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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Lomed's Thread 68374 Views

Re: Lomed's Thread 22 Mar 2017 23:06 #308877

  • cordnoy
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lomed wrote on 22 Mar 2017 19:12:

cordnoy wrote on 22 Mar 2017 18:33:

lomed wrote on 22 Mar 2017 16:02:

Hashem Help Me wrote on 22 Mar 2017 15:58:

lomed wrote on 22 Mar 2017 15:18:
Hi All,

BH i am clean for over two month. I am very grateful to Hashem for this, and praying for another clean day.

Thanks all

So happy to hear! You are a real inspiration for all of us. You were honest with all of us which takes great courage and then just picked yourself up and got back to working on yourself. Continued hatzlocha!

Perhaps its only when i am willing to be honest about myself and about my challenges I can then have a Yeshuah.

Nice to hear from you.

Even better that you're doin' well.

So perhaps you can help the oilam with the recipe of how to be honest with oneself. How does one know that? Isn't it fairly easy to fool yourself, especially when we have been doin' that for so long?

For me it is through going to live SA meetings, following my sponsor, working the steps. You are right that its easier to fool my self after doing it for so many years. But slowly but surely I am groaing one day at a time. I am not perfect and neither close to that. But its progress and not perfection. Indeed I can see that my radar for honesty has gone up. I am thankful to Hashem for that as well as for my Sobriety.

Btw i am not here so much and miss you Cordenoy

Great stuff!

Love it!
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Re: Lomed's Thread 22 Mar 2017 23:47 #308884

  • Shlomo24
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For me, honesty is of utmost importance. If I am not honest with myself, my sponsor, other fellows, and my Higher Power then I am a relapse waiting to happen. I like to say that I'm "allergic to dishonesty." I need to maintain honesty in my life. I make upwards of 3 calls a day to people and I usually go to one meeting a day. I don't give myself the time to be dishonest because I know how important it is for my recovery. I don't just share when I am not doing well. I share when I am doing just ordinary. I share about my day, no matter if nothing out of the regular happened. It also affords me the opportunity to share when something does happen out of the ordinary. I can share that I was angry at myself or that I was anxious at work. I can share that I was acting codependent or that I did't follow my schedule. Avoiding honesty is a slippery slope for me. If I'm hiding something then it means that I'm ashamed of it and if I'm ashamed then I'm likely to act out. I was recently struggling with this. My main MO's are with men and I was ashamed to share some of the stimulating triggers that I was experiencing. I felt ashamed about it and I didn't want to share it with members who don't have those MO's. I spoke with people about it though and ultimately I need to share them. An alcoholic is an alcoholic no matter if he drinks vodka or scotch. I lust after men primarily but that doesn't make me a different kind of lust addict. I'm the same as all the other men and women in the fellowship. But that is easier said than done. But I'm committed to doing that. I do not believe that I would be in the place where I am at without honesty. In the beginning it was very hard to be honest with myself, but now I realized that honesty is my vitality and I need it if I want to live.
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Re: Lomed's Thread 23 Mar 2017 03:17 #308897

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Shlomo you are a good man. Just like lomed, you have the courage to be honest with us and more importantly with yourself. It's fellows like you who succeed not just in sobriety but in life! Imagine a world where everyone at least once a day would share with at least one person the complete truth about the various challenges he/she is having. Moshiach would just slide right in........ 
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Re: Lomed's Thread 28 Mar 2017 16:58 #309512

  • lomed
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I want to inform where i a now at.

B"h I Sober and clean for over 70 days, one day at a time. I am very grateful for the One Above for all kindnesses he did with me and pray on for further mercy for another sober day.

As I have wrote in a previous post that I started going to therapy. I needed work on some important points. One is the trauma that I went through as young boy when I was molested been a few times. Also, I still have more points that I need to work through that i wont talk about here now.
it is to my amazement, that yesterday in therapy is came up  a thing that I kept myself already for years. In 5th grade  I had a Rebbe that I loved him very much. He has (also another few students) molested me very often. One of the issues that come out of this as much as I am not connected with my feelings. I'm not in a situation now that its bothering me or that I am currently in pain. There is currently only a fact that it had really happenedSome years ago I happened to meet a yungerman who learned with me at that school (he left the school immediately after thoat grade). The yungerman has been through much in his life, including in this is that he has been divorced for over 10 years. The friend asks me if I remember about the Rebbe, and if I remember if the Rebbe is probably a bit of a problem. I understood what he thinks but nobody wants to recognize and denied stone and bone. I said What kind of good Rebbe he was. we met a few times and always brought up this question, which a made myself as if i dont know what he is talking about. Until one time I told him that I do not know who he was speaking and I'm not comfortable he talk to me again about this.

