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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: 90 days 4418 Views

90 days 22 Oct 2009 17:21 #25027

Like many people, I have tried and failed many times to be free of my addiction.  Since I became aware that I had a problem about six years ago, my longest sobriety period has been a little over 50 days.  That run was pure will power.  Recently, I managed to stay clean for over 30 days (because my I didn't have internet access). 

Here's what I'm doing differently this time around:

1.  I'm taking time to learn about this addiction every day.  Here's some information I received today that opened my eyes: 

candeocan.com/addiction-alters-your-brain-but-you-can-reverse-the-effects/

(Interestingly, they talk about seeing repair after 100 days, similar to the 90-day goal popularized here.)

2.  My computer has no battery; it runs on an ac adaptor.  Yesterday, I krazy glued the adaptor to a part of my house which has no privacy.  That prevents me from taking my computer and hiding with it in a dark corner somewhere. 



Last Edit: by lovesTorah613.

Re: 90 days 22 Oct 2009 18:37 #25065

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Welcome! 50 days is a lot. You can do it again.

I especially like the second one, it will definitely help you a lot I believe!
Last Edit: by Nat.

Re: 90 days 22 Oct 2009 19:13 #25083

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2.  My computer has no battery; it runs on an ac adaptor.  Yesterday, I krazy glued the adaptor to a part of my house which has no privacy.  That prevents me from taking my computer and hiding with it in a dark corner somewhere.


Now if that is not a serious message to both Hashem and the yh, I dont what is! :D
Gevalidig!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by hatemyself.

Re: 90 days 23 Oct 2009 14:50 #25256

Last night I felt the most awful feelings of regret.  Usually the regret I feel when thinking about this addiction is tempered with seductive words from the YH, telling me how it may have been wrong, but what about the pleasure?  This time, I felt so awful thinking about the time I have wasted, the seed I have destroyed, the relationships I have numbed myself to, the hundreds of times I have tried to quit only to stumble again.  Somehow, the YH didn't have much to say.

The YH usually props me up with feelings of invincibility.  You still have time to waste, he tells me.  You can fix later.  Meanwhile I am getting older and the poison is growing more bitter inside me. 

When I am not working or studying, all I think about now is how to escape this addiction.  I WANT to do it!  Please, Hashem. give me the strength to maintain long-term sobriety so that I can fix the damage I have done.
Last Edit: by MiddasYosef.

Re: 90 days 23 Oct 2009 15:08 #25268

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chizkiyahu wrote on 23 Oct 2009 14:50:

Last night I felt the most awful feelings of regret.  Usually the regret I feel when thinking about this addiction is tempered with seductive words from the YH, telling me how it may have been wrong, but what about the pleasure?  This time, I felt so awful thinking about the time I have wasted, the seed I have destroyed, the relationships I have numbed myself to, the hundreds of times I have tried to quit only to stumble again. 

Somehow, the YH didn't have much to say.


The y"h had plenty to say - he was trying to break your spirit!
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: by RRRR.

Re: 90 days 24 Oct 2009 22:06 #25342

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Dear chizkiyahu,

I love the krazy-glue tip!

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Like you posted, scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Make sure to read them, they contain a wealth of information on beating this addiction! And I'd love to hear your feedback on them...

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by Test-dev.

Re: 90 days 26 Oct 2009 16:59 #25581

Just checking in to say that I made it through the weekend, Baruch Hashem. 
Last Edit: by elrulos.

Re: 90 days 26 Oct 2009 17:15 #25586

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KUTGW!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by marco_snog.

Re: 90 days 26 Oct 2009 17:24 #25594

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From past experience I would say its for me its not enough to have a certain number of days free. I know weve heard this many times from our teachers when assigning a paper but here goes: "ITS QUALITY NOT QUANTITY". I had a streak in the summer of 35 days. by far the most since I can rememeber. How did it stop? I was away for the summer and didnt have access to internet so I was really clean by default. So when I finally got home I fell flat on my face. Its like going into a gym to workout and going right to 100 pounds on the weights. Not gonna work and you will get hurt on the way. Make the days count, don't just count the days!!

