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Restarting the journey
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Restarting the journey 7235 Views

Re: Restarting the journey 21 Jun 2021 16:01 #370064

  • DavidT
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Snowflake wrote on 21 Jun 2021 13:23:
B"H day #43 clean

I tried smelling stuff and it's really funny not feeling any smells at all. I just came up with a shayle. Do I do bore miney besomin on the next havdole? But I think not right? It's a birkos neheynin. If I'm not neheyne...? Right? Dunno...
Might ask a Rov.

EDIT: Just as I thought:
dinonline.org/2020/09/30/loss-of-smell-due-to-covid/

The Halacha is that one that lost the ability to smell should not make a Bracha on Besomim. But there are three scenarios that can change the the way you would make Havdala this week.

If there are no household members that can smell, don’t make a Bracha on the Besomim(1). (Just skip it, the rest of the Havdala is the same.)

If there are other members of the household that are over Bar/Bas Mitzva, and did not lose the sense of smell, let them make the Bracha on the Besomim, since you can’t be Motzie them(2). In this case make sure not to say Amen on their Bracha(3). (Since that would be a Hefsek between your Hagafen and the drinking of the wine.)

If the only one that did not lose the sense of smell is a child under Bar/Bas Mitzva, but old enough to understand the need for Havdala, (which is around the age of 7), you should make the Bracha to be Motzie the child(4).

1 שו“ע או“ח סימן רצ“ז ס“ה

2 משנה ברורה שם ס“ק י“ג

3 עיין בשערי תשובה קס“ז ס“ק י“א

4 שו“ע או“ח סימן רצ“ז ס“ה

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 21 Jun 2021 16:29 by DavidT.

Re: Restarting the journey 21 Jun 2021 19:01 #370067

  • Snowflake
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Thanks David. I am in quarantine now, so it's just me and the G-d for the next 10 days or so. I'm just gonna skip it.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 22 Jun 2021 13:28 #370089

  • DavidT
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Snowflake wrote on 21 Jun 2021 19:01:
Thanks David. I am in quarantine now, so it's just me and the G-d for the next 10 days or so. I'm just gonna skip it.

Hi Snowflake, 
I hope you're doing better in all aspects. 
Being alone is a great opportunity to realize that you're never alone. We have a loving father in heaven that's always with us and is looking out for our best interests. Also, please remember that you have your GYE friends that are always here for you. We're all praying that you should find your bashert very soon and you should be able to build a beautiful home and future life! 

You're a real inspiration for me and many many others!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Restarting the journey 23 Jun 2021 10:29 #370118

  • Snowflake
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B"H day #45 clean

Thanks David, your words gave me chizuk.
Now that most of the virus symptoms are B"H gone, I'm stuck with the emotional part. Being locked up for 14 days straight with no human contact is no easy task. Especially with a YH full of bright ideas. But I will keep what you said in mind. A yid is never alone.
I just really miss my kiddos, but I know it would be stupid to get them here earlier than nature should dictate. Why expose them to this terrible virus?
Anyway, still trucking B"H.
Every post here gives me chizuk so feel free to post.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 23 Jun 2021 20:49 #370128

  • DavidT
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There is a nice Shiur about from Rabbi Akiva Tatz that talks about "Loneliness". (The shiur can be found here).

Here's a quote from the Shiur:

"Darkness brings a natural fear. Not the fear of being attacked, but the fear of being alone. One who is spiritually developed does not fear being alone. On the contrary, he feels a tremendous thrill in being alone. The Greeks extinguished that. Western culture is afraid to be alone. The Jewish idea of meditation is not to switch off and relax, but to switch on the real mind and connect. We are supposed to do this at least three times a day."

Let's try to feel Hashem more - as I said, we're never alone.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Restarting the journey 24 Jun 2021 14:24 #370147

  • Snowflake
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B"H Day #46 clean.
Almost gave up last night.
I was in very down spirits.
B"H I convinced myself I was in a bad/depressive mood and that's ok. We all have good and bad days. I told myself I'd hold off on the decision to act out till tomorrow. Went to bed early and woke up feeling much better.
Maybe saying no is not the best answer. Stalling, particularly when vulnerable, seems to be the best course of action.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 25 Jun 2021 00:13 #370169

  • Zz613
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Wow! I'm reading through your thread now and it's really inspiring, keep it and feel better!!

