trying to dive deeper into yiddishkeit and keep busy as much as possible.
I've been doing a lot of sports too, which help me relax and release pent-up energy.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 14 Oct 2021 13:17 #373288

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Snowflake wrote on 13 Oct 2021 13:16:
Hey guys,
So after many falls, I seem to be finally getting back up. It's only day #2 but, feeling more motivated overall. I've upped my game even more, now I'm doing daf Yomi, besides the smiche program. Trying to keep as busy as possible, especially with Torah, and hopefully ward off the YH.
Truth of the matter is, I think I lack motivation to stop. All the filters in the world won't stop me, unless I truly want to. I finally feel like regaining motivation, but I think it would be nice to take action to improve in that area and avoid feeling unmotivated again. Any suggestions? Perhaps a kabbalah book about the benefits of being shomer habris? Or other types of material too that could help me keep motivated.

Check out The Battle of the Generation (link is in my signature below). Also if you like audio, check out The Fight.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: Restarting the journey 17 Oct 2021 14:44 #373356

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Day #6 B"H clean and happy
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 19 Oct 2021 12:50 #373421

  • Snowflake
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B"H Day #8 Clean.
What's helping me so far:
-Intense focus on seder
-Not watching untzniusdike movies (not really watching any at all actually)
-Minimizing time spent in social media and quickly scrolling when untzniusdike material comes up.
-Trying to keep busy all the time and minimize the time spent alone at home.
-Davening with minyan
-Reading mussar on shmiras habris
Also trying Colin's suggestion on treating the urge as an external thing, like a wave. I had an urge yesterday but managed to keep myself busy until it passed.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 21 Oct 2021 14:05 #373471

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B"H Day# 10 clean
Last morning it wasn't easy. I went to the gym in my parent's apartment building and the goya neighbour was there. She's an eishes yish and I try and remind myself that even they're muzharin for such arayos. I B"H averted all gazes to her, but it wasn't a light task, at times I literally closed my eyes. Her very presence there aroused me. B"H I kept my cool and when I came back to the apartment I took a very quick shower. I had been doing Tikkun Haklali too everyday which was a great help. I've just realized I haven't done it last morning.
I need to try and internalize that women aren't objects. They're human beings, jewish or non-jewish.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 21 Oct 2021 14:42 #373472

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Snowflake wrote on 21 Oct 2021 14:05:
B"H Day# 10 clean
Last morning it wasn't easy. I went to the gym in my parent's apartment building and the goya neighbour was there. She's an eishes yish and I try and remind myself that even they're muzharin for such arayos. I B"H averted all gazes to her, but it wasn't a light task, at times I literally closed my eyes. Her very presence there aroused me. B"H I kept my cool and when I came back to the apartment I took a very quick shower. I had been doing Tikkun Haklali too everyday which was a great help. I've just realized I haven't done it last morning.
I need to try and internalize that women aren't objects. They're human beings, jewish or non-jewish.

When I read your posts it feels like learning mussar. I get so much real life inspiration from you. A person that went through so much (and is still going through great challenges) and you're still keeping strong despite the huge nisyonos that you have. You are like Yosef Hatzadik. I'm not saying this just to make you feel good, this is what the tzadikim taught us. 
Keep it up, we need you! 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Restarting the journey 22 Oct 2021 13:04 #373505

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Thanks David,

Unfortunately I fell yesterday. But alright I guess, I won't give up...
I gotta remember that I need not act out on a strong urge. I will try different strategies and see what works out.
Back to day #1.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 22 Oct 2021 13:18 #373510

Snowflake wrote on 22 Oct 2021 13:04:
Thanks David,

Unfortunately I fell yesterday. But alright I guess, I won't give up...
I gotta remember that I need not act out on a strong urge. I will try different strategies and see what works out.
Back to day #1.

You probably need to figure out what do *instead* when you get an urge. Also realize that some people have a real compulsion, just choosing not to act out in the traditional sense of the word choosing may not work.

Re: Restarting the journey 22 Oct 2021 13:23 #373512

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anonymous.lost.everything wrote on 22 Oct 2021 13:18:

Snowflake wrote on 22 Oct 2021 13:04:
Thanks David,

Unfortunately I fell yesterday. But alright I guess, I won't give up...
I gotta remember that I need not act out on a strong urge. I will try different strategies and see what works out.
Back to day #1.

You probably need to figure out what do *instead* when you get an urge. Also realize that some people have a real compulsion, just choosing not to act out in the traditional sense of the word choosing may not work.

Sorry to hear that you had a fall. I still have the same exact admiration for you. A fall does not define the true essence of a person. 

Yes, I do realize that some people have a real compulsion. Addiction is a real disease. 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Restarting the journey 22 Mar 2022 03:28 #378906

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How are you doing buddy?
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
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