I writing this due to the amazement that I myself cut off from a reality and not wanted to accept in my knowledge that the Rebbe has done this to me..

I'm at the beginning of the therapy and asking from Hashem to help me and keep e on the right path to recovery.

Wishing you success from my depth of my heart, your friend

lomed
I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.
Last Edit: 28 Mar 2017 16:59 by lomed.

Re: Lomed's Thread 28 Mar 2017 17:10 #309513

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Lomed - I feel for you!

May you find the light in your life.
Some people are so traumatized, although it's suppressed, that they live and die the life of a victim

May you be a victor with the help of Hashem! 
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Re: Lomed's Thread 28 Mar 2017 22:31 #309539

  • Shlomo24
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Keep them coming, Lomed. I admire the purity and honesty of your posts.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

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Last Edit: 28 Mar 2017 22:31 by Shlomo24.

Re: Lomed's Thread 29 Mar 2017 03:00 #309559

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Lomed, my heart goes out to you. I cant begin to process or understand the emotions you must be experiencing. Anger, confusion, bitterness, shame, fear, vulnerability, mistrust......... At the same time you are a true inspiration. Your courage is outstanding; your honesty is awesome. Important - know that we, a tzibbur of people that really care are here for you as you process this "new" information, and iyh continue on to full recovery.  May Hashem watch you and keep you!
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Re: Lomed's Thread 16 Apr 2017 11:46 #310716

  • lomed
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A gutten Moed.

B"H I am sober today, one day at a time for 90 days. I am very grateful to Hashem for this gift and miracle of a personal redemption. I am Davening for another sober day together with all who struggle with this sickening struggle.

What I gained from this last fall, can be seen in many ways;
  1. The 'one day at a time' is not a slogan or a rule. For me it is real. I cannot handle more than one day at a time.
  2. ​Tefilah. When i daven to Hashem please help me, it is for real. I really beleive that He is the only one that can help. This i incorporated in all my other challenges in life.
  3. I learned to put my sobriety above all. i need to know that for me this is the most important thing for me today, is to do whatever it takes to stay sober. Regardless how hard it is to stay sober and to take the actions to it, it is much harder than to loose the sobriety.

i have much more to write. But i have to leave.

Wishing you all a happy rest of the Yom Tov
I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.

Re: Lomed's Thread 16 Apr 2017 18:58 #310732

  • yiraishamaim
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A Gutten Moed lomed, I appreciate your post.

Your sincerity and steadfast attitude is coming through loud and clear. 

Hatzlocho

Re: Lomed's Thread 20 Apr 2017 21:24 #310985

  • gibbor120
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Mazal Tov!  KUTGW!

Re: Lomed's Thread 21 Apr 2017 10:06 #311061

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Mazeltov! KUTGWODAATKOMTKOCBIWIYWI!!!!!

(can anyone get that?)
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

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Re: Lomed's Thread 21 Apr 2017 10:27 #311062

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Singularity wrote on 21 Apr 2017 10:06:
Mazeltov! KUTGWODAATKOMTKOCBIWIYWI!!!!!

(can anyone get that?)

Keep up the good work
One day at a time
Keep on Monstah Trucking
Keep on coming back
It works if you work it
(You are worth it)

This was much easier than Troubles conundrum.

Re: Lomed's Thread 17 Jul 2017 15:53 #317323

  • lomed
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Hi,

Want to post that B'chasdei Hashem I am clean today, one day at a time, for six month. This is a great miracle which i am very grateful for. I want to ask Hashem to help me stay clean for another day and many more days.

thanks for letting me share
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Re: Lomed's Thread 17 Jul 2017 17:21 #317329

  • Shlomo24
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lomed wrote on 17 Jul 2017 15:53:
Hi,

Want to post that B'chasdei Hashem I am clean today, one day at a time, for six month. This is a great miracle which i am very grateful for. I want to ask Hashem to help me stay clean for another day and many more days.

thanks for letting me share

Amazing. Keep up that quiet serenity and willingness that you possess. Wonderful.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

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Re: Lomed's Thread 17 Jul 2017 21:30 #317356

  • Hashem Help Me
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Great news! Keep it up. You are a real inspiration how you just got right back up and moved forward.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

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