i-man wrote on 26 Jun 2018 03:40:
Things are BH progressing nicely Im staying clean on a stricter level than before my fall so i have removed more lust from the equation , I am making phone calls everyday , and I am putting in extra effort to treat my wife the correct way .
I am a feeling a little resentment that Im doing these calls , not that its not nice to speak to a warm ,caring ,understanding, person , it's just that it makes me question myself -is there something wrong with me ? am I really such an addict that I have to be accountable to someone else ? etc
Regardless I will press ahead because I know it will help reach the ultimate goal which I want very much to reach
thank you
I went through the same thing. I called a very special person here on GYE every day for the first 2 months and have kept up since, two or three times a week. At this point we swap divrei Torah on the parsha or schmooze about our families, work, etc. However we both also know we can use the opportunity to share "this issue" when the need arises. In the beginning I also asked myself, "What's wrong with me?" In fact it was more like "I am a loser that I have to do this." Now, BH I am very proud of myself that I put my shame on the side and did it. In reality I gained a new chaver. But more important, as time went on I stopped being ashamed and feeling "loserish", and started feeling proud and wiser. Look at it like someone that has had medical issues which were embarrassing (bathroom issues for example) who finally mustered up the courage to go to the doctor and now BH has resolved the issue. May Hashem give you continued hatzlocha!