And keep us posted on the good news

Re: Restarting the journey 27 Jun 2021 13:17 #370245

  • Snowflake
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Thanks for the chizuk guys, unfortunately I fell on Shabbes. I know it's all excuses but, I'm just too lonely. Staying in quarantine is hell. One would think I'd be healed from the virus already. Everyday I still wake up feverish and sick. But the biggest trigger is remembering my ex. Everything here reminds me of her. Still, although I fell, I feel like I still got this. Not giving up. Back to day #1
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 02 Jul 2021 14:55 #370433

  • Snowflake
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So, finally B"H the quarantine is over. I finally tested negative.
I wondered if I should write this post or not, but here goes.
I have had quite some falls these days, but B"H on day 2-3 now.
Reinstalled the filter (yeah I had uninstalled it and done wrong things).
I can't say how clear headed I am right now, but just enough to get by I guess. I'll be reading the Torah this Shabos and can't bear to watch P and read from it. I just can't do it, so the only way out is not watching P and not acting out. I was in pretty down spirits, remembering my ex and being hopeless about shidduchim. I guess I just want not to feel lonely asap, but I need to be patient. It's better to be alone, than married to another wrong person. In the meantime, now that I can go out, I think I can handle the urges. But to be honest, to be locked up at home 24/7, I don't think I can make it. B"H it's over now so, hopefully I can get back on track too. Yesterday I walked 3 miles in the park nearby. That really made me feel great. Might go for another walk today. Not a bad idea at all.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
Last Edit: 02 Jul 2021 15:03 by Snowflake.

Re: Restarting the journey 06 Jul 2021 14:06 #370536

  • Snowflake
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So I fell twice on Shabbos, it was kinda bad, but, back on track once again, day #3 clean already B"H.
Not giving up...
Not that it makes much of a difference, but on Shabbos I still had not seen my kids for more than 2 weeks, so I was pretty depressed. I'm with them right now and feeling much better.
For accountability's sake, I want to announce I've paid up my $172 debt due to falling and being subscribed to R'Grant's challenge. I've donated the amount to GYE.
I'm trying to go back to a day-by-day basis on this journey. Not wanting to think too far ahead.
Covid has left me a bit too tired, but I think that's actually good. I've been going to bed earlier, and no energy at all to stay up thinking about wrong stuff.
Thank you all for the thank you's and support.
Snow
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 08 Jul 2021 05:01 #370609

  • Realestatemogul
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Re: Restarting the journey 12 Jul 2021 13:34 #370735

  • Sapy
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Too hot outside for snow?... 
how are you doing?
Last Edit: 12 Jul 2021 13:35 by Sapy.

Re: Restarting the journey 12 Jul 2021 17:11 #370747

  • Snowflake
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We don't get snow in Brazil, but it's winter here, and a pretty cold one btw.
Unfortunately I've been having some falls. Trying to get back on the horse (not sure you guys say that in english, but we sure do say it in portuguese). I'd say my biggest problem is motivation right now. But I guess that's the consequence of not studying too much Torah.
Trying to go back to my seder...
Today is day 1 again.
Thanks for the heads up.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Restarting the journey 05 Aug 2021 20:21 #371464

  • Sapy
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How are you doing buddy?

Re: Restarting the journey 30 Aug 2021 17:56 #372018

  • Snowflake
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Hey Sapy, thanks for the heads up.
So-so I'd say, still a bit sad from the divorce and it's not been an easy task finding a shidduch. Have been falling non-stop, unfortunately and had some spiritual falls. Not very motivated to stop, to be honest, although I haven't thrown in the towel completely. I still feel all is not lost. Rosh Hashana is and YK are coming. I'd like to be clean for the festivals I guess. Any thoughts?
It's indeed very hard to stop, knowing it's "between me and G-d". Perhaps trying to take it a day at a time, right? When I just think about all the days I have to stay clean, till I get married again I dive into yeush.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
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