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Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage?
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 8177 Views

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 18 Sep 2015 18:23 #264149

  • eslaasos
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Shlomo24 wrote:
listen guys, apparently selfloathing (uch, i hate the name, sorry ) has this tradition, that's ok. other people don't, that's also ok.

if mitzva night is too pressuring, maybe have a talk with your wife about it?


Absolutely, just presenting an option he may not have heard of.
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Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 21 Sep 2015 00:34 #264230

  • selfloathing
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Hey All,
Thanks for the advice, I welcome all insight and suggestions...

B"H I am working it out...

Still clean, can't really talk much now, but will IY"H log back in tomorrow.

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 21 Sep 2015 10:10 #264278

  • Angel
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Selfloathing, i got really frustrated a while back and that was the real beginning to my ending. I am cleaner than I have ever been in my entire postpubescent life. The big difference between now and then, for me , is that a few months ago I got really upset at myself. Usually I get depressed and dissapointed and close up for the rest of the day but this time was different. I was upset at myself but not for being a hypocrite but rather for letting something so below me take me over. I realized when I quit smoking a while back that I never felt ashamed to smoke but when I quit I felt above it so I felt like being above it was my place and not lowering myself to that level. The same applies for porn/ masturbating etc. I am above it . My father is the king of the universe. I don't want to lower myself to such dirt .I am way above it. I trult feel that having this self worth mixed with that anger truly helped me overcome my addiction (so far bli ayin hara)

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 21 Sep 2015 14:45 #264297

  • eslaasos
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Angel wrote:
Selfloathing, i got really frustrated a while back and that was the real beginning to my ending. I am cleaner than I have ever been in my entire postpubescent life. The big difference between now and then, for me , is that a few months ago I got really upset at myself. Usually I get depressed and dissapointed and close up for the rest of the day but this time was different. I was upset at myself but not for being a hypocrite but rather for letting something so below me take me over. I realized when I quit smoking a while back that I never felt ashamed to smoke but when I quit I felt above it so I felt like being above it was my place and not lowering myself to that level. The same applies for porn/ masturbating etc. I am above it . My father is the king of the universe. I don't want to lower myself to such dirt .I am way above it. I trult feel that having this self worth mixed with that anger truly helped me overcome my addiction (so far bli ayin hara)


Hi Angel,

That's a very interesting point you make.
My turning point was triggered by something else, but once I started making real progress, and once or twice I slipped I experienced for the first time, a real anger against the Yetzer Hara, as if it was an independent being that had deliberately done something malicious to cause me a major loss and a lot of pain. He is truly
It was a new and liberating experience.
Hatzlacha to all of us for continued victories.
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Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 24 Sep 2015 19:57 #264581

  • selfloathing
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Still clean, but I am having a lot of up and down moments throughout the day. I Slipped last night, saw something in a link that I didn't mean to but I didn't look away for a couple of seconds, will omit what so as not to trigger others. Since then, I have had a renewed "Need" to go to sites I shouldn't. Even intimacy with my wife isn't helping... I am pushing through this but I am afraid I will fall...

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 24 Sep 2015 20:08 #264582

  • cordnoy
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selfloathing wrote:
Still clean, but I am having a lot of up and down moments throughout the day. I Slipped last night, saw something in a link that I didn't mean to but I didn't look away for a couple of seconds, will omit what so as not to trigger others. Since then, I have had a renewed "Need" to go to sites I shouldn't. Even intimacy with my wife isn't helping... I am pushing through this but I am afraid I will fall...


Sorry to hear that; be strong.

May I ask a question please?
[Yes you may.]
Thanks; why do you think that is (that intimacy with wife is not helpin')?
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Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 24 Sep 2015 20:11 #264583

  • selfloathing
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cordnoy wrote:


Sorry to hear that; be strong.

May I ask a question please?
[Yes you may.]
Thanks; why do you think that is (that intimacy with wife is not helpin')?


In the past, when I slipped I tried to hold off for intimacy and some times it worked. But if I hadn't looked at prn in a while it wouldn't and I would go online after she fell asleep and...
So to answer your question:
a) history of a bad routine?
b) withdrawal after a "taste"
c) because I am still fresh on my recovery journey, barely 2 weeks in?
Last Edit: 25 Sep 2015 13:54 by selfloathing.

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 25 Sep 2015 13:56 #264654

  • selfloathing
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Still clean!
Managed to avoid a tempting slip last night, and I am feeling good today!

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 25 Sep 2015 14:29 #264657

  • eslaasos
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BH, chazak v'emotz!
Hold on till Shabbos, then you have Sukkos to look forward to.
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Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 25 Sep 2015 16:37 #264678

  • shlomo613
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SelfLoathing,
Hi. Maybe you want to change your name to StillFloating? Sounds and spells pretty similar.
All the best.
Shlomo

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 25 Sep 2015 17:10 #264685

  • abd297
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Wow. You have such strength to finally face your challenges. I can totally relate to the feelings of not wanting to be around people. I also had trouble really focusing on davening on Yom Tov. It was a constant battle between me and my endless thoughts and memories from my past. I have found them to be strong and vivid as ever. You just gotta push through and distract yourself.
Best of luck with all your struggles. Keep us posted.
Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
Last Edit: 25 Sep 2015 17:11 by abd297.

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 25 Sep 2015 19:18 #264696

  • selfloathing
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When I stop hating myself I will definitely change the name...

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 25 Sep 2015 19:19 #264698

  • eslaasos
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selfloathing wrote:
When I stop hating myself I will definitely change the name...


בקרוב ממש
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Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 25 Sep 2015 20:02 #264704

  • abd297
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That might be a good thing to work on now. Realize that this problem is not YOU. There is no room for growth if you put yourself down and hate yourself.
Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Re: Can 90 Days Undo 21 years of damage? 25 Sep 2015 21:49 #264717

  • Shlomo24
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abd297 wrote:
That might be a good thing to work on now. Realize that this problem is not YOU. There is no room for growth if you put yourself down and hate yourself.


I digress, the problem is him. As it is for all of us. External factors isn't what makes us the way we are and changing them won't make us sober. We have to do work on ourselves (with the help of god). However, we aren't bad people, we are just sick, we have a disease. We aren't "less then" as people, so there is no reason for us to hate ourselves. That realization has helped for me.
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