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enough is enough!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: enough is enough! 34758 Views

Re: enough is enough! 14 Jun 2020 15:18 #351161

i-man wrote on 14 Jun 2020 14:32:
Btw many filters didn't work for me, I've spent massive amounts of time getting around them, that's why accountability software is so good for me, I'm not even starting to look for an entrance to the slippery slope 

Me personally if Im given even filtered internet(for sure unfiltered), with no accountability whatsoever then Im almost positive Ill find a way around it(if theres no way the person who set it up will know Im getting around it). Accountability has been huge for me(webchaver).
I guess to each their own. But you have to be brutally honest with yourself and make sure its not the yetzer hara 
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: enough is enough! 16 Sep 2020 05:45 #355158

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Lots of stress weighing down on me + other triggers present ,so of course my mind tells me that sexual pleasure would be a welcome distraction, but I started saying to myself, who gave me the ability to masterbate? Hashem did , does he want me to , Heck no , that helped somewhat , and in general when my relationship with Hashem is on a more personal level it seems to be easier ( which is why it was so easy for me to be clean during the COVID crisis- Hashem’s presence was so visible ..) 
  
Peace

Re: enough is enough! 16 Sep 2020 06:51 #355164

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i-man wrote on 16 Sep 2020 05:45:
Lots of stress weighing down on me + other triggers present ,so of course my mind tells me that sexual pleasure would be a welcome distraction, but I started saying to myself, who gave me the ability to masterbate? Hashem did , does he want me to , Heck no , that helped somewhat , and in general when my relationship with Hashem is on a more personal level it seems to be easier ( which is why it was so easy for me to be clean during the COVID crisis- Hashem’s presence was so visible ..) 
  
Peace

hatzlacha gibor, and btw if youre looking for distraction how about reading some of my posts( i didnt see any  thank yous ,so i assume you passed overd them) .
rooting for you!
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post 
Last Edit: 16 Sep 2020 06:53 by sleepy.

Re: enough is enough! 16 Sep 2020 11:19 #355171

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i-man wrote on 16 Sep 2020 05:45:
Lots of stress weighing down on me + other triggers present ,so of course my mind tells me that sexual pleasure would be a welcome distraction, but I started saying to myself, who gave me the ability to masterbate? Hashem did , does he want me to , Heck no , that helped somewhat , and in general when my relationship with Hashem is on a more personal level it seems to be easier ( which is why it was so easy for me to be clean during the COVID crisis- Hashem’s presence was so visible ..) 
  
Peace

I have found that simply sharing stress helps relieve the urge. Allowing myself to be human and telling someone, be it my wife, a friend, or workmate that I am having a rough day because of finances, work issue, or whatever it is... eases things up. Of course a good walk around the block helps too. But I wish I could have that clear emuna you seem to have....
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: enough is enough! 16 Sep 2020 14:41 #355187

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Hashem Help Me wrote on 16 Sep 2020 11:19:

i-man wrote on 16 Sep 2020 05:45:
Lots of stress weighing down on me + other triggers present ,so of course my mind tells me that sexual pleasure would be a welcome distraction, but I started saying to myself, who gave me the ability to masterbate? Hashem did , does he want me to , Heck no , that helped somewhat , and in general when my relationship with Hashem is on a more personal level it seems to be easier ( which is why it was so easy for me to be clean during the COVID crisis- Hashem’s presence was so visible ..) 
  
Peace

I have found that simply sharing stress helps relieve the urge. Allowing myself to be human and telling someone, be it my wife, a friend, or workmate that I am having a rough day because of finances, work issue, or whatever it is... eases things up. Of course a good walk around the block helps too. But I wish I could have that clear emuna you seem to have....

nice to see you displaying your sense of humor..

Re: enough is enough! 17 Sep 2020 03:03 #355212

i-man wrote on 16 Sep 2020 14:41:

Hashem Help Me wrote on 16 Sep 2020 11:19:

i-man wrote on 16 Sep 2020 05:45:
Lots of stress weighing down on me + other triggers present ,so of course my mind tells me that sexual pleasure would be a welcome distraction, but I started saying to myself, who gave me the ability to masterbate? Hashem did , does he want me to , Heck no , that helped somewhat , and in general when my relationship with Hashem is on a more personal level it seems to be easier ( which is why it was so easy for me to be clean during the COVID crisis- Hashem’s presence was so visible ..) 
  
Peace

I have found that simply sharing stress helps relieve the urge. Allowing myself to be human and telling someone, be it my wife, a friend, or workmate that I am having a rough day because of finances, work issue, or whatever it is... eases things up. Of course a good walk around the block helps too. But I wish I could have that clear emuna you seem to have....

nice to see you displaying your sense of humor..

Ha! I actually laughed out loud at this  On a more serious side, HHM gave some great advice. 
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: enough is enough! 12 Oct 2020 05:11 #355985

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Feeling stronger urges for the first time since before Rosh hashana, I guess it’s because the high of the Yomim Tovim is gone , plus triggers that were present and stress on the way in...
Last Edit: 12 Oct 2020 05:18 by i-man.

Re: enough is enough! 12 Oct 2020 06:54 #355994

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For me the end of Y"T and the beginning of the winter symbolizes real life.

real life is stressful.

Stress equals self soothing behavior.