Hope all go well for you!

-INH
Last Edit: by Gilsar.

Re: 90 days 28 Oct 2009 23:34 #26166

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Thats a good way to think aobut Ineedhelp!!
i will have to incorporate that into my train of thought, to keep quatlity, rather than quantity. its all about how you stop the addiction, not just stopping. i guess that was my problem before i found this site - i would just say im stoping today, but then fall into agian later. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

chizkiyahu! i like your krazy glue idea, very intutive. Stay strong, you can do it and everyone here is willing to help you!
Last Edit: by 2BAJEW.

Re: 90 days 03 Nov 2009 22:48 #26816

OK, still going strong, Baruch Hashem.  Here's the plan that's been working for me:

1.  Try to read up on the nature of this addiction every day.

2.  Only use internet at work.

3.  Mikvah every day if possible.

4.  Pray to Hashem for help every day.

4.  Most importantly:  stop fighting the yetzer hara head on.  Rather, surrender and let Hashem fight for me.
Last Edit: by Timaea2000.

Re: 90 days 03 Nov 2009 23:15 #26821

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"Most importantly:  stop fighting the yetzer hara head on.  Rather, surrender and let Hashem fight for me"

Wow never thought of it like that. Can I ask you though to explain what you mean by surrender? To who? When? In what way?

Thanks

-INH
Last Edit: by Miabra.

Re: 90 days 04 Nov 2009 12:35 #26857

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Ineedhelp!! wrote on 03 Nov 2009 23:15:

"Most importantly:  stop fighting the yetzer hara head on.  Rather, surrender and let Hashem fight for me"

Wow never thought of it like that. Can I ask you though to explain what you mean by surrender? To who? When? In what way?


See Chizuk e-mail #615 on this page.

when we get that urge for a fix, we give it up, even though it feels like we'll die without it. And at times, in our new frame of mind, the craving may seem stronger than ever. But we don't fight it like we used to; that was always a losing battle, giving it more strength to fight back.  Neither do we feed or give in to it. We surrender. We win by giving up. Each time.

and

"My head turns automatically! I can't help feeding it. I don't have any choice!"

But we always fed our habit. We simply weren't aware of it. So whenever this happens, we simply acknowledge our powerlessness. Instead of either fighting or indulging, we surrender.


And see the story there from Luria too!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by Enable.

Re: 90 days 04 Nov 2009 17:25 #26885

For a while I thought that the battle was simply yetzer tov vs. yetzer hara.  I thought if I simply strengthened my yetzer tov by learning more Torah, doing more mitzvos, etc. that the yetzer hara would simply fall away on its own.  Instead, the yetzer hara got stronger.  I couldn't understand how I was making all of these teary resolutions to STOP - ONCE AND FOR ALL! and yet the yetzer hara wouldn't listen! 

Then I learned to surrender.  By that, I mean aciknowledging that I have an addiction and I am powerless to fight it on my own.   

Now, when I feel myself starting to slip, I say, "Hashem, I am powerless to fight this addiction on my own.  I have tried and failed.  I give up.  Please, Hashem, fight this battle for me."

I do this in tandem with the other four steps I mentioned and baruch Hashem, it seems to be working.  I don't know if I will ever be "cured", but I will never despair of trying to enlist Hashem to help me.
Last Edit: by betsy.

Re: 90 days 04 Nov 2009 21:06 #26935

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NOW you're getting the hang of it. We all thought like you once, and we all learned what you learned now. Gevaldig! Keep up the good work.

P.S. To really succeed at surrender though, you often need a group... Stick with the forum, help others, join the free anonymous phone conferences, learn the 12-Steps, etc... This way, you will truly learn the techniques of "Surrender" until it truly enters your heart. At this point, it may be more in the brain than the heart. Also good, but not always enough for the long term...
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by tahoreiniyim.
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