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FIGHTING progress!
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TOPIC: FIGHTING progress! 16213 Views

FIGHTING progress! 30 Oct 2017 18:21 #321741

  • Ftndrug
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Hi,

Ok so i guess ill make this my personal progress thread.. When I cross the finish line i'll throw a huge party :D

[if you are interested, for some peculiar reason, in "what i am all about, the short version"-check out the following [url=https://www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/321628-Im-fighting-the-drug]hyperlink[/url] :D]

Im almost a month clean now, with the help of god and gye 90 days chart and chizuk emails, which for myself i find almost impossible to believe.

At the beginning it was hard beyond belief, especially the first 2 days when i didn't yet have a filter for my phone, and in which god helped me and sent a lot of friends to be around so i had a lot to do and forgot sometimes even for a few hours about porn.

It becomes easier with the time passing but now i find myself in a new trouble. Girls turn me on too much. I just have to see a girl or seat next to one and immediately i feel an urge to look,  talk and flirt with her (i didn't have that in the past, even though i had a lot more occasional chats). I start to think about my exGF too much and how "good" it was (even though looking back with clear eyes it wasn't).

Im aware of that its just me moving to the next level of 'Bchira' but still this 'nisayon' is a bit new to me and i have difficulties to deal with it.

Any suggestions?

"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.
Last Edit: 15 Nov 2017 01:54 by Ftndrug.

Re: Almost a month. Please advice. 30 Oct 2017 18:33 #321743

  • lomed
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Thanks for sharing Chaver.

​It is not a straight road for most of us. as we proceed within getting clean sometimes new challenges arise.

Keep it here.

Hatzlacha
I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: Almost a month. Please advice. 30 Oct 2017 22:07 #321756

  • Hashem Help Me
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Welcome. Wonderful that you are bh off to a good start. In response to your question there could be various answers which may all hold some truth. Firstly, the yetzer hora does not give up so fast. If he cant get you one way, he will try another. Secondly, your body is not used to abstention. it was trained for a long time to use "the drug". Its only atural that until your body realizes you mean business, that this will continue. But the good news is that it recedes with time b'ezras Hashem.......   What you are experiencing is completely normal.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Almost a month. Please advice. 30 Oct 2017 22:37 #321759

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Thanks for sharing. Stick around and keep sharing. 
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Fighting progress. 02 Nov 2017 09:26 #321882

  • Ftndrug
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Ok so i guess ill make this my personal progress thread.
I just wanna share what happened to me 2 days ago, i wrote it down almost immediately so everything is in present tense.

Hi.

I woke up this morning with the thought of "why, for crying out loud, am i doing this? Why should i stop watching whatever i feel like watching, why should i force myself into a life of a martyr? Am i not a human? Why whould i deny myself the pleasure of pleasing myself and taking even just for a few seconds my troubles away? Why did i stop using?"

Aside from God,  torah and mitzvos, i suddenly remembered something else, and thats what gave me the strength to hold my horses for a moment. I remembered 'one piece' cartoon series and the great swords-man Roronoa Zoro.

[For those who isn't familiar with the series, i won't recommend it. Its a long and time consuming saga with too little good content to learn from. But for those who did watch it, i think it may give some chizuk and yeah, sometimes cartoons can teach us a good thing or two :] Actually anything we experience is there for a reason (since we have Hashgacha Pratit).]

So Zoro's character is definitely the strongest among all the super powered heroes that showing up there by the dozens. Yes, he is just a man, but what makes him the strongest is his resolve. It doesn't matter how hopeless his cause would seem, no matter how many times he falls or how many wounds he would receive, he would stubbornly go on, become stronger, fight harder, and eventually win. You cant beat a man like that. I definitely wish i had a willpower like that.

And so i thought, still half asleep "it doesn't matter that right now my cause seems so stupid, hopeless, idiotic and frustratingly frustrating to me. I dont care. I DONT CARE!!! If i decided, I will go on. I wont give in. I will not break my resolve, because thats who i wanna be. A fighter." thats what i thought, and B"H, the lust attack passed in a few moments. I won this time.

My moto from now on is: never give up. Never stop fighting, whatever is your way, whatever tools you have to use, Head on or under and over it, Hashem is with us. He gives us power. He won't leave us, and eventually we WILL become the MASTERS of the yetzer hara. We will prevail!

Be like zoro :]

!!!!FIGHT!!!!!


29 days clean, and counting.

"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.
Last Edit: 02 Nov 2017 18:51 by Ftndrug.

Re: Fighting progress. 02 Nov 2017 13:00 #321890

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That worked for me as well.

