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FIGHTING progress!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: FIGHTING progress! 16350 Views

Re: Fighting progress. 09 Oct 2018 21:34 #336091

  • Ftndrug
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1, accident. 2, 4. Why do you ask?

celebration? Lol
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.
Last Edit: 10 Oct 2018 00:44 by Ftndrug. Reason: Typo

Re: Fighting progress. 09 Oct 2018 23:48 #336096

Sorry to hear about ur setback. What was your streak before this?
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: Fighting progress. 10 Oct 2018 00:39 #336098

  • Ftndrug
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About 366 I guess. For some reason I can't reset the day counter..
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: Fighting progress. 10 Oct 2018 00:41 #336099

G-d telling you that you ain't starting at zero
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"
Last Edit: 10 Oct 2018 00:42 by Ihavestrength.

Re: Fighting progress. 10 Oct 2018 00:46 #336100

  • Ftndrug
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lol I don't think I need a sign for that..
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: Fighting progress. 10 Oct 2018 00:51 #336101

That's a great attitude.

P.S. Full disclosure: I may or may not sometimes maybe, possibly, think that my failures indicate that I'm back to where I was when I started.
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: FIGHTING progress! 10 Oct 2018 00:56 #336102

  • i-man
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Hi there

in June I fell ending a 10 month streak 

Try to bounce back - before you know it you can regain the momentum  .
It's very helpful to have someone to call to get through this periodwhen the nasty feelings of  Yiush starts making noise in your head.

Hatzlacha

Re: Fighting progress. 10 Oct 2018 01:42 #336103

  • Hashem Help Me
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Ftndrug wrote on 09 Oct 2018 21:34:
1, accident. 2, 4. Why do you ask?

celebration? Lol

Some people upon falling binge big time. If you catch yourself right away, which it appears you did by posting honestly and reaching out, it shows a healthy (probably non-addict mind). And I was serious about the celebration. Hatzlocha. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: FIGHTING progress! 20 Nov 2020 01:58 #357597

  • Ftndrug
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well. hello again.
zoro knocked out again. will he stand up and fight or will he just stay there on the floor, looking bad and filthy?
but what is it? he is standing back on his feet, as strong as a steel, as sharp as a blade! he is ready for another round, roaring his determination at the dark sky.
---

well whatever. lets do this. so far so good, most of the time i won.

going for the 1st day mark.
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 20 Nov 2020 04:43 #357601

  • Captain
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Just read through your thread and it was very inspiring. Good to have you back!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: FIGHTING progress! 20 Nov 2020 11:23 #357611

  • Ftndrug
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hello again.
thank you captain. thats what i came actually to say.

yesterday when i went to sleep after posting, i felt some strange feeling. something like a whiff of old glory, if you know what i mean. say, you unpack your old skates. or war hammer. depends on which age you live in.

anyway, i am sad to be in trouble again, but i feel privileged and some kind of pride, to have such a place to come back to.

thank you all very much, and gut shabbes.
-Ftndrug.
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 20 Nov 2020 14:59 #357621

  • Grant400
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Ftndrug wrote on 21 Feb 2018 00:54:

I want to recount for a minute here my way to 100 and something days. Hope you'll excuse the length of it.

How did i get to where i am now?

I was desperate. I was watching porn and\or masturbating sometimes 5 times a day. I was losing my life and myself. I felt it hindering me in everything i tried to do. Friends, family, work, learning. I dont think i have to describe to you all the bad effects it had on my life, if you're here you probably know it all.

So, it all started when I prayed as never before (i was truly desperate) for enlightment, wisdom and help from the Almighty.

I dont think it was a miracle, but surely it was the hand of G-d that gave it to me. Enlightment, some wisdom, and a few weapons in the form of GYE.

The weapons i got were:

1. understanding. I understood the nature of my problem. Its an illness, an addiction, and as such cannot be treated by myself alone.

2. hope and encouragement. I found out that its not just me, and that people with far worse conditions could be and were healed, and that after 90 days clean the challenge should become a lot easier.

