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Daily post about my struggles
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TOPIC: Daily post about my struggles 3303 Views

Re: Daily post about my struggles 24 Nov 2020 12:36 #357754

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Doitforhashem wrote on 24 Nov 2020 05:17:
Hey guys, As you know I'm a single bochur trying to whether this storm of toivas. I just came back from a vort, and there were so many girls my age in tight skirts and dresses, my hormones are raging. If there's someone that can give me a little chizuk that would be amazing. And kudos to @Realestatemogul for giving me the idea to come here to you guys when I'm weaker as apposed to when everything is going great.

That's a tough situation. But what has worked for many is to say a few kapitlech tehillim for those girls. Hashem should give them an easy day, find the right shiduch, pay their bills, feel well, etc. By doing so you remind yourself that they are people, not objects or toys of fantasy. They are someone's wife, daughter, sister, friend. They are off limits to you completely. By davening for them we de-objectify them which kills the taiva immensely.

In general by simchos, plan in advance. Figure out the safest time to arrive and after the initial mazel tovs, "park" yourself with the guys. This is very applicable by chasunos too. Although they may serve better food by the ladies' smorgasbord, do yourself a favor and stay by the men. After the chupa, daven mincha or maariv in the chupa room, giving a chance for all the mingling to settle down as people head to the meal. Etc. etc. etc. If one fails to plan, he plans to fail....
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Daily post about my struggles 24 Nov 2020 14:26 #357756

  • Grant400
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Doitforhashem wrote on 24 Nov 2020 05:17:
Hey guys, As you know I'm a single bochur trying to whether this storm of toivas. I just came back from a vort, and there were so many girls my age in tight skirts and dresses, my hormones are raging. If there's someone that can give me a little chizuk that would be amazing. And kudos to @Realestatemogul for giving me the idea to come here to you guys when I'm weaker as apposed to when everything is going great.

Welcome back! I read through your thread and its clear that you are highly motivated. Awesome! Let's do this together.

Now, about the vort of course you have raging testosterone! You are a healthy male, and we all know tight clothing doesn't leave much need for imagination. Its like saran wrap on a piece of fruit. Don't worry about that. There's nothing we can do about natural (healthy) attraction.

What can we do? We can understand and internalize that these feelings are just thoughts. They need not be acted upon nor dwelled upon. They CAN be ignored. Yes, it feels like a need and a necessity sometimes, we even feel like we will physically bust if we don't get some! But. It's all in our head. It's simply a misunderstanding.

When I understood this for the first time it was (and still is ) immensely liberating. Instead of literally being in emotional and physical pain and obsessively obsessing (yes that's obsessing to the second power, at least) over it, I realized that I can move on with my life and not concern myself with it.

Does that mean I don't have the desire? I don't want it badly? Of course not! I still have the same taste for it, the difference is in my reaction to the feeling. Now it's not a "need" it's just something that I want and I can calmly tell myself that for many reasons I won't be indulging.This has literally been a game changer for me.

In addition I try to be careful by simchas. Its very difficult because everyone is dressed to kill, so for my own sanity and happiness I try to watch my eyes. Do I have the desire to indulge? Heck yeah! But I know it's a short lived pleasure with much longer lasting negative consequences. If that means I won't go into the hall by the badeken, so be it. I try to be on my phone or shmuz with someone by the chuppa etc. Again, is it frumkeit because I "don't look at women"? Maybe, maybe not, but what I know is that regardless of religion (regarding the looking) if I don't look I will be much happier and calmer for a much longer amount of time than the fleeting pleasure of checking out the other side.

Again, great to have you back! Please stick around!

                                 Grant

Re: Daily post about my struggles 04 Dec 2020 16:39 #358218

  • Grant400
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Hellooooooooo! Can you heaaaaaaaarrrrr meeee?!? Where have you disappeared to yet again?!?
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