In my days of porning and lusting (it sounds better when it is written in the past tense), I was exactly like Zoro. I tried magazines, but as they (the pictures) didn't move, I got bored of them. Videos were my next step and they were enjoyable and pleasing for a long time, but eventually they didn't excite me well enough, so I graduated to peep shows. But when the glass became too thick, did I give up? Oh no! I was (past tense again) a fighter. Strip clubs became my thing. That's what I call progression. But guess what? Even then, there were concerns. I would visit four or five a night. If one wasn't good enough (for a variety of reasons), I did not throw in the towel. I put on my super hero costume (the one without the kippah) and found another. Wrong turns on these roads can take you to some shady places. But did that deter me? Nope! Found the nearest phonebooth, changed and searched some more.

What's the end of the story? It hasn't been written yet. I'm thinking of taking some college courses, so I could get a job in one of those fancy highrisers downtown. The elevators would be a perfect next step for a fellow like me; as my motto is to strive higher and higher.

Thanks for the reminder.

Keep on practicing whatever works, for ultimately, that is our mission.
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: Fighting progress. 02 Nov 2017 15:05 #321894

  • Jman356
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Hey there,
I can totally relate to while trying the 90 days being turned on by the slightest thing. But I know with 100% clarity that it was purely the yetzer hara. I wasn't too entrenched in porn, in fact, I wasn't even watching actual porn but would occasionally watch movies with unclean scenes. But I decided to get a grip on that and stop. When I began my 90 days I felt the same as you described. I was fantasizing about every female I passed on the street and was always on the lookout for a peek of anything wherever I went. I really had to fight like a beast to get out of the clutches of that. I'm over 110 days since I started with only about 4 slips, and I can tell you it's much much better, even with the slips. The yetzer hara isn't taking it easier on me but I am more capable to fight it now. In short, daven to hashem for siyata dishmaya and fight like hell. It gets easier, but it's still a lifelong challange.

Hope that helps
Last Edit: 02 Nov 2017 15:06 by Jman356.

Re: Fighting progress. 03 Nov 2017 02:04 #321935

  • Ftndrug
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Thanks brother! It does help :]

30 days now, and for the next 30 days i've got some real good reason to stay clean: I've got a friend who was injured real bad, so i made a neder for his zchut to get better. Its sad that thats what it takes for me to commit but whatever. I have to succeed now, ain't i?
the FIGHT goes on!
shabbat shalom :]
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.
Last Edit: 03 Nov 2017 14:00 by Ftndrug.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 07 Nov 2017 14:54 #322101

  • Ftndrug
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This morning i had like 2 hours of nonstop flashbacks. Any idea how to stop it? Ive been repeating the pasuk in my signature, but every few minutes i had another one in never ending chain.
anyway.. 34 days and counting. :/
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 07 Nov 2017 18:02 #322106

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Sometimes we have to duck under the waves and realize our bodies and subconcious are used to the "drug" and do anything to get it. We have to realize this is normal. Sometimes this causes wet dreams and erections during early stages of recovery but it subsides with time. When these things happen try to distract yourself with some exercise, a shmooze with a friend, an interesting (kosher) book or video, or reading through some of the articles here on the site. Its also advisable to have someone from here to call when there is a challenge.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: FIGHTING progress! 07 Nov 2017 19:59 #322119

  • MayanHamisgaber
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Sorry to hear you are struggling 
Just to add to HHM's advice you might want to try a different posuk I think the mishna brurah says it about keeping your thoughts clean during shemonah esrieh
לב טהור רואי אלוקים ורוח קודשך אל תקח ממני 

Contunued Hatzlacha
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: FIGHTING progress! 07 Nov 2017 20:03 #322120

  • MayanHamisgaber
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forgot one part and that is by shemonah esrieh before one starts place your right hand over your eyes like by shema and say the posuk and then during shemonah esrieh if needed to clear the airwaves place your hand over your eyes again and think/say? the posuk
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: FIGHTING progress! 08 Nov 2017 00:01 #322127

  • Ftndrug
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Thanks a lot guys!
HHM thats actually what i did, it worked at least partially.
Mayan hamisgaber, sounds promising. i will try!
35 days now :]
"Esh tamid tukad al hamizbeah lo tichbe"
אם אין אני לי-מי לי? וכשאני לעצמי-מה אני.. ואם לא עכשיו.. אימתי??
nobody can save me now. Its do-or die.

Re: FIGHTING progress! 08 Nov 2017 01:03 #322128

  • Markz
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ducking under the waves never helped me, nor distractions

I did it multiple times thru the years and when lust hit which was between daily to weekly to every 40 days I would drown in lust, and then I would come up to catch my breath until the next wave hit...

I haven't seen many recovery success in gye for those that don't make changes.
Counting days alone... never

Whether its forum or weekly calls etc... THOSE are the way to get out of the sinking boat
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Re: FIGHTING progress! 08 Nov 2017 06:27 #322144

  • MayanHamisgaber
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So how soon can you arrange for our captain to have another call???
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!
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