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FIGHTING progress!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: FIGHTING progress! 16363 Views

Re: FIGHTING progress! 07 Dec 2017 00:10 #323414

  • Ftndrug
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Ive been doing some reading, heres something i came up with.
For some it may seem that i am very fond of the idea of 'kochi veotzem yadi'. Im not.
I am nothing without god.
I dont even exist.

I fight, true.
I win. True.
But without Him- 'I' is nothing. Not a warrior and not even a lustoholic. Not even a letter. NOTHING.
and as he gave me the ability to lust, hes also giving me the option to Fight.
And so i do. I have to trust him to lead the way, for no one else will.

i wish i would remember it all the time.
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 21 Dec 2017 16:33 #324090

  • Ftndrug
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Just an update for the sake of it.
BH im 78 days on the road (though i pretty much stoped counting) it gets pretty easy to stay away from porn and masturbation, though i know its sometimes only an illusion and i must stay on guard, and so i pray each day for G-d to guide me through it and make my dose of hishtadlut. My old frienemy lust is still here but in a milder form of desire. I must admit, i still like to watch and look at girls. But who doesnt? What counts is what you do with it.

For all of you who shares this struggle: keep it up. G-d gave it to us because he loves us. He allowed us to build ourselves so we will be able to rightfully claim our place in Olam Haba (not to mention we're getting Haze in the process).
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 02 Jan 2018 02:49 #324550

  • Ftndrug
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90 days BH. I should throw a party :D
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.
Last Edit: 02 Jan 2018 02:52 by Ftndrug.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 02 Jan 2018 02:52 #324551

  • tzaddik212
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WOW CONGRATULATIONS!!!
May the 90 days be a foundation of another clean day, ODAAT.
Check out my recovery story at: guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/323855-Re-What-got-me-to-day-92#323859
Feel free to send me an Email at: zestful718@hotmail.com
Last Edit: 02 Jan 2018 02:53 by tzaddik212.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 02 Jan 2018 03:37 #324552

  • Markz
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Ftndrug wrote on 02 Jan 2018 02:49:
90 days BH. I should throw a party :D

Congrats!!!
You promised on page 1, so get on with it 

Hey - how did you get to 90?
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Last Edit: 02 Jan 2018 03:38 by Markz.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 02 Jan 2018 12:16 #324560

  • Hashem Help Me
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Mazel tov! Great accomplishment. Keep it up. Please help others by sharing what worked for you.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: FIGHTING progress! 21 Feb 2018 00:54 #327212

  • Ftndrug
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I want to recount for a minute here my way to 100 and something days. Hope you'll excuse the length of it.

How did i get to where i am now?

I was desperate. I was watching porn and\or masturbating sometimes 5 times a day. I was losing my life and myself. I felt it hindering me in everything i tried to do. Friends, family, work, learning. I dont think i have to describe to you all the bad effects it had on my life, if you're here you probably know it all.

So, it all started when I prayed as never before (i was truly desperate) for enlightment, wisdom and help from the Almighty.

I dont think it was a miracle, but surely it was the hand of G-d that gave it to me. Enlightment, some wisdom, and a few weapons in the form of GYE.

The weapons i got were:

1. understanding. I understood the nature of my problem. Its an illness, an addiction, and as such cannot be treated by myself alone.

2. hope and encouragement. I found out that its not just me, and that people with far worse conditions could be and were healed, and that after 90 days clean the challenge should become a lot easier.

3. Occupational therapy. I started filling my day with activity that kept me occupied and satisfied without my drug of choice.

4. Substituting drug. The way porn addicts a person is by releasing tremendous amount of endorphines and so keeps him coming for more, just the way some heavy drugs do. So i started lifting weights to get the endorphines my body wanted badly. Sometimes 2 times a day. Generally, whenever i feel a strong urge, thats where i go.

5. Social support. The forum and the chat was a great tool to interact with people that have the same condition and can have the understanding and give support in times of need. Also it was a good way to get off my chest the struggles i was going through.

6. Mind based defense tool. The taphsic method was super effective. When you know you will have to pay 500 bucks if you'll have this tiny pick at bad stuff, it balances the scales.

7. Physical defense tool. I asked my internet provider to activate the free of charge web filter service they give. Even though its easy to override, it still gives me some time to rethink my decision, and blocks annoying random inappropriate material. Only bad thing about it was that i tried sometimes "just out of curiosity" to outsmart it. BH i caught myself on time and thats in the past now.

8. Learning from other's experience. Reading through the threads of success and failure helped me to figure out the best path for myself. instead of tripping and groping in the dark alone i am just using the road marks left by others. Its much easier (APB and special thanks for CORDNOY here, his thread is awsome. though i couldn't finish it).

9. Talking to the experienced. I reached out, or more accurately, he reached out to me and clarified for me a few things. (Since i know he doesnt mind posting his name, all hail Hashem Help Me.)

10. Checking myself for flaws. Every few weeks im checking on my state of mind and general progress, for possible improvements and work needed be done.

11. asking help from the Almighty. Im adding almost every day a personal prayer at the end of 'shmone esre', asking strength and courage to pass the day clean.


The benefits i got because of my work are huge.

1. Time. I have time!!! I did so many things in that time!

2. Friends. I almost abandoned my friends because of my addiction. Now i got them back again.

3. Physical strength. Working out built my body to the level i was a few years ago and more in some areas.

4. Clarity. I am a much better learner those days. I can almost speak one more language.

5. Life. I have my life again. Everything i denied myself from is now coming back.

Now will i be able to continue forever? I pray with all my heart. Is it possible for me to fall? Of course. Do i want that to happen? No. I slip sometimes. Happens. I regret it badly. But i never let myself dwell on it. I just move forward, for if i will dwell on it it will be as foolish as just giving up the struggle and crying which inevitably will lead to more falling and crying. Instead i should analyze what went wrong and plan how to continue.

Am i free from lust? No. I am still tied to it. But with help from above the rope is getting thiner with every fiber getting cut from it. It might never completely disappear, but well, im here to work, aint i?

Huge credit to HHM for reviewing and spell-checking the post :]

"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 07 Mar 2018 01:58 #327854

  • yiraishamaim
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Simply awesome!

Re: FIGHTING progress! 14 Mar 2018 00:17 #328254

  • ieeyc
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this is a post of posts!

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: FIGHTING progress! 15 Mar 2018 01:35 #328342

  • ieeyc
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i think the name Hashem Help Me is a name that alot of us newbies can point to as the one that made them very comfortable to post  and make use of gye  without an ounce of intimidation ,thank you HHM.

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Last Edit: 15 Mar 2018 01:48 by ieeyc.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 15 Mar 2018 10:31 #328359

  • Singularity
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Mazeltov!!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: FIGHTING progress! 08 Apr 2018 03:32 #329316

  • Ftndrug
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OK. So i knew the filter i have is basic and way less then perfect. Turns out its just a good for nothing piece of garbage.

Does anyone here have a personal experience with a good and not too expensive android filter that will filter at least with 90% success? I dont care if its easy to bypass, i just dont want to be able to access porn directly from the address bar.. It just feels so stupid.
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 08 Apr 2018 19:57 #329350

Perhaps try webchaver.
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: FIGHTING progress! 25 Jul 2018 22:25 #333908

  • Ftndrug
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294 days. I wasnt much on the internet for the past 3 months, and now that i can access it whenever, i have sort of a small relapse, but im sure its gonna pass with some training and the will of G-d.
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 25 Jul 2018 23:09 #333914

  • mzl
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what sort of training?
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