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My way to the 90 days...
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: My way to the 90 days... 1981 Views

My way to the 90 days... 08 Nov 2009 09:16 #27252

well now i am here also.
just read jacks amazing journey to the 90 days... i am impressed.
i am into m......g since i was 7 or 8 years old, though then there was nothing comin out yet... just that org...c feeling or whatever you can call that.

but i was always interested in the female thing and read doctors books or whatever i could get my hands on. so i was well informed. the opportunity of images was very low since that was in the late 70s and 80 an in the former east germany.

but anyway pictures of even dressed women with some of the intimate areas showing thru would get me high. i wouldnt do it every day but did it lots of times... i cant even count. once i read that e male can ejacu..late some 400 times in a lifetime well that isnt true...

later on dumbest thing ever the first time i saw a dirty movie was in the idf and even on a friday night when i was on a base as punishment and the other guys were watching it.

since then i watched a small score of dirty movies but not something you can say i did on a regular basis. thank g-d.

but i bought magazines with those images had a ton of them but thru them out before marriage, though my future wife knew because i told her or showed her, i dont remember.
but colleagues at work, also having that addiction added oil to the fire while exchanging images and so on.


Last Edit: by yoiny.

My way to the 90 days... 08 Nov 2009 09:26 #27253

continuation...
i felt everytime bad after acting out and of course also that i would do it in a lots of places 'shame'. i even did it in the time of marital relations being allowed. and also in the nidda period.
and then one nice blue day i fell on your website and i knew thats the way to get out... so i enrolled in the chisuk emails, which i didnt read though every day but once in a while in a ruish of some 10 oder 20...
and then one day i decided to post here on the forum...
since then its going well, baruch hashem, no itching or such feelings to act out. the most hard thing to do is not to look at all the flesh walking around either in the street the bus or at work.
i always say to myself, thats not my bag of bones or none of my business, when my eys wanna go looking. thank hashem i succeed more or less and not looking.
and in the little tv i watch, i even avert now my eyes when there are certain scenes. and i think thats very impressive for me, since i loved to look at everything moving of the other s+x.
and than one more thing about which i was very happy. a colleague of mine gave me his disk on key with p.....c material to take but i resisted and gave it back to him like i took the stuff. i didnt felt obliged or couldnt tell him, that he shove it but i didnt take it in the firdst place to not contaminate my eyes.

and i can tell since stopping this acting out behaviuor and looking around its being much easier for me to say dvar torah on the shabbaes table and sitting and learnig with the children and so on.
Last Edit: by Iab3.

My way to the 90 days... 08 Nov 2009 09:35 #27254

continuation...

i had actually a good month of elul with really taking care not to act out and on erev rosh hashana i went to the mikve for the umpteenth time promising to the almighty and asking to get rid of this and hoping really to make it. but this was shortlived. i mean i looked at images and finally one day before hoshana rabbah it got over me in the shower and ...... i was so ashamed that i did it. man that was baaad. but i said to myself, get over it and start anew. you will make it.
and thanks to all the chisuk emails, which i still dont read regularly, the idea of fighting it sickered in the head and the neshama is takin up the fight too for she wants tobe clean.
anyway here i am today, its exactly a month that i didnt act out. and i am tremendusly happy and thankful to hashem for this time that it wasnt too hard to keep itching...

the images i had on the harddisk of my pc i erased, in the meantime i had the bar mizva of our first born and the conting goes on.
on thursday i fly to germany, the country with tons of tumah, and i vowed myself to steer clear of the s+x stores and stuff that is freely available there. and also i will tell the person i am going with, himself an 'old' man of nearing 70, who has his lust and visits these stores himself and bought me movies, that i pleas wish that he stops buying stuff and such.

with hashems help iwill overcome these two weeks clean. and please pray for me.

thanks to all of you i know are out there
Last Edit: by Laible.

Re: My way to the 90 days... 08 Nov 2009 11:00 #27258

  • 7yipol
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Thanks so much for posting and sharing your story with us.
You really are a source of inspiration!
I cant get over how much you have accomplished in a month
and daven you keep growing minute by minute, day by day.
Keep posting so we can be here with you, and for you!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by fdr.

Re: My way to the 90 days... 08 Nov 2009 19:16 #27303

  • the.guard
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Dear Astronaut,

Thank you for sharing your touching story. Your sincerity is evident. Like Dov wrote to you, the gravity of lust is always pulling us down. We need to stay in orbit. To stay in orbit, we need to keep moving. This causes a centrifugal outward force that counters the gravity. The moment we stop moving, we start falling, until we burn up in the atmosphere of lust.

