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Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage?
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 7934 Views

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 27 Sep 2015 05:48 #264767

  • cordnoy
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selfloathing wrote:
cordnoy wrote:


Sorry to hear that; be strong.

May I ask a question please?
[Yes you may.]
Thanks; why do you think that is (that intimacy with wife is not helpin')?


In the past, when I slipped I tried to hold off for intimacy and some times it worked. But if I hadn't looked at prn in a while it wouldn't and I would go online after she fell asleep and...
So to answer your question:
a) history of a bad routine?
b) withdrawal after a "taste"
c) because I am still fresh on my recovery journey, barely 2 weeks in?


I am sorry but I do not understand your answer to my question.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 30 Sep 2015 00:47 #264838

  • abd297
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I am sorry that I wasn't being clear. WE are the problem and are what need to be changed. I was trying to say that the problem isn't who WE really are deep down. If that's up for discussion now, please respond.
Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 08 Nov 2015 07:00 #268061

  • Mynameis
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Didn't know where in the forums to ask my question but here it is: I am on shlichus somewhere (as a bochur). And I have had this challenge for a while. And I've tried to do 90 day Challenge. And it is hard! Couple days here 4 days there. And then I went for 8 days. On the last day I really wanted to continue BUT got this huhelp urge. And I tried to fight it, tried to learn, go outside... But it was soo hard. It was like all this pressure and desire was more than I had when I slipped regularly.
So 2 things 1) I'm like "afraid" to go back on the 90 days because lets say I go for 2 weeks clean. The same pressure is going to come back. (unless that's how it's supposed to go, by pushing my self further each time, but that seems like it will take forever)
2) am I a Fn' hypocrite?! I help young adults, teens, adults. And I'm there.... %&##$
It sounds ridiculous in my head too. Just that the Y"H and Nefesh Habihamos is so hard to transform!

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 08 Nov 2015 08:03 #268063

  • serenity
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Mynameis wrote:
Didn't know where in the forums to ask my question but here it is: I am on shlichus somewhere (as a bochur). And I have had this challenge for a while. And I've tried to do 90 day Challenge. And it is hard! Couple days here 4 days there. And then I went for 8 days. On the last day I really wanted to continue BUT got this huhelp urge. And I tried to fight it, tried to learn, go outside... But it was soo hard. It was like all this pressure and desire was more than I had when I slipped regularly.
So 2 things 1) I'm like "afraid" to go back on the 90 days because lets say I go for 2 weeks clean. The same pressure is going to come back. (unless that's how it's supposed to go, by pushing my self further each time, but that seems like it will take forever)
2) am I a Fn' hypocrite?! I help young adults, teens, adults. And I'm there.... %&##$
It sounds ridiculous in my head too. Just that the Y"H and Nefesh Habihamos is so hard to transform!



Strange, I had submitted a paragraph or so in response and I guess it didn't go through. I take that as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. I'll just say welcome and hatzlacha!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 08 Nov 2015 12:39 #268065

  • Markz
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Dov wrote:

...many frum people see 12 steps and recovery as 'a crusade against sin' and teach that recovery means vigilance and constant focus on kedushas habris. Even though all that really means that, at the end of the day, all we are thinking about all day long is sex and our sexuality. But that's secretly what people are attracted to! Sex sells, period...

...many have told me that even though they gain so many great tools on GYE but they get much worse by hanging around here and focusing on tahara and perfectionism against schmutz. They end up fighting sex and desires all day and all night...and it just grows in their minds even more. And to their surprise, when they leave GYE, they have far fewer falls. (Thats for some people, not all.)

Making women and their images 'the enemy', just gives their images more and more of our own power! It creates the enemy. But in reality, women are just: people. Real, live people. Hashem loves women just as he loves men - he even cares for and gives life with great love to the goyim - even to the shiksas dressed immodestly in the street. The Kotzker (I think) said that if one wrestles all day with dirty people gets all covered with mud from head to toe - even if he wins! Instead, we in SA usually just surrender women we feel attracted to and their images. And if we find ourselves thinking about them and obsessing over them, we just pray for them. Not for them to 'do Teshuvah and dress normal', but for their health, for their husbands to be well and treat them right, for their children not to have tragedies or get sick, for them to discover the relationship Hashem wants to have with them - yes He even wants to have a relationship with the pritzusdikeh shiksa, for he knows that she knows no better and rachamov al kol ma'asov..
(March 10 2015)
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Last Edit: 08 Nov 2015 12:41 by Markz.