3. Occupational therapy. I started filling my day with activity that kept me occupied and satisfied without my drug of choice.

4. Substituting drug. The way porn addicts a person is by releasing tremendous amount of endorphines and so keeps him coming for more, just the way some heavy drugs do. So i started lifting weights to get the endorphines my body wanted badly. Sometimes 2 times a day. Generally, whenever i feel a strong urge, thats where i go.

5. Social support. The forum and the chat was a great tool to interact with people that have the same condition and can have the understanding and give support in times of need. Also it was a good way to get off my chest the struggles i was going through.

6. Mind based defense tool. The taphsic method was super effective. When you know you will have to pay 500 bucks if you'll have this tiny pick at bad stuff, it balances the scales.

7. Physical defense tool. I asked my internet provider to activate the free of charge web filter service they give. Even though its easy to override, it still gives me some time to rethink my decision, and blocks annoying random inappropriate material. Only bad thing about it was that i tried sometimes "just out of curiosity" to outsmart it. BH i caught myself on time and thats in the past now.

8. Learning from other's experience. Reading through the threads of success and failure helped me to figure out the best path for myself. instead of tripping and groping in the dark alone i am just using the road marks left by others. Its much easier (APB and special thanks for CORDNOY here, his thread is awsome. though i couldn't finish it).

9. Talking to the experienced. I reached out, or more accurately, he reached out to me and clarified for me a few things. (Since i know he doesnt mind posting his name, all hail Hashem Help Me.)

10. Checking myself for flaws. Every few weeks im checking on my state of mind and general progress, for possible improvements and work needed be done.

11. asking help from the Almighty. Im adding almost every day a personal prayer at the end of 'shmone esre', asking strength and courage to pass the day clean.


The benefits i got because of my work are huge.

1. Time. I have time!!! I did so many things in that time!

2. Friends. I almost abandoned my friends because of my addiction. Now i got them back again.

3. Physical strength. Working out built my body to the level i was a few years ago and more in some areas.

4. Clarity. I am a much better learner those days. I can almost speak one more language.

5. Life. I have my life again. Everything i denied myself from is now coming back.

Now will i be able to continue forever? I pray with all my heart. Is it possible for me to fall? Of course. Do i want that to happen? No. I slip sometimes. Happens. I regret it badly. But i never let myself dwell on it. I just move forward, for if i will dwell on it it will be as foolish as just giving up the struggle and crying which inevitably will lead to more falling and crying. Instead i should analyze what went wrong and plan how to continue.

Am i free from lust? No. I am still tied to it. But with help from above the rope is getting thiner with every fiber getting cut from it. It might never completely disappear, but well, im here to work, aint i?

Huge credit to HHM for reviewing and spell-checking the post :]



Browsed through your thread. Very inspiring! I found this post and loved it! Maybe review this...its beautiful! 

Re: FIGHTING progress! 23 Nov 2020 12:05 #357710

  • Ftndrug
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Thank you so much, Grant400, for quoting that up! I completely forgot about it

anyway, so far so good.
i find myself not actually counting the days. i think the forum itself is what i need here, even though i don't have all that much time to spend here.
i also found, by reading that quote, that i'm missing a few of my tools. got to get them back somehow.
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 23 Nov 2020 18:56 #357722

  • Ftndrug
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Arsenal check.
Weapons I'm missing right now:

Workout. With the "emergency state" regulations of my country, the gyms are closed. So weapon number 4 is gone and can't be used for a while.
I need to figure out a way to workout at home. I'm not really a jumping-jacks person, but oh well. If it's all about the endorphins, i may be able to get used to it.

Reading and being part of the forum. So far, I'm only able to write here from time to time. I don't really have time to read forum's threads. Certainly not to participate. That that's too bad.. so no weapons number 8-9.

I got all the other ones though, but it might not be enough. Because, for real. How often can i make these diary style posts before I'll get a nice kick?

anyway, good luck everyone!
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.
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