Have you read the GYE handbook? There you will find the tools that can help you KEEP MOVING. I suggest printing the handbooks out (both of them) and reading them on the plane on the way to Zurich, oh, and while you're there too  :D

You can download them both on the top right hand side of the home-page of our website: www.guardyoureyes.org.

Mazal Tov on your son's Bar Mitzva. May he never struggle in these areas, by virtue of his father's Tikkun. (What we don't fix is often passed on to the next generation). We will be praying for you.

Keep the orbit. You will yet become a bright star!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by wanderingeyes.

Re: My way to the 90 days... 09 Nov 2009 14:43 #27367

continuation:
Thanks so much for your encouraging words, 7up and guardyoureyes.

What is also helping me on the way is that i listen more to jewish religious music and less to wordly music. it fills you up with kedusha...
and this goes subconcious i think too. i have music from israeli musicians who are in the direction or use the words of rabbi nachman...

a long time i had an aversion against hassidic music, thats partly gone and i listen to that more often now.

The good think is that at home i never accessed images, because the adress line can be seen in the browser... but now we have a filter so that the kids dont see unappropiate contents even if its just promotions and even if they click on the link, the go nowhere.. and the pc stand in a central place anyway.

ok. due to lots of stuff to do and lack of time i finish for today...
Last Edit: by Tanks.

Re: My way to the 90 days... 10 Nov 2009 07:52 #27469

continuation:
yesterday i had another thing. my colleague sent me a link to some russian news website which usually has certain images. i opened it up but closed it immidiately after seeing that there is bad image.
right after that i sent him an email and asking him nicely please dont send me anymore stuff like that.
so he wrote right back with a big ?????????
so i explained him that i am finished with this and that its not good for my neshama.
so he wrote back.  well now you are leaving me alone here in the office...
so i wrote him back> i have a nice advice for you, leave it also, that would be good for your neshama too.
so he wrote: i have no neshama...
well he is a russian jew... it would be nice if he could something in russian... anyway.

thats the latest news on my way to 90 days.
Last Edit: by Macaw.

Re: My way to the 90 days... 10 Nov 2009 10:18 #27477

  • 7yipol
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Good job Astro!

And you never know where this may lead.
Your Russian friend definitely has a neshama, and even if he hasnt yet discovered it, the neshama itself knows its alive and hurting.
And who can tell when your lead in the fight to kick the p*rn habit wont touch him too?

Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by fshuifshfuisfhui.

Re: My way to the 90 days... 28 Dec 2009 13:35 #38919

hello.
i am still around just a short update from orbit.

since 26. november i am back in israel... but in germany, while not entering certain stores, i fell 3 times anyway... acting out.

but since then, last time on the 23. november, i am clean again.

so work is going on. the home is fine.

and i am reading the chisuk emails now and then.

have lots of stuff to do.. so see you later .

and yashar coach to all of you.

Last Edit: by .

Re: My way to the 90 days... 28 Dec 2009 13:39 #38920

  • 7yipol
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Welcome home Astro, I was wondering what happened to you.

Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by .

Re: My way to the 90 days... 28 Dec 2009 13:46 #38922

something else.
it was an amazing thing that the second time in years i survived the nida period of my sweet wife without any acting out and the night after the mikve was great. not that she knows anything about me writing here or my struggles.

but actually i am grateful to hashem for giving me every new day. i'm grateful.
so each day at a time...

anyway thanks for your quick reply before.... when i have more muse i will write more.

Last Edit: by .

Re: My way to the 90 days... 28 Dec 2009 14:29 #38931

  • the.guard
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Good to hear from the great beyond! 

Over 30 days clean is phenomenal. I saw a shooting star the other day when looking up at the sky and wondered if that was you...

Congrats on the nidda period. You're our hero.

One small step for astro, one gigantic step for GYE!

Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by .

Re: My way to the 90 days... 28 Dec 2009 14:30 #38932

  • sci1977
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Keep trying and stay positive.  Good luck!!!
Last Edit: by .

Re: My way to the 90 days... 29 Dec 2009 16:53 #39573

  • Kollel Guy
I just read through your whole thread, Man I gotta tell you I'm really impressed with you.
Your a real inspiration. I'm gonna think of your story next time I have trouble, because it gives me amazing simcha to see such a special jew trying so hard to keep pure in the face of such great opposition.

Your the first Tzaddik to ever be in space.

Be strong, and hang in there!
Last Edit: by .
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