You all know math.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: enough is enough! 12 Oct 2020 13:19 #356008

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I hear what you are saying, I disagree though, we can’t discount a month of the year as not real life - it’s a different aspect of real life , think of it like seasons.
Not to mention that it’s a time of plenty of stress and triggers  maybe even more than usual , particularly this year with the Covid situation there are all kinds of extra stress and disappointments .

Re: enough is enough! 24 Dec 2020 03:51 #359571

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Last night I was setting up a new phone for a family member even being alone wit it for a little , and despite being in a really positive place for a nice stretch , In no time my heart and mind started “Hondl’ing”  and cheshboning , I blocked the internet and vaytur.

It was again a reminder of how critical avoiding accessibility is to me , and I know I have to fix myself and not let lust control me etc , and I do work on myself in different ways, but I see that step 1 must be to remove access.

And I don’t think that makes me weak , the opposite in fact .

Re: enough is enough! 24 Dec 2020 04:10 #359578

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i-man wrote on 24 Dec 2020 03:51:
Last night I was setting up a new phone for a family member even being alone wit it for a little , and despite being in a really positive place for a nice stretch , In no time my heart and mind started “Hondl’ing”  and cheshboning , I blocked the internet and vaytur.

It was again a reminder of how critical avoiding accessibility is to me , and I know I have to fix myself and not let lust control me etc , and I do work on myself in different ways, but I see that step 1 must be to remove access.

And I don’t think that makes me weak , the opposite in fact .

Amazing. So so true.
Thank you

Re: enough is enough! 24 Dec 2020 05:01 #359600

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i-man wrote on 24 Dec 2020 03:51:
Last night I was setting up a new phone for a family member even being alone wit it for a little , and despite being in a really positive place for a nice stretch , In no time my heart and mind started “Hondl’ing”  and cheshboning , I blocked the internet and vaytur.

It was again a reminder of how critical avoiding accessibility is to me , and I know I have to fix myself and not let lust control me etc , and I do work on myself in different ways, but I see that step 1 must be to remove access.

And I don’t think that makes me weak , the opposite in fact .

It is as weak as not wanting to open up your office on a street that has 10 houses of prostitution on it.  It is as weak as deciding not to have a pantry full of treife goodies in your house (and just telling the children "choose correctly").

Let's call a spade a spade - With the exception of some very few unique individuals who are true ba'alei mussar and ma'aminim, nobody is safe with unfiltered internet without safeguards. Of course there are levels. Some of us could stay kosher if the access is temporary. For many others, even that is too much. Gedolei Yisroel have repeatedly instructed again and again - Hashem wants us to avoid access - not to have access and show that we can stay kosher.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: enough is enough! 24 Dec 2020 15:12 #359636

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i-man wrote on 24 Dec 2020 03:51:
Last night I was setting up a new phone for a family member even being alone wit it for a little , and despite being in a really positive place for a nice stretch , In no time my heart and mind started “Hondl’ing”  and cheshboning , I blocked the internet and vaytur.

It was again a reminder of how critical avoiding accessibility is to me , and I know I have to fix myself and not let lust control me etc , and I do work on myself in different ways, but I see that step 1 must be to remove access.

And I don’t think that makes me weak , the opposite in fact .

Of course it's not a sign of weakness! It's brute strength. Kol hakavod! 

Just don't forget the fact that you did have access to open internet and you did block it. That is amazing and truly spectacular. Yes blocking accessibility is key and the vital aspect of overcoming these struggles, but to be able to stand up to the temptation you did, shows that you are definitely in a very good place. A place higher than only having strength when denied access. 

Admitting weakness is a sign of true strength. 

                                 Grant

Re: enough is enough! 24 Dec 2020 15:45 #359640

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So I’m putting on my therapist glasses to figure out why  my having access will lead to acting out.
On a basic level the spade which HHM pointed out.
But if I dig a little deeper in my past, from when I was a teenager having been exposed to the world of sexual “pleasures “ I was fighting a battle, touch don’t touch,mastebate fantazise porn phone sex etc ( unfortunately some of this is before Gye and before I connected to it  so I was doing a lousy job) .
Than There was the effort to access things , all the sneaking all the effort spent getting around filters and outsmarting myself  , once I was married it was also having to hide the trail from my wife , so when I would access something there was that feeling of accomplishment like overcoming a challenge - think getting obsessed beating a game. It became that the hunt was in a way more exciting than the prize . With that I believe I conditioned myself that when there’s access to automatically feel a strong pull to chap arein.

Now I know it sounds like I just explained why filters are no good  , but again like we keep hearing they are good it just needs to not be the exclusive tactic because it won’t stand up to the pressure , you need to work on the lust from within, with a mix of the various tools and strategies.
Addionally on a practical level to have the stronger filter , I switched phones to have better protection, and yes there are times when I have a lot of triggers and I would probably act out but the lack of access saved me.

Re: enough is enough! 10 Jan 2021 07:46 #360975

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G”V
tonight I had strong urges, thankfully the filters, blockers,and accountability software , held me back from viewing porn.
Went to shower and the lust was still strong , I said a little prayer, told myself that it’s just a passing cloud of lust which will dissipate as quick as I disengage, which is what happened.

Thank You Hashem 
Thank you GYE
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