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 08 Nov 2015 12:55 #268067

  • cordnoy
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serenity wrote:
Mynameis wrote:
Didn't know where in the forums to ask my question but here it is: I am on shlichus somewhere (as a bochur). And I have had this challenge for a while. And I've tried to do 90 day Challenge. And it is hard! Couple days here 4 days there. And then I went for 8 days. On the last day I really wanted to continue BUT got this huhelp urge. And I tried to fight it, tried to learn, go outside... But it was soo hard. It was like all this pressure and desire was more than I had when I slipped regularly.
So 2 things 1) I'm like "afraid" to go back on the 90 days because lets say I go for 2 weeks clean. The same pressure is going to come back. (unless that's how it's supposed to go, by pushing my self further each time, but that seems like it will take forever)
2) am I a Fn' hypocrite?! I help young adults, teens, adults. And I'm there.... %&##$
It sounds ridiculous in my head too. Just that the Y"H and Nefesh Habihamos is so hard to transform!



Strange, I had submitted a paragraph or so in response and I guess it didn't go through. I take that as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. I'll just say welcome and .hatzlacha!


I have that happen from my phone as well from time to time.

I welcome you as well and wish you hatzlachah. Maybe start your own thread in the "introduce yourself" section.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 16 Nov 2015 03:41 #268690

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Where is the introduce yourself section?

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 16 Nov 2015 03:48 #268693

  • Markz
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Tech Support at your assistance

Look up - no not the window. On top of this page you see "New Topic" Move your mouse and click on that.
Choose a category eg Introduce yourself

[Although I must mention it would be a sin not to read any of the having fun forum.
IF you have a sense of humor, or IF you think you do, or IF you think you should have been born with one - feel free to reply to the FREE having fun posts]

Take a drink, Choose a smiley. Fill in the rest. All the best
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 23 Oct 2020 16:39 #356622

  • selfloathing
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So, after 5 years of ups and downs, (I kind of stopped using the forum... but that was a mistake)  I am back here looking for support.
My last year has been a struggle, and I hope you will indulge me if I explain why, and it led me to fall (frequently)...
It started last Tishrei, when my partner (another frum yid) stole the company (that I had spent the last 5 years building) by executing an underhanded trick he had set up when we set up our partnership agreement. All the sleepless night, the tens of thousands of dollars I had invested, the reputation I had spend years building, were all gone in a flash.
Horrified, I became a shell of the man I was, I find hard to make the mot basic decision enymore, even something as simple as "what should I eat for lunch/dinner"

After a couple of months I managed to find a (low paying) job, but then Covid hit, and as the newest member of the company, I was the first one let go of...

Suffice it to say, my mental state went into a tailspin, and with it, my resolve that enabled me to stop the bad habits in my life. From Putting back on all the weight I had lost (and more), to the biggest monkey on my back online P*rn.

But then, last week, my teenage son came to me with his struggles. We spoke for a while, talking about the effects that this taivoh has on the neshomoh, the mind, the people around us, and what it spells out for him in the long term if he doesn't find a way from falling in too deep too soon...

After our talk, which of course incorporated much of what I learned through this forum, as well as thenewdrug and "heart mind world", and a heaping helping of stories about "friends" and what they went through/experienced, I realized that I need to get healthy in order to help him get healthy...

So here I am, back on the horse, and doing my utmost to stave off this monster. I have a new motivator to add to my arsenal, I pray to Hashem that this time I can make it stick...

I can't change my name on this forum, but I can change my attitude. 
I won't loathe myself. I hate what I have done and I hate where it put me, but that isn't me. 

I will find a way to climb out of the cesspool I have fallen in, I will educate myself and come out stronger spiritually, healthily, mentally, and financially. I am fully in Hashem's hands, and I won't let anything pull me down again!

I am on my way (one day at a time) back to one week, to 30 days, to 90 days, and to a life that I can be proud of.

I appreciated all of your comfort and guidance last time, and I know that with the right resources I can make it stick this time.

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 27 Oct 2020 04:35 #356738

  • neshamaincharge
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Welcome back!

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 29 Oct 2020 00:58 #356838

  • YeshivaGuy
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Amazing that ur son feels comfortable speaking to u and getting eitza...
Welcome Home!

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 29 Oct 2020 04:43 #356848

  • Hashem Help Me
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Wow! What a post, what a post. Maybe you are coming to be helped, but i think you will iyh end up helping many guys.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

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